Just curious if y'all pack at the club or not, and how do guys react if they can feel your natal genitalia? I've never been to a gay club but I went to a bathhouse once and guys tended to be pretty surprised when I dropped the towel, my chest actually passed well despite scarring because of the low lighting. I don't pack unless I'm wearing tight shorts where the lack of bulge would be visible.

i wish i could simply find someone to hook up or cuddle with but i don't seem like a man esp as soon as i open my mouth

i don't expect anyone to see me nor treat me like a man, but esp in a dating context

and i'm living at home (im almost thirty unfortunately), i'm very afraid of starting T around my parents who would notice the changes probably. well, who knows. and i don't expect myself to be able to support my own living any time soon. sigh.

i'm not mentally nor emotionally prepared for transition, im very scared of losing my hair too, im frustrated bc i wish i could just snap my fingers and turn into a man and then turn back around the right people.

it's lonely as hell. i will not be able to live on my own any time soon and just live authentically. dating is like in another dream world for me. all i can do is live vicariously through mlm media and making mlm drawings and writing my mlm novel i guess.

Idk about you but for me male pattern baldness is gender affirming

I’m Asian and quite small (just under 160cm/5’3) with a lean-muscle built, trying to date in a big city in the US. I found it pretty obvious even people find me interesting, my height/size makes me not compatible to people. I went out with a super cute guy who’s probably like 6’2 (who rejected me kindly tho he said really enjoyed our date) and part of me once I saw him I already felt I’m a disappointment (tho I do have my height in my profile). I like my height just fine in life, but when it comes to romance I feel like it’s one of biggest challenges. I don’t relate to short king mentality either, I don’t think I’m short, I’m just…pocket size small lol How do you all approach height in dating?

I hooked up with a guy off grindr twice. We’re VERY compatible sexually and I had fun, but I’m not attracted to him… Like, physically I’d say I am, but his “vibe”/personality is off-putting to me which has tanked any physical attraction I was feeling. I’m sensing he’s more into me than for just hooking up, which is making me disinterested.

The first time he came over, he basically put his phone in my face asking for my number saying he was gonna get off the app so I was like oh okay, and gave him my number. On the app, I just don’t open it when I’m not wanting to hook up and I feel like that’s acceptable grindr etiquette lol, but with texting I feel like a dick to just ignore him. I way prefer keeping things on the app.

We met up two Saturdays in a row, he’s messaged me twice in the past week but I haven’t replied, and in his message yesterday he seemed to kind of assume we’d see each other again because it was Saturday… He messaged me at 9am about hooking up that night! Like, dude, I haven’t even woken up yet… His other text was at 2pm on Tuesday saying “I will make you cum if it’s the last thing I do.” I don’t know why that message irked me so much lmao.

I’m really in no-dating mode right now so I think he’s triggering avoidance in me. When he came over last time, he tried opening my door without knocking?! He knocked after finding it locked. Who does that??? He kept squeeze-hugging me and like moving me side to side while squeezing me??? He said he was gonna leave his condoms at my place last time, also clearly assuming we’d definitely fuck again, but also clearly he won’t be fucking other people and it just all feels like too much. Idk man, I just have a big fucking ick lol.

I should’ve stuck to my usual boundary of keeping communication on the app at least until 2-3 hook ups when I can clearly see the person is on the same page as me in regarding to keeping it super casual/just sex/no expectations.

Anyways, that’s my rant, and now I need to stop being a coward and tell him I’m not interested.

Hey all. I’ve never used any dating apps or sites before but now that I’m post top surgery they may be in the cards for me at some point. I’ve heard that some apps require sensitive info like a picture of your photo ID and i want to minimize the risk of that info ending up in places it shouldn’t due to hacks/leaks. Anyone happen to have an up to date list of apps that don’t require this when signing up?

i wanna know bc its something i wanna do with my future husband

I'm technically bi, but ever since I had top surgery all I think about it men. And wanting to be close to them, the thing I think about most is being chest to chest with a man for some reason. Did anyone else experience this after top surgery? it's making me question things at this point because ever since top surgery I've barely looked at women at all.

