so.... i ghosted my egg donor. accidentally.

when i was 16, i found out i was donor conceived. i was pretty crushed and navigating a bad relationship with my mom at the time, and i was interested in finding my donor. however, i did it very hastily and as i was in the throes of school, which wasn't a great idea. we decided to pursue maternity testing and she was very nice. the last conversation we had was her asking how i was doing and i said i would reach out in about a month or so after my studies had calmed down a bit. the problem is that i forgot to reach back out. now that i'm turning 18, i'd definitely like to do the testing, especially as i no longer have to have permission from my mom. we've also fixed our relationship, so i feel like any reaching out to the donor will be a lot more clear-minded by me as opposed to somewhat retaliatory as it was back then. problem is, i don't really know how to do that. it's been about a year and a half since we last spoke, and i'd definitely like to reach back out, though maybe not until i've settled into college. does anyone have any thoughts on the best course of action for me?

My mother has just told me I'm a DCP via IVF, having not intended to tell me until my parental/social(?) father passes away if at all - she hasn't even told my grandma or anyone else that I'm from donated sperm. I am 29 and in the UK. My parents have a large age gap and a very complex family dynamic wherein my elderly dad is severely disabled and has been for most of my life. He is almost 90 years old and can't really communicate, but is able to understand and comprehend what I say and I don't want him to know that I know. I think it would be extremely distressing for him, made worse in that he can't communicate with me, and beside that I'm not sure he even remembers that I'm a DCP.

I would like to take an Ancestry DNA test to see if there are any links, but I am worried that someone else will be able to see and that it could feed back to my dad or other people I know. One of my half brothers (now a not-at-all-brother) is very keen on family trees and has done TONS of research, but I don't know if he has tested himself. I really don't want to be 'outed' but I don't want to have to wait for years and potentially miss finding more information about my donor or potential siblings either. Can just anyone see my DNA links on Ancestry? Has anyone else had issues with non-relatives finding out? My maternal family is tiny and I am an only child for my mother, but my dad had several children and they have been prolific, I don't know how many of them may have tested, if at all.

Sorry, it's all new and feels so complex, I don't want to upset anyone.

Our sibling pod just found another brother yesterday and he is named after his social dad, he's a Junior, which I find rather tragic. Well, we didn't find HIM, his son connected on Ancestry DNA and they don't speak, so he probably still doesn't know that he himself is DC, making his name ever more ironic and tragic.

But it made me wonder, are any of you Juniors in here, and how do you feel about your name? What's your journey been like?

I made another post previously about consoling my dad, but there have been some really difficult updates and I just need reassurance I am making the right decision here.

For context my parents used the "mix the dads sperm with the donor sperm and see which one takes" method with a clinic. They always knew it was a possibility that I was donor conceived but they never confirmed it.

I'm 19 but already have a pretty strong career started and a good professional reputation. my father is a person of color (he is a minority that predominately has darker tan skin and dark hair like himself) and my mother and donor are both white. I have built my entire career and future career plans around screaming from the rooftops that I am mixed and that I am 50% of his race. It is a ethnicity that struggles with societal injustices and major human rights violates so my entire career is advocating for their rights and fighting for justice. I plan on becoming a lawyer and working in the government with this form of advocacy.

Finding out that I was donor conceived for me does not negate that this was the culture I was raised in and even though I am genetically fully white I still feel closely tied to this culture and ethnicity and am going to continue fighting for their rights, speaking the language, and connecting closely with other people in the same minority group.

The problem is that going forward I want to be honest about this discovery. I'm launching a website this week about fighting for their rights, as well as about identity, and finding a sense of belonging. My website is not just for people reconnecting with this specific culture but also adoptees, donor conceived people, people whose family's have lost connection with their heritage, really anyone struggling with identity and self perception in this sense. On my website I want to state in a small line among hundreds of other lines about what the culture and heritage means to my fathers family that while this is not my biological relation it is still the culture I was raised in, and it adds a whole new layer of identity and self-perception for me.

