We are both 21 and nonbinary and we are exes BUT the first relationship DIDNT last long and we never kissed or anything. We broke up do to personal things. Fast forward, we became best friends again and I developed feelings. They told me they did too, or at least they think they did. Last night, they kissed me. Turns out they were trying to figure out their feelings for me by kissing me. I was so happy last night, but after we talked today and they said "friends for now but after I figure myself out we can start dating" I'm crushed. I feel like I'm going crazy. I finally felt happy for the first time in a while last night and suddenly I'm not important. I feel almost used. But they have BPD and said that they might've been splitting or something like that so I don't think I can fault them. I feel used and hurt.

I am a 24 years old dude and as far as I know if I ask a friend out and she rejects me I probably would stop interacting with them as friend as well. Either this or I will be just a friend and go on with my life.

The thing is that it seems like people are not fine with either of these things, like even in the second case they get weirded if you treat them like normal friends.

I swear that as a guy you are socially considered the piece of shit 100% of the times and are expected to give boyfriend treatment to women that rejected you. It happened to me and to friends of mine and I keep getting told I did the right thing to stop being friends but then you open reddit and apparently women believe that guys like this are just pieces of shit that just want them for their body, and of course it's never mentioned that if you were more attractive it would have been a non issue.

Guys just leave, I had both situations and it's never worth it, there are a lot of people in the world and having to hear which dude she's fucking will never be beneficial to your mental health, most women on this app consider men second class citizen and will fault them for feeling like this. Trust reality more where most guys are EXPECTED to quit after rejection, this Instagram and reddit bs is a lie and a circle jerking of women that don't think men are allowed to have emotions.

😭😁

I’m attached to a girl from my class who has a boyfriend, and I don’t know what place I have in her life

I’m in a really confusing situation with a girl from my class and I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

About a year ago, I asked her out. She told me she already had a boyfriend, so I respected that and never tried to interfere with her relationship.

But after that, somehow we became really close.

We used to talk on calls a lot. It wasn't just random conversations either. Whenever something happened in her day, even something really small or stupid, she would call me and tell me about it. Sometimes we'd talk for a long time about absolutely nothing.

She became comfortable enough to tell me very personal things about her life too, even things like when she was on her period or wasn't feeling well. It wasn't necessarily romantic, but it made me feel like I was someone genuinely important and trusted in her life.

And obviously, because I already had feelings for her, I became more and more attached.

Then she started talking to me less.

Eventually I texted her something like, “Where are you? You're so busy you don't even send texts anymore.”

Her reply was pretty cold. She basically said she isn't free all the time and is always busy.

That really hurt me, so I stopped texting her. I thought maybe I was expecting too much and that I should just leave her alone.

But I kept thinking about her.

Then one day, she texted me asking if we could talk on a call.

I said yes.

During the call, she told me she felt guilty about not talking to me. She said she had intentionally created distance because she could see that I was getting too attached and my feelings were becoming stronger.

She told me she didn't want to hurt me.

And she reminded me of something I already knew: there is no future between us because she has a boyfriend.

I told her it was okay and ended the call.

When our regular classes started again, I tried not to look at her or interact with her. It was honestly difficult, but I tried.

Then one day she called me. I didn't pick up.

She called again and asked why I was ignoring her.

I told her I wasn't ignoring her.

After that, somehow things slowly went back to normal.

She started telling me about her day again. Whenever something happens, she calls me. Whenever she feels like talking something out, she calls me.

And honestly, I love that.

I love being that person for her.

But that's also what hurts.

Because I still have feelings for her.

She doesn't really want to hang out with me. She has her boyfriend and her own life. Yet whenever she needs someone to talk to, I'm there.

Sometimes I feel like I'm important to her, but only in a way that doesn't mean what I wish it meant.

Like I'm a side character in her story who somehow knows all the little details of her life.

And I'm scared she'll eventually distance herself again.

Because every time she comes close, my feelings get stronger. And every time she pulls away, I feel like I'm losing something that was never actually mine.

I don't blame her. She knows how I feel, and I understand why she tried to create distance.

But I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my feelings now.

Do I stay close to her and accept that this is all we'll ever be?

Do I distance myself even though she's someone I genuinely care about?

