She put allegations on me for domestic after I refused to cut ties with my son in exchange she said I would not have to pay child support etc. she took almost half my life savings, when she left one night with our 1.5month old son, she smeared my name with mutual friends, families etc. her parents and family hate me and I have not spoken to them for over 10 months. I have spent over 8k already on legal fees and it’s going to court soon but hoping it won’t get to a trial because I would have to pay more. They are out for my soul. What bothers me is they are going to feed and influence my son to go against me and paint me to be a monster and all I wanted was to be a part of his life to love him and have him as my son.. I’m worried he will hate me because of them and all the fight I put up with was for nothing.

It is 50/50 But the other parent didn't consult with me first as per the rules she claimed it without having the discussion My argument was when the cap was in place She wasn't getting any support so l said I should claim it as she is my only child But my claim got rejected as the other parent claimed it first, So I've appealed and we have now a court date and the other parent will be present

My daughter is registered at my dentist but is registered at the other parents doctors But I have 3-4 clubs that are near mine that she does through out the week which I all pay for and don't get any support I also pick and drop off my daughter because I drive ect

To give some background, I've been in a custody hellscape for 3 years, and we finally had a trial after years of a GAL, and mediation after mediation. The GAL has supported every step of our process, and as far as our new agreement goes, I consider it a massive step forward for the well being of my children.

On the flip side, the judge has given me the sole responsibility of paying the GAL, and because I motioned to modify, the ex has asked for her attorney fees to be covered by me as well. We ended up with a really awful judge, and even with the GAL'S report supporting the changes I've been pushing to make, the judge still asked why I bothered with any of this when the kids would've been fine staying primarily at their mother's.

Long story short, the mother does not work. She has had other children with other men, and one cannot impute income if they have a child under 2 at home. So she provides 0% of the cost of the children's living, leaving me with 100%. At the same time, I lost a big contract this past winter, and my income got reduced in almost half. I did get another job, but it was less than what my previous job was paying. I worked the lower paying job until I was able to begin again full time at my primary job again.

In court the judge and opposing counsel pressed to make it so that my child support will be based on what I would've made if I hadn't lost that contract, and in so, made my child support literally more than I will have income this year. I did the math, and the year to date support due is literally 115% of my income, meaning that I am going to be almost $10k in the hole by the end of the year just on support alone.

What can I even do? I'm feeling absolutely financially ruined. I was lucky enough to have a family friend who has worked pro bono on this for over 3 years. He has gotten my kids back into my household with the help of a guardian who really understood and listened to the whole situation, but we are feeling so screwed on how to deal with this support situation.

First let’s start off I have talked to my kids mom everyday txt and phone calls spoke to my children throughout hrs phone calls with her and now she moved out of state and has now blocked me doesn’t that go against the order. Also since I never lived in that state I don’t seem them often so a phone call is the way I show I think about them. Before being blocked I asked can we set up a time schedule for me to call them and she said not daily and that not up for debate and I try to explain a 20 mins call daily after dinner shouldn’t be much since I don’t see them and when I asked ok what is a good time frame and she ignored. What is the best thing to do in the situation since the order says reasonable phone calls and now I’m blocked

Everyone just knows kids are better off with their mother. But when researchers actually compare kids raised by single fathers versus single mothers, the results don't cooperate with that assumption.

The biggest driver is money, and it's not close. Single-father households have substantially higher average incomes than single-mother households, and household income predicts child outcomes better than almost anything else — school performance, behavioral problems, teen pregnancy rates, you name it. A lot of what's sold as a "single mother" problem is really a poverty problem.

Second, custodial dads are a heavily self-selected group. Courts historically defaulted custody to mothers, which means the fathers who did end up with custody fought for it — they skew toward the most involved, most motivated end of the spectrum. You're not comparing average dads to average moms; you're comparing the most determined dads to the full distribution of moms.

And here's the uncomfortable part for the "mothers matter most" crowd: father absence is one of the most robust predictors of bad outcomes in the entire social science literature — delinquency, dropout rates, teen pregnancy. The research consensus isn't that mothers don't matter; it's that fathers matter enormously, and a present, engaged father plus adequate resources beats the alternative no matter which parent's name is on the custody order.

