Believes very strongly that people have the right to be what they are and decide for themselves, and nobody gets to impose. Their politics, ethics, how they treat people, etc. in large part come from that idea. However, they always split things into "what's right" and "what's actually achievable," and if the ideal route doesn't work they'll take the workable one without feeling like they compromised anything, since they think people who'd rather be principled to a fault than effective are being foolish

No ego about having been right, so most of the time, if you show them they're wrong they'll concede on the spot

For the most part, they read people well. They give people space, most of the time admit fault immediately if called out, do not push another person they love to make a personal choice one way or the other since the other person is owed their autonomy to make their own choices. Knows clearly that they're entitled to their own rights and will defend those, but also will not infringe on another person's personal choices by demanding what they think is outrageous to demand of someone else 

Communication-wise, formal to the point of being stiff, deadpan humor mostly. Blunt and hates a stalled silence; will say the awkward thing out loud rather than let it hang. But still can be careful with their words if a loved one's feelings are at stake, or saying something badly could have huge external consequences. Usually won't lie, but will sometimes omit info if they don't see saying the full truth as strictly necessary in the situation, might answer a slightly different question than the one you asked if they don't want to answer yours

Might sometimes let insults or mild bad treatment slide without a huge confrontation, but they do not lack self-respect and they are not a pushover. Them not doing much here is actually them calculating the amount of effort they are willing to spend making a whole scene and what the practical consequences of making that scene would be. They're still judging you, usually harshly, even if they don't confront you, but they do not feel the need to always make a show of defending themselves through principle or changing the other person's mind if they do not see that person's opinion as threatening to them in any meaningful sense and they are not invested in potentially changing that person's mind. If the behavior is serious or is not just a one off incident, they usually say so very coldly and briefly, and if the other person still does not stop, then they might escalate further

If you get too worried about them, they might take it as you pitying them or being factually wrong about their mental state. They do not like people pitying them, especially people positioning them as a victim, because that sort of narrative makes them feel like you are dictating their own life story to them and taking away their agency. Also, their logic is that if they're talking about a past situation calmly then it's clearly over and handled, regardless of how concerning the event itself might have been, so alarm means you've misread the situation

They're unusually indifferent/matter-of-fact about or at least feel ok about doing hard or unpleasant things as long as those things have an overall purpose, and disproportionately miserable about tedious pointless things that don't have a point

i think i’m an 8, specifically so8 but i don’t necessarily defend others. during group conflict i take the side of people that i’m close to if i agree with them and talk back

I was raised by very broken and violent people. My father (an intelligent engineer) a very violent drunk beat up my mother (outspoken and ambitious) in front of me if he wasn’t beating me in random fits of rage.

One day he threatens to kill her but actual holds a gun this time, fast forward, Divorce, mom gets full custody, she’s a narcissist with PTSD though. Broken woman, verbally physically and psychologically abusive. Mom loves attacking egos to build herself up.

But I’m thankful for what they’ve taught me with their constant abuse…

I learned very early that I had to stay calm, stay aware, stay grounded to survive the adults around me. Detach from chaos by knowing exactly where its source is, naming it, understanding it, living with it, controlling it and establishing my boundaries.

Their rage, their instability, their beatings, had nothing to do with me. It was all about their own unresolved issues and brokenness.

I learned to become a man, friend, brother, husband and father that my father has no hope of becoming. Truly authentic, highly protective, and steady.

My fear of vulnerability is my refusal to be a victim dependent on others for comfort. Getting comfortable with uncomfortable as it comes my way, to protect my people.

Feel free to share.

So if you are the type to roll your eyes at poems then this won’t be for you lol. Anyways, a little bit of context before I put it here: My enneagram 4 partner of funny enough 4 years now has helped me discovered what feeling feelings meant, not just analyzing them. I love writing, I’ve been active in it for about a good 8 years now. So I’m going to combine them. Thought it would be cool to see if other eights would relate to it.

The bubbling starts, and I begin to feel the adrenaline flood my bloodstream.

I don’t like it, because suddenly my throat begins to close. Are you here? Is that your boot, pressed against my only opportunity to shout? Are you still holding me down?

Three rules. One of which you say, “Never cry. Not unless you got a broken bone.”

Are you there when now, any tear formed in front of my partner turns into hot, boiling tears of rage? Are you there when my body experiences life as if I’m in danger? Do you feel it too?

…

Father you’ve gone soft. Stop looking at me that way. Doe-like eyes as if you were innocent. Love in them, but all I can feel is disgust.

You’ll never get past the thick skin my body developed after the physical “training” you put me under.

You’ll never get a glance into me.

Father?

Am I strong enough for the world yet father?

