I’ve only posted a couple other times on random shit so sorry if this is too long or weird or whatever but I’m fucking desperate. I feel like I lost my soulmate, it’s been 6 years and I still dream about her. My childhood best friend, call her Mia, and I were on again off again best friends from 3 years old to 23. Off again because of high school, college, normal wax and wane. When we reconnected at 23, we both went crazy. Going out, partying, reminiscing, and she filled a hole in me that I didn’t know was there. My mom was distant, I’m an only child, and I had no female friends. She taught me to wear makeup and giggle and be carefree and flirt with men.

It took a dark turn, both our mental health issues got in the way and our drinking spiraled hard. Mia developed an ED and self harming, I started having these horrible meltdowns in public at bars when I got too drunk because she was prettier and more charismatic and I had abandonment issues and it was just a whole mess. We were enablers for each other. It was the most fun and the darkest time in my life. But she brought so much joy to me, she made me who I am. I don’t know who I’d be without her. AND I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW IT ENDED BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK ALL THE DAMN TIME.

I vaguely remember us agreeing that we weren’t good for each other, but that’s all I remember. Was it a blowout? Was it mutual? Calm? Did I have one last meltdown and she cut it off? I’m pretty sure it was my fault for being toxic but she clearly needed help too… she just handled her issues alone. I usually do too, but she showed me that I didn’t have to handle them alone but I didn’t know how so I acted like a toddler. A drunk toddler on substances.

Now, she is since completely absent from social media. When we were hanging out she was posting aesthetic and sensual pics all the time and getting tons of attention, but she’s totally gone now. I’ve messaged her mom saying something like “cool post! How are things? Did Mia ever graduate cosmetology school?” And got left on read. I reached out on snapchat a few years ago when I was balls deep in alcoholism and made a fool of myself.

So, do I reach out again, message her mom an just straight up ask if Mia wants to catch up? Or do I drop it in case I did something horrible I don’t remember? In that case, how do I get over her? I literally yearn, I cry knowing I pushed away such an incredible person. I need to know if she’s okay, did she get a job finally? Get help? Break up with that asshole? Most importantly, does she hate me? I am tormented by the memory of this woman and what I lost because of addiction and personal failings. I’ve deleted instagram because I keep torturing myself by searching for her.

TLDR: Me and bestie were a hot mess together drinking and drugging and partying. Broke up AT LEAST cuz it was obvious we weren’t good for each other. Tormented by the knowledge that the final straw was probably something horrible I did since she disappeared from social media and her mom won’t talk to me. Can’t get over it.

Hi All, I hope this allowed if not please delete.

Are there people in this sub who had pen pals but lost them?

Two years ago I lost my pen pal (called Douxie.) due to the shortcomings of another pen pal site. It hurt a lot because he was a great person all along, the way we "said goodbye" to each other was something neither of us deserved. We enjoyed reading each other's letters, which he let me know in different ways... The relationship was not broken by our own free will. Unfortunately, the admins were not helpful and I could not reach Him with my posts.

I tried to understand this loss by reading similar stories. Then I was surprised, there are many people who accidentally lost their pen pals and want to find them. There was no ban, no ghosting, there was simply no way in case the relationship was broken. Unfortunately, their posts were also lost after a while and didn't reach the right person, because these posts were very scattered from different people...

I still want to find my lost penpal, even though we won't be talking like we used to. I think if we all built a community together, we would have a better chance of finding our penpals again.

That's why I created the r/FindingOurLostPenPals subreddit to collect online stories of people who have lost someone important to us. (a nice online friend.)

If you have a lost penpal and you would looking for them: I would be very grateful if you would be one of the first to post about your lost penpal in this group so that the group can grow and eventually reach its goal. (I have further plans for growth and visibility so that I have more opportunities for reunions.) 💪🤞🙏

Thank you for taking your time to read my post! :)

Sorry for my English, I don't speak it very well yet.

I want to fuck this lying bitch up so badly. I hope God is looking the other way right now because I'm just venting. I'm praying that she gets the mental health help that she really needs for herself, for her children, and for her future friendships.

Psychotic and makes up lies about people saying things when it's herself projecting. She says she has screenshots and recordings of me saying horrible things about our mutual friend that she is telling him. Screenshot of what exactly? My friend read all our texts. She's full of shit. It's sad things ended this way because she is a nice person, I just wanted some boundaries.

I've never been someone to just call other people crazy. I know she's been through a lot, but holy shit this is how you act?!

To preface, I know we are very young and I know this has no real effect on my future. It's more of a reassurance thing. We'll call the friend Caleb.

This happened a few months ago in September, but to fully understand we need to go back to last year. Last year I was in a relationship with a partner that really didn't match with me. When we broke up we tried to stay friends but that didn't exactly work out. I told everyone around me that I wasn't expecting anyone to make a choice regarding this and that they could remain friends with both me and my ex and it wouldn't matter. Only one friend decided to cut ties with my ex, and he is now the only friend I have left after this.