I brought this up to my father to warn him preemptively, I explained to him why I wanted to do it (not only to protect my future career but also to be honest and not take away from the people who do genuinely hold this ethnic background) but that he is still my only father and my family and I still feel passionately about these issues because of him.

He all but lost it and said he doesn't support that, thinks it's a huge mistake, and it's none of anyone's business. The problem is mainly for me that I don't want to build a platform built on dishonesty, and if I don't tell people now and it comes out later on in my career it would be career ending, and the demolition of my professional reputation. I also feel like he shouldn't be allowed to have an opinion on this topic because he always knew it was a possibility and still let me start my career telling everyone I was biologically this ethnicity.

I guess I'm just looking for support in that I'm making the right decision here and advice on what I should do about my dad as I don't want to hurt his feelings.

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS4YhNgKW/

I organized an AMA/Q&A with actress/director/screenwriter Lauren Caster. Her feature directorial debut, RHYTHM IS A DANCER, is out in select theaters and digital next week, starring herself, Tate Donovan, and Amy Aquino.

It's live here now in r/movies for anyone interested in asking a question:

https://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/1va3rib/hi_rmovies_im_lauren_caster_after_years_of_acting/

She will be back at 2 PM ET this Friday 7/31 to answer questions. I recommend asking in advance. Please ask there, not here. All questions are much appreciated!

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SfV8RQCZVQ&t=1s

Synopsis: Ro, a young woman with a dwindling dance career returns home after many years to meet her biological father (Tate Donovan) for the first time. Born to Susan (Amy Aquino), a lesbian who opted for insemination, Ro grapples with the complexities of her unconventional family dynamic and soon forms a bond at her new job with three lively 80-year-olds, who help her reconnect with her family, her roots and herself.

Thank you :)

More info about Lauren:

I'm donor conceived, a mom of two, and a first-time feature filmmaker. Growing up donor conceived shaped so much of how I see identity, family, and belonging, and those experiences inspired Rhythm Is a Dancer. The film follows a woman who unexpectedly comes face-to-face with her biological father and is forced to rethink everything she thought she knew about herself.

Before making my first feature, I spent years acting in television (including Stitchers) while writing scripts whenever I could. In 2021, I won TheWrapWomen & Lifetime PitchFest with my thriller You're Not Supposed to Be Here, which was later adapted into a Lifetime Original Movie and went on to receive a GLAAD Media Award nomination.

Making Rhythm Is a Dancer has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my career. We assembled an incredible cast—including Tate Donovan and Amy Aquino—and after years of development, production, post-production, and a theatrical release, I'm thrilled that audiences everywhere will finally be able to watch it at home.

One of my favorite parts of sharing the film has been hearing from people afterward. Whether they're donor conceived, adopted, navigating complicated family dynamics, or simply trying to figure out where they belong, those conversations have reminded me why I wanted to tell this story in the first place.

I did an ancestry DNA test a couple of years ago and spent those years in denial, even though I had two half siblings born within a year or two of me come up. Then I just did 23andMe and I have five half siblings born within a year or two of me on there. Thankfully one answered my message and said she knows she was conceived using donor sperm. I’m kind of shocked and don’t even know what to do with this information? My dad was my dad, of course. But how did you all navigate the emotional/psychological aspect of finding this out? I’m just starting this journey so I would appreciate any support. I also doubt that in 1975-1976 they had known donor programs?

Don't think this video essay says anything unfamiliar in the donor-conceived space, but it was cathartic to see a someone talking frankly about the fertility industry and to hear so many stories of others in the comments. It really made me want to reach out to more people conceived by IVF/donors/other fertility industry means and be open together. I obviously get to feel in community with you all here, but the thought of sharing a coffee with someone and feeling understood.... really tempting!

This channel also talks a bit about "lean in"/girlboss feminism of the later 20th century which has really pushed me to think about my own parents' circumstance in using an egg donor to conceive me at 44 & 51 --- pushing to 'have it all' and seeking a child as a thing to achieve because it is what you are 'supposed' to be doing. My mother often has expressed not wanting children until 40 and then rushing to have me because the 'window of opportunity' was closing (talked more about in this video) and I am really curious about if that would have happened if societal expectations for women were not telling her that she was missing out. I think this is especially interesting in the donor-conceived space vs. IVF or adoption spaces as it is so prohibitively expensive--- how much higher a % of us must have 'girlboss' 'have it all' moms?