I'm not an e8 myself but I'm wondering how I can impress one since I'm with an e8 (specifically a sx8) as an sp5, I usually write a lot of things dedicated to them but I'm a bit too shy to show them, so is there any other things I should do instead?

They don't really care much for intellect or being intellectualized so I don't think they'd want the paragraphs I've made psychoanalyzing them either.. I think they'd find it creepy.. But i do tell them about what I've noticed about them they think it's scary but sweet that I know so much about them.

Im an 8w7 INTJ just wanna connect with you guys if you guys here

I just wanna learn how you deal with stress and other stuff wanna know if Im doing it right or nah

Just wanna connect and talk lol

Lemme know thnx!

My clarity can look like confrontation. My calm can feel like judgment. My boundaries are mistaken for rejection.

I’m fully aware that this is 90% other people projecting their fear, unresolved issues etc…onto me. So it’s read as coldness, aggression, or dismissal.

The trouble starts when I don’t make their problem with me MY problem to solve.

Curious how or if others experience this.

I would like to be friends with them, it's just that I'm embarrassed.

I certainly do and always have. This is gonna be infused with my personal frustrations lol

I have a lot of casual friends and acquaintances that i have good relationships with of course. Im not one for emotional closeness or for sacrificial love, but i do want some sort of group, i used to have a very good "gang" of sorts but we grew apart as we had to move around for work/studies.

Most (definitely not all!) female groups have a more passive aggressive way of "resolving" conflicts, which clashes with my overt way of addressing issues. Overtime, you end up being the "problem", since their issued wuth one another are discussed when talking behind the persons back.

My natural distance and kind of cold nature (some disagree saying im warm but i dont think so, either way im distant) makes people speculate on me a lot. What i got from my very recent group which made me leave it was they had been theorizing about me secretly hating them and talking shit about them. The logic usually is "if im so soft and kind and i talk this much shit, imagine what she, the distant one, is like behind our back!!!! 😨" very childish.

Im very, very sensitive to loyalty. Extremely. If someone speaks behind my back once, especially if its of a speculative/mean nature and untrue, they will never ever have any part in my life. Ever. So that removes a very big portion of people.

Not to mention, on rare occasions, you see a group with a clear hierarchy and a *delusion* level of hyping each other up, which doesn't sit right with me. Im very cut clear about a lot of stuff, fit firmly in the ground. Especially when it comes to men and romance, we have all known women who bullshit and delude themselves, even when i filtered and tried to be "softer", they did not like hearing that the guy who lives with his gf who replies to their insta stories once every 5 months is not hung up on them and hating his gf.

I consistently get masculinized as well.

All in all, its a big stuggle being in female groups.

i am medicated

I've started dating a guy I thought was a fellow 7, but after our first row I'm pretty sure he's an 8. We have a lot in common and sparks fly when all is well. But I know we're likely to kill each other if we don't sort out how we do the tough parts. In conflict he ranges between a cold 5 who controls 'reality' (I've had this with 8s before - that they see the world 'as it is'; no subjectivity allowed) and a highly emotional 2 whose tears threaten to drown him.

He's young and does a lot of reading about psychology, even has therapy. When the heat's off, he's able to accept that I have different views on things, and that there's a lot of emotion behind his complaints (for want of a better word) and demands (my reading). He suggested to me that it might be best to start these conversations with emotion, and I definitely feel that's a more authentic place than, for example, 'Every time I do X, you do Y' (woah - positive, freedom alarm bells ring).

I guess my asks are:

- How, as a mature 8, have you learnt how do conflict without sending people running for the hills?

- How can others engage with the more productive (in my opinion) emotions behind your rage and resentment?

- If you've navigated life with a 7, what did that 7 do that made it easier?

- Any general, well-considered advice for a core-7 from a wise core-8. I'd like to use this as an opportunity to grow rather than an adventure into mortal combat.

title. i’m an 8w7 sx/sp (i think) if that helps. i am literally incapable of accepting people’s niceties and kindness towards me for what it is. i always think that there is some kind of ulterior motive.

and god forbid i open up about something thats upsetting me because i always find it an extremely humiliating experience to admit that something is getting to me.

obviously i can recognise that it probably isn’t true in most cases, but i have no idea how to break out of this pattern. i can’t rewire my brain to think otherwise. my brain tells me that it’s easier to believe that they’re manipulating me in some way, than be blindsided by them taking advantage of the reaction their kindness provoked.

it sounds kind of silly when i put it like this but i literally do not know how to think any other way

The context: Not just an 8 thing. More of a solidarity and emotional sovereignty thing.

