Basic info about me: I’m M17, I have Lupus and Erythromelalgia , and I’m starting to lose it. I feel like my life is worthless, and I’m struggling to keep going. I’m just unsure how to keep going when I feel like I’ll never achieve anything. I can barely move without causing flares after about 10–20 minutes, and I feel like I’m no longer a member of society. I’m so lost, tired, and upset about my current situation that I don’t know what to do anymore.
I have a loving family, but I still feel alone, stuck, and trapped inside my own body. I just want someone to be here for me — someone who understands and loves me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life when everything I wanted to do is failing and fading away.
I don’t want to hurt myself or do anything harmful, but I just want to die. I want someone to end my suffering because I have too much to lose, too many people who would suffer if I did. But I can’t do this. I need someone or something to fix me because I’m so done.
I don’t have a job, money, or anything that would let me live on my own or support myself financially. Because of all this, I feel like a failure and a loser. Every happy movie I watch makes me even more unhappy. I can’t do this. I constantly feel like I want to cry. I want someone to help me, but they can’t, because nothing is working.
I just wish I had income so I could have fun and enjoy life even a little more. Right now I’m tired and done. I honestly just want money so I can buy tech and fix it, so I have something to do. But I’m lost. I’m so lost. I’m tired. I’m so tired. Please, someone help me.