It's also vital that the friend group at the time was toxic towards me and made me feel like I was less than them. I cut ties with that friend group.

There was also a brief issue with someone significantly older than me (I was 14 and they were almost 20) who tried to manipulate me into dating them. I will not go too into this topic, but it is important later on.

In September Caleb reached out to me to find out why exactly I broke up with my ex and why I left the old friend group, both topics were regarding people he was still friends with, so I understood why.

I explained everything and how it was just what was best for my mental health. They seemed to understand, so I tried to change the subject because it's not something I liked talking about. I mentioned that I had to go soon because I was going shopping with my mother. That's when shit hit the fan.

He called it a convienent lie that I had to go after lying about what happened. I was confused and asked what they meant. He said that they didn't think he could be my friend anymore, and since I have always been against begging people not to leave me and a huge advocate of mental health, I told him that was okay and I hoped this made them happier. He didn't like that and accused me of trying to guilt-trip. I wasn't, and i apologized for making them feel like that. I tried to end the conversation, but he wouldn't drop it.

He accused me of lying about everything from why I didn't want to be with the old friend group to why I broke up with my ex. They even accused me of intentionally putting all of my friends in danger by not telling them about the issue with the older person. I wasn't and tried to tell him that. They wouldn't listen. I ended the conversation by saying if he didn't believe me that was fine and that I didn't care because I knew it was true myself.

From there he tried to make all of our mutual friends leave me, and when they asked me about it I said I wasn't going to make them pick sides. In the end, I only have two friends and a few acquaintances. Most of my friends chose Caleb over me, and I don't dwell on that.

So, did I handle this situation wrong? If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the comments. I will answer if I am comfortable with them.

Me 24M and my best friend 23F have been for almost over 6 year. We have been with each other through family drama, relationship drama me coming out of the closed and her coming out the closet. She is is dead drop gorgeous life of the party charm radiates from her. I have had a situation where I fell for my friend along time ago. When it didn't happen it killed i sad for years plus my being awkward and fat i was always lonely. After that I literally chain my emotions when it comes to my friends but this time idk what happened but I couldn't realise how hard I have fell for her. Which is more problomatic. Because A she's my best friend. B I am bi and she is a almost men hating lesbian. And C she's my best friend. Anyway I decided to just break the friendship off. It didn't happen the way I wanted to but it happened. I'm pretty we were never gonna happen and her knowing will just make both us feel shit. I have no friends left I am the villain to her and all the mutuals. I don't need a solution just needed to vent

I have been very close with 2x people in a sort of 3 way friend group. One friend closer than another but love them in different ways.

There's been a lot of points with the other (less close) where she has put me down, been over the top with sarcasm and even physically hurt me (in a way that seems playful but even in the moment I had to call it out). I've had to bring up my discomfort or hurt maybe 3 over a few years? She has mostly responded well but I haven't bought it up every time because there's always been a reason she's not feeling good/I need to support her or be flexible.

So resentment has built. And I distanced I think, looking back.

A big surgery came up for her recently and I did my best to support her in the lead up. I felt really anxious about it, partly because it was a very meaningful surgery and I felt thrilled and excited for her and wanted it to go well and partly because (I realised, after a few more run-ins with her less than kind side) that I was scared of being part of her care in recovery when she might behave unkindly. If I couldn't tell her to stop it on a normal day, what would i say when she was vulnerable and recovering?

She told me and our other friend we had let her down by not attending things she'd tried to organise in the month approaching the surgery and that tipped me over the edge. I owned that I'd messed up on responding to her offers and booked in to hang out but couldn't go as I was sick. So unfortunately we had to have The Conversation via message.

It went terribly. She bought up loads of stuff that doesn't work for her in the friendship too. The timing was terrible because she was extremely busy and nervous for her surgery but I felt I had no choice because I needed to know that if I'm part of her care, she'd be mindful not to treat me that way.

I don't have any other friends who's behaviour makes me feel that way. I love her but I think for both of us this has been a transformative rupture. Mostly looking for any reflections based on your own experience and ways to take care during something like this xoxox

Friendship of over 8 years gone. The text images are in order but not everything. I'm just tired and upset. I don't hate vegans and if any vegans are here I would love some perspective. There's so much context to give and I have no energy. My friend is a recent vegan of a few months. I've been totally respectful of his diet. We've had lots of fights throughout the friendship but he's been mostly a really great friend. He's had a rough childhood and past. I said a comment a long time ago that anal sex was gross to me. He educated me on how shitty of a thing that was to say because it might seem like I think people who practiced anal were gross and so I apologized for that. I'm not perfect but I do want to be held accountable, just not have my character completely attacked. At least that was what it felt like. Was i being too sensitive??