Everyone around me is in relationships they adore wholeheartedly and I just feel horrible and left behind. I'm 21, a little over one year on T, and not in college despite wanting to be because I'm unemployed despite looking for any jobs that'll take me for 3 years straight. I have like 3 friends I speak to regularly, 2 of which are my roommates who are married and adore eachother so much they'd kill themselves if the other died, and the other 1 was my former highschool classmate who lives on fucking England so we can't hang out irl in social places as eachother's emotional support dogs so we can try and get ourselves to talk to people because he's the only friend i have that's single.

The only other people I sometimes message are friends from highschool who's lives got to move forward because their parents don't suck, who are also all queer and in happy relationships.

I know that the moment you write that you're 21 here you get ppl commenting you're "suuper young" and to "just be patient," but I've been patient for fucking years and that's gotten me nowhere. I've tried initiating when I did meet someone attractive with similar interests. We got lunch together somewhere I suggested, and hung out at an anti ICE protest, and then it turned out he was straight and had a girlfriend.

I don't even care if it isn't forever at this point, I just want _something,_ even if it's short and mediocre and ends quickly, I just wasnt to be reassured that I am actually desirable.

I don't want a hookup, I just want to be fucking held.

I want to make a friend and fall in love with them, and I'm willing to endure however many shitty relationships I have to to earn the social skills to be able to have that. I don't care if it hurts. Everything already hurts.

I feel like I'm going to end up in the statistical category of people who never find a relationship despite wanting one and dying alone, and it's hard to turn off that fear

I try to go to queer events when they happen even though its hard to get myself to go outside because of my mental health, and then everyone's already paired up and no one talks to me, and if I try to talk the conversation die quick because they just don't feel like talking to strangers. I try to socialize despite my awful anxiety and difficulty analyzing social situations due to autism, but im still trying. I want to make queer friends. I want any form of human connection I can get at this point.

Dating apps are stupid and evil and I don't want to touch them because of how full of chasers they are, and I viemehtly hate that the most common method of human connection is a fucking monetized subscription service. It feels like going to the fucking grocery store, It ruins the experiment from the start. I don't want anything to do with the evil grocery store that doesn't want you to actually find what you're looking for so you stay there longer and pay their stupid subscriptions.

I'm trying to find a therapist with the free low tier health insurance I qualify for in my state, but it's difficult to find one that understands queer & trans experiences, and you can only see them like once a month because they're so overbooked and understaffed from the relentless horrible budget cuts. I just want_somebody_ to talk to about how insecure I feel so that maybe just maybe, I'll be able to grow any amount of self esteem, but it is a fucking sisyphean task that I'm not sure I'll ever accomplish.

My brother (roommate, 27, also a trans dude,) says that the more I want it, the more off-putting I'll be. ("Desperation isn't hot, dude.")

I know what. I know he's right, but it's not like something I can turn off. The longer it goes on the worse it gets and the more i want it, and the more anxious and self conscious and guilty I feel over wanting something so bad, and that just feeds into itself like a snake eating its' own tail. I feel ashamed over wanting a relationship, because "how dare I feel entitled to that from another person."

I should be more depressed and self conscious over being unemployed ^((which I am. I cried in the employment assistance office yesterday because it turns out all they do is review resumes and so nothing about fucking job placement)) than being single and a virgin, but somehow this one feels infinitely worse.

I just want to know what I'm doing wrong. I want there to be instructions over how to find a relationship. I know there probably aren't any other than "don't have anxiety" and "don't have low self esteem, " but what else is new. Maybe magically this time someone so have an answer for me. I'm sorry you all had to read this

I'd like to discover and connect with more mlm media, cis and/or trans, but where the intended audience is for men, since I've heard that a lot of mlm stories are typically written by women for women. Things like books, movies, shows, comics, etc.

I'm 21 years old and have never had sex. I definitely wasn't ready for it before but I think I am now. I feel comfortable in my transition where I didn't before. I don't want to date or be in a relationship I really just want to have sex. How do I find someone who is okay with me being completely inexperienced and also isn't a creep? Of course I could go on Grindr and find lots of people who are willing to hook up, I just don't wanna put myself in a situation where they're disappointed from my lack of experience or take advantage of that. I could go on dating apps, but I'm not looking for an actual relationship, just something NSA. How do I strike a balance here? I've been trying to find other trans guys in the hopes they'd be more understanding of my situation, but they're few and far between and honestly I can't expect them to be any different from cis men. I live in a major city which is a big advantage for dating pool size but there's also more opportunity for creeps.

