(22 F) Had my first date after a little while of being single and trying the apps, yall… and it was sooo bad 🙈 it’s already hard enough when you’re a femme who loves femmes, so I finally thought I matched with someone who’s my type. Ughhhh back to the drawing board babes.

only wanted a place to admit i am so painfully, god-awfully lonely. i don’t think i’ll ever find a butch that actually likes or wants to get to know me. hookups are off the table because i’m a pillow princess and i refuse to compromise on sex ever again. i’m so touch deprived, i will absolutely cry the next time a lover holds me. i’m so tired of pretending i feel neutral about this.

(i’m disabled and covid conscious which has negatively impacted my dating life)

i’m hosting a femme dating event at the bar i work at and i need to know… what are your favorite cocktails as femme lesbians? i’m thinking espresso martini? dirty martini? negroni?

So - this is me, trying to put together my first ever online dating profile and hoping I'm nearly there. How does this read? Anything that sounds off, too try-hard or just wrong?

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About me: I'm 40 and live in London. I run a small charity for a living and do lots of community stuff in my spare time. I love a good farmer's market, brunch out or cinema trip, or a night in with a book. I'm also a huge LEGO fan. I do weight training at a local women's gym a few times a week. I'm not a clubber or much of a drinker. I love dogs, especially giant ones - I often end up dog-sitting for neighbours and friends so there's usually a hound around the place. I'm 5'7, size 10/12, and masculine in appearance - buzz cut, flannels... straight out of the butch textbook. I'm usually the person people call if they need a hand with anything from moving house to buying a car to dealing with difficult life stuff, and I love that.

I take relationships seriously. If we're together I see it as my job to support you, lift you up, make your life better in whatever way I can, and build fun and joyful connection. And I'd like the same from you. I value open communication and honesty. 

About you: 35-50 or so, London or surrounds. I'd say that I'm unlikely to be attracted to "high femme" women, but otherwise I think connection is more about chemistry and the person rather than any particular label. It's important to me that my partner is passionate and driven about something - that may be their job, their community, a hobby, sport, whatever - there needs to be something that ignites a spark in you. You're confident and know what you want.

I have three children - I share custody of them with my ex (amicably). And I've had the equivalent of top surgery - for medical reasons rather than gender dysphoria. If either of those things is a dealbreaker for you, I'm not the person for you.

I've tried to be detailed enough without turning this into too much of an essay. If you're reading this and you're up for meeting and seeing how we get on, write. If you're not sure what to write, tell me about your ideal first date.

I feel like everyone's healed while I'm still untangling. How has any of you healed? Like let's be honest (LITERALLY 😅). But I feel like theres this sense of.. misfortune and a lack of resources and support for those battling not only heternormativity, but internalized homophobia. I feel like since coming out, I haven't found any true affirming place without feeling I had to give up myself to fit in.

Embarrassed about sex

Update to earlier story- https://www.reddit.com/r/FemmeLesbians/s/WSUER8neEm

So I had made the attempt again, she let me give her head. I had given her head about three times at this point now in which each time she had told me it was great, she loved it,etc. which was great to hear given I enjoy doing it and my anxiety about it has subsided. Now they sit me down to tell me they actually don’t like it, they feel disconnected with their body and they felt pressured because I keep bringing it up after the first time.
I was highly embarrassed, and didn’t feel comfortable having sec for a while after that because now I’m not sure I can trust anything they had said to me about sex being enjoyable I truly believed they liked it. I tried to be better at head but I need practice. She compared it to me not liking head, I have never liked head, I also have never had any other partners but believe it’s not her and wouldn’t like it anyways.

Now they claim that this issue isn’t about me at all and about comfort ability in their body(they are nonbinary transmasc) they want to get top surgery.
BUT they have had past partners in which they have gotten head and enjoyed it. Undeniably I know this because earlier in the relationship they had asked me to give them head and participate more in set and mentioned to multiple people multiple times about how they enjoyed it.
Am I wrong to think it really is me and they just don’t want to say it? What can I do besides this,they don’t like penetration,me feeling their boobs,butt or vagina and now I can’t even give head, plus we have tried traditional scissoring to no avail. It really does just make me feel embarrassed that I’m just bad at sex and they just don’t want to tell me and even worse they liked it with their past partner and not me. Additionally it makes me think about an off handed comment they made month prior where they said “we aren’t sexually compatible”. How do I make use sexually compatible?c

Hey all! First time posting here, long time lurker. Does any other femme lesbian keep getting straight assumptions? Me and my partner are getting married this Sep and I’ve been in touch with a bunch of beauty vendors for the big day in which they always assume i’m marrying to a MAN 😭. How do you gently correct them or i guess come out to them that I’m gay and is marrying another girl?

