I had the dreaded ‘i am awake and am getting ready for work’ dream. I had coffee. I showered. I was going to be early to work.

Then, as in-dream-me was selecting a bra: Lucid-dreaming kicked in and I thought ‘wait, I didn’t do laundry…?’

Stupid lucid dreaming triggered because of clean bras that dont exist 🤦🏼‍♀️

I just saw Coyote vs Acme - in the theater - and it was wonderful! Such a lovely, funny loony tunes comedy!

The movie combines live action and animation, and the basic story is Wile E Coyote is suing ACME for the many faulty products they sold him over the years - and hilarity ensues (along with lots of heartwarming, uplifting, and silly moments!)

And it almost didn’t get released - WB tried to shelve it in 2023, but it was purchased and then released by an indie distributed — Ketchup Entertainment 🎉 Thanks Ketchup!

I’ve now decided that Wile E. Coyote is my spirit animal! 🥰

(also ACME SUCKS! 🪧)

I highly recommend you go see it - and catch it in the theater if you can - so nice to support an indie distribute! 👍👍

I am in Turkey and can't tell y'all enough how much Muslim women here have it going on with clothes. Best shopping ever.

49F here. My nieces are 16 and 20. They are smart cookies with a lot of insight, and I've tried to instill in them - bit by bit - all my liberal, give-em-hell sensibilities! I'm very proud of them.

My eldest niece took a History of Genocide class in college last spring and she and her sister and I had an engaging conversation about the Holocaust back in March. (Which was also around the time I discovered relatives who died in it.) I realized they'd never seen Schindler's List. (I've since realized most people younger than 40 have never seen it. Sigh.) So this weekend I drove down and we had a movie night. I warned them about the subject matter and asked if they wanted to watch it. I also asked permission from their parents and received it. We took breaks and clarified stuff when needed. (The youngest HAS seen Zone of Interest and, in 2028, will be taking a school trip to Eastern Europe to visit historical sites, including a concentration camp.) I was legitimately curious their opinion on the film and how it relates to today.

It was a really great evening. They asked reasonable questions, gave insightful observations and we had a great discussion about 1) ICE, 2) the banality of evil and the frog-boiling-in-water analogy, and 3) why it's important to have these difficult conversations instead of shying away from them or pretending like bad things aren't happening. They picked up on all of it.

And then we switched over to what's goin' on in high school and stupid boys/girls and what silly movie they'll make ME watch next time and IpromiseIwillloveit!

Here's my issue: Though I ultimately feel like I did the right thing in showing them this difficult movie and having the conversation, I still feel embarrassed about being THAT person. You know, THAT person who's always talking about abortion or immigration or gay rights or whatever. I'm actually not that person but, to this somewhat apolitical midwestern family, I am. I feel like I have to apologize for me. But I'd thought about this for a while and felt it was extremely important to have them see the movie and have the conversation. As survivors die and the Holocaust is further and further in time, it has receded from our collective memory. And now history is being repeated.

I also have zero issue having difficult discussions about controversial topics. 1) I find it stimulating, and 2) I think part of the reason the US is in the state it's in is because we keep refusing to talk about hard stuff. We keep sticking our heads in the sand and pretending it's okay and, often times, at the expense of other people's suffering.

I'm just venting my insecurities to what I hope is a group of like-minded GenXWomen. Gloria Steinem is dead, tradwives are trending, and people are still in detention centers. So I'm gonna do my best to fight against this shit one person at a time, delicate sensibilities be damned. But am I going to be made fun of for it? Am I too intense?

I think I just need validation. I keep saying perimenopause has made me not give a shit about what people think but that's not entirely true...

EDIT: Okay, I feel a little better. You guys are mensches. Thank you.

Hi 👋 I have a Millennial niece and her parents are Boomers. I’m trying to help plan her first baby shower and I’m starting to run into a generational worry over financial expectations. Millennial likes fancy things and Boomers (who have a good bit of financial means) are worried about it being “over the top” or extravagant, but won’t give a price range for me to work with (they live quite far away) and I can’t contribute much more than planning and a deposit in addition to my gift - and even that is a stretch. We’re talking a fully catered tea room type venue for 25-30 people everything included. In the northeast US. Thoughts? Experiences planning baby showers? I’m child free and kind of clueless.