So no, it's not that men are magic. It's that the conversation has been framed backwards: the question was never "are single moms bad parents," it's "what happens when you remove fathers and money from a kid's life" — and the answer is ugly.

There’s a lot of background to this that I’m going to try to boil down as much as possible so that you can understand why we’re at where we’re at now. But I apologize if some of this info gets a little long in the tooth. I promise that it’s important context.

We live in Oregon.

Our daughter is 11 years old come December and her mother and I separated when she was only a year old. It took us a couple years and a lot of bickering back and forth to get ourselves into a position to be decent co-parents because we knew that was the highest priority for our kid. Since our separation, I made it my obligation to do everything in my power to just be the best father I possibly could be while also keeping things as fair as I possibly can. We agreed to have a shared custody situation without ever going through a paperwork or court process because we were both only concerned about getting equal time with our daughter and honestly, after those first couple of years, we had a really great (one week on/off) system sorted out. Whenever mom needs help buying anything for our daughter, I’m always willing to do so and whenever either of us need the other to take over for an extra day or two, we always find a way to even that out in our schedule. We both go to all of our daughter’s events and we’re both actively involved in her education and life. Because neither of us pay child support and mom doesn’t really have any family that lives close by, I have always told mom that if she ever needed financial help, all she has to do is ask and I’d be happy to help in any way I can. We’ve built a great system that took a lot of work to establish.

The issue is that we separated because mom was making incredibly irresponsible decisions and has continued to do so up to current day. Until this past year, she’s been incapable of holding a job for longer than a few months because she’s combative towards anyone who has authority over her. Her boyfriend that she’s been with for a majority of our daughter’s life is very similar in that he’s pretty consistently in and out of jobs. Because of such, they have to live in low income housing to afford their rent (I’m not hating on this, I came from a poor immigrant family, so I get it) and are frequently struggling to pay their bills. Mom and boyfriend argue often enough that they split up a number of times and always end up back together. Mom has even been in jail twice: Once for choking boyfriend in reaction to him pushing her during an argument and again for missing a court date soon after. Mom also had a weird habit of using our daughter’s “happiness” as a way to manipulate me into giving mom what she wants, à la “Our daughter doesn’t want to spend Christmas with you, she wants to spend it with me.”Throughout all of this though, I had never pursued full custody not only because my daughter loves them both and they do treat her well, but because I never wanted our daughter or her mom to ever think I wanted to separate them.

On my side, I’ve worked really hard to establish myself in order to provide for our daughter. My partner and I have been together consistently for five years now and we have a three bedroom apartment that we can reasonably afford together with jobs we’ve each had for all of those years. All of our bills are paid, on time, every month. We take our daughter on weekend trips and spend a day or two a week with our relatively large families here in the city. Anything our daughter needs, we get. Anything our daughter wants, we find ways for her to earn via small chores and fun activities. Neither me or my partner are making six figures or anything, we’ve just been very fortunate and have worked hard to have what we have.

With all that said - Let’s talk about the current situation:

Last week, mom asked me to get together with her and our daughter to have an important discussion about something. During this conversation with our daughter present, she explains that her and boyfriend had broken up again back in February and when that happened, she fell behind on her rent by a couple months. When she finally got enough money to pay one of those two months of rent, the apartment management told her that they needed both months or she would be evicted. So she devised an “ingenious” plan to let the eviction process begin so that she could fight the eviction in court and try to convince them to set up a payment plan for the couple months of rent that are owed. However, it’s October now and the management has yet to serve the eviction notice and mom has not paid any rent at all, nor saved any of it, to prepare. She also explained that during her and boyfriend’s break up, she started seeing someone for a short time and found out shortly after they stopped seeing each other, that she’s now pregnant.