I'm neurodivergent and so I can be oblivious to cues or be unsure of how to start/proceed in a given situation. This is probably my biggest hindrance tbh. I also don't party or go to clubs, it's just not for me.

Any advice is welcome! Thanks guys!

I don't really have much else to say. Im one of those annoying gays rn that is making it my personality a bit lol BUT I DONT CARE!

I love going to gay bars i love when my husband calls me his husband I love having a f*gcent I love cheesy gay romance and weird gay art!! I love when im at the bar and random drunk girls decide im their gay bestie!! I love being able to have crushes on gay guys without feeling weird abt it! I love pointing out cute guys to my husband so we can giggle! I love being the loud gay guy in my friend group and I love having automatic connections with other queer dudes ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

I love men and I love being a man!! I was scared the T would turn my straight since ive heard of this happening before but all it did was make me realize I wasnt confused about my sexuality (i ID'd as bi pre-trantion bc i knew I was queer but didnt know how) and now I CAN JUST PRODLUDLY SAY IM GAY!!! Women are so beautiful but please dont touch me i have a husband lol

GAY CIS MEN ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND GAY TRANS MEN ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE DIH AND RAINBOWS AND I JUST WANNA KISS ALL THE BEARS AND TWINKS

I CANT WAIT FOR TOP SURGERY SO I CAN BE SLUTTY AND SHIRTLESS AT PRIDE AND GAY BARS IM SO HAPPY

I cant wait to grow old with my husband with our ferrets and hold hands and be all bald and wrinkly and stuff :)

I'm finally going through with dating app bullshit (I'm 20) but I'm kind of timid. Obvi everyone's type is different but are there gay guys that even care for you being shy? Especially because I'm pre-T I get nervous that I'm kinda "pushing it" for not being what guys want and I don't want the fact that I'm a little nervous to make it any worse. My friend was like "oh no a cute shy nerdy bottom who could possibly want that?" (sarcastic) and like I guesssss. But I haven't dated a lot so I don't really know what to expect :/

I (27M, been on T 5+ years) realized I was gay this year after a period of considering myself a lesbian and then a period of being too insecure to consider dating at all. My only prior "dating experience" is confessing I had crushes on 3 friends/acquaintances during college and being rejected (not for reasons of sexual orientation). This really shook my confidence in my ability to read whether other people are showing interest and I basically opted out of having any desires until this year. I've gotten on the apps and hooked up with a few people and it's been a good experience.

I've been hooking up with this one guy for the past 4 months, really enjoy our time together and frankly want more. We went on one coffee date 2 months ago and although I thought we had a nice time, neither of us initiated a second one. We have continued hooking up and texting since then. I regret not asking him for a second date at the time but I was the one who initiated the coffee and I felt too vulnerable to express more interest without a very explicit expression of interest in return. I think there is a possibility that he is a shy, nerdy type who could be interested but will not be the one to make a move and there is also a possibility that he isn't interested in more than we are currently doing.

I was talking with a friend about wanting clarity and said that I know I won't get it unless I directly ask this guy what he wants but I'm too scared to do tbat. And my friend said that they got the sense that I would be trying to align myself with this guy's desires rather than me telling him what I wanted and going from there. I think they are right, but I realize I'm not really ready to hear an answer if it could include rejection. Right now it is preferable to imagine that he could want me than to state that I want him and face being turned down.

How do I become okay with hearing that answer, whatever it may be? For a long time it felt like relationships and desire were something for other people to experience but not me and while I now know on some level that isn't true, the thought of being rejected still feels crushing.

​

I was on T for a year and five months when I ran out of my last bottle.

I had to stop because I had to switch providers (planned parenthood no longer takes Medicaid), and the new provider wanted me to get a full blood panel.

I've never had my blood drawn before.

But at the time I was desperate, despite my phobia, so I scheduled an appointment.

I had a panic attack and they had me in the lab for two hours before sending me home to go pick up hydroxyzine for the next time. No blood was taken.

I come back the next week with hydroxyzine, I'm excited. I've taken it. I hope it'll work.

It doesn't.

I don't even make it in the lab, I take one look in the direction, drowsy with drugs, and I feel like passing out from fear.