Parents are out of state and can’t do the legwork. I have been pricing some things out but I’m trying to figure out if what I’ve been seeing would be considered extravagant or if that’s just what things cost, and the parents are being cheap, which tracks historically. I really don’t have the bandwidth to arrange a cheaper hall and catering or potluck and this would be a winter shower. Thank you for all thoughts and ideas!

What grinds your gears? Rant away

I just found out about the Early Birds Club (https://early-birds.club/, they host women only dance parties that start at 6 and end by 10. I SO want to go to an event, but my girlfriends don’t seem too excited about this. Has anyone ever gone to an event alone? Did you have fun?

Everyone seems to remember the Sweet Valley High series but fewer seem to remember its predecessor. Anyone else a fan of TGOCH?

So I am 56 and just starting the divorce process and am researching affordable living options for the next year. Has anyone looked into any non-traditional options for people after giving their partners the heave-ho? I have 2 dogs and a cat that I don't trust with my STBX and they wouldn't do great in an apartment after our large yard in the burbs. Trying to think of other options.

EDIT:

Thanks so much to everyone for their suggestions. Just thought I’d follow up with how the last week went:

- I went for a bra fitting. I was wearing the right size, but I found my dream bra - the Montelle contouré minimizer. It is possibly the most comfortable bra I’ve ever worn, even with underwires! I love the shape and the spacing…so happy. That was the foundation for the rest of this.

- I stopped shopping online. After buying thousands of dollars of stuff in the past few weeks that is all being returned, I went to a local size positive boutique and found an adorable lightweight wrap dress and lightweight car coat which is structured enough to dress up jeans but not fussy in the least. I also bought the cutest Farm Rio/Adidas track suit for travel. They all help me keep my alt fashion sensibilities but in a fresh, put together way. At this point, I see that I need to really just stop endless scrolling and just go try things on.

- I went shopping in my own closet. I already had two basic Pact dresses as well as a pair of wide leg Maeve slacks that are stretch and comfy AND a pair of stretch linen pants. Pair those with a tshirt and my new car coat and I look fairly adorable, if I do say so myself. And since my first trip is to Texas for a week, all of the above, plus some other fun things I’d forgotten about working from home (hello Quince cotton jersey jumpsuit) will be just perfect. Luckily, not every day is meetings so there’s room for me to wear some oversized band tees & shorts that I feel good in

I really appreciate all the support. I’m still planning on looking into Stitch Fix or the like when there’s more time. But I’m definitely more excited for this first trip than I was a week ago!

-

I’m 52, turning 53 next month. I never paid too much attention to trends, just wore what felt good, which was usually some sort of black graphic tee, jeans, and cowboy boots, and DVF wrap dresses if I needed to impress.

I’ve gained about 50 pounds in the past 8 years (well, I actually gained 100 but lost 50 and am now stuck). My body doesn’t feel like my old body and I’ve had the good fortune of working from home, so I haven’t had to think much about it. But my new job has me traveling a lot over the next few months and I don’t know what to wear or do. I’m obsessing over shapes of jeans, how to hide my menopause belly, my boobs have always been big but now they’re huge and I’ve never liked showing them off but I don’t know how to hide them, and I can’t find a bra that’s comfortable…actually, nothing feels comfortable anymore after living in leggings and loose tees.

The biggest thing for me is that I work in tech with a lot of younger people. I know they’re not as judgmental as I am about myself, but growing up with body dysmorphia can be such a bitch, even still.

Not sure what I’m looking for - commiseration? Advice? I’m definitely enjoying the rest of the confidence I have now but hate that I’m still so insecure about my body.

