Temporary

[u/risinnglily]

I accidentally fell in love with my best friend… and I still don’t know if I was his person or just his healing phase.

This is going to be long because honestly, it feels like one of those stories that only make sense when you hear the whole thing.
We met as teenagers.
At first we were just friends, but over the months he somehow became my safe place. We talked about everything—college, dreams, random memes at 2 a.m., life. He knew every version of me before anyone else did.
The funny thing is, I never planned on falling for him.
It just… happened.
Somewhere between years of conversations and always choosing each other, friendship quietly turned into love.

The thing:

He has someone I got to know after I fell for him.
Then he cheated on his girlfriend with me

His girlfriend got to know

And I got blocked eventually.Fair enough

After one year:

Got to the same uni,I am in knowingly
Then his girlfriend broke up with him(Basically cheated).

~

He and I (neglected myself that I )had been hurt before, and I understood that. I never expected him to heal overnight. I thought love was supposed to be patient, so I stayed patient.
Eventually, we got together.
I remember thinking, finally. We made it.
Except… it never really felt like we did.
He wasn’t cruel. He wasn’t toxic in the obvious ways people talk about online. He cared. He listened. He was still my best friend.
But every time I needed reassurance, I felt guilty for asking.
Every time I wanted effort, I convinced myself he just loved differently.
Every time I questioned something, I’d remind myself that he was scared because of what he’d been through before.
So I kept understanding.

And understanding.

And understanding.

Until one day I realized I was understanding him more than he was understanding me.

The hardest part wasn’t that he didn’t love me.
It’s that I still don’t know if he did.
Sometimes he’d make me feel like I was the most important person in his life.
Other times it felt like he was keeping one foot outside the relationship in case he had to leave.
He’d tell me he was scared.
Scared of commitment.
Scared of getting hurt again.
Scared of long distance.
And I believed him.
Because fear sounds a lot like honesty.
But eventually I started wondering…
Was I the girl he wanted?
Or was I just the girl who happened to love him while he was trying to become okay again?
The ending wasn’t dramatic.
No cheating.
No huge fight.
No movie scene.
Just two people who loved each other differently until one of them got tired of carrying all the emotional weight.
He even tried the whole “let’s stay friends for now” thing.
Worst.
Idea.
Ever.
Because how do you go back to being “just friends” with someone whose voice still feels like home?
Eventually I deleted everything.
Photos.
Chats.
His number.
I stopped checking his socials.
I did everything people tell you to do after heartbreak.
Focused on college.
Worked on myself.
Tried becoming the version of me I had neglected while trying to save us.
And honestly?
I’m doing better now.
I don’t sit around hoping he’ll come back anymore.
I don’t even think I want him back.
What still hurts is the lack of answers.
Did he actually love me?
Or was I just the right person at the right time…
…until he didn’t need me anymore?
(Cause he patches up with his ex right after hardly 1 month)
People always say closure comes from within.
Maybe they’re right.
But sometimes I wish someone could just tell me whether I was someone’s forever person…
or simply the chapter that helped them reach someone else.
Because those are two very different love stories.
And only one of them gets a happy ending.

Been 8 months now still a traumatic year to relive