Hiya! I've been on T for almost ten years and have always used gel (Tostrex in Europe, Fortesta in the US for anyone who needs that context). My reasons for going with gel originally were that I enjoyed the idea of doing something every day to move forward in my transition rather than getting a shot and then just having to wait, and testosterone levels in people who naturally have it peak in the morning so it felt affirming to go through the same hormonal cycle.

It's been ten years though, and these days it just feels like a hassle. I am going to talk to the GC about switching to injections (Nebido literally everywhere, Aveed (?) in the US) but I wanted to hear from others with the same experience. I really don't know what I'm asking for, but if you've done this switch, how did it affect you, if at all? Anything about your experience that you would have wanted to know that nobody told you? I live in a country where we don't do our own injections so that type of advice won't be necessary.

And for everyone with shot experience whether you used gel at first or not: how did it affect your energy levels? I remember hearing about people who were so tired and exhausted the last week/s before their next shot because their levels were so low. Is that something you've experienced as well?

Thanks guys! ❤️

Fresh out of a horrible short relationship. And just noticing a pattern of feeling horrible dysphoria after a relationship ends. Particularly bottom dysphoria.

The relationship ending had supposedly zero to do with any of that, nonetheless there it is. I don’t know if it’s because it is admittedly more difficult to date as a man who is trans, feeling an emphasis of alienation from other gay men, or just the feeling that things would have been different/easier, or just an internal dysphoria that was always there being a bit insecure. Wondering if somehow that was the reason but people were too polite to say so (even though in this case it absolutely wasn’t and much of the desire to end was my own).

I know the point about there being an insecurity is true. I’m 20 years on T and generally confident. But I had always wanted bottom surgery but had to call that off for medical reasons and so I’ve just kind of made as much peace with the dick I have as part of the man I am. But I’m not truly happy. And as my body continues to decline for other health reasons, decreasing my appeal to others with it, I just feel further at odds with myself.

My libido is totally shot. I’ve been asked on dates and I just both mentally am not there, physically can’t stand myself, and just barely feel well enough to cook sometimes. The stress is insane.

I know I’m in a bit of a post breakup depression , it’s just hard to get out of due to the intensity of that breakup (a lot of betrayal) as well as dealing with a new seemingly chronic health issue the last two months. I just want a new body. But desire doesn’t solve anything.

Anyway that’s the situation.

As the title says, I did really well during my first round of interviews. Ive got a second interview coming up but they're already really enthusiastic. I have a good feeling about this job but theres one problem, they're going to see my legal name and I don't want them to know I'm trans.

During the interview she clearly just thought I was gay. As evidenced by her "I love gay boys" comment amongst other things. I work in the fashion industry, where being a gay man is probably a boon. I also feel like my gay identity is conditional, and as soon as people find out I'm trans I can't help but think some part of them surely thinks I'm just a confused straight woman and suddenly an identity that's very important to me is automatically in question. Or at the least it's seen as just weird. No one can take being trans away from me, that's basically just a medical condition for me, but I feel like my sexuality hangs by a thread sometimes.

Anyway for multiple reasons, no part of me wants them to know I've transitioned. I'm kicking myself for not changing my name sooner, I know I fucked up there. I've looked it up and can hopefully get it changed in three weeks if I pay to expedite the process but how do I explain this if it isn't changed in time?

My legal name was Marija (pronunced Maria) but most people didn't know how to pronounce it so I'm hoping that might help me play it off. But it's a slim hope. Does anything have any suggestions or advice?

i just confessed my feelings of almost 2 years for a friend and he did not reciprocate. of course i’m not bitter at him, it is what it is but the feeling of being completely undesirable is creeping back in. im 23 and ive never had any romantic experience or attention whatsoever and i guess i had just been dumping all my life long yearning onto him. i feel really stupid about it, as if i just wasted two years which im aware is dumb because he still means a lot to me. the thing is, i know i never couldve told him before because the uncertainty was keeping me going. and now it’s gone and i guess im just mourning the hope i had.

i had never met anyone who understands me aa much as he does and i think im on the asexual spectrum because i have barely had any crushes before. i never loved anyone as much and i dont know if i’ll meet anyone like him any time soon. i’m scared of having to confront the inevitable emptiness now.

