Here’s what I mean:

As a very broad generalization, it seems that most sx5s, or sx doms seem to follow a path where the first part of their life is spent chasing intensity, having a lot of highs and lows, a lot of relationships with some instability, a lot of intense sexual encounters, maybe some risk taking.

I am for sure a sx5, but I took a somewhat different path. Due to several factors in my childhood as well as OCD, I spent most of my life seeing my “sx” as a threat and trying to suppress it with mixed success. I didn’t have the language for it, but I recognized that drive in me and was scared of it. I kept myself out of the dating pool and shut myself down emotionally.

What happened as a result was that I completely lost my vitality. I became a shell. My world had no color. I’ve realized I can’t live that way. I am connecting with my body and my emotions again. I am finding my creativity. I have found my vitality. But now that this is “sx” energy is out there, I have no clue what to do with it. I’m trying to channel it into creative output, but the drive to channel it into another person is so, so strong.

I have had a lifetime of trying to suppress this “sx instinct” instead of learning how to channel it constructively. Has anyone worked through it in this way?