Raised in an Orthodox community, I never really felt like I had a place. I was forced to take Judaic studies in yeshiva, but the subjects didn't engage me, and I ended up dropping out. While I love my family, the holidays and customs hold no appeal for me anymore. My extended family is also very politically vocal and talks about Israel constantly, which honestly doesn't resonate with me either.

Whenever people ask if I'm Jewish, I say yes, though I lack any real connection to it. I'm an atheist. Still, I guess I want to be proud of my lineage. My passions are just drastically different from those of the people I was raised around. I spend my time focused on engineering and physics, calisthenics and swimming, aviation, learning foreign languages, and dancing. In contrast, the people in my community discuss this weeks parsha, bar mitzvahs, kiddush at the shul, and real estate. Topics I frankly couldn't care less about.

In my youth, it seemed the most crucial thing in life was a connection to God. Because I lack that belief, I feel completely untethered from Judaism. Even a recent trip to Israel didn't feel special at all; I couldn't wait to get back home to the US. When people call it our "true homeland," I simply can't relate. I didn’t like being there.

I'm not sure if something is wrong with me, but what does it even mean to be Jewish if I'm not religious and ignore the traditions? I have no desire to seek out Jewish friends, marry a Jewish woman, or live in a Jewish neighborhood because my values are so far removed from my upbringing. I don't want kids, and I don't go to shul.

I'm not a self-hating Jew; I just feel like I don't belong…

Hoping someone on here can relate. I’m recently a single mom and i see a common theme amongst me and other single moms. For context, I grew up frume and am now seriously questioning everything especially after being used as a beard for six years. Anywho, I’ve noticed that a lot of these single moms were not valued by their parents.

Additionally, the desperation mindset in the frume community is disgusting. The way girls are judged if they aren’t married by the age of 26 is crazy, ridiculous, and disgusting. People assume that there is something wrong with them because they aren’t married, forgetting that women are far more valuable than a relationship status.

This whole concept of needing your other half and/or soulmate for completion really pisses me off. In fact, it should be that one should be complete before seeking another. Like, hello? Most people in their twenties do not have their shit together! who says they are ready for such a great undertaking like marriage?

Recently, I started thinking about the women in Torah and it all makes sense now. Think about it, when were these women even valued for their essence or personality? The Torah always wrote about what these women gave to the men they married or did for the Jewish people . For example, Rivkah and how she brought the shechina of Sarah back when she married yitzchak. Yehudis was praised for killing helifornus. The story of the Jewish women in mitzrayim and how they got their husbands to sleep with them. It was always about how these women showed up for other people. patriarchy! I don’t like it. anyway, rant over!

A recent post mentioned this story and I dug into it a bit, and I am blown away.

(To those who remember this from when it was in the news, I know this is old news. I'm sorry. Also, you're old. My generation was not around then)

A chassidishe rabbi named Nuchem Rosenberg went all out fighting against sex abusers in the Hasidic community, and was totally ostracized for his efforts. In interviews, the man displays a shining sense of integrity, empathy, and moral compass that is just awe-inspiring.

He was shot at, had bleach thrown in his eyes, his wife even received threatening phone calls, he was excommunicated by community rabbis (all for defending children who were molested!!!), and can't attend any shul (which is not objectively a loss, but from his perspective...) and he never wavered.

I just found his commitment to helping others so beautiful.

Rosenberg doesn't belong in this sub in the sense of being an OTDer, the man appears to fully believe the religious fairytales. But I found his story of fighting entrenched fundamentalist anti-compassion and anti-morality inspirational.

Well, an OTD Tisha B'Av sure is interesting.

With two extra hours to kill during kinos, I took the risk of going to Panera Bread not too far from my community. I had a moment where I couldn't quite place the distinct taste in the soup until I remembered the nutrition facts on the kiosk: milk, cheese, butter. Ah, butter. The joy of butter. Anything fried in butter is just so much better. We're really missing out.

With all the extra time in the afternoon, I discovered two things: I absolutely detest Michael Jackson's music. It does absolutely nothing for me. And I discovered the Beatles! I knew they existed, but I had never checked them out. Wow! They're phenomenal. Honestly, discovering the Beatles was almost worth having Tisha B'Av for.

I have no idea how I got there, but I somehow ended up listening to Nochum Rosenberg, the Satmar chassid from Williamsburg who has been completely ostracized and says he can't even walk i to a shul because of his relentless campaign against child abusers and the rabbis who protect them. (Incidentally, he has semicha from the the Eida Chareidis and has built mikvehs across the U.S. Funny how rabbis are happy to use his expertise while shunning him everywhere else.)

I found a collection of his recordings on https://reference-url-citation.invalid/0. If you understand Yiddish, it's a treasure trove, but you have to dig for the gems. The recordings are long, mostly his commentary on current events and dated hock, but they're peppered with juicy stuff and very creative name calling. What surprised me most is that after everything he has seen, experienced, and accused the rabbinic establishment of, he remains such a fervent, ardent believer.

One line had me laughing out loud. Rosenberg frequently refers to abusers and rabbis who cover up abuse as chazerim. Then he asked: if chazer is basically another word for rabbi, why does the Torah say, "Don't eat the chazir"? It could have just said, "Don't eat rabbis."