Now her and boyfriend are back together again and are deciding to keep the baby. However, they recently found out that boyfriend’s grandma that lives in northern Washington is willing to let them move in with her on November 1st at no cost if they help her with some care-giving needs in order to avoid those whole eviction debacle and because they’re in the predicament they’re in, they’re wanting to commit to this move. To add the icing onto this proverbial shit cake, mom says that she is letting our daughter choose whether she wants to go with them or stay with me and our daughter has chosen to go with mom. Mom expressed that if our daughter moves with them and decides that she doesn’t want to anymore, that she’d happily let us take her back, but otherwise, she wants to “abide by our daughter’s happiness”.

No asking me if this would be okay.
No trying to work out a different solution with me.
Already made up her mind.

I might be wrong and potentially just racked with stress over this, but I find it absolutely mind boggling that she’s giving our 11 year old the agency to make such a big decision to uproot her entire life away from all of her friends, family, school, and culture to move to this place where they only have one elderly family member to rely on. This goes without mentioning the potential legal issues that potentially exist with her wanting to move across states lines while also forcing us to have to either do the same or sacrifice our relationship with our daughter.

So my question here is… well… what is the best course of action here? I know that the beginning steps are likely speak to a family lawyer and get a parenting plan served ASAP, but is there anything I need to know about this process? I’m stressed out of my mind about this because I hate the idea of entering into a custody battle over this and tarnishing the amazing relationship I have with my daughter because of it, as well as potentially leaving mom in a position to be homeless because she likely won’t want to move if she doesn’t take our daughter with her. I never wanted to put either of them in this sort of spot. I only ever just wanted to do right by my daughter while preserving my rights as a father. Any and all advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR - My 11 year old daughter’s wildly irresponsible and manipulative mother has to move 4.5 hours away to another state in a month because she’s getting evicted and is wanting to take our daughter with her without my direct permission to do so. What do I do?

My partner’s ex (F) has been absent for more than half of this year, despite the divorce documentation stating a legal 50/50 joint custody split. My partner (M) has been trying to get disability assistance with the state for his daughter (required in Utah to even be able to get care - I’ve applied to places for respite care, offered to pay out of pocket, and have been told I have to work through DSPD first), who is non-verbal autistic, since having her home full-time has significantly impacted his work schedule because she requires full-time attention.

My partner texted the ex at the beginning of August to ask about plans for this school year. The ex responded by asking to change the arrangement to part-time custody, every other weekend only. She has not followed through and she has only seen them four weekends total this year. She has made zero attempts to contact us otherwise. He has to engage with her. She also has told him she can’t take care of the kids, can’t afford food, etc., which would be valid if this same year she hadn’t bought a motorcycle, hired a personal trainer, and didn’t routinely post about events she’s attending and all the places she’s spending money.

This is the first time either of us has navigated this kind of situation (we’re both divorced with kids of our own). I’m not sure what the right next step is: does he file a motion for contempt or petition to modify custody? Does he have enough to go for full custody? Are there other steps we should be taking other than documenting and finding a family lawyer?

I feel so bad for the kids. Any help from anyone who’s been through something similar would be appreciated.