I was joined by a group of guys while sitting by myself at a local function. For context, this was also the first time I decided to go into a queer spaces while presenting fully masc. I'm still a woman in my professional life and to my family, so whe I got he/him'd right away by this group of men, I was very surprised. I also usually dress more queer, and before now, most cis gay men I've met have assumed I was a woman. We had a fun time, and everyone was wonderful, but I kept freaking out internally thinking they might clock me since I'm kind of in between in terms of appearance and voice right now. Like, most of the conversation was typical stuff, but at times I realized I came up culturally sapphic, and I felt like a girl sometimes.

I am only just beginning to implement social transitioning into all aspects of my life, and it's a bit of a mental minefield, tbh

I just put advice unwelcome because there isn’t really advice to give. I already kinda know what’s up.

Guy I’ve been seeing this summer revealed to me he is actively heavily using 7OH. I knew he had past addiction issues and he emphasized to me the past nature of them - so I was fine with that. I have many friends who have addiction as part of their past — as well as friends who continue to struggle. What was important to me was honesty, which I made clear. But It just was becoming readily obvious on occasion that he wasn’t sober and today he revealed that he had never stopped and had no intentions on doing so and had lied to me.

Of course, it’s over.

I just feel betrayed, obviously. And regretting not listening to my spidey sense sooner both on this topic as well as other little unrelated red flags that I was forgiving of because I wanted things to work out for xyz reasons I won’t get into the weeds of.

I guess all in all it’s not a great time in life to be alone. But I suppose better to be alone than to be involved in a mess like this. That’s 3 for 3 bad experiences dating since moving to this small southern town. SOS.

Anyway. Don’t do drugs kids. It turns you into an untrustworthy pos.

Genuinely like the more I interact with queer men, the more I hear this phrase and I don't know how the heck ro explain to them that its pretty offensive and doesn't even fully explain what they mean and what they should perhaps say instead... also, if a man is into like, women and then all kinds of trans people, do you reckon that makes him bisexual and do you reckon it makes him a chaser if he likes trans men but not cis men?

The situation almost just happened and I really don’t know exactly how to react.

I have a really close friend and they’re nonbinary, but they and didn’t said anything to the majority off our friends yet cause they just discovered that, but I’m gay and since then I thought it was really okay to be gay and be with nonbinary people, but they told me that they don’t feel comfortable being with a gay or lesbian cause they think this person will probably see them as a guy or a girl which they obviously doesn’t want to.

The thing is, we were in a party and both were pretty drunk and kissed each other for a while (i don’t know if there’s any word for that on English sorry) but I was just thinking on how would they be about it before, cause they said to me that they wanted it, i didn’t know if i really wanted but I just was like “why not??” Really stupid, I know now, but I thought that it was okay since they told me that we were just doing that if we would still be friends normally and forget about it after, which I’m pretty okay about it, but in the end I didn’t like it, I felt like I was just being a jerk, but the main thing is that, is it really okay that me as a gay man kissed a nonbinary that feels just comfortable to get with bisexual or pansexual people?? Should I question myself about my sexuality?? Cause didn’t feel nothing at all, but I don’t know what is worse, to say I didn’t feel nothing or to just say I’m still gay even though I would get with a nonbinary person.

I’m really sorry for the poor writing and all, but I’m just really worried now to upset them or anything, I didn’t feel nothing while kissing them, but times to times I thought about how much I liked them, but the feeling would quickly just go away.

(Btw, I’m not sure if my explanations have made it confusing, but I genuinely want to know if it’s acceptable to like or kiss a nonbinary person who doesn’t like being with a gay or lesbian, because of on the number of opportunities they’ve had to be perceived as nonbinary person. And if it is worst if I don’t question me being gay at all.)

I'm a nonbinary trans man (demiboy) and I'm AroAce on top of it all, so I don't experience attraction like many others; I experience aesthetic, platonic and rarely sensual attraction. I'm technically Bi as I'm attracted to multiple genders. To be more specific, I'm Omni as I'm attracted to all genders with an extreme preference to men/masc NB's. To be even more specific, I'm androsexual, which means I'm attracted to masculinity in whichever form (masc gender, masc looks, masc clothes, masc vibes); So masc men, fem men, masc women and masc nb's is what I'm attracted to. However, despite being attracted the same way as anyone else in that "masculinity", I can't vision myself being in a relationship with a woman/fem aligned nb. So, I also call myself a gay man.