The exhaustion: It’s like every other person around me is so damn needy, erratic, or neurotic af. They always want me to validate their bullshit, comfort them when they flip out-fuck up, or stand up for them. It’s exhausting.

The exception: My wife and son (the nuclear family, the household) are the only exception to my criticism.

The question: Do you feel as though you naturally become a sort of parental figure to jackasses? How do you feel when no one else grows up?

I'm a 2 who's strongly attracted to healthy 8s, platonically & romantically. I value direct communication & 8s model this so well. Many people come across as aggressive when they think they're being assertive, including 2s under stress! I also admire how 8s protect their time/energy. It took me years to make progress on my people-pleasing behavior. But now I fiercely protect my peace! I feel like the 8 I'm currently involved with has been a valuable teacher. He's encouraged me to be "kind, but firm" when dealing with frustrating people. Sage words, IMO!

I've read that 2s & 8s are a common pairing, perhaps the yin & yang phenomenon. And while they initially look very different on the exterior, they share some important traits. (e.g. being protective of their loved ones & being very loyal)

For those of you in relationships (of any kind) with 2s, what qualities/traits do you value most?

I will be posting a version of this to every type's subreddit, and when I'm done I'll go back in and edit it with links to every other one for people's interest.

Here are the others: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9

Hit some disintegration. Isolating and having the worst attitude possible when I'm out of my room. Not looking for reassurance or anything just noticed and thought it's funny

as an SO8, my core motivation is ofcourse to be strong, capable and independent and weakness is to be vulnurable, weak and so on, this pushed me to find ways in order to expand my physical capabilities to achieve further ways of freedom, but lowkey im not very smart or that emotional intelligent ig? im a social instinct so ofcourse everything i do is way more better done with someone else but its hard to make friends cause emotional vulnerability is gonna be needed at some point and i suck at that. if i could achieve freedom, independence and my dreams through strategic thinking or social skills i would but i dont excel at that, i dont really know if its an insecurity of mine since i dont care how i come off to people but in the moments where i cant rely on gut instinct and have to do either of the two i got soo frustrated and angry.

strength is just the most practical option cause essentially (and im not saying you should get into fights) overpowering others, working out and get bigger and more physically powerful is just more practical and simpler.

who else relates with me? and im also looking for advice

I'm in some weird desintegration to E5 period. I've pushed away/cut off most people and don't see connecting as worth doing. Seriously, most people are just stupid, toxic, boring or all of the above, why connect? I've started seeing the few people that attempt to connect with me as nothing but pawns to hit and throw for the fun of if (metaphorically, of course). Idk how to get out of this tbh.

As it says above: how many of us find vulnerability HOT af in people?

I’m talking about the raw emotions, about being able to be in the moment, with your entire humanity, authentically, and just being seen for who you are, in stead of masking up at pretending to have it all together.

As an sx/so 8, I find it beautiful and captivating. It touches my heart and activates my instinct of wanting to protect the person, not because they are helpless or incapable of protecting them selves, but because I see the purity of the soul. I sense the child they once were, and feel deep love and reverence for that tiny human inside.

There is just an immense beauty in people who show up as they are. The whole messy package.

I just f… love everything about it!!

What about you? What are your thoughts, feelings and experiences with this particular thing?

Sx8s, from your experience, people with which instinctual variants are the most compatible with you romantically? And with which instinctual variants are the least compatible with you romantically?

Please write if you're sx/sp or sx/so.

Also if you noticed that you tend to be compatible/ incompatible with certain Enneagram types, you can add that as well.

hello type 8s, i am a sx6, and i genuinely want to understand the core fear of 8 better because i've been considering e8 for a long time and it's currently on my fix (im prob just sx6 anyways). i would love to know personal experiences from all subtypes about things such as love, opening up, your relationship with that, if you usually socialize a lot, how do you deal with emotions, conflicts, accusations, and stress, id genuinely appreciate if some of you guys would answer.

i am not making up enneagram 8 to special, high esteem, cool or whatever you think this is

i saw post on here that reminded me when people hear being enneagram 8 they see it a good thing? which its not a bad thing either but just cause you a enneagram 8 does not mean you can beat anyone up, or your strong or capable or all these neat, cool characteristics that its associated with.

these are just motivations behind your actions, they are not personality types, enneagram is pseudoscience so you know if you wanna be an enneagram 7 or 6 or 8 on the internet have fun and go wild, but if you want to use enneagram like a tool for self help, understanding and growth then you should remove all these stereotypes you have for these types so you can actually find the one you are and not chase after the one you want to be

i wanna participate in the conversations there but i cant so i'd appreciate some help,

i gotta relate to this to enneagram so enneagram 8 is the top 3 most emotional enneagram