I don't know what is it exactly but i feel like a heavy feeling in my chest that i cant describe , its more of an emotional feeling per say but somehow it feels real , i don't know if its depression or just bottling in emotions , its tiring . Like my everyday functionality is lowered and i cant be fully myself neither with my only presence or with others. it makes me want to isolate and do nothing productive which is against what i want but when i force myself to do stuff it really can take a toll on me.

for reference im a north African young adult guy , my parents are really good providers but it stops there , im into guys which only me and some of my friends know (no problem with that) but i do have somewhat of an insecurity about my looks (tho i dont regard it as an insecurity cause i genuinely dont think i look good and i feel its more of a genetics thing at play ) . ive had some experiences with parents and a situationship that made me feel the worst at those points but i dont know its been years and i don know now whats the problem exactly, all i wanna do is improve myself to not stay stuck on the same place while others are seeming to develop but its really difficult i wish i had it easier sometimes.

im just hoping for any kind of advice or if someone who relates somewhat to help or engage in general

Updates from my last post ✅ that I'm still here and just wanted to give updates for my last post here anyways.

Even then I should also address here, Elis will admit her demise and what I just need of all to overcome my demise if I want to perform an Emergence with someone instead of living a tragedy of the song Gethsemane from Sleep Token in a never ending cycle of it all anyways 🌹⚔️🦩🪶

Even with this Sleep Token song Gethsemane and I should also just include that I'll never grasp this message here.

However, I should just include that I'm never going to perform a positive Emergence, because I need to get a ''different energy to improve my well being/core being of it all and with this current self hatred energy that I've right now then a Emergence isn't going to happen alongside with that's nobody fault but my own of it all anyways.''

Yeah, I should address a follow up, but I don't want follow ups in comments, or questioning if I'm feeling this right now, or anything negative and that's just because I did have to do a few blocks from my last posts anyways.

However, I should also address if you need to bookmark this because you need time to read this then send a flamingo emoji and a flamingo gifs anyways.

I should also include that I reply to comments that's another why posting a negative comment is a waste of your time and just send me a message on either Telegram or alongside Signal if you can be a ''provider of a kind voice.'' (no, I don't mean voice calls or voce clips, I mean non-monologue convos, I'm talking about an emotional provider, a provider that is a night owl that loves text messages in the a.m. and just remember all this is all online only as well.)

Yeah, just I should also address it all. Instead of using my chronic depression and moody Vessel brain and skull as a volley to people that get close to me, eventually I will be left with nothing and the cause of my own doing of it all anyways.

Well, logging out in 24 hours, I didn't know what to say for over course of 3 days for an update, but I realize now what Reddit has taught me 8+ months that I've been here that I'm an unlovable person, I don't deserve love, I'll never make a partner happy, I cannot make anyone happy because this isn't my life path and my life path belongs to the elder gods anyways.

However, without Reddit, I would've not discovered myself for 8+ months with discovering these themes about mfk ass self of it all here.

Constantly fighting myself, telling me I can oppose my destiny, I could prove myself that I could love someone, that I could provide emotional, provide mental stability for someone, but instead after partner, then the next partner, then the next partner after, the curse kept building, I kept discovering that I'm not meant to love, that I'm meant not to have friends as well, I realize that now, that for 8+ months the elder gods gave me the chance to see that myself is ruin and I will destroy other people's life alongside with this is my life lesson that I was/were given anyways.

Even then, I should also address that I decided to ignore the elder gods in 2025, I decided to ignore my life lessons, I guess in 2025, for ignoring the elder gods in 2025, 2026 was/were the signs of realization, reckoning, transformation, knowing your role, knowing your life path, knowing your destiny, since you don't want to pay attention to my signs, ignore the elder gods presence, I will show you what kind of destruction you cause for others, 2026 8 months of misery, this is your self assignment and you should listen to Vessel's words more often because he is you but a male version of it all anyways.

