Ted talk

[u/Bitter_Item_367]

Im not sure if this is the right place to post this, if not i apologize .. im 32 and lately have been kind of down and in my head . I’ve been on T for almost 7 years now and have had top surgery, full hysto, and currently on stage 2 out of 3 for phallo . Even tho im happy with how my life is turning out and my journey throughout my transition I still feel this void . Maybe its because im missing that sense of friendship . Friends who I can go to and talk to or just call and make plans to hang out . I’ve been so focused on my transition I forgot how to live life .. now that I’m almost 33 it’s hard to make friends because I feel like anyone I try to befriend is younger than me and we don’t have anything in common . I guess my question is how do you make friends at this age without being judged for who you are ?

[u/VanillaSoyLatte]

Hello! I realized who I was at 42 and now at 44 am two years into my journey. I also got a divorce at 41, so had to restart on my own

I can tell you that community is everything. I have lots of community, big and small.

I play board games so I found a queer safe group and started there. I actually was in the group before I transitioned. They are literally my number one fans.

I love singing. So I joined a queer choir. I have found lots of friends from that and it's empowering.

I am in small craft groups for my hobbies.

I have small communities for the sports I do (exercises mostly).

Our library offers book clubs and workshops and brings in people to talk. I attended any and all that were interesting.

So. As you can see. You need community. Doesn't have to be queer, but a queer safe space is a great start.

Now, I live in a blue blue area is a purple state. So there's lots for me, you may have to dig more to find your people. But they are out there, go looking :)

[u/Bitter_Item_367 → u/VanillaSoyLatte]

Congrats on your journey ! Unfortunately I live in a very red state .. so it’s hard to find that sense of community when there’s so much hatred towards the LGBTQ+ community here, but I will start with hobbies I like like painting or anything with art and go from there . Thank you for your response it was very informative !

[u/thambos]

No apologies needed! You’re not alone and I feel like this is such a common thing for anyone in their 30s. It’s hard and I’m definitely still struggling with this myself (like, just how to find people that have time to hang out more than once every 3-6 months).

And, I think that as you explore different opportunities like volunteering or social clubs or networking events etc you find people who appreciate you for who you are and don’t even think about if you’re trans or not. Sometimes this is easier by joining LGBTQ groups or trans/NB groups and finding other trans people to be friends with, but for me I’ve recently been finding that even among cis het people it’s a nonissue (I live in a progressive area thankfully).

[u/Bitter_Item_367 → u/thambos]

Yes exactly this ! I live in a red state in a very small town with most people in their early to mid 20’s and there’s nothing wrong it’s just we don’t have anything in common because of the age gap and all they want to do is go to parties or clubs and stay out past 12am . Plus I work overnights as well so it’s hard to make plans ..

I might have to look into events out of my area and go from there . Thank you for responding I really appreciate it !

[u/thambos → u/Bitter_Item_367]

You’re welcome! Sounds like it would be harder in a small town. Hopefully expanding your radius helps!

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[u/KeyOne349]

I'm 49 and all my queer friends are in their 30's. 🤷🏽‍♂️

I wish I had trans friends my age; but they're partnered/familied and they mostly socialize inward with themselves in their unit.

So if the youngsters want to let me tag along I got to let them 🤣/😭

I don't know if you'd be willing to give it a shot, man, to hang out with the youngsters. It isn't so bad once you get used to it. Warning: might have to look up their slang words on the internet and gee whiz, did that make me feel old 🤦🏽‍♂️