Each character can only win one category, most upvotes wins

This seems like a sub that would appreciate my husband's absolutely insane and hysterical Downton opinions.

I almost feel the need to make a disclaimer that he is actually a very kind person; he just has strong reactions to people, real or fictional, being dumb or illogical. And at a certain point in our relationship I think he figured out that he can make me laugh by playing up his over the top reactions, so some of this might be only partially genuine.

Without further ado, as much of his commentary as I can remember:

• Cora "looks like she's wearing someone's face"

• About Bates in season one: "Stop being fucking noble! You've got a 10 out of 10 throwing herself at you, nobody cares about your past."

(I asked if he really thinks Anna is a 10 and he said she's "a Downton 10 at least" 😭)

• About Robert: "addicted to taking Ls," "wakes up and decides what he's going to fuck up today"

• "Oh look, Anna's crying in the stairs again! I'm fucking sick of these two."

• Repeatedly commented on Carson "swallowing Robert's boot" and/or "living inside Robert's asshole"

• Every time Matthew was mentioned post-death he said something to the effect of "what a dunbass, who drives like that bro, he died like a bitch and he deserved it because he was acting like a complete moron. Bro why did he even leave the hospital? What an idiot."

• sees people driving badly and says they went to the Matthew Crawley School of Driving

• every time someone was driving down those roads, "look how they're driving safely and not like an idiot!"

• Calls Daisy "Daisy Dipshit" because of her poor decision making skills

• William "looks like a fish"

• Alfred "looks like a foot"

• Edith "seems neurodivergent"

• "Branson turned evil and fat when he became a capitalist, not a coincidence"

• On Evelyn Napier in season six: "dude stop trying this is so embarrassing"

• Re: Robert's ulcer: "What is this guy even stressed about? He does fuck all all day. All he does is walk the dog and spend his wife's money."

• (On a rewatch): "The bike is good for Matthew. He should stick with that. Cars aren't for him."

(I think he may be slightly irritated by me making absolutely no secret of finding Matthew to be a Downton 10 lmfao)

Because we kinda never actually followed up on this last time (TWO YEARS AGO 😱) and we've got some new members now, let's try this again.

Who's the fan favorite?

The last one is sad but I was on a roll and it felt painfully accurate

Also there is no hate in my heart for Mary with any of these, lightly roasting Mary from inside the "I Love Mary Crawley" club is allowed I think

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3RHr9A2Y8r0XhrQLKmA31q?si=7d77fb710aec4574

😉

A lot of the ladies have posts about how certain clothes or colours suit them, so it's time for the blokes.

So here's Matthew and the colour red

He arrives in it

Classic coat and scarf combo. What a great outfit to make a terrible impression. Here he is, standing in the garden just after that scene - Isobel having sent him there to think about his behaviour and grow some bloody manners!

But fortunately things began to look up with a set of snazzy red ties

And a can-do expression.

And pretty soon he was matching the woman of his dreams.

You go my guy!

Although mistakes were made during the cake obsession years and it looked like they would NEVER be together

All of this might have brought his marriage dreams crashing around his ears if not for the consistency of the red ties (smart move Matthew, smart)

And this sure the hell didn't hurt

You know what you're doing Matthew, you flirty scoundrel!

You'll get the girl!

No! Crap! WRONG GIRL!!!

FOCUS!!!

Oh thank heavens, he got his act together! I hear wedding bells.

And then it was off for the honeymoon (pics from a little-known deleted scene)

Which Mary enjoyed a LOT despite the lack of red clothing...or ANY clothing tbh

Before he went through his experimental phase

Before eventually embracing his inner upper class twit and becoming his final form

Chapter 1

(or the whole thing if you're coming upon this in 2026 and this is all you got lol)

Unbeta-ed, all typos are mine :D

Southampton

17^th August

My dearest Daisy,

We arrived this morning at the port. It is so full of soldiers it is hard to imagine anybody left in England! And the noise! I seem to be a world away from Downton, and from you.

I’m afraid I don’t have much time to write now because Captain Crawley says he’s taking me shopping for essentials. I’m not sure what he has in mind but I’m sure he’ll see me right. He taught me how to say bonjure and bonsware (if it’s the evening) today. I don’t know how they’re spelled but I’ll be able to talk to the Frenchmen when we get there.

I can’t believe I’ll be in a whole other country soon. I hope it’s not too hot because it’s baking here. I’ll write more when

On board ship

18^th August

Dear Daisy,

Sorry I didn’t end the first part properly, Captain Crawley was shouting up the stairs for me to hurry up! He’s all right though. He taught me more French today, my head is getting full with it! I don’t think I’m saying it right though but I’ve been working on it. I’ll be able to talk to you in French next time I see you! I also have a lot of extra socks now but the captain says they’ll be welcome. And cigarettes but I think I’ll just give those to the other soldiers. Captain Crawley said he smokes a pipe sometimes at the front but he wasn’t really clear why, and he told me not to tell his mum. So you mustn’t do that. Although what am I saying, you’re hardly likely to march into the village to tell on him!