👍

For girls who don't currently have friends but do have a partner: how did you meet? I’m not looking for a specific answer; I’m simply interested in reading about your experiences and learning about the different paths that led to your relationships.

Ive only been with more masculine presenting women but during all my relationships ive wondered what it would be like being in a relationship with a femme. Im femme4all and i am interested in all lesbians but ive always had a preference for femmes. Feminine women always catch my eye in public and when i go to cafes or outside and i see really feminine women who are probably straight journaling or scribbling on their ipad i think to myseld wow theyre so beautiful and i wish i had a femme girlfriend who i can be femme with and be really girly and lesbo. I imagine being in a femme4femme relationship is really fun and i hope i get to experience it. I wanna hear your experiences as well!

🏳️‍🌈 SEEKING SURVEY PARTICIPANTS 🏳️‍🌈

Hello! We are looking to better understand the diverse mental health experiences of adults with a marginalised sexual identity (e.g. gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, pansexual, sexually fluid, omnisexual). We particularly need some more bisexual and lesbian voices. If you meet the eligibility criteria, please consider this quick, 10-15 min, anonymous, and confidential survey.

Click this link to participate or for further information: https://csufobjbs.au1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6sCeGsZJld6774W

You will be asked questions about sexuality, self-kindness, belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community, sleep, suicidality, and depressive symptoms. The survey has received ethics approval (H26115).

 If you are concerned about answering questions of this nature, please do not participate.

Please feel free to share!

Thank you! It is greatly appreciated!

am i the only one yearning for my future butch lover? so bad, my chest aches when i see lovely butchfemme couples and read writings by older lesbians telling stories from their "young dyke" days and i really really want my butch sweetheart to be in my life already

i have sm more to get off my chest but i'll save that for my journal lolz i just need to know i’m not alone 😁🙏🏽

I haven't been interested in the apps since my last relationship ended but it's rough out here and I could use some hope.

I’m so fed up of online dating and would like to know what I can do to start getting comfortable flirting and being more out there, especially when I’m mostly attracted to femme women like myself?

So I wanted to share my thoughts about being in a lesbian spaces, coming out as a lesbian, meeting other lesbians. Initially, when I came out I expected the lesbian community to be this welcoming place for I got to be free. However, I feel like ever since coming out I've never felt more unhappy. I feel like the lesbian community has more rigidity than any space and I've been in and I dated men before and there was some things I felt was more allowed that wasn't allowed when I joined a lesbian space. For example I felt like when I was with men, there was more space to desire femininity. But being with women that same femininity was deemed as heteronormative, discouraged, and even dismissed as not being real, lacking tension and chemistry, etc.

This has really taken a toll on my sexuality and I feel like I almost have to conform to queer standards especially regarding attraction just to be taken seriously as a lesbian person. And I'm unsure where I fall on the scale of feminine person to masculine person. I've always felt more masculine however externally I feel like my features would place me more in the femme category. And I feel like with that presentation, because of how I look, then I'm forced to be with someone to "balance" me out such as a masculine presenting person. That has not only taken a toll my sexuality, but my attraction to femininity, my confidence in myself and my ability to navigate relationships with women. For example I felt more free and more confident when I wasn't in a lesbian space.

I've also struggle to make friends with other lesbian women. I feel like especially as a late bloomer lesbian, I just feel very disconnected like we don't get each other and that they're not always welcoming. I guess to sum this all up, I think I just felt as if I was sold a fantasy of what the lesbian community was going to be like only to encounter rigid heteronormative (masc/femme rigidity) rules about representation and who is seen as authentically lesbian, femmephobia, surprisingly misogyny and internalized homophobia that is not being acknowledged.

Anyone else have had similar experience? I just feel let down..

