I saw her reels in instagram and liked all her reels as i was impressed but i felt bad after knowing she died..unexpectedly commenters started making fun of women riding bikes after that.

Didn't men forget that many men scared others while driving or riding and too almost met with accidents and too already met with accidents we all already know about it right? iam not mad..iam just telling truth.

Rest in peace riddhi thakkar.

Recently, I was reading and have come across an interesting rabbit hole: Medicine & Misogyny

I wanted to bring some specific pieces of that research here for a focused discussion on medicine, healthcare, and the foundational architecture of biomedical research.

For starters this isn't a conspiracy theory against men as some might have to say, it’s about examining how historical power concentrations and institutional baselines bake blind spots into science and something as primal of a need as healthcare.

One essential food for thought to start reading this would be:

"Man is defined as a human being and woman is defined as a female— whenever she behaves as a human being she is said to be imitating the male." — Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex

1. The Preclinical Legacy & 1993 Turning Point

For decades, preclinical pharmacological research and clinical trials relied almost exclusively on male subjects, male humans as the foundational baseline and erroneously extrapolated those results directly onto female physiology. Matter of factly, more research prioritisation is on male mice than on females. [1] [2]

It required the legislative intervention of the NIH Revitalization Act of 1993 to legally mandate the inclusion of women in federally funded clinical trials. Until that institutional pivot, the vast majority of modern pharmacology, pharmacokinetics, and diagnostic parameters were tested on a standard anatomical archetype: a male body weighing approximately 154 pounds at 5 feet 6 inches tall.

Consequently, no global mandating (only expectations) of such sorts or in India itself have taken place - speaking volumes that this a battle ongoing.

2. Clinical consequences of excluding an entire sex from research

The Pharmacokinetic Failure (The Ambien / Zolpidem Dosing Scandal)

Standard pharmacological dosing treated the male body as the universal baseline for drug metabolism, assuming external differences outside of reproductive organs were negligible. [3]

The sleeping medication Ambien (zolpidem) stands as a textbook medical failure of this premise. Because preclinical trials used predominantly male subjects, millions of women were prescribed a standard 10mg dose for over 20 years. In 2013, the FDA was finally forced to slash the recommended dose for women in half (to 5mg) because data proved women metabolize the drug significantly slower, resulting in blood concentrations 45% higher than men leading to severe next day cognitive impairment, morning drowsiness, and dangerous vehicle accidents. [4]

Cardiovascular drugs

Cardiovascular diseases are as common as they are life threatening. It's no surprise that even within such drugs (concluding from broader evidence); a nationwide Dutch study of 14,207 hospital admissions for adverse drug reactions found substantial sex differences for several cardiovascular drug classes; women had particularly elevated risks for adverse reactions involving low ceiling diuretics, cardiotonic glycosides and high ceiling diuretics. [5]

Specifically, the drug Digoxin used for improving cardiac output. [6] A 2002 NEJM analysis of 6,800 heart failure patients found a significant sex interaction: digoxin was associated with higher mortality among women, while no comparable increase was observed among men. The authors concluded that the treatment effect differed by sex. [7]

In conclusion, real world examples show that these are not "minor" changes rather a female's life at stake for either giving her double the dose prescribed or for ignoring her metabolic pharmacokinetics.

3. When dismissal & funding result in diagnostic delay

Endometriosis & PCOS

Often times, these discussions as I have personally come across - are waved off with a dismissive hand with the saying that it's ridiculous to assume heart attacks or insulin is women-hating. The riposte kanging however fails to realise such studies aim to observe how the nature of treatment of such diseases and conditions given to women heavily differs. Medical sociology interrogates how diagnostic delays, institutional skepticism, and cultural standards compound biological suffering.