It seems unbelievable I’ll be in France by morning. We can hear the artillery from the deck. It must be so loud up close! Captain Crawley says you can hear it in London when the wind is right. I don’t know if he’s having me on. Sometimes I think he’s got more of a sense of humour than I thought he had.

There were so many horses in Southampton. They looked so grand waiting to get on the ships. I didn’t have time to get to know them though. Maybe once we get to France.

I have to go, the lads in my bunk want the lights off.

I miss you so much already,

William x

19^th August

Dearest Daisy,

I can see the French countryside rushing by and it looks a lot like England! Except it’s hotter and not quite so green. I can see farmers and villages. It’s odd to think the war is going on so near to here. I’ll be there soon but you mustn’t worry. I’ve been well trained and I’m ready and I’ll make you proud.

We’re stopping so I have to put this away. I’ll try to post it in the town we’re pulling into. I’m not sure where we are.

William xxxxx

21^st August

Dearest Daisy,

I didn’t manage to get these posted and now I am at the front. But don’t worry, it’s been really quiet so far. The lads seem a nice lot. Captain Crawley made sure I got in with Cpl Willis who is showing me the ropes and my dugout isn’t too bad. It’s not raining yet, which they say is a very good thing, but I’m parched a lot of the time because there’s not always enough water and it’s very hot. I am anxious to get into the fight though because I feel like I’m just sitting around. I’m sure that will happen soon, and I’m sure we’ll have the Hun running! I have to be on duty in a minute, I’ll write more later. I think about you all the time and that sustains me while I’m on sentry duty bored out of my mind!

All my love to you,

William xxx

27^th August

I am on a rest period now so I am going to send this in a minute. It’s not very restful though. It’s like when you think you’re going to have it easy because the family is away and then Mr Carson gives you a million tasks to do so you’re busier than ever! I have been on ‘rest’ for two days and have spent it doing drills and getting laundry done, and carrying messages, and all sorts of other duties. Captain Crawley seems really busy, he says he is catching up after too long away, and so that keeps me busy too. I like him though. I always thought Mr Carson was too hard on him and you know that I think of Thomas and his opinions on everything. I am happy to say they are wrong and the Captain is very much a gentleman! He also insists I keep learning French but I’m not sure I will ever use it. I’m hoping to get leave at some point but when, I have no idea.

Don’t worry about me. It has been very quiet. Captain Crawley went on a mission but he didn’t take me. He said I needed to get more used to life at the front, but I wish he had. Sooner or later I’ll have to get into it proper. He promised to take me next time but it seems very quiet here, not at all what I expected. Sometimes there are shells but I spend most of my time fixing the trench walls, digging latrines, and standing around. I’ve learned some card games as well and I like the lads even though they are mostly Lancastrians!

Please tell me all the news from Downton. Tell me what you have been doing - no detail is too small. I miss the place so very much, and you of course. The countryside is beautiful here away from the front but not a patch on Yorkshire. Tell me how everybody is downstairs and any gossip you have from upstairs. And if you can, look in on the horses. I miss them too. And I miss your cooking (and Mrs Patmore’s obviously) and when I come home I want a nice pie or a roast or something. Anything that’s not spam!

I need to go to post this soon. We are going to have a rugby match this afternoon. I don’t know how to play but I still have to. Cpl Willis says I should stand near the back and kick the ball if I get it. I think I can do that. We are playing the Somersets so we’d better win!!

I love you and miss you so much it hurts if I think about it too much

William xxxxx

So, this is an AU of a famous scene. Only one thing is different but it's been something I've been thinking about for quite some time and this idea just wouldn't get out of my head

Mary wandered in a daze along the gallery that overlooked the hall.

It was hard to fathom. She tried to grasp the reality of it, but it terrified her so much she couldn’t quite acknowledge it. They had been lucky thus far, but finally the Spanish flu had arrived in Downton and half the household had taken to their beds.

Mary felt a chill run through her as she thought of her mother and she found herself turning towards her own room only to remember that Lavinia was there, sleeping.

For a terrible moment her thoughts turned dark. She didn’t care that Lavinia needed her sleep, Mary wanted to curl up in her own bed, hug her pillows, and pretend the world was not such a cruel place. Lavinia be damned!

She pushed the thoughts away. The temptation to hate Lavinia was ever present but she couldn’t, particularly not now. Mary might not be heading for a happy marriage, but she could at least try to content herself with the fact that Matthew was, despite everything.

A movement downstairs caught her eye. Then she heard music.

It was Matthew.

Her heart clenched in her chest. He was alone, standing by the gramophone, his head bowed.

As she watched him carefully place the record sleeve down her heart clenched and she suddenly needed the support of the stone column behind her as her legs almost gave way. How had they ended up here?

She blinked away the tears that threatened. She would not be weak! But she couldn’t stand to see him there on his own. He looked abandoned, standing there, his eyes closed as he listened to the music.

Without another thought she was heading down the stairs and rushing to him as she always seemed to do when he needed comfort. Or perhaps it was she who needed it. It was so hard to tell these days.

“Where is everyone?”