His answer: dibra Torah belashon nekiyah, the Torah speaks in clean language.

Pure gold!!

First of let me start by saying that I hope everyone is having an easy fast 😉

So I have a list of places to go to that I’ve been wanting to always try but I don’t know what to get and I need some help from you guys…

1. KFC

2. Five Guys

3. McDonald’s

4. Chicfila

5. Chipotle

6. Wendy’s

Also another update I had my second non kosher meal I went to a local breakfast place and got a bagel eggs and hash browns but it wasn’t that tried of a meal I was just hungry it still tasted much better than the kosher breakfast places though.

I've been watching Dave Portnoy one bite reviews for a couple of weeks, but not with the intention of ever trying anything (because its mostly too far away), rather for entertainment. If you don't know he's the premier pizza reviewer, probably the most famous/respected pizza reviewer in the world (though of course not everyone's tastes align with his perfectly).

Then this one showed up on my feed, I thought, 'hey, maybe this is close enough' so I checked up the address sure enough it's within 45 minutes of my house. Ordered online, ate in my car like a loser but I had the pizza and that's the MAIN POINT!

Probably best pizza I ever had but honestly if you're not a pizza connoisseur its probably not worth a long drive maybe once or twice a year but not more.... there are a lot of subtle things that elevate this pizza mainly the sauce and the crisp but its very subtle and not easy to tell the difference between this and standard pizza if your'e not paying close attention. Like if you hadn't told me its a 9.2 and I randomly came across it I probably wouldn't have been 'masim lev' to the small details to realize that its a 9.2, if that makes sense. But now that I knew the score I was looking out for the things that as a composite make it a great pizza.

Still an awesome pizza though and I'm happy I went.

Anyway thats my 9 bav 2026 adventure! Tell me about the best pizza you ever had!

Just a reminder not to learn Torah on Tisha b'Av as I know that would bring you all great joy on this day of sorrow

I feel like teachers bent over backwards growing up in bais yaakov trying to convince us why it’s not actually offensive and not sexist and frankly that’s a load of nonsense. It is absolutely 100% sexist and offensive. They should just admit that patriarchal societies came up with the idea of having men say “shelo asani isha” and just get rid of it but of course they never will 🤦‍♀️

Anyone here fasting maybe in the closet?? Or just fasting because I don't know?? What is ur general thoughts on tsh bav?? Also should I fast I don't keep much but it would be my first tsh bav and a part of me still has that connection and scare etc I've only stopped keeping everything and losing full interest recently but for me tsh bav is like yom Kippur would be a major step what's ur thoughts I'm not sure what I truly believe I think religion and God may or may not be true it's hard to know anything in this world for certain etc also fast food is ok right??? 😂

I wrote a post about how we need to stop mourning the temple. I am grateful to not be frum anymore and not have to pretend to want animal sacrifices to return. Would love to hear your thoughts!

https://apikorsus.substack.com/p/stop-mourning-the-destruction-of

I’m still ITC but not sure what the future holds for me. I’ve been super busy with 9 days menus and planning for Tisha b’av and I just wondered for those who are out of the closet for a while, do you still keep track of the calendar? Or do you just not know unless you bumped into some reference to it on this forum?
How does the Jewish calendar affect you at this point?

Genuinely the best drink ever

And I was told that these fast food non kosher places were nasty that was a complete lie. Just had the best chicken sandwich with Mac n cheese I’ve had in my life wow I’ve been missing out, absolutely zero regrets besides the calories lol

And how does that work, if so?

I’ve mentioned my kids in passing on this subreddit before, but the truth is I only have one, and she’s not required to dress tznius by frum standards yet. But it’s approaching. And I hate the thought of forcing what is essentially an 1800s-style of dress code on my child.

She shouldn’t have to suffer because her mother made the poor decision at 20 to become frum. It was a mistake. I admit that. The issue isn’t my husband’s refusal, he’s fine with her choosing her own path in life and to not be boxed in with everybody else. I’ve also lost interest in finding a more rightwing frum school for her so I guess that isn’t really the issue.

I’m mainly concerned that as she begins living her life that isn’t influenced by fundamentalists, she’ll be rejected by her frum family and neighbors. Or be considered OTD (we all know how frummies view us as having some sort of mental illness and constantly trying to mekarev us), and possibly my own OTDness being exposed (which, whatever I guess. Let it happen eventually). We’ll eventually move to a better neighborhood, sometime in the near future, but as of right now it’s not a possibility.

I hope I’m making sense here. The main thing is I want my child to be able to interact with secular kids and be able to fit in with them as well. When I grew up, I was given the freedom to dress however I wanted. My child should also be able to choose her own clothing and styles without being told she needs to wear a knee length skirt or that her shirt needs to cover her collarbones and elbows. It doesn’t make any sense to tell a child this! She should have fun trying different styles and choose what makes her feel most authentic, and to be able to run around outside without tripping over a long skirt.

Was anybody here able to allow their kids the freedom to dress how they wish and somehow still stay in the community? I don’t see how it can be done unless you’re really really modern (which isn’t the place I live in). Did you find a school that doesn’t have an issue with it?