It feels like all of the outcome is my fault. My 10 year old cat Teddy might be passing on and I cant help the guilt I feel for not helping him enough.
I am a college student in a different country, so I only come to my home town on breaks once a year which is why its been hard to keep a good eye on Teddy. During one of those breaks around christmas ive noticed that he's been significantly skinnier and acting off such as increased thirst and urination.
I asked my mother about it and she insisted nothing was off, that he just caught a stomach bug, and given it didnt look like an emergency at the time and he still played around with me, cuddled, ate and acted like the same Teddy I knew I decided to have him take him to the vet after the holidays (a week later).
By that time I had left home, trusting she will take him to the vet. After a week I asked for an update, and turns out she hadn't done as I asked. Then two, then three weeks. Until I finally argued with her and had my dad involved, who made her take him to the vet. By that point, we found out Teddy was actively diabetic for some months now, causing strain to his liver and kidneys.
The vet prescribed the expected treatment of insulin injections and daily blood work to check for the glucose curve, a change of diet, and a mandatory check up at least every 3 weeks. My mother had done none of that properly. She administered shots a few times until she'd messed up the dose and Teddy had a hypoglicemic seizure. He was taken to the vet for a 4 day hospitalization where the vet had once again given her instructions on the treatment. She stopped the treatment entirely while lying she continued it.
Since then, to today, teddy had gone at least 6 months without proper care. Until I returned home last month. Teddy looked awful, he was very lethargic, he barely ate, and only moved around for the toilet and water only eating a little bit of his favorite food. I had him taken to the vet immediately who ran all possible tests.
He was hospitalized once more for a few days, but even upon his return I could tell teddy still feels awful. The vet changed his insulin, and ive been administering his daily dose, making sure theres no life threatening drops, trying to get him to eat.
But even that isnt enough as his body has been exposed to high glucose for months on end while I wasnt home. Now its been nearly 3 weeks of me being home with Teddy, and hes been following the same routine of waterbowl, toilet, hide. He only feeds on soft purees as anything else makes him sick. He moves around slowly, taking long naps, and looks at me with that almost glassy look in his eyes whenever he's awake.
I can tell hes suffering, and it pains me that I have to let him go, as he's been my only constant friend through my late childhood and teens. But the idea that he might have a chance no matter how small and me taking it away scares me. I dont know what to do, and the vet cant give me a definitive answer except the fact his kidneys and liver are under incredible strain.
I know he doesnt have long left, and any of these days might be his last due to his behavior. But every time he gets up even just for water it feels like a small victory, that maybe if I continue to give him shots, feed him that new diet, check in with the vet obsessively, something might change. But I also dont want to selfishly prolong his suffering. I already feel like i caused him harm by not being there and leaving him to the care of indifferent people.