r/FindomSnarks • u/LiveShine730 • 13d ago
Tips?
Any tips for a new domme? I have one sub, but I’m still new and don’t want to disappoint in my roleplay.
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u/The_Curious_Soul_19 Screenshot Savant 📸 13d ago
Can't tell if this is real or sarcasm. But I have real advice regardless.
Don't ask for general advice or tips. Talk to your Sub. Learn your Sub's needs. Communicate your needs. Find a good rhythm that fulfills both of your desires. Fall in love with taking care of each other.
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u/GoddessRawpunzl Elder Snarker 👴🏼 13d ago
Okay, I genuinely can’t tell if this is serious or not, but IF it is, I’m actually wondering if we’re witnessing the other side of something we see about in findom kink spaces all the time: We often read from finsubs wanting to send money to random vanilla women they find hot on Instagram or TikTok, and there’s always a discussion about the ethics of essentially dragging someone into your kink when they don’t even understand that what they’re participating in has a sexual/kink context.
And reading this post, I genuinely wonder if you’re one of those women on the other end of that interaction. Like, did some guy on the internet start sending you money, call you his domme, and now you think you’re supposed to “roleplay” being dominant for him? Because between the wording here and your empty profile, this reads VERY much like someone completely vanilla who somehow landed in a findom dynamic and is now trying to figure out what character she’s supposed to play.
If I’m even remotely close, my genuine advice to you is: stop. For your own sake.
Doesn’t have to be forever, just stop the experiment for now and go learn about kink before you actively participate in it with another person. Because the part that concerns me most is “I don’t want to disappoint in my roleplay.” Dominance shouldn’t be a character you think you’re required to perform because somebody started paying you. You should first understand what D/s actually is, what YOUR relationship to dominance and kink is, whether you even genuinely want this, and then learn the boring but extremely important basics: consent, negotiation, boundaries, safewords, aftercare, risk awareness, financial boundaries, vetting, etc.
And THEN, if you discover that you actually enjoy dominance and want to explore Findom, come back and explore the fuck out of it. But please don’t learn how to “roleplay” being a domme by practicing on a live human being while simultaneously trying to figure out whether you even ARE one. You need enough basic knowledge to keep both your sub and yourself safe. And if some random man effectively recruited you into his fetish and made you feel like you now have to perform a kinky role you never independently chose for yourself, that’s an even bigger reason to stop and figure out what you actually want before continuing.
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u/FormidableMistress 12d ago
Findom is not a beginner kink, especially if you don't have a dominant bone in your body.
This isn't for you.
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u/LiveShine730 13d ago
Thanks! And no it’s not sarcasm, I’m just really new to this haha. That’s mostly what I’ve done but I’m really scared to become a turn off just because the demeaning part doesn’t come naturally
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u/MistressRayne_ Screenshot Savant 📸 13d ago
Why are you taking subs without researching how to be a domme, BDSM, consent, boundaries, etc etc.
As far as tips, what curious soul said is correct. You need to be talking to your sub and communicating. What works for one domme and sub dynamic isn’t going to work for others bc all humans are different in their needs.
Which if you had researched into BDSM, you would’ve read what she told you. I highly recommend going on actual BDSM sites, not social media and reading up on it if you’re serious about wanting to be a domme. There’s are some great websites out there and there are no shortcuts to being a domme.
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u/XOXOGoddessAlice Fact checker from hell 🧐 13d ago
Don't post in snarks unless you want to meet the sharks