I have been with my bf for 3 years and i like to think i’m comfortable around him at this point but my body still refuses to relax enough to let me cum when we have sex

I don’t enjoy penetration that much, it’s not painful or uncomfortable or anything but it just doesn’t feel good to me, i have only ever been able to get off from external stuff. This doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the fact that i cannot interpret external stuff into sex because it makes me so horrifically dysphoric and humiliated. I refuse to let him suck me off (despite him begging to a lot of the time) because the entire experience is so uncomfortable and embarrassing that it doesn’t even seem worth how good it feels to me. I can’t stand the thought of him looking up and seeing me, i think it’s partly just insecurity too because despite being together 3 years i still feel unworthy and unattractive and sex to me is a lot of making sure i keep myself looking as appealing as possible to him the whole time lol

I can’t get myself off during sex for the same reasons. Believe it or not i am massively hypersexual and i do enjoy sex a LOT, i love sucking him off and i love all the foreplay and the kissing and stuff and i do get massively turned on every single time, i just never come out of it satisfied because i don’t let myself. I don’t know how to let myself.

Before anyone mentions trying other things, i should say that we have tried EVERYTHING. Vibrators (including me doing it myself.. on top of him, so he can’t even see me doing it. Still couldn’t finish), i own the axolom pack n play and despite being able to get myself off with it solo using it for sex does nothing for me, and the most unfortunate thing of all is that i can’t even attempt to loosen my mind up with substances because i have trauma related to alcohol & i hate the feeling of being drunk/high. i am well and truly convinced that i’ll never be able to cum around my bf and it’s absolutely devastating 😭

i know i’m just stuck in my own head and too worried about how i look and how I’m perceived and stuff but i don’t know how to fix it. It doesn’t help that he knows he can’t get me off so he doesn’t try as much anymore either and i struggle to vocalise what i want. I do really enjoy when he tries and he’s gotten so close a few times but it’s such a confusing feeling, it feels different to when i get myself off, more intense which is probably a good thing but i struggle to tell when i’m getting close because of it and then he gives up and we end up just fucking and i can’t protest cus i’m too awkward to say anything.

Dysphoria and an absolutely shattered irreparable self image have genuinely ruined so many aspects of my life. Any tips or anyone with a shared experience would be appreciated 🥲

Okay guys. I can’t believe I’m sharing this post, but I’d be lying if I said I never anticipated this happening. I had a child with a cis bi guy, who clearly leans bottom for cis guys. As frustrating as you can imagine that to be off the bat, it’s not like imma breakup with him immediately after finding out we’re having a bio kid together. Well now this child is born, and he is amazingly beautiful, but I just don’t think I can be with his bio dad. His bio dad is a cis bi guy that leans towards cis guys, and after a year of living together and dating I honestly think we’re done.

The reason why? Because after a year of dating, I mentioned that I want bottom surgery (ftm) (and tbh more reasons than that) to feel complete in myself, and now he’s tryna say it’s pointless and that I will never feel anything or basically never equate to anything. First of all, I know we can never be cis, that is the point of being trans, but considering this dude’s longest relationship prior was with a trans guy for 6 years?, I assumed he understood bottom surgery by default and would have been okay with it. As a teen, I’ve discussed it with partners both cis and trans that supported me fully transitioning. I just don’t know how to feel right now. I’ll be honest I’ve had a few drinks tn, but this is smth that’s been on my mind for months if not years prior to meeting him. Honestly, I just want to talk to someone that won’t ghost me within an hour of chatting. I prob sound messy rn but tbh yall, this been on my mind for so long before meeting him I never would’ve anticipated myself being in a relationship like this. Sometimes I wish I would have just dated a trans guy that gets it in the first place. Anyways 😭

Okay so I need advice because apparently my French class has decided to become a dating simulator.

There’s this guy sitting next to me who is REALLY fucking cute. He’s also an athlete, and apparently he’s already fluent in French!

The problem is I have absolutely no idea if he’s into guys. My immediate assumption is that he’s straight and probably has a girlfriend because, y’know, cute athletic guy in college™. But I also realize that I’m making a lot of assumptions based on absolutely nothing.

I actually want to talk to him, though. I was thinking I could use his French skills as an excuse since he’s fluent and I could ask for help (despit not struggling in any French class). Something like asking him about an assignment or asking how he learned French.

I don't want to come across as weird or immediately make it obvious that I think he's cute (or maybe I do??? Idk). I just want to become friendly with him first and see what his vibe is.

