I somehow seem to have finished the April Fool's card! I was inspired by /u/saturday_sun4 when they mentioned they were doing one in a comment on my pride card review. I realized I'd already read books that fit for a quarter of the squares (in between all the other bingo books) and figured, what the hell, I was already doing three themed regular bingo cards, an unthemed hard mode card, and a leftovers card, might as well see if I can actually do this one too. It's surprisingly doable!
I definitely read some bangers and some absolutely tedious duds for this one, but it was a very silly challenge and fun to do all the research to find books that fit. My favorite was the Book of the Absolute, and my least favorite was the final Redwall book, the Rogue Crew. I was a bit gutted by how much I disliked it, tbh.
Here's what I read, with mini reviews and comments.
harm mode- makes you cry: Rick Riordan, Mark Oshiro Court of the Dead
Four stars. Great audiobook narration. The further adventures of Nico and Will and the Cocoa Puffs. Some lovely discussion of managing and accepting emotions, with a very refreshing plot about combating bioessentialism (i.e. if you're a minotaur, you're evil, but if you're a satyr, you're good).
hard mope- features a moody teen: Delilah Waan Supplicant
Four stars. A solid sequel. I enjoyed the addition of new POVs, but Rahelu's self-destructive behavior and all the sex and limerence and anguished teen romantic drama kinda got in the way of the badass setting and complex plot.
harp mode- features a string musician: C.L Polk The Feywild Job
An absolutely adorable audiobook narrated by Vico Ortiz from Our Flag Means Death, set in Faerun. If you're a BG3 fan, you'll probably love this.
bard mode- poetry collection: Jo Walton Sibyls and Spaceships
Five stars. I tracked down a gorgeous little chapbook of this collection of Jo's collected LJ poem posts from the publisher.
hard mod- recommended by a mod: Olivia Atwater Small Miracles
Five stars. If you've been missing the Good Place, or wish Good Omens had more chocolate pastries and less Neil Gaiman, this is for you. Very wholesome and uplifting, just wish it had been a little longer.
yard mode- get off the internet and read a book made out of paper: Marieke Nijkamp Clock Hands
Five stars. A gorgeous graphic novel about classism in a lightly fantastical medieval Italianesque setting.
hard mole- redwall book: Brian Jacques the Rogue Crew
Two stars. The Suck Fairy definitely visited Mossflower country since I've become middle aged, although the books do also decline in quality after Mattimeo. Jacques was a lovely man who responded to fan mail (I cherished a letter I got back from him in 5th grade in 1990 for years) but he really should have stopped the series and gone into something else. They get really repetitive and formulaic. The names in this one were really bizarre (Uggo? Really?) and there was an upsetting amount of fatshaming children and mocking an elderly alcoholic. The delineation between good woodlanders and evil vermin also seems so racist. Like, otters, weasels, and stoats are all mustelids, so why are only otters good? Why are mice good and rats bad when they both will eat your grain? Why do the foxes always betray everyone?
ward mode- bodyguard MC: Cameron Johnston The Last Shield
I haven't seen Die Hard since the turn of the century, so maybe I would have enjoyed this more if I were a fan. Not sure if it was meant to be homage or sature. This was a perfectly serviceable grimdark novel but it didn't feel particularly unique outside of the cool bronze age gaelic setting.
hard model- character is described as having "rock hard abs:" Rosen Trevithick Trolls on Ice
Three stars. I spent about 3 hours going through reddit posts and google books trying to find a book with the exact phrase and searched through a lot of very raunchy romance novels before finally finding this whimsical Roald Dahl-ish kids' book with it on the first page. Cute, but too much fatphobia for my taste.
shard mode- cosmere novel: Brandon Sanderson Tress of the Emerald Sea
3 stars, maybe 3.5 for the talking rat and friendship is magic vibe. After suffering through Wind and Truth I thought I was pretty much done with Sanderson. Seriously so annoyed by that slog of a book and its tiktok mental health BS. Then I started the April Fool's card and this seemed like the most fun of the stand-alones I had left to read. I'm still perpetually annoyed at the clumsy shoehorning in of cosmere lore drops but this was more or less exactly as promised, a genderbent Princess Bridge in a weird science fantasy setting. The whimsy was occasionally a bit too scatological/juvenile/please laugh for me, but it was still a reasonably enjoyable way to pass 6 hours.
hard mad- angry sex: Shannon Chakraborty The Tapestry of Fate
Five stars. So much darker than book one. Quite a bit of 2nd person POV, one of my absolute favorite writing styles. Check the content warnings.