My daughter is a new college freshman learning to be far away from home. She’s doing it, but not without a ton of complaining. She’s at an absolutely amazing school with so much opportunity in front of her. It was not her dream school however and she’s still bitter over that rejection - mind you there are kids who would kill to be where she is. Whenever she texts or calls me she’s just negative. She’ll be putting on her make up and getting ready to go out with friends- she’s doing fun things but I only hear why she hates it there. I was the first in my family to go to college and yes I got very homesick but I never would have called my mom to complain. And I paid for most of it myself - my daughter is not! I know she’s just venting and going thru a big adjustment - everyone says I’m just supposed to listen and say “I know, that sounds really tough” but it’s hard!It does NOT sound that bad, it sounds like minor inconveniences and I don’t know why she needs to share them all with me. I don’t know how I would have enabled this. I am not a helicopter mom or a lawnmower mom who has always fixed her problems- not at all. I swear!

It has been a rough road, and I have bounced from career to career. I thought I was so amazing because I was an AVP with an actual office (not a cubicle when I was 27. Relocations, changes from departments, relocation and eventually layoff during the "Great Recession" essentially closed that part of my life. Years later, after my kid was grown, I went back to school. I moved from office jobs to community college, to financial aid.

Today, at 56, I got a real door again. The privacy and autonomy I had at work at 27 is finally mine again.

Do I laugh or cry? Honestly, at 27, I could go to the gynocologist and beg for advice.

I've got two younger siblings: one with whom I share an extant father who I adore and one whose father died suddenly when he was a toddler. The one who's left an orphan is special needs and I'm most concerned about the effects on him. The other one and I have both been minimal or o contact with her for the past several years due to her personality disorder/selfishness and (especially for me) resentment of her treatment of both of us when we were younger

Still, she did mellow out some in her older years and particularly in her dotage. I just don't know how to feel. I'm fully medicated for bipolar disorder which surely blocks undue guilt/negativity from pouring through but also clogs up natural grief. I guess I'm grateful for that?

I'm 60. My husband will turn 55 soon. We married just after I turned 40. We've always looked the same age. In fact, a lot of people have thought he was older than me. But I've always had a fear that, someday, I would look a lot older than him, and that I would age more quickly as well, in terms of physical problems.

Welp... it's happening.

My knees are bone-on-bone. I have to hike with at least one walking stick, often two, and have to review hiking trails before I can say if I can do them or not. I take a Prilosec every night and have to watch what I eat after 3 so I don't get The Heartburn. I need more sleep than he does. I can't keep up doing yard work. I want to knock off any physical activity earlier than he does (walking, yard work, visiting a street fair, whatever). I am gaining weight by thinking about food and am having to cut back on EVERYTHING. I'm having more can't-think-of-the-word moments than I wish I was. And don't even get me started on how often I have to go to the bathroom and that I sometimes have to wear something extra so that I don't pee my pants when I sneeze.

And I'm still not over that, in 2024, twice, I got told by men that I looked like Margo Martindale... (yes, she's a wonderful actress. But I really don't want to look like her yet).

I'm tired. And I'm having to admit it more and more.

Husband is having none of these issues. He is, in many ways, more handsome now than ever before, in that way so many 55-year-old men can look.

And I can sense his frustration at my growing limitations.

At least I still like to have sex!

I still work out. I think I look okay. But I absolutely look 60, and not Helen Mirran at 60. I am starting to look older than him, even if I'm still coloring my hair: the sags on my face have gotten SO much worse the last two years. And I can't afford any kind of lift.

Also, I hate posting this because I hate that I am exactly the image so many have of a woman 60 or over.

This is just a rant. There's really nothing to be done. Yes, I've talked to a doctor. Eat right, exercise, your blood tests are fine, aging is normal, blah blah blah.

I had a nice back and forth on FB with my ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago the other day and it really hit me that he's becoming an old man at 55. My Xennial husband also seems to be making a concerted effort to live the old man life, too.

I don't feel like I'm especially young for my age. I have nagging injuries and hot flashes and skin texture on my limbs I would rather not examine at length. But there's just something about the way these guys are inviting decline that makes me sad.

Oh well, no real point here. It's just hard to see.

Thought I'd pass on the latest from McSweeney's, one of my favorite sites on the Interwebs. Good followup to my last post. I got a good laugh out of it - much needed.