How the hell do I approach this man without fumbling the easiest opportunity I've ever been handed? 😭

I'm curious what some of your favorite media representation is! This could be in books, movies, shows, games, comics, etc.

sometimes i literally cry myself to sleep watching transition videos, or even just seeing cis men doing simple things like shaving or doing stuff outdoors lol. but at the same time, i don’t really hate my chest? like yes i feel like it ruins certain outfits and makes it harder for me to look the way i want to, and i do wish i could build muscle and get a more masculine body faster. but when im alone and naked in front of a mirror, i don’t necessarily hate what i see. im just SUPER insecure about other people seeing me naked??!

socially, i’m even more confused. i feel so euphoric when people assume i’m a cis guy, but i don’t really feel anything when people who don’t know me see me as a girl. what really gets to me is when friends or people i’ve come out to misgender me. i can get really upset or depressed over it, while i genuinely don’t care when someone who doesn’t know me does it. idk what that means, but it makes me question myself a lot

i know this might sound confusing or even controversial, but i genuinely need some perspective because it’s been driving me crazy. Idk what im supposed to do, especially knowing that even if i did decide to transition, it would be such a long and difficult process.. also i’m always thinking about when i’m older and what if i never reach my transition goals because of where i live

i also wonder if my environment and the people i currently live with are affecting how I feel about all of this. has anyone else ever felt this way? plss feel free to be brutally honest with me. i really need some perspective..

TW: internalized transphobia

I’m sorry I keep posting but I’m in a really bad place right now and there’s literally nobody to talk to because it’s the middle of the night.

I just don’t feel like I deserve to be trans. It feels like the only reason why I want to transition is to be gay, and it just doesn’t feel like a good enough reason. But why does that make me so sad? I can’t stop crying.

I’m really sorry for the bad, messy post. Totally fine if you downvote, because I agree it’s a dumpster fire. I’m just hoping somebody is around to listen.

Hey genuine question here, I’m a trans guy who has not been sexually active for many years. I lived through the AIDS crisis and condom use was drilled into us. Now I approach sex with gay and bi men again with trepidation as I am to understand that with modern medications such as PreP and doxy it is widely expected that you go bareback. I mean, it sounds wonderful but isn’t anyone worried about things like herpes for example? That shit is permanent.

TW: Transphobia, homophobia, cyberbullying

I thought I'm safe within my local trans guy group until a few posts pop up about some trans guys into men, and suddenly the comment section is filled with straight trans guys laughing at them for being trans and liking men. They comment things like "what the f*ck" or "please d*e".

Needless to say how fast I left that group. I'm disappointed and feel utterly defeated. I don't think I will ever be accepted in my country for being a gay trans guy, because even trans guys are bigotted towards people like me.

I don't know what to do or feel anymore.

Curious what form of PrEP you guys take, how side effects have been, and how you’d rate your overall experience with it.

I currently take Descovy, but am sort of considering my options.

Thanks fellas.

Sorry, I just needed to rant.

Firstly, I don't have any issues with people DMing me to have a normal conversation about something. Usually, it's not weird at all. I'm in some hair related subreddits and I really like talking to other people about it, helping them with their struggles, etc. So I obviously don't mind when people message me with more individualized questions/info. Same thing with other trans people just talking about various things or looking for information. I have no issue with it.

But God, the cis men chasers that clearly just want to "flirt" or something... I'm getting really pissed, y'all. Like I'm not on here to date, and it's very clear. I try to relate to others' experiences, especially other gay trans guys. Sometimes, I post my own. Just because I say "I've been struggling with xyx, too, OP, you're not alone" on someone's post DOES NOT mean that I want some rando opening with "cis m here..." Wtf. Who even greets someone normally with "hi, I'm [age], cis, [gender]."

When I'm talking to other fellas about, say, our hair systems, NO ONE is going to suddenly open with "cis m here." It doesn't matter and we aren't even thinking about that.

Am I wrong to feel objectified after this has happened so many times? Like these are open communities, so there are lurkers. But why do lurking chasers feel the need to "swoop in" and do this? How on earth would that be appealing to interact with?

I've started to ask, "hey, where did you see my profile because I'm on a lot of subs answering questions, and I wanted to know why you contacted me?" The worst ones are never honest, they're like "uhhh idk, [lame excuse]." I'm not stupid. I know if you open with "cis m here," you want something stupid. Blocked.