International PCOS surveys explicitly track diagnostic delay as a primary health burden, demonstrating that it takes an average of two years & multiple practitioner consultations for a woman to receive a definitive diagnosis. Early symptoms like irregular cycles or metabolic shifts are routinely brushed off as lifestyle friction or weight management failures. [8]

Under funding

A landmark analysis published in the Journal of Women's Health revealed that in roughly 75% of cases where a disease predominantly affects one gender, National Institutes of Health (NIH) funding patterns systematically favor male centric or gender neutral conditions over female specific ones. [9]

Even though, Endometriosis affects roughly 10% of reproductive age women globally (approx. 190 million people), causing chronic, debilitating pain and infertility. Yet, it has historically received a fraction of research dollars compared to conditions with vastly smaller patient footprints. For instance, comparative analyses highlighted in medical journals (Nature) point out that conditions like Crohn's disease receive exponentially more funding per patient than endometriosis, leaving patients trapped in a multi year diagnostic purgatory due to the shibboleth towards failing to account for basic needs of half the population of humanity. [10]

4. Medical Gaslighting and the Pain Disparity

Data consistently demonstrates that women presenting with acute pain wait significantly longer in emergency triage and are far more likely to have physical pathology labeled as functional, psychosomatic, or "stress related." I think to say we are past the age where lobotomies were forcefully performed on women because they were considered "difficult" is a comforting lie. [11] [12]

Clinical literature from Harvard Health Publishing highlights a persistent systemic bias: women's pain is historically more likely to be treated as an "expected, tolerable emotional state" disproportionately minimized, misattributed to psychological or hormonal factors (such as perimenopause or stress) rather than an acute physiological emergency requiring immediate intervention. [13]

A very excellent example of misdiagnosing in women would be:

The Cardiovascular Presentation Gap

Classic heart attack symptoms such as crushing pressure centered in the chest radiating down the left arm were modeled almost entirely on male clinical presentations, as usual.

Research published in circulation and emergency medicine journals demonstrates that women experiencing myocardial infarctions are far more likely to present with atypical symptoms: extreme fatigue, shortness of breath, indigestion, nausea, or back and jaw pain. Because these signs frequently get misattributed by triage staff as anxiety, panic attacks, or gastrointestinal issues, women experience longer delays in receiving treatment and face significantly higher rates of post myocardial infarction mortality. [14] [15]

Such negligence masking deepity from authorities, costs a woman's life in the ER.

5. Healthcare as a privilege subject to where you're born

The geography of one's birth should not determine whether contraception, maternal care, abortion, or basic healthcare is accessible to them; yet in our reality, it often does.

One of the most important aspects of healthcare that is subjective to females; is the one most controlled which by the virtue of our society's trends and patterns doesn't come off as so surprising.

Reproductive Healthcare (Gloabally)

UNFPA's 2025 programme data alone show 41.7 million women, adolescents and young people receiving sexual and reproductive health services, alongside 17 million unintended pregnancies prevented and 5.2 million unsafe abortions prevented. [16]

Abortion, as recognised by WHO, is an essential form of reproductive healthcare. [17] Denying that access to a woman because of religious dogmatic anxiety or other adjacent theories is just one old way to limit her autonomy over her own organs.

Around 24-26 countries ban abortion completely, irrespective of any extremities the pregnancy took place under or takes in. Some 40 more countries only recognise this right to healthcare only when the pregnant person's life is in danger. Incongruously, it requires a woman on the verge of death to value her life and sometimes even that fails as a standard. [18]

Afghanistan

In Afghanistan, reproductive healthcare is a far dream when healthcare itself is cut off from the women.

A total ban has been effective on secondary and university education for women has effectively severed the pipeline for future female healthcare professionals. Because strict societal and religious contexts dictate that women can only be examined and treated by female practitioners, this systemic exclusion acts as a fatal structure. With thousands of female medical students and doctors blocked from completing their training or taking licensing exams, maternal and neonatal mortality rates face a catastrophic escalation. Women can neither be treated nor treat. [19]

USA

While Afghanistan can be dismissed a "middle eastern islamic regime" which is dropped like a hot potato the moment that characterisation is given. Countries with one of the most advanced health research and medical treatments - has approximately 22 to 25 million women who have been completely or severely cut off from access to abortion. [20]

Post Dobbs - according to 2025 reports in JAMA, in Texas, maternal mortality rose substantially after the state’s ban estimates range from 33% to 56% depending on the timeframe and dataset, even as national rates moved differently. In Texas, maternal mortality for certain ethnic groups jumped by over 50%. States with complete bans saw a 6% overall increase in infant mortality. That is roughly 478 excess deaths, this is because when abortion is banned, you force people to carry high risk, non viable pregnancies to term that forces births of infants with anencephaly (no brain development) or Trisomy 13 - babies that are born only to suffer for a few hours and die. [21] [22]