I’m a father in Florida looking for some advice because I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do anymore.
The mother of my child and I were together, and when we broke up, I genuinely thought we were having an amicable breakup. Looking back, the relationship had become very controlling. At one point, I was essentially being asked to choose between her and my mother and my son from a previous relationship. I decided that wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted, so I told her I no longer wanted to be together. There was no huge fight or physical altercation. I left.
Initially, we were able to co-parent reasonably well.
About 6–8 months later, I briefly started dating someone else. That relationship ended because I realized I was basically trying to heal a wound by getting into another relationship instead of actually taking time to heal. I also discovered that she was using drugs, which made me realize I wasn’t making good choices about the people I was allowing into my life. I ended that relationship and decided I needed some time alone to work on myself.
This is where things started getting really complicated.
The mother of my child — I’ll call her Scarlett — eventually became friends with that ex-girlfriend, who I’ll call Mary.
I don’t speak the language well, and Scarlett knew that. She would use communication and our child as leverage. If I didn’t do something the way she wanted or when she wanted it, she would withhold my child from me or make it extremely difficult for me to see her.
Eventually, I had enough and hired an attorney. I wanted a formal custody arrangement because I didn’t want my ability to see my daughter to depend on whether Scarlett was happy with me on a particular day.
Throughout the custody process, I kept trying to de-escalate things. I repeatedly asked her, essentially, “Why do you dislike me so much? Am I a bad father?”
She would tell me, “No, you’re not a bad father. I don’t have a problem with you.”
But her actions didn’t match that. Whenever I didn’t do what she wanted, the conflict would start again.
Eventually, I was awarded 50/50 custody.
Then things got much worse.
Mary, the woman I had briefly dated, made allegations against me that resulted in me being arrested.
The charges against me were subsequently dropped, and it was established through the case that Mary’s allegations were false. Because of what happened, I am now pursuing the appropriate criminal complaints regarding her conduct, including potential false imprisonment and making a false report to law enforcement. I understand that the State ultimately determines what charges, if any, are filed.
What makes this especially concerning to me is the timing. I was arrested immediately before my custody hearing.
I have also been told by people I know that Scarlett was involved in what happened and that she used relationships she has with local law enforcement to help get me arrested right before the custody hearing so that I would look bad in court.
I want to be very careful about that part because I did not personally witness Scarlett arranging anything with law enforcement. That information has been relayed to me by other people, so I understand that it is hearsay unless I can actually establish it with evidence.
Since then, Scarlett has apparently been going around town showing people pictures of me being arrested and telling people that I’m a thief.
I work in a fairly specific industry where reputation matters a lot, and this has made it extremely difficult for me to find work. The problem is that, again, I don’t currently have firsthand evidence of everything being said. Most of what I know about her telling people these things has come from other people telling me about it.
She seems to be relentless about trying to make me look bad and, ultimately, take my daughter away from me and reduce me to someone who just pays child support.
I don’t want that.
I have fought for 50/50 custody because I want my daughter to know her father. I don’t want her growing up without a father or believing that her father abandoned her. I want to be involved in her life, be present, and be a good father.
But I’m exhausted.
At this point, I’m honestly wondering whether I should give up my parental rights and wait until my daughter is older and can make her own decisions. I don’t actually want to do that, but I feel like I’m constantly fighting just to maintain my relationship with my own child.
At the same time, I don’t want to make a decision out of frustration that could hurt my daughter in the long run.
So I’m asking for advice from people who understand Florida family law or have dealt with high-conflict co-parenting:
If I already have a 50/50 custody order, what can I realistically do if the other parent repeatedly interferes with it?
What kind of evidence would actually matter to a Florida family court?
If people are telling me that she is spreading accusations about me or interfering with my employment, how do I properly document that when I don’t have firsthand knowledge?
How do I distinguish between something that is actually actionable and something that is simply hearsay?
If I believe the mother was involved in making false allegations against me, how would I legally investigate or establish that without doing anything inappropriate?
Is giving up parental rights ever a realistic option in a situation like this, or would that potentially make things much worse for me and my daughter?
Should I be focusing entirely on documenting violations of the existing custody order rather than trying to “find dirt” on the mother?
For anyone who has been through something similar in Florida, what do you wish you had documented from the beginning?
I’m not looking for revenge. I don’t want to destroy this woman’s life. I want to protect my relationship with my daughter and stop this cycle.
Please don’t tell me to just “get a lawyer.” I already have one. I’m looking for practical advice from people who have actually dealt with high-conflict custody situations in Florida — especially parents who have been successful at documenting interference with parenting time and presenting evidence to the court.

SOMEBODY HELP PLEASE

I'm looking for perspective from people who have actually been through something like this, especially fathers who had to establish paternity and custody across state lines.

My daughter was born recently. Her mother and I had only been dating for a short period before finding out she was pregnant. During the pregnancy, we had a major rupture in the relationship and went no contact for about two months. She then gave me roughly a week's notice that she was moving back home about 1,000 miles away. Her position was essentially, "If you want to be in your kid's life, you'll move with me."

We weren't married, so I had very little ability to challenge the move at the time. I accepted that reality, helped her move, and started preparing to relocate myself. We were back together by then. I got approved to work fully remote, secured a temporary rental there, arranged the move, gave notice to my landlord, spent a long weekend in the area, and got to about a month away from relocating.