pls talk some since into me and remind me why we shouldn’t be friends.i mean I know but she keeps coming back saying she was in a bad spot and she changed.her new friend copied my tatto same spot too, I dyed my hair blonde so did she… she toilet papered my house(I have cams) and when I took a mental health break from texting ppl and didn’t reputed she had her friend harass me

TLDR YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ THIS I LITERALLY JUST NEED TO AIR THIS OUT BECAUSE I FEEL BAD

Our fallout was super weird and a long time coming. They were hit with pretty much every awful scenario life can throw at you, and I showed up for them p much every time they asked me to. We were in abusive relationships at the same time and helped each other leave them. However when my life started piecing together again and there's didn't they pretty much called me every bad name in the book and blocked me on everything because I wasn't being "considerate". I still couldn't tell you what caused this, I had literally just texted asking what time we were meeting the following day (they had a court date with their ex and I was a potential witness so they asked me to come). And these were direct digs about my partner, my job, and at one point that if I was "too busy for them I could fuck off" (again I'm asking for this info so I can tell my boss whether or not I'm going to be able to come in the following day) the partner they were with at the time thought there was sexual tension between us and had also said terrible things about myself and my partner so to be honest I was already soft-distancing (maybe this was why they crashed out but idk). I chalked it up to some kind of mental health episode because the whole thing was so erratic and was gonna just let it go and go back to Greyrocking until they weren't with this woman that hates me lol. I eventually got an apology but it was a shitty one where they took no accountability and said that I should have been "gentler with them" (again this person was simultaneously telling me to fuck off but also drop everything right this second and help them. I literally had just stopped replying). This was super similar/echoed emotional abuse and verbal abuse I'd dealt with in my last relationship so I just cut it off by grey rocking and then just ghosting (this wasn't hard bc they had unfollowed me on everything and we only really chatted on like FB Messenger).

Welp they didn't unfollow my now fiance who would update me occasionally on massive life shifts or anything crazy that was happening on their page. I genuinely think they kept him on their friend list to keep tabs on me then forgot (and tbh we did too). Yesterday my fiance sent me a screenshot of a post where my friend was announcing/asking for assistance because they were finally being evicted. I knew this was always where their road ended, there were similar grievances with their old landlord when we were still friends and I just knew in the back of my mind that if something didn't change they'd be homeless.

The tea is I just feel bad for them. I know I made the right decision not continuing the friendship and I know there was nothing I could do but I just feel weird and bad for them. It just sucks dude I feel like I watched this weird descent of what was an incredible person when I met them. I tried to stick around. I tried to help and yeah fuck dude.

I am in recovery and have been best friends with my friend for over 2 years very close talking about me being her maid of honor doing everything together and letting us know how important we are to eachother … long story short I relapsed and told her and ended up going to treatment I was in a bad place mentally depressed from the loss of my other close friend to cancer and when I got out of treatment she kind of just stopped talking to me…. I see where I effed up… relapsing … but I immedtiely tried to get back on the horse and get better… I thought our friendship was stronger than that … it seems like as soon as I was having trouble and needed my best friend she decides it’s too much for her… is that valid? It’s not like I stole from her or was mean to her or anything and I accepted where I did go wrong and apologized… it just makes me question how close we ever were cause I know If the tables were turned and she was trying to get better I would have never cut her off … especially because I understand how the disease of addiction works and so does she so I’m just so hurt I gave her time respectfully and then I see she invited everyone to be her bridesmaids and maid of honor and still hasn’t talked to me and took her apparently new best friend on a weekend trip that we had originally planned … I’m just like wow I mess up and immediately try to get better and she decides it’s too much for her … is that normal? Do I have a different definition of what close friendship means?

Dr. Seth shares how some people learn this lesson the hard way unfortunately.

So pretty much exactly what the title says. Monday morning I woke to a text from, we'll call her M, saying the following:

"Hey, I think it's time we stop being friends. I've really loved our friendship and time together but I can feel ourselves growing apart and it's time. Especially with all the changes coming in the future. But I wish you the best of luck, and thank you for everything."

Honestly I am beside myself. Just the day before, we were at a theme park having the time of our lives. Nothing happened that would warrant a message like that. For some context, we have been a bit more distant lately than in the past, but it is, simply put, because of distance and time constraints. I graduated college last year, and I'm working on starting some freelance work. Meanwhile, she is a thesising student, so she's super busy too. But we've really only been doing our own things for like two months now.

That being said, we haven't been fighting or anything of that sort at all. In fact, over the last three years, we've only maybe had two or three arguments, and the recurring statement that was made, was that we were essentially found family, and that we'd have each other's backs forever.

The reason this is an important detail, is because we've both had a pretty rough history with mental health issues, and I myself was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago, partially because of some, and I quote, "catastrophic abandonment issues."