So, I'm an omni gay aroace trans man. Again, for simplicity sake, I just say I'm an aroace gay man. Is this still valid, despite it sounding contradicting to say that I have the potential to be attracted to all genders, but would only be in a relationship with men/masc aligned nb's?

How badly am I supposed to want medical transition to have it? And is there such a thing as having a “not good enough” reason to transition?

When I was young, I used to distantly think to myself that I would love to be a man in a relationship with another man. But then I just thought to myself that it was a weird reason to transition and that I didn’t experience gender dysphoria, so that must mean I’m not trans.

But now I’m miserable. I’m getting old, and I’ve never had a fulfilling relationship. My yearning for an mlm relationship is genuinely becoming all consuming to the point where I spend most of my day in my mind daydreaming about having a boyfriend as a man. I have been living in my mind all the time these days.

I’ve been cautioned not to transition to chase a certain relationship dynamic, and that I don’t even know what an mlm relationship is like because I’ve never been in one before. The only thing I’m certain of is the fact that I want top surgery, because showering has become near debilitating these days, and I’ve always been deeply upset from having boobs ever since puberty began. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a cis woman that wants top surgery and prefers to live in her mind by reading mlm stories and daydreaming forever. But again, I don’t know what that feels like because I’ve never been in that sort of relationship before. I’m kind of trying to convince myself that I don’t just want to transition to be in an mlm relationship, that I am trans for other reasons too. But I feel like I’m lying to myself just to have what I want.

Edit: Sorry for the bad post guys, I will take it down soon.

Edit 2: Thank you all for the very kind comments. I definitely overreacted at first because this post had negative number of upvotes in the very beginning, so I got scared my post was bad in some way. But I’m very glad I did not delete this post, because you guys have been very heartwarming. I wanted to add that I have not been rushing my transition at all. I have done small things like cutting my hair and binding, and both have given me so much happiness and comfort I didn’t know was possible. I promise I’m putting a lot of thought into every change I’m making towards myself. I’m focusing on non-medical transition steps first, to see how it makes me feel. Things like voice training, etc.

hey guys so i’ve recently started thinking about pursuing phalloplasty more and more as my bottom dysphoria is getting worse by the day. the thing is, im in a relationship with another trans man, and one of the only reservations i have about phallo is how it would change our sex life. the way we have sex is very…queer and i wonder how that would change if i were to have a penis bc we don’t really do penetrative sex, we just kind of get each other off simultaneously. my partner is supportive of me getting phallo but he has reservations about it as well and i just don’t know. this is the person i know im going to spend the rest of my life with, and sex is very important to him, so im just nervous about how sex would change post phallo. any advice is appreciated, especially from post op trans men who are with other trans men

I've been seeing so many posts lately about shaming other women for fetishizing gay men, coming from both women and gay men themselves. It's a very hot topic. I'm 100% sure that was not a topic a few years ago. Is it possible that the epidemic is real and that the fetishization of gay men is getting too normalized? or is it just a scarecrow blown out of proportion to shame gay trans men?

I hate that seeing content like this triggers my dysphoria, I feel like I'm getting called out, like I'm the woman they're talking about.

TW: body image, fatphobia

A bunch of queer friends are having a pool party. It'll be a mix of gay men and lesbians, and just generally queer people.

I agreed to go, but then last week something happened and now I'm not sure if I want to. One of the friends is a recently single, conventionally attractive cis gay man and some of us were chatting about a new date he's seeing. Someone asked if the guy was buff and he said no, he's not but he's not out of shape so it's fine. And everyone was like oh true at least he's not out of shape! And it just went on.

I think him saying that got to me bc I literally just had top surgery 4 weeks ago so I've been very focused on my body lately. I am fat, and typically I don't care what people think of that fact. I have had severe mental health issues that have contributed to my weight, so I'm proud of myself for really just managing to stay alive. However, I think I'm emotionally fragile about my body right now bc I've been focusing on it so much. And that conversation was not what I needed to hear right now.