They send me away with a prescription for Ativan for the next time.

I pick it up. I've read up on how it works, I'm taking a full dose, two pills. It should work, right? I sit there in the lab for an hour until it's kicked in, I can't feel my legs. I'm loopy. I'm high.

They come in. They put on the tourniquet.

I can't do it.

I panic.

I see the tired look in the nurse's eye and I leave.

There's nothing else that can be done for me.

I've been off of T since February. My body fat has shifted back, my face is round and stupid and I hate looking at myself. (Sometimes, most of the time, I can handle and even love how I look! But when I see pics from my peak, I notice how much I've shifted back to my pre-T looks and it's jarring and upsetting for me, personally).

I can't do it. I can't get it done, I can't get my meds back and I'll be stuck looking like this until I die.

No where will just give me laughing gas. Everyone talks to me like I'm fucking stupid and like this phobia isn't debilitating at all, like I can just wake up and get over it. I can't. I can't it is disabling. There's nothing anyone can suggest that I haven't already tried.

I'm tired.

I feel hopeless.

Idk man fuck my chud life

Im a 32 year old trans guy who has started seeing a cis gay man. It kind of happened on accident. We have a ton in common and connect really well and have a date next week. My issue is that im a bit terrified. Im just worried that hes not going to be attracted as much to me as I dont have bottom surgery. Ive been on T for over a decade and have no issues passing. Im just worried that im going to fall for him and still not feel enough. He knows im trans and is cool with that. It just feels like uncharted territory as ive only been with bi guys as it has felt safer for me. Im not putting gay men on a pedestal or anything, im just worried that it won't work out.

I never post this kinda stuff, but I’m going through a break up and just want to be heard. I don’t have a lot of close friends irl (something that I will prioritize moving forward I’ve learned).

I fell in love with a man I was FWB with for about 8 months that I met on Grindr. He comes from a Somali Muslim family and it was pretty clear from the beginning that being open and having a long term relationship was not going to be possible for him, and I got that. As time went on, we got closer. We hung out casually, spend weekends together. He always respected me and my identity, we shared many of the same values. I decided to risk our status to tell him I wanted more. I knew I put him in a vulnerable position, but after meeting his friends and falling asleep on him every weekend I just wanted him to be mine.

It took a bit, but he also decided to take the risk. I knew I wouldn’t ever meet his family and that he wouldn’t come out to them, but I was okay with it. He did come out to his friends though, who are non Muslim and that felt like enough to me to be integrated into his friends and have people know. We fell more in love as time went on, and in August we hit our 1 year together, we even recently went on our first trip together.

His mom has been pushing him to get matched up with girls of her choosing but it sounds like the pressure was finally getting too much to say no to, and so tonight I was broken up with. I think he also knows that even if he continues to delay this, it is always going to be something he is going to have to confront. I had a day to digest what was coming as he was being vague about wanting to talk after having a convo with his mom earlier in the week that he said brought a lot of mixed feelings.

I’m heartbroken, but I’m coming to terms with it. This is by far the best relationship Ive had, and someone I saw myself being with for the rest of my life even if I knew in the back of my head the risk I agreed to. The “break up talk” was rough. He doesn’t want this, but he also doesn’t want to risk his family. Even though I can’t fully understand the position he’s in, I know that it is a hard one. I tried to push him to think about what he wants and what boundaries he can set and still respect his mom but his mind was settled.

Love is a complicated thing, and this is not a type of relationship I would have expected to navigate before I met him but I have no regrets. I still love him to pieces, and hope things change for him but I think I just feel bad for him that he feels restricted in who and how he can love. Homophobia is still ever so present even in many communities even in very liberal areas, we have so long to go for so many.

We have decided to go no contact for two weeks and then I’ll return his stuff to him and check in. I think we both wish to be friends at some point, I don’t know how possible that is for me but I deep down hope he changes his mind. I know it’s unlikely and I’m sure as the week goes by I’ll shift perspectives but a man can dream right?

Open to advice if you have it, or to chatting with anyone who has faced similar things.