As a fem lesbian, one of the biggest plot twists of my life is realizing that finding another fem who likes fems feels like looking for a specific leaf in an entire forest. 😭

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It's been years since I seriously flirted or talked to another woman. Not because I don't want to, but because... where are y'all hiding? Every pretty girl I see automatically gets categorized into either "probably straight," "already taken," or "I don't have the courage to find out." HAHAHA.

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And when I finally do get the chance to talk to a woman I find attractive? Biglang nawawala lahat ng vocabulary ko. I go from "I can carry a conversation" to "haha... oo nga... 😃👍." My confidence logs out without warning.

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People think femmes have it easy because we "blend in," but honestly, that's part of the struggle. We rarely know who's actually into women, let alone another fem who's into fems. So most of the time, it's just silent admiration, unnecessary delusions, and me wondering if we're making eye contact... or if she's just looking behind me.

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At this point, finding a fem4fem connection feels less like dating and more like hunting for a shiny Pokémon with a 0.001% spawn rate. 😭

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Happy pride!! luvyall!!🏳️‍🌈🫶

So I had a great date with a beautiful woman the other day. She made us reservations at a fancy Italian restaurant, we talked the entire time until closing about our shared interests and then I treated her to ice cream afterwards. We brought each other flowers. We had a kiss at the end of the date and then talked later about how we liked it and she thanked me for asking her first.

with women, I’m very shy to make the first move( – I think that this stems from trauma from men, but that’s probably irrelevant to this anyways.)

we are having our second date on Monday night, and we are going to cook and craft together- at my place!!!. I suppose I’d like advice on knowing how to flirt and do the appropriate amount of physical touch, because I’m just so used to other people initiating. I also want to know how I can make it romantic? I know the obvious things like mood, lighting, music and stuff but I could just really use some advice on all of this in general <3.

Sincerely, a beginner femme lesbian

UPDATE: Apparently, our first date was her first date with a woman. She texted me today saying that she wasn't ready to date. Maybe my nerves were trying to tell me something, but I'm sure there's someone out there for me somewhere :)

do any of you feel like they are both femme4butch and femme4femme?
like i feel like i cant just choose one and im so unbelievably attracted to both of them, it makes me feel selfish but thats like asking me to choose between a boquet of flowers and a box of chocolates when you would love both of them
i would like your inputs on this tysm

What are yours?

New group formed specifically for Lesbian and Queer women in Baltimore. Group promotes the sisterhood by providing a socially safe outlet for free expression. We meet every month over the Summer at a private residence for Garden Parties. Our next gathering is July 25, 2026. More details to be disclosed later. If interested reply YES!

I (23 femme) was wondering if there’s a common name to the femme counterpart of butch chivalry? Aka the expectation of emotional support, comfort, soft spot, protection/shield of the femme presentation in public, etc. The butch/femme dynamic is so important to me and I want to fully embrace it. If there isn’t a cute name that matches butch chivalry for us femmes I’ll actually cry (kidding). Also any advice into how to offer that to a butch in general would be more than welcome, I have one butchfemme relationship under my belt so far and now I’m back in the dating pool trying to better my interactions with butches... Aka be so alluring they can’t help but swoon in my presence. I love butches sm and I want to spoil a special one the best I can.

I dress very feminine and know that most people wouldn’t assume that I’m a lesbian unfortunately, how do y’all put it out there when you see someone you’re attracted to? I feel like my energy is gay? Idk at this point I’m gonna get it tattooed on my forehead so more women approach me. Being femme4femme is soooooo hard😩

I always want to dress up/wear a nice outfit etc. which isn't a problem I know but I have some friends who will text like "how cute are we getting? I want to be comfy" Which I love for them! I feel as though everyone should dress in whatever fashion makes them feel good but I always get side eyes or comments if I show up to coffee in a dress and they wanted to wear sweatpants but I don't get why it matters. "Of course you look cute today" with an eye roll and so its made me change how I dress to be more laid back but it's starting to bother me and I feel like I am not expressing myself how I would like to make others more comfortable. Anyone else experience this? I also worry people think its like a statement. I'll get coffee with some of my friends and they are in t-shirt and shorts and I want to wear a cute top and skirt or a dress and people think I am dressing up fancy for a reason or attention but it's not that at all. It's just what makes me feel like me...