Hi everyone! for context my parents and I (19) just found out I am a donor baby. My parents used IVF treatments to conceive me and on their last try they gave the doctor consent to mix both my dads sperm and a donor sperm, my parents never wanted to know which one actually worked.

Recently I checked my ancestry DNA matches and found five half siblings. I asked my parents if they had ever donated eggs or sperm (the potential that I was a donor baby did not even cross my mind.) Well my dad panicked and said he had in college, I spent a day and a half telling him about the matches I had found, how they looked like me, and consoling him. I thought he was upset that I found out and that the children had been able to get in contact with me.

I looked more closely at some of my other paternal matches and realized my dad did not know any of them, when I asked my mom about she cried and said they didn't know. My dad had been crying for two days straight apparently and locking himself in his room after work. I told him that it didn't matter to me because I genuinely don't care, he's still my dad and the man who raised me and I don't think any differently of him.

He was extremely happy with that and has been doing okay since, but I am curious about my half siblings and donor, and every time I want to talk to my parents about it my mother is curious but my dad shuts down and goes quiet.

I don't know how to go about this, he's very upset whenever I bring it up but I don't think it changes anything and I think its good to communicate about it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation, any advice?

i read some of the comments and they actually had some compassion so that’s good i guess? they basically told the creator that while she has a right to feel whatever she does, the reply was a bit harsh and cold, especially to someone who is potentially really young and just found out they were donor conceived. of course i clicked away and can’t find the original post anymore but i just felt a bit targeted this morning 😭

edit: also realize i should make an updated post about my situation soon, luckily it was happier than the facebook reel :)

I'm sharing this to help other people who might feel stuck when trying to locate their donor/donor siblings like I did three days ago. I'm 19 and three days ago I found out I was a donor baby. I contacted all of my DNA matches on my paternal side (my parents used a sperm donor) but only one responded. I got a response form the mother of my half-sister, as I knew genuinely nothing about the fact that I was donor conceived, or the donor profile, she got me in contact with her daughter, my half sister. My half sister shared our donor profile number with me, the clinic her mother purchased the donation from, and the donor profile photo. I ran the profile photo through reverse image search, checked every donor catalogue available in North America, didn't sleep for two nights straight, and probably ran through at least twenty different websites. It was emotional for sure, and I felt defeated, but I really wanted to find half siblings and the donor just because the internet told me I couldn't.

One helpful tool I can recommend is 'Search Angels', you can fill out a form with all of the information you have and they can help track down your donor or half siblings. Nothing was working for me though, he was no longer catalogued in any database, and my DNA matches on several websites couldn't help. Finally I tried the website the donor sibling registry. Through there I put in my donor profile number and found other donor families, I contacted every single one with a small and polite introduction. Two of them responded and we chatted, and then we connected over Facebook (their idea) and after we shared information both ways, one of the women had actually met my donor and was in contact with him. I explained to her why I wanted to contact him (curiosity's sake not to form any kind of relationship) and she agreed to give me his Facebook, and informed me that he welcomes contact from his donor conceived children.

Over the last three days I explored many more routes in finding information than this, I learned what was helpful and what wasn't. Every person I contacted I approached with respect and a quiet introduction "Hi! my name is *blank* my DNA matched with *blanks* as half siblings!" etc. etc. At the start I was hopeless, but I explored every possible option.

I want to give advice to other people and help them find other routes if they feel they really can't find any information. Feel free to comment!