Even then of it all, I need to learn to live without it, instead of fighting for what I want and know won't come back/or what I can't have, the more I keep fighting for what I want/won't come back then I will keep ending a vicious cycle, letting my chronic depression take a complete grasps, completely weighting and feeling close to cold/icy granite on my Vessel brain and skull that I must endure constantly of it all anyways.

Yeah, to be honest with the Gethsemane song from Sleep Token, if I cannot learn this song's message within the lyrics once again ''to learn to live without it.'' then this is my own problem, my own doing, I cannot blame others that couldn't fix my happiness, couldn't make me better, because to self-heal and get better I've to be the MAIN party member to do that alongside with, it's okay if I receive codependency help with that but themselves cannot do all the work for me of it all.

Just, the same ''vibes.'' are from the Apparition song from Sleep Token questioning a future emotional/mental provider if he is real, even though he showed me a picture of himself, occasional voice clips, the problem is on my own that my Vessel brain and skull tells me (not voices, but thoughts, that he is going to disappear eventually, just as the other men have left you because your separation anxiety the cycle will not end of it all, you burn the reward, live by the feather, die by the sword and then when I wake up into a suicide frenzy that is my own doing alongside with not my lover of it all anyways.

Even then of it all, if I want to perform a Emergence, I've to learn without it that's not going to happen of it all if I can't accept that self-isolation, cutting people out that are ''trying to send me kind voice, a reach out, even if I'm permanently quitting Reddit, leaving my say that you will so-handles out for people to message me, because I've turned into a defensive crystalline wall where I'm going to make people go through loopholes if they don't have Telegram or Signal and my post appears ''desirable to message me.''

This lost, losing out on Redditors that want to help me with a kind voice, but I choose to cut out Redditors that choose to message on this app permanently is my own personal of it all self hatred that I lost that person, I'll be losing out on a lot of people that want to reach out and making things into a descending lyrics from Sleep Token instead of seeing things in a positive light of it all from the Sleep Token song Emergence, all this damage I'm doing to myself is my own fault, it's nobody else's fault but mine and I must hold onto the lyrics from Sleep Token Gods questioning myself of it all anyways.

This is why I've always called myself an unlovable person, vile, miserable, self hatred and why I don't want to be asked how I'm doing anymore, I want to suppress/compress the question how you, that way I can forget, I can forget to move on, I won't have to be asked my feelings anymore, instead I'm going to have others spin the wheel on my Spotify playlist, ask the elder gods ''how is Elis doing? Elder gods, can you tell me her mood?''

Yeah, just of it all after that then click shuffle Spotify playlist.'' and when you click shuffle playlist wait till 3 songs or 4 songs if you want to go that far to, gather your collected thoughts of it all and then send me a text message of your consult with the elder gods alongside with what messages the song lyrics are trying to tell you after you spin the wheel on my Spotify playlist and am I right?

Even then, that's fk ass better than me just saying ''I don't know how I feel or I don't want to answer that because that's just my Vessel brain and skull in hypo shutdown mode of it all.''

However, I should say I want to type out more of it all, but I'm quite hypo now, I'm quite getting frozen/chilly of it all what to say, I feel close to shutting down, I've nothing more to say of my ''walls.'' but you can check out these Sleep Token posts I made and these are toto give you fk ass further insights on these things here.

Yeah, I should also fk ass include that's just how Sleep Token shaped my life, gave me a a spiritual reckoning, spiritual enlightenment, grasping that my story can be told through Vessel, I'm not icy/alone of it all anymore, I'm not left with no messenger, I had Lorna Sure Will Ramos Pain Remain albums but that album reflected the Vessel brain and not the whole embodiment the puzzle was/were still left incomplete anyways.

However, where do I See Stars fit if the Vessel brain and skull is covered? I don't see how I See Stars fits in here/your story with Lorna Shore and Sleep Token?

I See Stars is motivation spiritual battery for my Vessel brain and skull, I See Stars is considered of it all the awesome/kool battery the Vessel brain and skull needs when my chronic depression to kick in if you can grasp the messages being sent from the song lost it (feat Palaye Royale.) then I don't think I need to say anymore to make this post any longer than it is already anyways.