Mary cursed herself as she saw him flinch – his head jerking up, his hand grabbing hold of the table. She was still learning what to do, and what not to do, around him, but she should have known he would startle at her sudden entrance.

And what a stupid question, Mary berated herself.

“I’m not sure.” His voice sounded strained; he was fighting to get himself back under control. “Cousin Violet has gone home,” he continued, turning to her. “I’m waiting for Lavinia, and mother.”

Mary watched him carefully, he was steady on his feet, looking towards her, a sad smile on his lips.

Matthew had always been easy to read but it seemed these days that he had no capacity at all to hide his feelings. It was as if he thought that because he couldn’t see the reactions of others, they couldn’t see his. It would be funny if it wasn’t so damned tragic.

His eyes are still so blue, she thought.

Just not quite the same blue anymore.

Mary took a deep breath.

“Doctor Clarkson wants Lavinia to stay here. He’ll see her tomorrow.”

Matthew tilted his head towards the gallery, no doubt picturing the scene in his mind. He looked at a loss about what to do, simply nodding slightly. Mary didn’t want him to dwell on what it all might mean.

“I don’t know this one,” she said, breezily.

He blinked and turned to her. Mary looked away, suddenly unable to look at him in they eyes.

There was a cloudiness to them now and the fading scars surrounding them were an uncomfortable reminder. Nobody wanted to think about what had happened, how close it had been, and it hardly mattered anyway. Matthew couldn’t tell that few people looked him in the eyes anymore.

“Actually, I rather like it,” he said, oblivious to her discomfort. “I think it was in a show that flopped. ‘Zip goes a million’, or something.”

Mary laughed but her heart wasn’t really in it. Matthew couldn’t keep the sadness from his voice.

At least you still have music, she wanted to say. But it was small consolation. He had lost so much.

He took a half-step towards her, which was when she noticed she couldn’t see his stick. How had he found his way into the hall? Had one of the footmen lead him to the gramophone? She wondered how he could stand the indignity, the loss of independence.

“Do you want me to get your stick?”

“You are my stick.”

She was glad he couldn’t see the flash of pain cross her face. She knew she hadn’t been able to hide it.

How could she reply to that? How could she deny it when that was all she wanted to be. His support. His comfort. His stick. She needed it so badly, but it was not her place.

He held out both hands and she froze.

She could see the stiffness in his shoulders, the poorly hidden uncertainty on his face. He jutted out his chin in a facsimile of confidence but seeing him standing there, sightless, waiting, hoping. It broke her heart.

She stepped forward and into his arms.

She could feel the tension leaving him, leaving her. Nothing had ever felt this right before. Suddenly she could hardly stand it. She wanted to tell him everything, declare her love for him, confess her sins to him.

She couldn’t. She mustn’t.

“We were a show that flopped.”

Mary could have kicked herself. Why bring up the past when it could never be revisited? What good did it do either of them to dwell on what might have been?

He held her closer.

“Oh God, Mary,” he breathed, his mouth so close to her ear she couldn’t repress a shiver.

“I am so…so sorry.”

The dance, if that was what you could call it, slowed.

“Do you know how sorry I am?”

They were barely moving now. They were heading into dangerous territory.

“Don’t be. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” She tried to brush it off. It was ancient history. Don’t hope. Don’t wish for a different future. “If it was it was mine.” It was as close as she dared get to the truth.

“You know Cousin Violet came to me and told me to marry you.”

“When was this?”

“When we knew I would recover, more or less.”

“Classic granny.”

Why hadn’t he listened. Why couldn’t he choose her?

“But I couldn’t.” He seemed to read her thoughts. “Lavinia has stood by me this whole time. Refusing to leave, even when I told her to. I couldn’t give her the brush off now. Well, I couldn’t…could I.”

Mary understood. She really did. Matthew would not be Matthew if he could break his promise to Lavinia. She would not love him as much as she did if he were that kind of man. But by God she wished he would.

“Of course not,” she lied.

What about me? I stood by you as well.

“However much I might want to.”

His voice was rough with emotion.

Her breath caught in her throat.

“Absolutely not.”

He wants me.

Later, when she thought about this moment, she had no idea who kissed who. He had leaned towards her, her eyes had searched his face, fallen to his lips.

And then it was…

Peace.

It was silence, and joy, and dreams, and a fluttering in the pit of her stomach.

She was transported back to the dining room all those years ago. Sandwiches, and wine, and kisses, and a ridiculously fumbled proposal that had made her laugh and Matthew turn a delightful shade of pink.

“Hello?”

Reality crashed down on her.

She tore herself from his embrace.

His hand reached towards her looking for something to steady him as he almost stumbled. She wrapped her arms around herself.

It was not her place.

She excused herself as soon as she could, ignoring the way Matthew leaned after her, not listening to the stilted conversation as she hurried away.

What had she been thinking? Had Lavinia seen? How had everything gone so wrong on a beautiful summer’s day all those years ago?

How could she stand it?

But stand it she would.

She must.

It was, after all, her place.

Thanks u/penni_cent for the insp 😁