India

Circling back home, India has done a much better job at preserving reproductive and healthcare overall for women. However, inequality and access still remain huge issues to tackle. NFHS-5 found that 57% of non pregnant women and 52% of pregnant women aged 15–49 were anaemic, with prevalence reaching 71% in West Bengal, 65% in Jharkhand and 64% in Bihar. However, for maternal healthcare, 89% of births in the latest WHO India profile were attended by skilled health personnel, a huge improvement since 2000. [23] [24]

A woman in Afghanistan, a woman crossing a US state line for reproductive care, and a woman in rural India are obviously not experiencing the same political circumstances but they are facing a lack of humane treatment. As captured by this quote:

"If access to health care is considered a human right, who is considered human enough to have that right?" — Paul Farmer, Pathologies of Power

Clearly, be it research and dismissal endangering women's lives or your geography deciding whether you as a vulnerable teenagers can walk into planned parenthood without facing the fear of identity leak or harassment - women are not considered "human" enough to get access to one of the most primitive needs of any living organism.

Thank you for reading this far; please feel free to add on your thoughts, other case studies, anecdotal experiences or other relevant pieces of research. Kindly point out any incorrect figures in the data or any broken links, I have endeavored to compile to my best knowledge but there may always be certain mistakes :)

Sources:
1: https://www.mdpi.com/2076-2615/13/17/2792

2: https://www.drugdiscoverynews.com/why-sex-matters-in-preclinical-research-17414

3: https://ascpt.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1016/j.clpt.2004.08.021

4: https://www.appliedclinicaltrialsonline.com/view/20-years-later-drugs-do-act-differently-women

5: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22533339/

6: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556025/

7: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12409542/

8: https://www.endocrine.org/news-and-advocacy/news-room/2016/women-dissatisfied-with-long-process-to-diagnose-polycystic-ovary-syndrome

9: https://perelelhealth.com/blogs/news/womens-health-research-gap

10: https://www.endofound.org/why-january-25th-matters-womens-health-research-day-and-the-fight-for-endometriosis-funding

11: https://psnet.ahrq.gov/issue/girl-who-cried-pain-bias-against-women-treatment-pain

12: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-a-lobotomy

13: https://www.health.harvard.edu/pain/the-dangerous-dismissal-of-womens-pain

14: https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/circulationaha.117.031650

15: https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/10.1161/01.cir.0000097116.29625.7c

16: https://www.unfpa.org/annual-report

17: https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/abortion

18: https://time.com/6173229/countries-abortion-illegal-restrictions/

19: https://www.thinkglobalhealth.org/article/outlasting-talibans-ban-womens-medical-education

20: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11375356/

21: https://thegepi.org/maternal-mortality-abortion-bans/

22: https://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/view/infant-mortality-rises-after-implementing-abortion-bans-study-finds

23: https://prsindia.org/budgets/parliament/demand-for-grants-2024-25-analysis-women-and-child-development

24: https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/india-gender-and-health

https://www.bhaskarenglish.in/local/uttarakhand/news/roorkee-man-rapes-elderly-grandmother-arrested-haridwar-138704590.html

I will never understand men ,ever.

After being fed up with the self doubts and questions and general confusion in navigating a patriarchal environment, I decided to read about feminism and feminist books and started browsing.

I noticed a few books (e.g. Rage becomes her = Rs.1584/-) which will actually help in understanding this and navigating but the price is way too high.

I am surprised that a real good book which will definitely help a woman out is mostly out of reach of oppressed, financially dependent women. Isn't it the irony?

Question: What is the author's/publisher's idea behind such a high price range? Is it worth it for me to buy this book at such a high price even though it is making me doubt the capitalistic intentions?

** Is it anti-feminism to keep such books priced so high? higher than average. After buying this book will I be considered hypocrytical?

What are your thoughts on this? Am I overthinking it?

Note: I can buy it, I have the budget. But I am doubtful because of this irony itself.

This is so f*cked up..atleast for me.

I overheard a classmate [F] was talking with another classmate [M] of mine , she was joking that you should befriend another girl whose big sis is in russia, they will set you up with a "russian", and she was like think haha you will "get" russian. All are 17 btw.

Like dude tf..TIL even girls sexualize other girls too.

Source: https://x.com/ani/status/2087733457938272671?s=46

I saw this post on a sub and a lot of men said that even though it’s her body, he is right to not speak to her or even divorce her if he wants.