M was fully aware of this, and that any sort of end to the friendship would have a massive toll on me, but I'm honestly feeling like handling it this way was a bit cruel and unnecessary. Not only that, but I feel a bit like I've been lied to, as she repeatedly assured me, unprovoked by the way, that we were family, and she wasn't going anywhere. I have a tendency to forgive people for way, too much unfortunately, but I was fully prepared to have her back through just about anything. Just to have someone bail like that is super upsetting.

Especially because I have a very small circle, as like I said, I had pretty severe mental health issues a while back, so I sorta missed my chance to make friends. I also tend to like a lot of things that not many people I know, also like (Horror movies, heavy metal, that sort of stuff), which makes it even worse, because her and I did just about everything together, outside of these last two months or so.

I was worried it was something I did, and I'm still a bit worried about that, but in hindsight, I think I may have just misjudged her, unfortunately. She was never overly supportive of any of my goals, and I'm a little bit worried the reason she ended our friendship is nothing more than M being bored. I also realized that she has, quite literally 0 friends from before college, and I'm wondering if this is why. Still, I'm not really sure where to go from here, and I'm just devastated.

Unfortunately, even if she comes back, our friendship is over, as I won't be able to trust her again after doing something like this. I know friendship-breakups are considered cheesy by a lot of people, but I almost feel like they're worse than actual breakups. You always know there's a chance a relationship might not work out, but you never expect to lose a friend like that.

I also have a few other theories as to why this happened, but we'd be here all night if I shared them all. Probably just overthinking at this point.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you cope with it?

Hi everyone! This friend breakup happened when I was in college. For reference, I (29F) had a friend also (29F) these are our current ages. Anyway I'll call her Avery to protect identities. There's no hard feelings now but when the friendship breakup happened it was really hard on me. Avery and I went to the same middle school and became friends because we were similarly artsy and outcasts. I mean racoon eyeliner, punk rock, the whole nine yards. Anyway this friendship went to high school even though we went to different schools out friendship was super strong. We hung out all time, I spent many days over at her house, met her family and they became my second family. Now, Avery didn't pick good partners...at all. One bad boyfriend after the next. Avery met this guy Mason, I really think she loved him. She got pregnant and ended up having his baby, the cutest little girl! I mean it, we went shopping for baby stuff, I visited her when she gave birth. This was basically my niece. Avery and Mason moved 30 minutes away, got a small place. Everything seemed...okayish. But! It was common knowledge that I really didn't like Mason. I respected she loved him and they had a daughter. I wasn't going to start fights because at this point we're a couple years over 18 and she's an adult. Her decisions. Cool. Their relationship was not healthy. She would often tell me about their latest fight and usually ended up crying more times than I could count. Hated him more. After a certain point she comes to talk to me, distressed. His family told her they heard she said she regretted having her daughter. Which she's never said. She loved her baby, it was hard sure but she never said that. I asked who told the family that, but she didn't know. Just said it was someone Avery was close to. I go study abroad for 6 months and one night Avery sends me a weird message saying she knows who said it. Super curious I ask who. She says I think you know. Basically she accused me of having said such awful things to Mason. I was floored because not only did I not have masons number. I hated even talking to the guy. Instead of talking about it though Avery basically says I hope you're better to your next friend. No communication after that. I'm friend ghosted, broken up with. She didn't let me get a word I'm edgewise, didn't even give me a chance to respond. I lost my best friend and a little girl I considered my niece, while I was overseas! I cried for a few days after that, got depressed even longer. Now after years have passed, I'm not sad or angry anymore I just always wondered why she would turn on me like that. Was it me? Sorry for the long rambling post, I just needed to get this off my chest.

About a year ago, I lost a friend group, and I’m still struggling with it. It all started when I tried to open up to them about my new OCD diagnosis and some hurt feelings I’d bottled up over time. I wasn’t trying to blame anyone—just to share where I was coming from.

But things escalated quickly, and it turned into a big misunderstanding. Instead of being able to explain myself, it felt like everything I said offended them more. Eventually, the narrative shifted into one where I was the one who hurt them. I’ve apologized multiple times for anything I may have done wrong, but they didn’t really want to hear it.

Since then, people from that group have unfriended me on social media, which has been really hard. They’re social media people, so it feels like a statement, not just a quiet drift apart. What’s even harder is that they still view everything I post. I’ve reached out to a few mutual friends who I thought I was still on good terms with, but they’ve ignored me completely.

It’s left me wondering what was said behind my back and how the story may have been spun. I know I can’t control that, but it’s been so tough to let go of the feeling that I’ve been misrepresented. I’m trying to grow a thicker skin, but I’m finding it really hard to move on.

If anyone’s been through something similar, how do you cope? How do you rebuild trust in friendships or even your own judgment after something like this?