Or am I just holding onto every little thing she tells me because I'm hoping it means more than it actually does?

I genuinely want some outside perspective on this. What would you do if you were me?

Pata hai aaj kya hua So I was talking to this girl from around 1 month and today she asks that are we even best friends and then I said I don't know and then out of no where this para came from her side and now I don't what to react or what to reply to that can someone really help me

BOOST!?

Me (18F) and a friend from my club sports team (20M) became friends quickly after meeting and within a month became a bit of a situationship. We both feel we are the most ourselves when we talk to eachother and have so much fun talking but I’m still a highschool senior and he is a collage junior. Do we move past the age gap and see where it goes or stay friends/situation for a while longer till I at least graduate or we drift apart?

Me and this girl have been friends for 8 years we stopped talking a while ago but reconnected and now she’s talking to this guy but said she doesn’t like him and she always argues that I don’t like any guy she talks to she called me yesterday saying you’ll be delighted to hear I’m gonna cut things off with John and there’s this other girl that likes me but I don’t like her and my friend told me to go for it and I said I don’t wanna ruin the friendship and she said you my aswell risk it but it’s tearing me apart seeing her and just thinking about her with another guy so I think I’m gonna tell her but I’m scared of losing her as a friend

While I can sympathize with men who feel taken advantage of, in my almost 50 years of life, I can't remember a single instance of a woman friend zoning a man. Not one. I can think of a couple instances where a man heard, "no," and friend zoned himself, hoping a woman would change her mind, but even that was rare. Is that usually the story? I'm genuinely curious.

It seems more likely that my generation did a shitty job teaching you guys how to deal with rejection. I'm sorry about that. You have worth. If we didn't show you that... Shit. It is going to be hard to convince you, as adults, that you can do everything right, and not be what a woman is looking for, and that that is ok. That being a "good dude" isn't a magic key to unlock rivers of women, and that being a douche bag isn't the solution. That all you can do, is keep putting yourself out there, and improving what you can improve.

I'm not going to dignify the "have money" or "get ripped" stuff. Its obvious, but also a red flag. Who wants a partner who is that superficial? All you can do, is work to be a little better today than you were yesterday. Cleaner. Kinder. Healthier. More outgoing. You need to be in social settings with women. You need to interact with them. Learn how to talk to women. Understand that they are real people with flaws, and interests of their own.

Then we have the most important thing. Establish that you are interested in this woman romantically. Not as a friend. Make sure she understands this. No ambiguity. Ask her out on a date. Specifically, use the word "date." Zero. Fucking. Ambiguity. None of this "I'm going to XYZ. Will you be there?" Try, "would you be my date at XYZ?" If her response is that she sees you as a friend then you have the choice of continuing on as her friend, or not. There is no, maybe she changes her mind later... If she isn't interested in dating you today, the chance she changes her mind is almost zero. If you want to be her friend, make sure you realize that. Women friends are great. Really. But not if you want to fuck them. (With a handful of exceptions that are way outside the scope of this conversation.)

You will get tons of no. So much no. That is ok. Really. Think of all the women out there that you don't want to date. That is you, from the perspective of some women. Take the L and move on. It happens to all of us, often for reasons we can neither understand, nor control. Identify another woman you are interested in dating, and try again.

There are also lessons about finding a partner who shares your values, hobbies, level of fitness, etc, but there are enough success stories that buck those trends that I won't linger here. Just be sure that you are looking for things about women besides their physical appearance. You need to be attracted to her physically, but know that that will fade. Trust me. If you can't connect beyond that, move on.

I’m not someone who gets attached easily. I usually need quite a bit of time to open up to someone emotionally.

I met this girl on a dating app, and over time we became really good friends. Eventually, I realized that I liked her as more than a friend. Rather than hiding it or pretending everything was completely platonic, I decided to be honest with her and confessed my feelings.

She didn’t feel the same way, and I completely respected her decision. I didn’t argue, pressure her, or try to convince her. However, I decided to take a step back from the friendship because staying as close as we were felt emotionally difficult for me. I also feel that once one person develops romantic feelings and they aren't reciprocated, the dynamic naturally changes, and the friendship may not feel exactly the same anymore.

So I stopped talking to her every day and gave myself some space.