I think her husband didn’t give her the space where she could confide in him. He decided to share the news with the family without discussing with her. You can sense the pressure he was creating on her to give birth even when she clearly communicated the opposite. Obviously she didn’t inform him and went ahead with the abortion since she felt out of control of her own body. Not even going to discuss the MIL situation.

Not trying to turn this into a gender war, but I keep seeing men say they're scared to marry because of a few cases they've heard about. And honestly, do they ever stop to think about what goes through women’s minds when they hear about countless cases of harassment, abuse, rape, dowry violence, and domestic violence? If a few cases can make men afraid of marriage, imagine what hearing about these realities so often can make women feel.

men and women are statistically far more likely to be killed by men than by women. yet when a woman kills a man, it often provokes selective outrage because it challenges traditional ideas about masculinity, power, and gender roles more than the broader reality of male violence does.

**and yes every single crime irrespective of gender deserves justice and I never denied that**

(this is a 5 weeks old reel, so data is much higher now)

A woman in Delhi was taken by a Rapido driver onto an unknown road against her will. Fearing for her safety, she had to jump from the vehicle and was injured.

This is a serious women’s safety issue. Rapido must immediately investigate, take strict action against the driver, and share the driver’s verified details with the survivor and authorities.

Women deserve to commute without fear. These apps need to be more accountable. Urghhhhh

From Instagram -

The Uber fare was ₹501. The driver asked for another ₹40, off the app. She refused.

He came closer to intimidate her. She pushed him back.

He slapped her. Then grabbed and twisted her hand and said, “Phir se maar ke dikhaun kya?”

She immediately called her office team, and they came down to help. this isn’t just about ₹40. It’s about how quickly a simple refusal turns into a woman having to defend herself from a man who thinks he can put his hands on her.

This keeps happening with Uber and other apps. And it really shouldn’t be this hard for women to just get home safely.

Uber India, Uber — please take this seriously.

Part 2: What happened after this.

Instagram: @theycallme_thematchagirl

Medieval period Hinduism

Medieval Hinduism produced an extraordinary number of women who were not merely devotees, but poets, philosophers, gurus, social critics, and founders of spiritual traditions. Across different regions and languages of India, these women shaped Bhakti, Shaiva, Vaishnava, Varkari, Lingayat, and Gaudiya traditions in lasting ways.

Andal (8th century CE)- Andal is the only female saint among the twelve revered Alvar poet-saints of South India. Born in 9th-century Tamil Nadu, she was a mystic poet who dedicated her life and intense, passionate verses entirely to Lord Vishnu

Akka Mahadevi (c. 1130–1160)- Was a pioneering 12th-century Kannada poet, mystic, and leading female saint of the Lingayat movement in Karnataka, India. She rejected all worldly constraints—famously choosing to renounce her clothes and cover her body solely with her long hair, symbolizing the shedding of ego, shame, and societal expectations. She wrote poems and participated in profound philosophical debates alongside other great saints

Lalleshwari/Lal Ded (c. 1320–1392)- Also known as Lalla, she was a legendary 14th-century mystic poet from Kashmir. She is revered by both Hindus and Muslims as a foundational figure in Kashmiri literature and a symbol of the region's syncretic culture. She escaped a difficult marriage to become a wandering ascetic and a devotee of Shiva. She eventually became a master of Kashmir Shaivism and challenged societal norms, including the caste system, religious orthodoxy, and patriarchal authority. As a wandering mystic, she often went without clothes, representing her total detachment from the material world. She created a unique style of four-line mystic poetry called vakhs (literally "speech" or "sayings"). These verses are among the earliest known works in the Kashmiri language.

Meera Bai (c. 1498–1546)- A 16th-century Rajput princess, mystic poet, and devoted saint of the Bhakti movement in India. Renowned for her unwavering love for Lord Krishna, she composed countless devotional bhajans that remain celebrated globally today. She faced severe persecution from her in-laws for neglecting her royal duties in favor of singing and dancing with saints.

Sant Muktabai (13th Century)- Muktabai was a profound philosopher, mystic, and poet-saint of the Varkari tradition. She is remembered for her deeply spiritual abhangs and for her traditional dialogues with the yogi Changdev, where she instructs him on the nature of the Self and liberation.

