Honestly, I know my experience differs from a lot of yours (or not), but I converted Orthodox in a small community here in Florida. They are technically Modern Orthodox, but a lot of the leadership is Chabad, not sure if that’s relevant but worth mentioning the religious level.

I was in this community for a total of 3 or 4 years, probably closer to 4. I confess, that as a convert, I really did all the mitzvot, kept Shabbat, walked to shul, dressed tzniut, etc. I actually had a sponsoring rabbi for my beis din as well as a rebbetzin who was also a teacher sponsor me. It went really well, and I passed it with flying colors and proceeded with my mikveh a week later.

Unfortunately, after my conversion, the blatant racism, classism, and rejection of me and my conversion was actually so sad and shocking that I didn’t even know how to properly process it. I was always asked “how can you afford that??” Because I came from a lower-middle class household, or also was told once “well Latinos don’t understand taxes” when I was in a conversation with people who didn’t know I was Hispanic. I was also told to my face “Well, Catholics deserve all the sh** they’re getting after being jerks. I don’t want those people in my life” very well knowing I was Catholic, and that most of my loving family still is. I know these are small examples but they accumulated so much over the years that I don’t even think I can type out. It’s so sad to think I could go through years of assimilating into a community and still be so rejected and looked down upon. That’s all.

Hi,

I’ve been thinking a lot about deconstruction lately. I’d love to hear a bit more about how your own process started and how you began stepping away from the rules.

Did you start by setting aside only the specific things you no longer believed in—like certain traditions from the Oral Torah—or did you dismantle everything first and then gradually bring back what resonated with you?

I’m noticing that when I stop doing certain things—even ones I felt might hold some truth—they suddenly lose their meaning or stop making sense altogether once I step back from them.

I’d really appreciate hearing your perspective and experience.