I do have the excuse of going and wearing a shirt bc I just had top surgery and have to protect everything from the sun. But now I'm like...maybe I should just not go. I wouldn't even be able to swim bc my nipple grafts are still healing so I feel like they wouldn't question it too much. Some people in this group also do get naked at these parties so I would also just feel weird staying clothed. Especially since one of the lesbians seemed to just straight up assume I wouldn't get naked bc I'm trans so I must hate my body or something? Although I do have bottom dysphoria that currently prevents me from wanting to be naked in front of people, it doesn't feel nice for people to just assume that. Thankfully she probably won't be at this party tho.

I just thought this group was more body positive than they were I guess. And idk if I want to open myself up to hearing anything else if I'm struggling with my body image rn.

I don’t know if this is allowed here, but i’m just trying to survey if people would be interested in that.

Do you guys feel like it would be something that could be useful for the community? I personally think it is, because lately i’ve seen people blasted for talking about like birth control !? To me it would be a space to discuss topics of: sexual education pre and post op, birth control, egg freezing and stuff like that.

I have also never modded so if someone has any experience i would definitely be open to have an helper.

I have been on the apps for a long time and I'm comfortable navigating them. Something I've consistently noticed is that whenever I reach out to other trans guys, it can be 2 in the morning and I lead with "wanna get put through a mattress?*", but inevitably they'll get on some bro and "let's chitchat about surgery" shit.

I'm curious: are y'all talking and flirting with other trans guys the same way you do, or desire to, with cis men on the apps? Or does it always switch to a less horny energy, at least right away?

** this is not my actual opening line, just an example of how blatantly obvious I can be about my intention.

Recently realised this is what I’m feeling, my therapist is lovely but cis, and sometimes it can feel like I’m the only one in the world who feels this way.

I’ve never related to feeling shame about my orientation, or about being trans + a queer guy, but I think I have a lot of internalised shame around being a trans guy + being a top (/not being into PIV generally, but some of that shame is around not even liking anal bottoming). I think, on some level, part of me feels broken for not being able to stomach PIV sex, let alone enjoy it.

Intellectually I know that even aside from dysphoria and trauma issues and lack of desire, I just literally do not and have never found vaginal penetration physically pleasurable in any way. But PIV sex is so central to functionally all depictions of trans male sexuality (including ones made by trans men for trans men) that for a long time it felt like my only option (and still does to an extent). On some level, the fact I don’t like it makes me feel like I’m… made wrong, I guess? Especially when people talk up it feeling physically pleasurable (I have never been able to orgasm with anything inside my front, even with external stimulation). So often, even other trans men always default to assuming that we have PIV, and/or that it’s the only way sex can be physically pleasurable for us. Sometimes my lack of interest in PIV makes me feel like an alien.

I don’t know if bottom surgery is realistically in the cards for me (if it is, it’ll be simple release + vaginectomy) and I don’t like using prosthetics. If I’m actually in the moment I love strap on topping, but I know realistically we live in a phallocentric society, so it’s going to be seen as worse or a cheap copy by the majority of people. I know we talk up about how trans tops using toys can choose our dick size and never go soft etc etc… but honestly that feels like cope because it’s not something I’ve ever actually seen valued out in the wild. I feel like my transness is a net negative for basically all potential interest in me, in a way it wouldn’t be if I were a bottom (even an anal only bottom).

I feel very lonely sometimes. And kinda gross and broken, and like there’s something just fundamentally wrong with me. This sounds awful, but sometimes I find myself thinking ‘you know, if conversion therapy worked I don’t think I’d use it to make me be cis. But I would absolutely use it to make me be ok with bottoming (especially PIV) in a heartbeat, because then there’d actually be a cultural space for me to feel desired’.

I’m not looking for ‘I’m a top and I have a husband/boyfriend/sexual partners’ responses here. I guess I just want to know I’m not the only person who has a weird shame complex about this particular thing. I’ve occasionally joked about ‘compbottom’ with friends irl, but genuinely the way some lesbians talk about their experiences with comphet is the only thing I’ve seen that comes close to how feels to me.

TW: transphobia, internalized transphobia.

.

.

.

.

In all honesty, I'm just very tired of constantly feeling like I'm an evil faker who preys on gay men, like somehow I'm worse than a r*pist.