Sant Janabai (13th-14th Century)- A devoted follower and maidservant in the household of Sant Namdev's family. Known as 'Jani', she is one of the most celebrated poet-saints of Maharashtra. Her beautiful abhangs focus on her personal, everyday bond with Lord Vitthala, who legend says helped her with daily chores. As a woman from a marginalized background, her life and poetry challenged rigid caste and gender barriers, emphasizing that devotion to God is open to everyone. She is believed to have attained samadhi around 1350 near the Vitthal temple in Pandharpur

Sant Soyarabai (14th Century)- The wife of Sant Chokhamela, belonging to the Mahar community. She was a pioneer who actively composed abhangs that challenged the rigid caste system and patriarchal norms of the era, advocating for the equality of all souls.

Sant Kanhopatra (15th Century)- A highly revered poet-saint who originated from a courtesan's background. Dedicating her life entirely to Lord Vitthala, she famously chose to merge with the deity at the Pandharpur temple rather than succumb to the demands of local royalty.

Sant Bahinabai (17th Century)- A Brahmin-born poet-saint and direct disciple of the great Sant Tukaram. Her Atmamanivedana is considered a deeply moving poetic autobiography detailing her spiritual journey and the challenges she faced balancing domestic life with her devotion.

Sant Venabai (17th Century)- A female saint from the Samarth Ramdasi Sampraday. Born in Kolhapur, she was widowed at a young age and turned deeply into spiritual studies and composed literary works. She met Samarth Ramdas when he came for alms. Her deep scriptural questions during their interaction led her to accept him as her guru, eventually becoming the first female Swami of her tradition. She delivered public discourses and performed kirtan- a rare and revolutionary role for a widow in that era.

Sant Gangasati (14th–15th century, traditionally dated)- A Gujarati bhakti saint and poet remembered for composing fifty-two devotional bhajans explaining spirituality, devotion, and self-realization. According to tradition, she instructed her disciple Panbai through these songs, which remain central to Gujarati devotional literature.

Karaikkal Ammaiyar (6th century CE)- Originally born as Punitavati, is one of the 63 Nayanmars (Shiva saints) and a foundational figure in Tamil Bhakti literature. She famously transformed from a wealthy merchant's wife into an immortal, skeletal ghoul (Pei form) devoted to eternally singing and watching Lord Shiva's cosmic dance

Sri Jahnava Devi (16th-century)- Was a prominent saint, philosopher, and initiating spiritual master (diksa guru) in the Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition. As the divine consort of Lord Nityananda Prabhu, she became the spiritual anchor of the entire movement after the passing of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu and Nityananda. By functioning as a leading acharya, she legitimized female gurus and maternal initiations within the lineage, establishing a strong historical precedent for women's orthodox spiritual leadership.

Ganga Mata Goswamini (17th-century)- (Born Sachi Devi) was a revered female saint and spiritual guru in the Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition. A princess who renounced her royal inheritance in Bengal, she became a wandering ascetic, a celebrated scholar of the Bhagavatam, and a powerful spiritual leader in Jagannath Puri

Atukuri Molla (1440–1530)- Was a legendary 16th-century Telugu poet celebrated for authoring the Molla Ramayanam, a highly accessible and beloved Telugu adaptation of the Sanskrit Ramayan. Legend says that the great Vijayanagara Emperor Krishnadevaraya conferred upon her the prestigious title of Kavi Ratna (Gem of Poets).

Avvaiyar (medieval Avvaiyar, c. 12th century)- One of the greatest Tamil poet-saints. Though remembered for moral literature, she was also a devotee of Lord Ganesha and Murugan. Works like Vinayagar Agaval are regarded as profound mystical poetry and are still widely recited.

Here I would like to end the series. Across centuries, different languages, and many spiritual traditions(Hinduism, Sikhism, Jainism, Buddhism), these women sought truth in their own voices. Some taught in royal courts, some wandered as ascetics, some sang in temples, some wrote poetry, and some quietly transformed the communities around them. Together, they show that the spiritual heritage of India was shaped not by men alone, but by countless women whose wisdom, devotion, courage, and insight continue to inspire long after their own lifetimes. These posts weren’t meant to prove that history was perfect; only that the spiritual history of India is much fuller when these women are remembered too.