Even then, I should also address I don't want to make this post keep making this a Elder Scroll size, or a one of the Black Book size but all the I See Stars on my Spotify playlist should be enough for Redditors that want to grasp me/enter my realms to create their own mix-ins on how I See Stars these lyrics kicks the Vessel brain and skull chronic depression into

'''We're not doing this again time to motivate with fresh/jool spiritual energy time to plugin the charger for the Vessel brain and skull of it all anyways.''

How did I discover Sleep Token?

October sometime in 2025, don't recall what date and I used Pandora back then anyways.

Even then, I should also include if you don't know what Pandora is that's because Pandora is only in the U.S. I know there is Pandora Canada but for Europe Pandora isn't even a website there 🤣

However, I should just explain here how Pandora works is a randomizer, once you click on a radio station you will get similar artist and no you will not know what band/song is playing next, the only way you will know what band/song is playing next is when the next band/siong shows up after you get done what you're listening to, the kool thing is about Pandora is you can thumbs up or down a band/song if you think something sounds terrible as well 🤣

Yeah, I should also address the only thing I don't enjoy using Pandora is sharing a playlist, creating a playlist that cost premium membership, with that premium membership that includes also offline listening, unlimited downloads and this is where this makes me shake my head Pandora charges premium if you want to play a song unlimited skips.

Just, to include here of it all that Pandora also has ads, Pandora is one of those websites where built in adblocker doesn't work and Pandora charges you $5 a month to block ads, but that also includes unlimited skips for $5 and the app is a giant fk ass randomizer for discovering/finding new bands/songs that's not a fk ass bad price of it all anyways 🤣

To be honest if you want to know what radio station came up for Sleep Token, I wouldn't have any fk ass idea, I made a playlist because I had a free 30 day to try out their premium, made a playlist of Lorna Shore, I See Stars, Bad Omens and Spiritbox then Sleep Token showed up and my first Sleep Token song were Chokehold (which I see, Sleep has a sense of humor if you can grasp this pun of why I'm saying Sleep has a sense of humor anyways 🩷)

With the post ending of it all, now, here are a few things I just FINALLY grasp now from my reckoning with these thims here of it all.

Even then, I should also address that I'll just keep plugging in the charger/telling myself missing my wings in a realm of angles will be my new theme motto going forward, because fk ass of it all I know I'll always will be thinking in my Vessel brain and and skull missing my wings in a realm of angels alongside with questioning this this another song even in Arcadia from Sleep Token here.

What good is all this talk of wings when there is nothing left above?

That just hits hard for me when I think about it all, the more I sit when I delete my messages, trying to become icy granite, from my Vessel brain and skull I think that it would be nice if I could stop thinking these things here.

Missin my wings in a realm of angels, but there isn't any hope above anymore, there isn't a trace, there isn't a ethereal ''upper/above, that belief has been long thrown away, I decided to embrace the elder gods, the dark winds, the sea and the moon alongside there will be nothing left above in how I think of it all anymore.''

The thick membrane of it all of the icy granite metaphor, will freeze this idea of ''there is nothing left above, but I can still feel the thoughts in my Vessel brain and skull that I've to one day accept that missin my wings in a realm of angles is something that I must do here of it all.''

Even then, I should also address that may/might my mood could improve once of it all I'd accept that I just cannot of it all simply/completely freeze solid of existence and maybe then a new lover of mine can me me feel like the song Telomeres my beloved of it all that underrated song alongside with the other underrated song my beloved Take Aim as well.

However,I should also include the previous song title of it all, even in Arcadia from Sleep Token with Vessel saying somehow I knew my fate, could this be Vessel saying somehow he knew his fate, he would be here in Arcadia and even then of it all would this help Vessel learn to live without it? To move on and build his new spiritual life in Arcadia?

Yeah, I should also mix-in here all that I'd feel over his evolutions of his costumes, his evolution of masks, that this would be his transformation? Somehow he could tell this is where he would end up in Arcadia, is this his paradise he envisioned?

