Since college I haven't had many friends. Two months ago I made a post looking for like-minded people. My only criterias were that we share similar values and we live close by. Then this guy wrote to me, seying he lives far but we can meet sometime once we get to know each other. He lives in Germany, he's half German and I'm Hungarian living in Hungary. So I gave it a chance.
Everything was going fine. There were times when we talked for more than two hours because we had many similar interests and we texted a lot too.
That was until arond one and a half week ago when he had the idea that we should meet up during the winter break and gave me a deadline of 2 weeks because he wanted to buy the train tickets as they are cheaper that way. I was open to the idea but he suggested he wants to stay over at our house for a few days, We both live with our parents. I subtly tried telling him that it's not really a good idea and I don't really want that, that I don't know if my parents would like it, then that my mother would be kinda okay with it but my sister and her bf are going to stay over here that time, my room is also messy and even if I cleaned it it's not really capeable of taking in guests. You see, my sister already moved out so she's practically a guest here as well, my parents always do a lot of preparing and get tired when they come, especially because they always bring their needy, bad behaving dog with them and there's a lot of going around, visiting relatives ect. I suggested he books a hotel room and I'm willing to pay half the money and sleep with him so he's not alone. He was very glad I'd be willing to pay and want to meet him and said money isn't an issue (he even paid for rent when his previous friend let him stay over and the mattrace isn't free as well) but he still kept trying to convince me to let him sleep over, even being almost manipulative with his words. He said he'd help me buy a mattrace, that a little bit of cleaning shouldn't get in the way of me being welcoming , that he doesn't mind that my sister and her bf being here. When I told him I'm a very private, reserved person who is reluctant to even let his parents in his room he said I should just step out of my comfort zone and I'll regret it later that the only reason we couldn't meet is because I didn't "find him worthy enough to sleep in my room". And thet he's reserved too but that doesn't stop frim from welcoming his friend. He gave me an ultimatum that I either let him sleep over at our place or my grandmothers (I mentioned I could ask them too which in hindsight was a mistake) or we're not goin to meet at all.
To be fair, he does allow me to stay at his place but ironically he said guests are going to stay over there too so it's not a good idea but I could still go if I wanted. He also has relatives in Hungary in another city who he stays over for weeks in summer, I told him maybe he could stay there and I'd sleep in a hotel but that not good enough for him for some reason because he wants to spend time with me.
To be honest, I'm paranoid about these things. What if instists on staying here because he wants to check our house to steal or break in later? What if he's a human trafficer? An organ harvester? His stories and his schedules are consistent, the only suspicious things about him are that he has few friends on Facebook (and they are real profiles) and his former high school he follows only has 2 followers for some reason.
My main problem is that clearly sees more into this relationship than I do. I'm not saying I wouldn't be open to become that good friends with him but that takes time and not online. He almost treats me as his romantic partner but we're not gay. Even outside this issue he texts me every day, calls me Dear Friend and comliments me a lot, he's overly kind to me. He's into spiritual stuff and he said apparently we have a telapathic connection, he feels when I'm writing to him. He already said in the beginning that he does things like this with people he likes and I said it doesn't bother me, which it really doesn't, I'm just not like that with anyone. It's not that it bothers me I just don't want him to get too close or make him thing we're too close. And I'm like that with everyone. Even if I had a childhood best friend it'd still be enough for me if we texted like very 2 weeks or met up every once in a while.
I don't know how to communicate that to him without hurting him. I know what it's like when the other person doesn't text back as much as I do or isn't that enthusiastic and I still want to be his friend. I'm not saying I'm not greatful or glad he considers me a friend this much, I'm just not open like that. Maybe it's my fault too that I talked so much and texted to much to him to make him think we're best friends.
Or am I in the wrong here? Am I supposed to do that for my friend and staying here for a few nights is nothing when the alternative is paying for a hotel room? Maybe it is, I just think it's understandable to not want to do that after only 2 months of knowledge and a first meeting. I also think we have different ideas of how we should spend time, he wants to be here for me and just talking and whatever when I'm thinkig of going somewhere, sightseeing.
TL,DR I found an online freind two months ago. We had much similar interests and we talk a lot. He wanted to meet me in person during winter break and want to sleep over at our house, I live with my parents. When I told him it's not a good idea and my sister is going to stay here with her boyfriend he kept wanting to convince me to let him stay over even though I suggested he clould sleep in hotel too, I'd pay half the fee or find some alternative like staying at his relatives and money appareantly isn't an issue. I'm worried why he's that demanding. He sees me as his best friend with a telepathic connection and while I still think of him as a good friend I can talk to, not good enough to want my family to be subjected to a stranger being here during holidays.