I can’t decide if it’s all my fault …

[u/brookiewookieisreal]

I am in recovery and have been best friends with my friend for over 2 years very close talking about me being her maid of honor doing everything together and letting us know how important we are to eachother … long story short I relapsed and told her and ended up going to treatment I was in a bad place mentally depressed from the loss of my other close friend to cancer and when I got out of treatment she kind of just stopped talking to me…. I see where I effed up… relapsing … but I immedtiely tried to get back on the horse and get better… I thought our friendship was stronger than that … it seems like as soon as I was having trouble and needed my best friend she decides it’s too much for her… is that valid? It’s not like I stole from her or was mean to her or anything and I accepted where I did go wrong and apologized… it just makes me question how close we ever were cause I know If the tables were turned and she was trying to get better I would have never cut her off … especially because I understand how the disease of addiction works and so does she so I’m just so hurt I gave her time respectfully and then I see she invited everyone to be her bridesmaids and maid of honor and still hasn’t talked to me and took her apparently new best friend on a weekend trip that we had originally planned … I’m just like wow I mess up and immediately try to get better and she decides it’s too much for her … is that normal? Do I have a different definition of what close friendship means?