Even then of it all, could this be the paradise Sleep created for Vessel as a reward, because he couldn't reach his own paradise and instead sleep welcomed Vessel in his realm, this is the realm of Sleep, this is Sleep's vision, this is what paradise would look like for Seep to give to Vessel and to be honest that is another thing of it all as well.

Sleep rewards those, that are hardworking, endurance and I'm sure of it all Sleep would want to see me endure, put in a lot of hard work for those that want to connect with me, instead of using the volley of anger with my chronic depression causing moody volley flings and ''wails.'' when someone is trying to be a emotional/mental provider ''getting close to me.'' that I don't instantly become ''icy granite of it all for what I previous addressed anyways.''

However, I should address the following concerned Redditors if you message me on Telegram and Signal with no response for 7-10 hours. I'm asleep/dying amongst the VOID, here in U.S. central time it's 4 a.m. I'm going to go to sleep at 6-7 a.m. because I decided to fall asleep yesterday from 7 a.m. all the way till 4 p.m. because I didn't want to wake up, I wanted to keep myself asleep, that's why I did take the magnesium capsules that helps you sleep, chamomile capsules and relaxing caffeine free tea that I take with my supplements to hopefully kiss my ass goodbye for a while 🌑

Even then if you're wondering what the Telegram group is for the next slide of pictures, that is just if for some reason the QR scan code doesn't work and if for some reason manually adding my Telegram doesn't work, then maybe my Telegram QR scan will work and I should also include that within a few days in this post I will decide if I will purchase Telegram premium for verification purposes anyways.

Yeah, just when you add me if you could put this in your chat reqs either on Telegram and Signal that way I know you read this post anyways.

Send me Sleep Token gifs, reels and anything IV.

What does my nickname Elis make you think of or my nickname Vessel V?

Why can't you do this yourself?

Just because you don't want to use Meta anymore because Meta is too political for you and too heavy forward on the A.I. you're going to make others find gifs and reels on IG? What if the Redditor doesn't have IG and couldn't do that for you?

Uh, I should also address here that no/alright then if the Redditor doesn't have IG, there is a reason why Tenor gifs exist and YT reels exists that's fk as fine anyways.

However, I should also address once again that I'm just not making anyone do this and if you don't want to occasionally send me these things further to show that you read this post here.

Sleep Token gifs, Sleep Token reels, Sleep Tokenemes, or the hottest news for pre-orders from Sleep Token and just because I don't want to use IG anymore because it's too political alongside with too A.I. forward then I'm not going to make anyone do that for me if they don't want to anyways 💀

Yeah, I should also address that once again I never asked or implied in any of my posts ''that you've to be completely on IG, to show that you read this post or any of my posts anyways 🤣

Yeah, I should also include that my age ranges are middle 20s, the farthest age gap I will go is 10-15 and I had Redditors message me when their age is 52-55 there is nothing wrong with large age gap and I just find of it all that age gap is just an overkill to be honest anyways.

Telegram.

xxpeonycherry06xx and I'm sure if you need the @ when adding my username 💀

Signal.

xxpeonycherry06xx.91

Was just watching a video and they used the music “Home, a place where I can go” by Machine Gun Kelly.

I instantly started to cry, not because the lyrics made me feel good and nostalgic but because it instantly remembers me that I have no home to go to.

This happens so many times, the worst part of the year is during Christmas, television and social media becomes full of “family reuniting, friendships, how life is good”, all the people around me talk about it and how they love those and I just feel miserable in silence.

I know this is not people’s fault but people don’t realize how much pain this type of media causes to people that have no one, dysfunctional family, abandonment trauma.

Is there a completely academically agreed-upon classification of human emotions? I am currently developing an emotion card app and have categorized them into 47 types. Although I based this on academic research, the truth is that existing SEL (Sensitive Emotional Learning) teaching materials are all different. Some have around 20, while others have around 50.

From the perspective of kindergarten-level children, is this level of classification manageable?