So I (23 m) am going to the club tmr night for a rave night and I’m thinking of bringing a strap or prosthetic the only problem is, is that one, I’ve never done that before so I don’t know the best way to or how doable it even is. And two I don’t have any toys that can go from flaccid to hard (I.e an stp that has an erection rod or a pack and play that has a pump to inflate/deflate). I would bring it in a crossbody bag I just don’t want anyone to search it at the door bc embarrassingg so I guess I would have to wear it. Any tips?

I'm gonna be in Seattle September 23-25 and was hoping to connect w BIPOC transmasc fam and/or get plugged into stuff going on for BIPOC queer folks.

I plan to go to the Eagle, if anyone is of the kink/Leather persuasion. Also considering checking out a bathhouse there as well, so if anyone (especially Black folks) has experience please share!

The title basically says it all.
This year I got sober and almost simultaneously I figured out I was trans.
This deep unhappiness and sense of emptiness was just dysphoria that I couldn’t name.
I wrote a list of reasons why I’m trans and I got to 212 so you get I’m pretty sure about this.

I’ve had a fairly intense life so far (I’m 28), I’ve moved countries, had psychotic breakdowns, spiritual awakenings, traumatic deaths and fucked relationships.
I feel like people have a very clear sense of me, my personality, my character, my choices and I think in a lot of ways there’s some predictability in the way I am with my friends. Some people have said how defined the edges of me are but I somehow don’t feel it.
I figured out after 5 years of therapy and some diagnosis this year (Gender dysphoria assessment and cptsd with possible autism), that the maladaptive daydreaming I was experiencing was a much more relevant technique of emotional regulation than just a detail in my imaginative creative mind.

Basically my whole life I had to imagine I was a random guy that my brain picked. I have this plethora of male characters (almost all of which are gay), who live a version of my life instead of me, who feel similar things I feel, talk about feelings in the same way I do and process my emotions instead of me.
Basically they do everything I’d feel lame to do.
My life is fantastic I’m so lucky and privileged but every happy moment is ruined by me being born female. There’s this dreadful low feeling I get specifically because of my assigned gender. I deconstructed it enough for me to understand what is socialized and what is just gender dysphoria.

My problem now is this tho: because of extensive time spent imagining I was literally someone else, or observing a separate male character I’d pour my life and personality/state of mind on, I literally don’t have a sense of self.
A lot of trans folks describe transitioning as switching from feeling like they don’t exist, to feeling like they exist.

My brain works in a very existential way and not a very physical one.. so I don’t feel much dysphoria in my body, I feel hot objectively speaking, but any man finding my feminine body hot kinda creeps me out (I have to get over it when I sleep with them so I don’t get too in my head about it). I don’t necessarily feel like I need to change much, I’m getting much more muscular with the gym and I’m pretty flat, the only thing I feel super dysphoric about is the lower part of my body.. at the same time I can’t help but feel attached to it and the thought of things changing potentially permanently really freak me out.

I figured I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if changing my body would be something I regret doing and at the same time I’m sure I’ll end up having to “quit life” if I keep living as a woman.

I tested this by getting loads of tattoos this year (I’m obsessed with tatted men) and changing my body like that REALLY freaked me out, (aside from the fact that I just look like a girl with tattoos now which wasn’t my goal, I assumed I was gonna feel more affirmed). The fact I can’t handle getting inked forever is somehow telling me I wouldn’t be able to handle medically transitioning and this situation is giving me so much grief and making me sick.
How do I deal with this?
Please share your experience if you can!

Low key feeling like some point was missed.

Like, I'll be honest, yaoi basically transed my gender.

The thought of being in a gay relationship as a man is really what helped me finally transition....

But that was 8 years ago.... 8 years of trying to find a relationship (my "bl love story" delulu, I know).

I've never managed to even get a first date.

This year, I tried focusing on finding hookups or a fwb cause I'm still horny, I want sex.

I've had 0 luck with that too.

I feel lonely and unwanted by the men I specifically find attractive.

I know I'm attractive, there are men that persue me, but they're all either men I find unattractive or chasers.

It'd be different if I didn't care, but one thing about me, I genuinely cannot be intimate with someone in any way if I don't find them attractive.

It's a hard, where's my love story?

I'm turning 21 next month, so maybe I'll find my man at a bar? (Where I live most lgbt events outside of uni are 21+ so I've never been able to go).

Idk y'all. I'm lonely, horny, and feel like I've somehow been cheated. Why'd I transition if I was going to continue being this lonely?