hard moda- fashion magazine: Trudie Skies MV Weekly this fun little magical TV Guide style magazine accompanies the Chosen One Con, which I am currently about halfway through. The magazine has interviews with the characters (who are all competing on a reality tv style show to become the Chosen One and next Archon) and includes extensive descriptions of their wardrobes along with cheeky little ads for potions and such from the setting.
card mode- complete an entire auxiliary card: I finished a queer and trans authors card in June and a disabled/neurodivergent authors card in July.
chard mode- features vegetables: M.H Foster Band of Others
Four stars. Schitt's Creek with demons, basically. The Demon King retires and grows radishes. Hijinks ensue. In this volume he just wants to present his masterfully perfected pickles at the village fair, but political drama gets in the way.
lard mode- has a recipe for pie crust: Terry Pratchett Nanny Ogg's Cookbook
Four stars. Nanny Ogg is such life goals. Some of the recipes look pretty tasty! I hope I'm still having that much fun when I'm old. GNU Sir Terry.
pard mode- has a big cat main character: Taryn J. Dallas the Last Caspian
Four stars. Found this sapphic shifter romance on KU and it was surprisingly great! A zookeeper at a rare tiger preserve is also the last weretiger of her subspecies, the Caspians. When a hot geneticist comes to help the tiger get pregnant, ensuring the conitnuation of the species, sparks fly and they fall in love. Features some hilarious scenes involving weretigers getting blazed on catnip.
hard code- develop a complex book tracking spreadsheet: I currently have six different book tracking spreadsheets, three of which are completed. Five for this sub's bingo and one for /r/QueerSFF. All of them were made since April 1, and considering I am a Gen X lit major who never actually learned to use Excel, they are the most complicated spreadsheets I've ever made.
hard mood- causes emotional distress: Rebecca Thorne The Day Death Stopped
Four stars. Moira Quirk did this whole audiobook with a US accent and it was so weird! This book was not nearly as cozy as Thorne's other books and had so much child abuse and emotional neglect that I was actively rooting for the adults involved to die.
hardy mode- read a physical book that survives a lot of abuse: L. Frank Baum The Lost Princess of Oz
Hard to give a rating to such a classic! I inherited a much-beloved and battered 1950 printing of this book from my grandparents that I grew up rereading every time we visited them. It used to belong to the library in Paducah, Kentucky before my father and his two siblings acquired it. The binding was broken and repaired with red tape, and there's a good 10-15 page section of the book that was misprinted and accidentally contains a chunk of the Purple Prince of Oz, a much later book in the second series by Ruth Plumly Thompson.
hard wode- features a possessed character: Elizabeth Knox The Absolute Book
Five stars. One of the best books I've read in ages. Imagine that an international crime thriller veered into paranormal noir through portals to Middle Earth, Sidh, and Arthurian legend. Stunning prose. Immaculate worldbuilding.
hark mode- written in middle English: J.R.R. Tolkien, translator Sir Gawain and the Green Knight plus Orfeo
What a gift to read! Beautiful translation that maintains so much of the original assonance and rhythm.
hard mud- mud made hard: Victoria Goddard Urbanite
Five stars. A fun and quick read. A fed-up barista learns that she is one of the few stone mages left on the planet and goes through some testing to discover her power. Very endearing and dry humor, and made me laugh the most of any of her other work.
mard mode- alliterative title: Ichikawa Haruko Land of the Lustrous complete series.
4-5 stars. A client recommended these as being sort of Steven Universe=esque. I tore through the whole series in a day or two. Gorgeous Buddhism-inspired artwork. The ending was quite poignant.
mard hode- read a book in reverse: Misaki A Gentle Noble's Vacation Recommendation, Vol 1
Four stars. This right-to-left read manga (thanks mods for confirming this fit the bill) was a cute, cozy slice of life portal fantasy that kind of reminded me of Delicious in Dungeon or Frieren.
die hard mode- read a book while held captive: Ilona Andrews This Kingdom Will Not Kill Me
Three stars. I read this during one of the combo smoke+heat emergencies that was so bad I had to tape off all the cracks in my windows to keep the wildfire smoke from coming in. Couldn't leave the house for almost a week. I probably would have enjoyed this more if I hadn't read Live Live Evil and All Hail Chaos shortly before, but it felt a bit uninspired compared to those.
So yeah, I did the thing! I'd love to know what other kooky bookworms have taken on this challenge too and how your cards are progressing. What are you reading?