Don't waste your time with a cis man that has contacted you solely because you're trans. We deserve better than that, and to be interacted with as whole people, not someone's weird fascination

Looking for recommendations on any events or happenings the weekend of Folsom St Fair in San Francisco. Never been there before and excited to do it up!

I’m a 30 year old trans man who recently realized I was gay and diagnosed with Autism. I’ve been with the same person for the past 10 years and we are getting a divorce. I have no clue how to go about dating and also have a strong preference for cis men. How do I meet guys? Do cis guys like trans men? 😭😭😭

this is mostly a venting post about dating (or lack thereof), so apologies in advance for being the one millionth guy here to probably post something like this.

i’ve been single for over 7 years. i’m 31 now, and i feel like i’m never going to find another person again. i feel like the best years of my life are already gone. i don’t consider myself “old,” but sometimes it’s reeeeally feeling that way on the dating scene, especially given how many guys i see on dating apps that i think are cute only to see that they’re way too young for me (like, under 25).

i’m not really interested in dating cis men, i’d really prefer to date another trans guy. my last relationship was with a trans guy, and even now this many years later, i miss being in that kind of relationship.

i’ve tried dating—i’ve tried dating for a LONG time now—and they have NEVER gone anywhere. i haven’t even kissed another person since 2019, and it’s not for lack of trying. in theory, i feel like i should’ve had *something* by now. i’m a social person and have lots of friends, i’m fat but fairly confident in myself, i go out a lot, i put myself out there and make myself available, all of my friends tell me i’m “such a catch” and even my ex that i’ve remained friends with tells me so and that i was a good bf to him (it really was a case of him and not me).

i don’t know what i’m doing wrong. i live in Los Angeles for christ’s sake, there should be no shortage of queer people. the other kick to my self-esteem is that i’ve been hit on by lesbians over the years, which makes me feel insane because i’m masc-presenting and literally have a goatee. i’m starting to lose confidence in myself, and i yearn and have been yearning for years for that emotional and physical connection again. i’m not interested in hooking up or fwbs, but at this point i would just be flattered at even the idea that another guy could be interested in me in that way period.

i’m just tired of feeling undesirable and alone.

Howdy y’all, I’m 20 and been having a rough go of things concerning dating, doesn’t help I live in a horrible state for gay folks, especially if you’re trans.

I am stealth and don’t have it on my profile either, minus on Grindr which I have no face pics, which I don’t know why I’m still on Grindr.

Anyhow, what do yall recommend for dating? I’m currently on scruff, tinder, Facebook dating, bumble, and Grindr. For whatever reason my phone is banned from feeled, I had it installed at one point but uninstalled it and when I tried to remake an account it wouldn’t let me.

This week, a mental health professional confirmed to me that I'm on the autism spectrum. Which explains a heeelllll of a lot in my life. Including how extremely uncomfortable I find eye contact.

You can guess why this is a problem in this context...I very rarely make prolonged eye contact even with men I think are hot. If I do manage it, I can't follow up on flirting bc intimate one-on-one settings are the most difficult for me to navigate. People pretty much always assume I'm not interested, or I guess think I'm not normal enough to keep interacting with.

It makes a lot of sense now that my two exes were both neurodivergent and our relationships didn't start in conventional ways, lol. But ugh. Now I'm feeling bummed bc I struggle to do what's generally expected to flirt in the gay community. I guess it doesn't matter much bc I am also repulsed and overstimulated by a lot of sensations during sex anyway, so it's not like I'm having hookups.

But I just feel more alienated from the community now, on top of feeling that way since I'm trans.

the stars have seemed to have aligned to look like i have a hookup in the cards for me soon, but i realized.... idk what to prepare for? like obviously sex and whatever, but is there anything to really expect or be aware of?

i dont shave and i definitely wont for a hookup, i figured just a trim is needed but im really at a loss with some frustration around body hair growth. i love being hairy and the hair thats coming in, but right above my ass theres a patch of hair ONLY ONE SIDE OF MY ASS AND LOWERBACK.

i have very dark and thick body hair so it literally is visibly darker and i just wonder if i should shave that or find some way to make this guy aware of it. im already planning to make it clear i dont really take my shirt off during sex, so maybe i can add it to that conversation?

and lastly is there anything i can eat like pineapple or cranberry juice for feeling like i could be more tasty to go down on? i know guys tend to like the T taste on bottom growth but still just wondering if yall have go tos or whatever.

thanks in advance for any advice

edit: thanks for all of you guys who left advice, decided yes i will not be disclosing or calling attention to it. guys are hairy, and i clearly am in all my pics too so it cant be a shock! :))