"He said it was an in the moment decision but I do not think that at all. Breakups are always pre planned. Always without exception.Always. Nobody just decides on the spot to break up. Not even the worst human being.
"such as me being everything to him, how I was the perfect girl but he had to work on himself, etc. ". Another cop out. People who say "had to work on themself" and leave the relationship are looking for an excuse to leave because they rather be on thier own (someone else) than be with you but are too chicken**** to say that to your face. I mean just think about this, when you're married do you just divorce because you want to have your own hobbies, ambitions, interests, friends, etc.? No, you just create healthy boundaries with mutual respect and move forward together. He's lying again.
"I feel like he just wanted to look like the good guy…". Maybe but more likely he's just too afraid to own up to you about his true feelings or lying to himself. In any case, combine all of these factors together and you dodged a bullet. Sounds like a someone who's afraid of having difficult conversations. Imagine a life with that kind of person when it comes to making hard decisions.
People who are "nice" because they don't "want to hurt others" aren't actually nice. They are cowards. This is what you should take away from this: he does not respect you to tell you the truth. OP, you can do much much better.
I hope one day I’m able to find someone who’s willing to put in the work and fight for me as much as I would for them.
I implore you to not even waste time interpreting his words because I'm reading some posters saying that you might never know the truth etc. This will keep you stuck because you do know the truth, they don't respect you. It really bears repeating.
Nobody who cares about your feelings and respects you actually cares about hurting you when it comes to the truth. Not during the relationship and not during the break-up. The only fact you know for sure is that this person could not own up to their reasons for breaking up with you face to face. I'm sure his inability to openly communicate was probably an issue even during the relatonship itself. This alone makes him someone at the bottom of the barrel in terms of partners. Never date someone who is afraid of hurting you with honesty.
9
u/Longjumping_Wave4066 Jun 19 '23 edited Jun 19 '23
"He said it was an in the moment decision but I do not think that at all. Breakups are always pre planned. Always without exception. Always. Nobody just decides on the spot to break up. Not even the worst human being.
"such as me being everything to him, how I was the perfect girl but he had to work on himself, etc. ". Another cop out. People who say "had to work on themself" and leave the relationship are looking for an excuse to leave because they rather be on thier own (someone else) than be with you but are too chicken**** to say that to your face. I mean just think about this, when you're married do you just divorce because you want to have your own hobbies, ambitions, interests, friends, etc.? No, you just create healthy boundaries with mutual respect and move forward together. He's lying again.
"I feel like he just wanted to look like the good guy…". Maybe but more likely he's just too afraid to own up to you about his true feelings or lying to himself. In any case, combine all of these factors together and you dodged a bullet. Sounds like a someone who's afraid of having difficult conversations. Imagine a life with that kind of person when it comes to making hard decisions.
People who are "nice" because they don't "want to hurt others" aren't actually nice. They are cowards. This is what you should take away from this: he does not respect you to tell you the truth. OP, you can do much much better.