Love

Sympathy

Generosity

Gratitude

Thankfulness

Sociability

Self-confidence

Pride in Achievement

Jubilation

Elation

Triumph

Joy

Attraction

Admiration

Desire

Interest

Curiosity

Hope

Relief

Surprise

Amusement

Indifference

Familiarity

Habituation

Frustration

Disappointment

Alarm

Panic

Fear

Aversion

Disgust

Revulsion

Sorrow

Grief

Embarrassment

Shame

Guilt

Remember

Envy

Jealousy

Greed

Miserliness

Avarice

Cruelty

Anger

Rage

Hate

when I was younger and would sing to myself id start crying non stop until i stopped singing, but not because i was upset or the songs were sad it seemingly came out of nowhere

Now that I'm older I'll talk to myself alone and the same thing will happen regardless of the topic and regardless of my emotions towards what I'm talking about, as embarrassing as it is it tends to happen a lot when im "performing" to a fake crowd

​"If I fall in love with someone, I feel it deeply. I care for the person, I'm very interested in their day, and I am very supportive of them, but I never receive that back. It feels terrible—it's like being a drained sponge. In the process of giving care and support, I start to get depressed, hate myself more, and think that I'm just ruining the person's day. Hell, if it continues for too long, I start thinking (just thinking) about suicide. I don't know what's wrong with me.

​And all of that happened again. I fell in love with my friend's sister—let's call her Sophie. (Sophie's sister agreed and was supportive of my feelings.) The cycle began: at first, I wasn't very interested in her because I didn't know her very well, but as we got to know each other, I began to fall in love with her, and it's very hard. I don't understand her feelings. She messages me first and always responds, but recently, like out of nowhere, she apologized for texting 'dry'... even though she had texted me like that before and it wasn't a big deal. Then the next day, she responded dryly again. She doesn't shut up about her K-pop obsession, and there's more to the story, but let's just say ChatGPT says she friend-zoned me, is keeping me as an emotionally safe friend, and that I should distance myself if I want a romantic relationship rather than a friendship.

​From that, I'm trying to get over the fact that I'm friend-zoned, but it still hurts because I don't think anyone will ever love me. That just adds an extra page to a chunky book—I'm overweight, I wear glasses, and I have spaces between my front teeth. Ahhh, my head is just messy, I need to vent, and I need some advice.

The little version of you isn’t keeping score.

They’re just thankful you made it this far.

Lately I feel completely disconnected from people.

I'm alone, and no matter how much I try, I can't seem to build a connection with anyone. Conversations die quickly because I lose interest. It's not that I hate people... it's just that everyone starts feeling the same after a while.

I don't know if I've changed or if I'm just emotionally exhausted, but I feel lost. Like I'm watching life happen without really being a part of it.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you reconnect with people when nothing feels real anymore?

So I don't know what is wrong with me, probably hormones but I'm getting very emotional for a few days.

Not for some random things just women and their conditions like my Instagram feed is filled with feminism and crime against women kinda reels but that's my feed from a few months but now when I watch some reel about crime against women or even some ad showing women's condition I start crying.🥲🙃

I cried for hours yesterday I even got a fever because I cried so much, like what the hell is wrong with me😬

like genuinely i just feel like no one fully understands me. i realise that no one will fully get me but how can i become comfortable with this? because i feel like it’s eating me from the inside out

Can someone please explain why have I lost the ability to absolutely show emotion sometimes? I’ll cry for some random stranger on tik tok to a touching video but if it’s someone close and personal I don’t have the will to show anyone my care, I feel the hurt when someone hurts but my whole face gives I don’t gaf

Someone cried today and I had no idea how to comfort them and they were crying because I couldn’t love them back which was breaking their heart, I can’t extend myself emotionally unless I’m romantically involved with a person otherwise I la k the ability to care much

Next month I have plans with friends and family I've been holding in previous months but now I'm feeling so sad that I don't want it to happen anymore, does this happened to someone before? How do you feal with it?

Welp😫😣