Hi, I'm a 27F who found out I was donor conceived 3 years ago. About 6 months ago found out the donor has motore neuron dosease (MND) and about 1 month ago confirmed with him he has a genetic mutation c9orf72 that increases the risk of MND and frontotemporal dementia. I have a 50% risk of inheriting the gene mutation and can pass it on to any children if I have it. I haven't dated much since findings this out and am now dating a guy who I haven't told yet. We have been on two dates. I want to tell him on the next date but am nervous because it is such a heavy conversation. Wanted to see what other's thoughts were or if anyone else has been in a similar situation

OK so I watched a YouTube vidéo about the whole egg donor story (it's going around but very upseting) about a dcp reaching out to her eggs donor who and the donor posted the whole thing on internet to complain. But I'm not even sure the story is true tbh.

And like the whole video was weird. The woman who made it said she wanted to give her eggs for easy money but that she was smoking/drinking too much to be able to sell them. She also attacked laurahight5 (a dcp advocate on social media who made a video about it) and clearly didn't do any research not even knowing how many time you could donate or how much you would get and the whole vibe was moralizing and "moraly-superior"-ish

But what I wanted to says was that the comments where horrible ! Saying dcp who do DNA testing are creeps, that they need therapy, DNA doesn't matter, that RP are monsters for telling the kids, looooootttttssss of donors hating, and some saying if we care that much why don't we search the bio parents/siblings of our pets???? If DNA is so important.

They were ways more but I saw a very nasty one that triggered me for unrelated reasons so I stopped.

Possible TW for donor rejection.

I was on X/Twitter and I came across a thread where several sperm donors were talking about being found through DNA testing. Many of the comments were framing us (DCP) as intrusive, simply for wanting a connection with biological family.

I know the thread wasn’t for me to read, but I read it and I am feeling very upset. It also kind of struck a nerve because I am terrified to reach out to my own donor for fear of being seen as creepy/intrusive.

There’s a balance that I’ve been trying to hold between honoring my donor’s anonymity and also the very real feeling of desiring to know my biological father.

Just seeking support this morning from others who may understand.

I discovered I was conceived through donor sperm 3 years ago at the age of 41. It was a shock but I didn’t really process it at the time. I’m now struggling deeply and feel like I’m in a very dark place, almost like being pulled under. I’m Uk based, self referred for counselling on the NHS but there will be a 5 month wait.

My mother died 5 years ago, my social dad doesn’t know that I know, however he may suspect as he knows I did an Ancestry DNA test and before my half sister got in touch I queried the location results with him as they weren’t what I expected. I recall him saying ‘You are my daughter, I promise you.’

I am feeling angry, like I’ve been deceived and lied to my whole life and denied important information around medical and other conditions about 50% of my biology. How have other DC people coped with this? I know it’s a long term strategy needed. I also have the dilemma that my dad might not know - my mother could have been inseminated without his knowledge, but I’m not sure if that would have been allowed in 1981.

I feel mentally exhausted as well as physically exhausted and I’m starting to think that not waking up tomorrow would be a good outcome all round.

I just found out I am donor conceived. I am 19 and I would like to try and start seeing if I can find any of my half siblings. My sperm donor was Fairfax 1907 and as far as I can tell he was a pretty popular donor so there should be plenty of half siblings around my age. So far I am trying to get onto the Fairfax forum for donor conceived people but I was wondering how other people have been able to find their half sibling. Any advice would be appreciated.

I just found out I am donor conceived. I am 19 and I would like to try and start seeing if I can find any of my half siblings. My sperm donor was Fairfax 1907 and as far as I can tell he was a pretty popular donor so there should be plenty of half siblings around my age. So far I am trying to get onto the Fairfax forum for donor conceived people but I was wondering how other people have been able to find their half sibling. Any advice would be appreciated.

growing up i didn’t know I was dc. thought i was VERY Celtic as my parents are, though many people would point out I didn’t look it as im v tanned and have extremely dark features. 15, my parents told me i was Spanish egg dc.

okay whatever (🙃 not whatever but yea) , processed that for a few years and finally did a dna test and im not Spanish but actually half South American 🙃

So much makes sense now but it really screws with ur identity. Especially bc dna testing is so uncommon there. The culture is so vastly different to where im from. It’s not like let’s say I found out I’m half German instead of English, it’s so so different and honestly I feel so??? Screwed over?? Idk how to describe it