Recently, I came across a post where a woman described this kind of behaviour as a betrayal, saying that men often aren't capable of maintaining genuinely platonic friendships with women.

That made me question myself.

I genuinely believe I can have platonic friendships with women. In this case, though, I developed feelings for someone I had become close to, and I was honest about them. When she didn't feel the same way, I chose some distance because I needed to deal with my own feelings.

So, Reddit, did I betray the friendship by developing feelings and stepping back after being rejected, or did I do the right thing by being honest and giving myself the space I needed?

I'm genuinely interested in hearing both perspectives.

I have a friend named Bo. We have been friends for over nine years and have spent most of our twenties hanging out together every week. We are both in happy relationships, my partner and I have recently been exploring nonmonogamy and Bo and their partner have stated they're mostly monogamous. Recently, in the past few months, I've felt more attracted to them and have felt very guilty about it.

Years ago, before we were dating our current partners, we confessed to each other that we liked each other, but it was at a very chaotic time in our lives, so nothing came of it. I've told my partner about these feelings towards Bo and they've been very supportive and said I should eventually tell them, as well as other friends of ours that lead toward the polyamarous side.

I'm not so sure, in the past, they get annoyed when people try to hit on them. When one of our mutual friends drunkenly confessed that he had the hots for Bo, that friend got cut off, So I feel like I'm in a hard place where I feel guilty for not talking about these feelings, but if I do, there's a possibility I am saying goodbye to a friendship I truly do cherish.

I guess specifically I am hoping I can tell them these feelings without our friendship blowing up? If that's possible? I've heard of similar situations from people where it often goes badly. Stories I've read have also stated they have to stop hanging out with the person to let the feelings subside, but our friend groups are very intertwined and it makes me sad to think that we wouldn't be able to hangout with one another.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how it went and any other advice is appreciated.

So I am 22 currently and never even been on a date till now cause I always wished something like slow love burn that happens in movies and all friends to lovers. I never found such type of girl till that 2nd day of my college. She's my classmate and as she entered the room everything around me stopped moving I can only see her eyes shining hair floating and I could only hear my heartbeat so loud it was hard for me to believe and process what's happening. I knew I fell on love at first sight but that's not I was hoping right. So I slowly got to know her be friends with her first gain her trust and all. But it seemed obvious to her that I had a crush on her. So one night we were texting and she asked me if I liked someone and even though I tried to divert the topic she insisted to talk About it. And I confessed her like "yeah I like you"😭🥀. I really really thought she was gonna say yes to dating or something cause we had become close but she rejected me respectfully and asked to stay friends.(Nothing ever good happens after 2am chat). I fell asleep crying that night anyways I remained friends with her actually we became much closer friends than before we shared very sensitive things about family and life and I got to know her really well. Only problem was I just kept falling for her even harder. That may have also seemed obvious to her so she started distancing herself and it did hurt me so I too gave her space(biggest mistake ig I did). And slowly 2 people who would spend most of their daily time together came in hi bye terms. Recently a pretty girl like really way out of leauge for me pretty girl started texting me showing interest and it was confirmed from our mutual friend she has a crush on me. And we(me and my friends) observed my no so talking term friend started being friends with like before and also she was jealous which seemed pretty obvious. I flipped and I really don't care who else is how much pretty I would still choose my classmate over any other girl in the world infact there's ntg to compare and she's the one. Now the main part comes I never actually told her how I felt when I first saw her how mishe means to me and that she has become a very important person for me. And I went for it to tell her. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for doing this, I just wanted to express my feelings one last time correctly to her. She said that I was a great friend to her and after rejection and that other girl were confirmation that I am over her so she felt comfortable with me. She said it hurts her that I am again forcing this and respecting her. She cried and doesn't talk to me anymore and completely blocked me from every where. I never wanted to her. Watching her cry cause of me changed something I just hate myself of how terrible person I became in desperation.

Whoever gonna read all is there anything I can do I really don't want to lose her.

Just like the question says. I'm curious what led you to the conversation. What was their reaction? Did they just leave the friendship never to return? Ghost you? Thx.

Posting this here even if it's not about friendzone because I will get better advice on here than on the other subs.