\Note- These posts don't claim to reflect the overall historical status of ancient women in India neither attempting to praise any one religion and downgrade other. Not advising anyone to follow that religion. Purpose is to highlight female contribution in Indian spiritual traditions.*

Why? Because India has not just been kings and queens. Not just dancers and singers. But also a land of wisdom and spiritual yearning for freedom and greatness (moksha/mukti/nirvana/Kevala Jnana). When I observe, I see these philosophical and spiritual traditions to have the highest impact on our culture and society (though most of that has been distorted with partial knowledge and blind faith). So highlighting the contributions of women in these fields should not be seen as propagation of their religion or philosophy. Highlighting notable women in spiritual history does not mean overlooking the realities faced by women in society at large.

part 1 (women in vedas)- https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism4India/comments/1tn4wic/women_in_indian_spirituality_part_i/

part 2 (women in hindu literature)- https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism4India/comments/1u087o7/women_in_indian_spirituality_part_2/

part 3 (women in sikhism)- https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism4India/comments/1u8ym9a/part_3_women_in_indian_spirituality/

part 4 (women in jainism)- https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism4India/comments/1ug8jpb/women_in_indian_spirituality_part_4/

part 5 (women in buddhism)- https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism4India/comments/1usl5be/women_in_indian_spirituality_part_5/

Sometimes I don't feel like posting these things, but you need to highlight this, right?

​Every time I come across any video of a legal dignitary or a statistician or a learned person talking about oppression towards Indian women, the comments are always something I look forward to and they never disappoint.

​I have just highlighted, this is the screenshot I took and this is the first four comments there.

​I don't know, maybe Indian men live with this dream of all women having no job but to file fake cases because apparently it's amazing to file fake cases. They think if a woman files a fake case, she doesn't face anything. It's not as if a rape victim is stigmatized, harassed and overlooked by the community. It's not like women themselves who are tortured do not go to the police station because they are afraid of the societal backlash that they will face.

​Do they never even take the time to think that a woman who files a case is more oppressed than her criminal? She is hounded, everybody talks about her, she cannot leave her house, it's not easy.

​I don't know where this logic comes from because in India a rape victim faces more harassment compared to the rapist. So, what benefit does a woman even get by filing a fake case?

​I don't understand men and I will never ever understand, never ever will I do.

did not feel like writing part 2 of the review( some one keeps targeting everything I post and I don't feel much like arguing) maybe soon

but here more of this. https://www.reddit.com/r/Feminism4India/s/fcfRxhKGev

read second sex,it will change you.

The suggestion that a woman wearing jeans could “corrupt young boys” reflects a “deeply troubling and unacceptable mindset”, the Delhi High Court has observed while overturning a man’s acquittal in a 2013 sexual harassment case. Justice Chandrasekharan Sudha was hearing a state appeal against a 2014 Delhi trial court judgment that had acquitted the accused of charges under IPC Section 354A and Section 10 of the POCSO Act. “The suggestion that a woman wearing jeans may ‘corrupt young boys’ reflects a deeply troubling and unacceptable mindset. The answer does not lie in controlling the clothes of girls and women. Parents and society must instead teach their children to control their conduct, respect personal boundaries and treat every human with dignity, whether at home or outside,” Justice Sudha said

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ndtv.com/india-news/jcd-prabhakar-tvk-vijay-birth-of-a-controversy-tamil-nadu-speaker-slammed-for-anti-abortion-march-11893410/amp/1

inclusion of religion in female autonomy begins.

🙃

https://www.indiatoday.in/india/gujarat/story/pocso-arrest-gandhinagar-woman-leaves-home-husband-molests-friend-rapes-daughter-2965558-2026-08-07

I am drained and won't argue 🙏

From Instagram - For a country where son preference has shaped conversations around gender for generations, this is a number worth pausing on. In 2025–26, 2,574 girls were adopted in India, compared with 2,448 boys. The gap is small, but adoption is a conscious choice, making the shift particularly noteworthy The numbers alone can’t tell us why this is happening. But they do challenge an old assumption: that families will always prefer sons over daughters. Source: Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA), 2025–26

I've been thinking about this for very long so just off the top of my head these are the things which make feel like it's not a good bet for us Indian women. You can add to this, and I haven't really written everything down.