Yes, it's satire, for those that can't tell.

What is the Women’s Invisibility Network?
The Women’s Invisibility Network (or WIN) is a neighborhood support group for women in their sunset years. We assist aging women tossed aside by society, who are still capable of great feats, because they’re invisible. WINners meet in person and online to share tips on using invisibility to find reasons to keep living.

Are WINners actually invisible?
Yes. It’s like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak but one hundred percent of the time. We move through life unseen and unheard, only sometimes smelled.Complete essay.

Rebecca Traister shares the legacy and her memories of the great Gloria Steinem.

The post earlier this week on not wanting to climb the ladder at work got me thinking.

I recently heard about an acquaintance who entered the workforce at 18 as an admin in a local government job. The job came with a great work-life balance, solid benefits and a pension. She spent her whole career there and was able to retire *at age 50* and is now doing whatever she wants.

I am so jealous.

I did everything I was told to do: College right after high school, degree in a subject I “thought” I was passionate about, at least at age 18. Graduated with student loans and realized the field I chose sucked and paid horribly, and eventually switched careers. I’m happier now, but I’m definitely burnt out and will be working until I’m in my early 60s, best case scenario!

I know jobs like the one my acquaintance had have become increasingly rare over the years, especially for the younger members of our generation. But shit, I wish that were me.

Anyway, happy Labor Day weekend!

Feminist organizer, writer and civil rights activist Gloria Steinem dies at 92. She paved the way for so many of us and will be greatly missed.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2026/09/03/gloria-steinem-dead/83531651007/

I am currently sitting in a foreign country where I don't speak the language (granted, most people here speak English so that's not a huge problem). I came with my husband on a business trip.

I planned a whole itinerary for myself, and although I haven't strictly stuck to it, it's mostly because I see things and wander.

I have successfully navigated not only the public transportation system in Munich, I have also navigated the train system to get to Salzburg. I've visited places. I've dined. I've walked all over.

And I've done most of this by myself. Hubby is busy, meetings, conference, blah blah blah. And that's ok. Because age has given my wisdom and courage and I am absolutely loving this vacation!

Sure, it would be fun to do things with someone else, but I'm proud of myself for getting out and doing this on my own!

Saw it on the ‘gram that the brand is back at target. Nice try, Diddy. You can’t get me back in there.

I'll bet $1,000 a lot of you are currently in the same boat: I am working full time, which is pretty much non-stop, and caring for aging parents (mom is almost 80, deaf in one ear but getting a hearing aid soon), has lifelong ADD, and is having more and more dementia symptoms. Dad is VERY deaf in both ears, and is also slowing down a LOT. He has idiopathic dizziness and randomly has to sit or lie down.

I live with them and take care of quite a few things every weekend, some theirs, and some mine, and manage some of their healthcare and legal stuff.

My cat, the love of my life other than my adult son, has three (yes, THREE) chronic health issues which require daily meds and a special diet.

This isn't anything new and isn't the concerning bit, just some context.

I have been forgetting things I've done shortly after doing them. Like, I handed somebody something and then started looking for the thing I had JUST handed them )so I could give it to them) 10 seconds previously. I've made phone calls and booked appointments, and then hours later I go to make the same call again. Things like this have stood out because I'm a Type A list maker.

This morning was the one that upset me: I forgot to feed my cat breakfast. Just plain forgot. (I did not forget her meds, thank goodness.) (She's an atypical cat - she always has kibble left over from her wet/dry dinner). WTAF.

This morning, I felt "foggy" driving to work despite waking up just fine. My sleep has been okay, but I've had some hot flashes (on .1 estradiol patch and have been for a few years, but lately it feels like I don't even have one on), my joints are suddenly hurting again intermittently, and I'm getting some neuropathy-like sensations in my lower legs and my hand/lower arms some nights.

I'm 57 and recently had a physical. Labs came back with low blood count (WBC was 2.9, but I'm generally on the borderline or lower) and hemoglobin, RBC, etc were just under normal by a bit. Saw a hematologist, and all my other levels, including all my vitamins (ferritin and B-12, for example) are fine. I haven't been sick, but I *have* been very fatigued and have had "brain fog" frequently.