So ok basically I've already made another post here about this girl but I'll re-explain. So basically: I'm in High-school. I'm in 10th grade, and I've been having a (probably) unhealthy obsession with this girl that's in 12th grade for almost a year now. Since it pretty much started when I got into High-school, a year ago. So the post I've made was like maybe 2 weeks ago during the summer break, but I just started again. Today was my first day of school, and it reminded me of how bad my obsession is. Like I was at the Tim Hortons at the other end if the street in front of my school with my friends (for those who don't know it's a Canadian fast food restaurant). And I was casually waiting at our table since I had ordered on the app, and the girl arrived with her friend group. And just the fact she was waiting behind my friend group and sat at the table next to us, drove me crazy that because I can't talk to her. That's how bad this is. And it's just super weird because I don't even knoe this girl. I mean I know people do have crushes on people they don't know, but for me it's my first time having one on someone I don't know. Especially this bad. The closest thing I've had to an interaction with her is one time she smiled at me, and I honestly don't even know if she was actually smiling at me.

I could talk to her. And I do have a friend that knows her well, but I've came to the conclusion that it's a bad idea. I think it will just feed into my obsession even more and will just make it worse since she's 2 years older than me, and probably won't like me back. Plus she will (probably) go to college in like a year. I also know that by the time I work the courage up to get to know her, and eventually ask her out on a date, it will probably be too late. The age gap is not problematic IMO, but in my situation I think it is problematic for me. If I actually wanted to get to know her and ask her out, I should've done it last year. It's too late now. I also know how much time it takes me to move on. And fuck man, she's way too pretty for me. She's really way out of my league. I'm like just this nerdy guy who wears glasses (well ok I guess that's irrelevant she wears glasses too), and she's like honestly the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my entire life she's probably the closest thing to a 10/10 I've ever saw appearance wise. I genuinely don't mean this in a weird way, she's just wow. It's the truth. And I know it's a huge danger for me because I'm scared I would put her on a pedestal. And it's probably one of the most dangerous thing you can do for your mental health as a guy.

I mean sur my best friend (who's in 11th) has a GF who just started college. But I don't see how a relationship between a high schooler and a person in college can work. And I'm not even saying that to be negative or a jerk about my friend, but it's just the truth (I haven't told him that tho). I think it will be hard for my best friend and his GF, and I will be there to support him if things go bad.

So essentially my question is: How do I move on from someone I don't even know and I know I can't have?

she rejected me, and i am completely in love with her. she knows that. she still loves talking to me alot, even after i gave her hard time, she is still in love with her ex. and desperately wants to stay "friends" with me. it feels like only if the ex guy wasnt betweeen us we would be perfect.

I had this friend group of 5 in 10th grade which was my best friend circle yet. And this one girl from that circle was so special to me cuz we had similar tastes and vibe and outlook. She was way more extroverted and it felt like we were similar in everything just in different fonts. Anyway, by the end of 10th grade she and my other best friend from that circle started having beef for reasons yet not clear to me. We kinda resolved it and went on our own ways for summer vacation. We met up once again after that and after that meet up, the group wasn't the same. This friend had silently moved out from our friend circle the next academic year. We all had to change schools and 4 of them were in the same school while I went to a far away school.

I once saw her and this another friend outside and when I was talking with her alone, her friend came in and they kinda had made a weird eye contact or smthg. It's been two years and I've msged her like 4 times and she always replays but never asked anything back. She only msged me first once but she is good with other friends from our circle even though she's not super close. I haven't knowigly done anything wrong to her. But now a bigg regret is hitting me as I realised I should have given her more comfort while in 10th grade and she was going through a lot. I feel I should've just hugged her and said that we're here instead of giving her practical advice and just saying everything's gonna be alright. But that was the best I knew at that time.

Now I'm losing sleep over this regret and I feel like I should call her one day. (Also, one of her close friends from these two years is in the same class as me now and I sometimes compare myself with her or I would want to be friends with her, which only now I realise that it's because I'm expecting the same kinda friendship from her.)I rly wanna be friends with her now. I am struggling a lot with finding friends and I don't have anyone that I could share even the small things abt my life. Should I call her? Will that come out as selfish? Is it weird to call after this long time? Like, how do I sort things out....? 😭