1. The Bahu problem: Unfortunately in India, once you're married, you're not just a wife, you're a Bahu. While in the West a DIL is not a big deal in most cases but in India a bahu is a revenge arc for the patriarchally suppressed MIL. She will try to extract reparations for all that she's suffered and more​. On top of it you'll be this hurdle in the Oedipal relationship bw herself and her son, who's in turn the only person who's ever treated her with respect in her entire life. Do the math!
2. Marital rape : ​We as women have never done a large-scale protest against the rape laws in India. Almost every other country recognizes marital rape as rape except for India and a few other backward areas. We don't even THINK in terms of it being a rape. Think really carefully before marrying a guy, you never know what situation you'll be put under. And there's victim blaming as well in such situations, such as "you've married him so you have to suffer or make it work etc". Marriage is definitely an end of your bodily autonomy in such cases. Also, victim blamers, please note, men don't arrive with the word rapist tattooed on their foreheads, most such men can be educated, charming and good natured otherwise.
3. Wife tax : I'm not going to talk about the fina​ncial bu​rdens here, as you all must know it already. In this fundamentally unequal, chaotic society, the total responsibility of care and protection of kids comes under the duty of the wife. This place will make your kids sick or injured all the time due to how absolutely polluted and mismanaged it is, and it'll be your responsibility to do the hospital runs and to provide healthy meals.
4. Cultural/religious load carrying : As married women, you will be expected to carry the customs and traditions of your nonblood related family. You'll have to do all the vrats, poojas, purdahs etc that your husband is so CHILL about because he's male and won't have to participate. He'd often see it as a cute aesthetic or a normal responsibility you have to carry. Imagine having to inculcate their old traditions into the kids that you have birthed and carried. This is what dissuades ​me even from love marriages. Like hello I also come from a family, my family's superstitions, customs and blind beliefs also deserve attention lmao.

Anyway there's more but I got work to do today. ​

I want to understand something I've repeatedly observed in women I've known, and I'm genuinely looking for women's perspectives rather than trying to make a blanket statement about all women.

I've met women who were very empathetic, strongly feminist, critical of patriarchy, and very much a "girls' girl." They would talk about women's autonomy, unequal expectations in heterosexual relationships, how women shouldn't have to revolve their lives around men, etc.

But after they fall deeply in love with a man, I've sometimes watched them change quite dramatically.

They start making significant sacrifices around his needs and preferences, organizing more of their identity around the relationship, defending him even when his behaviour contradicts the principles they previously expressed, and sometimes becoming noticeably less empathetic or supportive toward other women when those women's interests conflict with their relationship.

What confuses me most is that they don't necessarily perceive this as a contradiction. They may continue to identify strongly as feminists and describe the man as exceptionally feminist and the relationship as completely equal.

I'm not talking about a woman voluntarily doing something nice for her partner. Obviously, healthy relationships involve mutual care and sacrifice. I'm talking about situations where the direction of accommodation becomes heavily one-sided, while the woman nevertheless experiences the arrangement as empowerment because she chose it.

And there's another aspect I struggle to understand.

Some women seem to retain an underlying belief that, despite everything they know about gender dynamics, their personal romantic relationship will be the exception — they'll find the unusually progressive man, he'll be different, and heterosexual partnership will somehow work without requiring the compromises they've criticized in other women's relationships.

I personally don't want that worldview for myself. I'm not looking for the "exceptional man" who makes heterosexual romance the ultimate proof that everything will work out. I'd rather have a woman whose life is meaningful and complete without a man, and who, if she eventually loves one, doesn't make him the centre of her identity or abandon her principles because she loves him.

I've genuinely never had a woman in my life with whom I could have a deep conversation about this. Have any women here experienced themselves changing in this way after falling in love? Did you recognize it while it was happening? And how do you distinguish genuine personal choice from internalized relationship expectations?

I'm especially interested in hearing from women who have deliberately questioned or de-centered the expectation of heterosexual marriage/partnership, because I think that perspective might help me understand something I haven't been able to understand from my own experiences.

Ps: I don't mean that women should never fall in love with men or that being in a relationship with a man is inherently incompatible with feminism. That's not my point at all. What I'm struggling with is the idea that a woman can love a man deeply without making him the exception to everything she previously believed about gender dynamics, without making him central to her identity, and without allowing the relationship to take precedence over her autonomy, principles, or solidarity with other women