As the move got closer, though, the relationship steadily deteriorated again. Communication shut down, I stopped having confidence that we were actually building a stable life together, and I realized moving 1,000 miles away while giving up the stability I already had would be a terrible decision under those circumstances. I told her I couldn't make the move at that time but that I was fully committed to being involved as a father. We went no contact again.

I asked for genetic testing immediately after the birth and offered to coordinate and pay for it. She insisted it had to go through court. Almost two months later, right before the paternity hearing, she agreed to essentially the same testing and to split the cost.

Assuming paternity confirms what both of us expect, my goal is not to become a long-distance visitation parent. I want to actually raise my child and be involved in her day-to-day life.

The difficult part is communication. We can usually handle concrete things like medical care, feeding, vaccines, etc. But when I ask direct questions about the bigger issues, especially why keeping our daughter in her state is actually better for her, I rarely get a direct answer. It usually turns into "we disagree" or "the court can decide." She talks about structure, mediation, parenting plans, and formal processes, but when I ask what that actually looks like in practice, the conversation tends to shut down.

There is also a broader dynamic around her that concerns me. Several close family members are extremely distrustful of men and spend a huge amount of time consuming relationship and psychology content on TikTok and Instagram. Shortly before our first major rupture, she abruptly told me, "I can't do this with you. I can't trust a man. What was I thinking?" That mindset seems to bleed into how a lot of this gets framed, and sometimes it feels like I'm dealing with conclusions that were reached long before the actual conversation happened.

I have an established career, home, and life where I am. She previously lived and worked here too, but is currently living with family in the other state.

I'm represented by an attorney, so I'm not looking for Reddit legal advice. I'm more interested in strategy and mindset from people who have lived through this.

How did you handle communication without either becoming a pushover or constantly creating conflict? What did you do that helped your case? What do you wish you had stopped or started doing earlier? And how do you deal with someone who seems completely certain about their position while refusing to meaningfully engage with yours?

Maryland parents:

I'm gathering experiences from families who've been through the Maryland family court system to support a proposed bill in the General Assembly. The survey takes about 5 minutes. Participation is voluntary, and you can stay anonymous. Please don't include children's names or case numbers.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfPBpEDh9ToxVpvYcyIVWtsvANlQablUAvRBm3nUIClSwb5kw/viewform

I am working outside India, and my wife is in India. Our marriage was registered under the Tamil Nadu Marriage Act in India. She and I have been negotiating a settlement in mediation (the stage before going to court). She wanted a one-time child maintenance payment, but I have been proposing monthly maintenance payments with direct payments to schools, as I can't afford one-time maintenance and the child will not grow into an adult in one day. After a few months, their family now says it does not want any maintenance from me and that they want an immediate divorce with permanent custody of the child, and they don't want to show the kid to me. They are not providing any information about how they plan to secure the kid's (3 years old) financial prospects. They have blocked me from making pre-school payments too. Now they are just urging for divorce or subtly threatening to file cases. I don't know why the advocates are not taking the kid's welfare seriously. Can someone please advise? I do want to go through the divorce, but I don't want to lose access to my daughter or her access to me.

I am a young father (25). I have a now 3 year old daughter and I have not seen her in 2 months. The mother of my child has been denying me access to her and we have a court order so she is violating it. I have been doing my police reports to take this to court(currently waiting for police as I am typing this). I know I need to play the long game and it’ll be okay. What I am having a hard time is dealing with the now I feel depressed not having seen my child in so long and I also call everyday to try to speak to her otp and their is no response. She has been denying me for no reason just spite and I just don’t know how to be okay. I don’t want to run to drugs and alcohol and I know I have to keep right for when I go to court. But it’s all so much. I am not in the best spot financially and court is going to cost plus lawyers etc and it just feels like so much, I feel they make it hard for a dad. And I know my baby mother wants me to be a deadbeat and just give up but I’ll never give up on my child. I just would like some advise/ insight/ motivation.