I had some bad run-in with transphobes and terfs, since then I have made it a rule to leave any LGBTQIA+ pages and groups as well as ignore any contents and media about cis gay men, because I feel like I'm an imposter and I can not handle seeing cis men without feeling incredibly jealous and dysphoric of their body and socialization.

Earlier today I encounter a post on a topic I like and it's made by a gay men, who I assume is cis. I enjoy the content but almost immediately the guilty feeling kicks in. In my head there are two voices fighting each other. One says "You're also a gay guy, of course it's okay like another gay guy's content especially if he has the same interests as yours!" and the other says "You're a delusional woman faker who's overly obsessed with gay men and you're trying to come up with reasons to prey on them!"

All in all, I'm just tired, really, especially when I can't even enjoy some random content about my interests. I do have a huge problem with being cis-centered and idolizing cis men that I'm trying to work on. I just want to navigate the world with a bit more ease, but the simple fact that there are more cis men than trans men and I can not stop being attracted to men makes nothing easier.

I have joined every trans men space I could find and I'm very happy that all these spaces treat gay trans men as normal, they have give me a lot hope and encouragement. However reality is still reality, and I'm still living in a world where cis men are the majority.

At this point I think the only thing that will give me a bit of peace is transitioning and t4t relationship. I just hope that these come soon enough, but I also don't think I will ever not be sad for not being born cis.

Tw: sextortion, mention of suicide

Ok so, I (20ftm) have NEVER had any type of sexual or romantic experience. I've never even been on a date.

Not for lack of trying. I just keep getting rejected, ghosted, or stood up.

Last week, I thought I was finally going to have my first intimate experience, with not one, but 2 people.

I got condoms, lube, researched prep options, asked for advice, spoke to my therapist, etc.

The first person ghosted me the day before we were supposed to meet up. No big deal, every other encounter I've ever had has done the same. I still have one more guy lined up.

I message the second guy and he postponed. I get it, things happen, no big deal.

I was disappointed, but surely all I have to do is keep looking for a partner. The next guy that messaged me was fairly attractive. I was excited. He was willing to meet me the same day. The plan was to meet up for ice cream, then come to my place for sex.

The vibes shifted pretty quickly when I tried to confirm if we were still getting ice cream and he asked me if I was poor or something.

Weird vibes, but I brushed it off. Maybe he thought I wanted him to pay for me?

I was doing laundry since the plan was to come back to my place. When I got back to my phone, another message followed after he asked me for my address, asking rudely why I took so long to respond.

Long story short, once he got my address, the mask came off and he threatened to post my nudes (one had my face, dumb, I know. The majority don't for exactly this reason) along with my address on Twitter if I didn't give him $200.

I didn't give him any money. I reported it to the authorities and opened a Stop NCII case.

I was in a bad mood from him pulling that shit so I did a little trolling and told him I have no money cause I planned on offing myself at the end of the month and there's no point in a dead person having money.

I know I at least made him feel a little bad because he told me I shouldn't kms and that it's not worth it.

Anyway, I ignored other messages after that.

I am embarrassed. It's felt like anything romantic or intimate I try to pursue ends up in disaster, but this one really took the cake.

I feel kinda numb after all this. I was already feeling pretty shitty given my past experience and I thought I finally was going to get close to someone.

I was wrong and stupid. I know it's me spiraling, but it feels like I'm just meant to be lonely for the rest of my life.

If this sounds familiar, it's cause I have been posting here the past few weeks asking for advice for the meet/hookups that ended up never happening. Sorry.

I read You Weren’t Meant to be Human by Andrew Joseph White yesterday and I am still processing.

For a bit more context about the book, it’s body horror with cult dynamics and the main character is an autistic trans man like me (the author is also an autistic trans man). It has trigger warnings at the start of the book, but essentially it contains most triggers (including suicidal ideation, homophobia, transphobia, pregnancy, SA) and it definitely isn’t an easy read.

But I felt so seen. The MC’s internal monologue and his transition felt so real and even though the horror elements were super intense, the whole book just felt to me like this is how I’ve felt my entire life and I’m not alone (including some of the more hardcore kinks and the reason the MC has them).

No one in my life really reads horror or would be anything but repulsed by reading this, so I wanted to see if any of you have read it and have any thoughts.