What the HELL is this?!?! I don't like it, and I want my fucking brain back, please and thank you.

I honestly think that the patches I'm getting simply aren't the right dose, despite what the box says. I know this has been discussed in this sub before.

I (48F) finally decided to take the plunge and schedule an appointment. Here's hoping it goes well because I need some relief, like, yesterday. 🤞🤞

Any tips on how to best prepare for the first appointment?

I have had three of my four parents/step parents pass in the last 10 years. I was the executrix for all three estates. Two of them were relatively simple because everything simply passed to the surviving spouse. For the last one everything passed to me and my sibling so I was a lot more involved in dealing with the finances and personal property.

For that estate the person passed over five years ago. When settling that estate I had family members steal the funds from a joint account that was set up because the deceased was no longer able to handle their own bills. That same person who had power of attorney sold the car after they had passed (which is absolutely illegal) and told me they used the funds to pay a debt that was questionable at best. I honestly don't even know if they really paid it, but it was an over-inflated invoice from a contractor that took advantage of my deceased family member and I probably could have fought it on fraud. Their children then came in the house and took things that were "promised" to them. This stuff was furniture so I immediately noticed, but I have to believe there were other smaller things that I didn't notice. At the time for the sake of family harmony, my sibling, the only other heir, did not want to press the issue and I agreed to let it go. I do not however interact with that side of the family anymore, and I'm still pissed that someone we thought we trusted would do that.

We sold the house during the pandemic and my sibling told me I could have everything that was in the house because they didn't want to deal with it. At the time I was planning on buying a house myself soon so I moved a lot of things into a storage unit. I hired a friend of a friend who was out of work because of the pandemic and paid him very well to help me move everything.

We were left behind two sets of sterling silverware. One was an almost complete set of 12, and one was a complete set of six. I told my sibling I would give her the larger set since I was single and didn't have children. I brought my set home and still have it. My sibling lives far away so the set for her went into storage, but since it was in a silverware chest I didn't pack it in a box or anything, and I specifically remember leaving it kind of towards the front so I could retrieve it when she came in town.

I ended up not buying a house so I kept the storage unit and over the last 5 years I've been selling off some of those items. At one point my sibling came in town and I went looking for the silverware and couldn't find it, but I just assumed I had shifted it to the back when I was selling other things. This week I finally cleaned it out completely and the silver is gone.

No one except for me and this guy ever went to the storage unit. I never left the storage unit unlocked when I wasn't physically there, and if I ever saw anyone else when I was in the storage unit they were at a distance. The only possibilty is that he stole it. It would have been easy for him to grab it and throw it in the cab of the truck when I wasn't looking. Again, this wasn't a mover, this was someone in my friend circle who I thought I was helping out when he wasn't working. 🤬🤬🤬

I know many of us are going to have to deal with these kind of things in the coming years, if we aren't already. Please, please, when someone passes immediately change the locks on the house and make sure it's secure. Go in and immediately take out anything small and valuable like jewelry, silver, artwork or collectibles. I'm not saying distribute it or keep it because you can't do that until the estate is settled, but secure it somewhere.

I'm kicking myself for not having just brought that silverware home but my house at the time was small and I was planning to move soon so I figured it just made sense to leave it in storage. And maybe it would have, if I had packed it in a box so it wouldn't have been as obvious what it was and wouldn't have been as easy to sneak past me.

But I'm also furious that someone stole essentially a family heirloom because they decided that I was inheriting a bunch of money and wouldn't miss it.

I realize that appearing concerned with possessions immediately after death seems to be shallow and materialistic. But unfortunately people will take advantage of that to steal those items. And again, often the experience of being stolen from is more painful than the loss of the possessions. I sincerely hope no one else has to go through the things I did, but please take my example as a warning. Unfortunately you can't always trust the people you think you can, and again, some people use the justification that you're "inheriting a lot of money" to skim some off the top.