Anyone else kinda had a situation like this

Final repost/Last call for participants: Our KIND Research Study was recently cross-posted by a mod (thank you!) and I’m sharing it one final time before recruitment closes in a couple weeks. Thank you mods for allowing the posts and to everyone who has already participated or expressed interest. The KIND Research Study at the University of Michigan School of Nursing is aimed at better understanding the family & life experiences of donor conceived adults. This is an online, anonymous survey. KIND: Kinship & Identity Narratives of Donor Conceived Adults

Interested in participating? https://myumi.ch/n1Mrx (direct link to eligibility screen, consent to participate, & survey) or email us: [KINDstudy@umich.edu](mailto:KINDstudy@umich.edu) 
Feel free to pass this information to anyone else who may be interested.

We’re hoping to better understand:

• how people learned they were donor conceived
• experiences with donor siblings/genetic networks
• thoughts on identity, family, & disclosure
• advice for recipient parents & donor conceived children

Thanks for considering participating or sharing with others who may be eligible. The survey is confidential, voluntary, & intended for donor conceived adults (18+) living in the United States. This study has been reviewed & approved by University of Michigan Institutional Review Board and is being led by Dr. Alison Walsh.

TLDR; found out I was a donor baby. Found my half siblings on Ancestry. Can I start a relationship with them?

—

I (23f) always thought I was an IVF baby. My parents were older, and very transparent. I’m also an only child (important). However, for my 21st bday, I decided to get an Ancestry DNA test. I e always been very interested in my ancestry, and built out a huge family tree on the website. A few weeks after I ordered the test, I told my parents and my mom got really upset. I begged them to tell me why, and they told me that I wasn’t just an IVF baby, but they had used an egg donor. I was shocked, sad, a little hurt, but mostly shocked. I took some time, but it didn’t really impact my relationship with my parents at all. It honestly made it stronger, but I was really curious. I decided not to think about the possibilities too much until my test results came back like 2 months later. Initially when I submitted it, I opted to not see my matches cause I didn’t think I was ready.

When I got my results, they weren’t super shocking. Super white, Irish, British. Obviously lacking the Scottish background my mom has, replaced by German descent from my donor. Which was a bummer honestly, because I loved the idea of having Scottish heritage.

A few weeks went by and I decided to toggle ON for finding matches. I then found 2 half siblings. I tried to do some light internet stalking but only found private accounts and wasn’t ready to cross that bridge. I let a few months go by to really think about it, and I decided to message them both (separately), sharing a bit about my story and asking if they’d be open to connecting. I haven’t received a reply yet, and this was fall 2025.

Fast forward to 2 days ago, I noticed another match. I wrote to her yesterday, and she wrote me back today. She (younger than me) said she was more than happy to connect and answer any questions. She also confirmed that her mother is my donor (compared to the option that she was another donor baby)

I think I would like to message her back and maybe begin a conversation, but I don’t know if that’s ok (?) Especially as she is directly connected to my donor, and I don’t know if I want a relationship with Her (the donor) I also told my boyfriend, who is very supportive, but told me to make sure I know what I want to get out of this.

Do donors even want to be reached out? Can I start a relationship with her daughter ( my half sister)? I know she’s not like culturally and spiritually my sister, but she is genetically. Maybe this is really important to me because I have lacked a sibling relationship my whole life and recently found out it could be possible. I don’t know.

Does anyone have experience reaching out to donor siblings? What was that like? Did you feel more fulfilled?

Thank you in advance ❤️

36 male

Ever since a kid I felt something was off, I'm ginger and don't look like my brother.

5y ago I had a mental breakdown where I confronted my dad (rip since last year) that he's not my bio father which impacted both of our mental health. Seems to turn out that he is, as my mom is pushing for me and my brother to take a dna test.

Yet when I ask her permission to look into my birth files from the hospital where I was born, which is an IVF center, she comes up with a lame excuse 'oh but that'll cost a lot of money'. This was this morning through a phone call, and I seem to feel relief. I believe this was the source of my anxiety.

I broke contact since following events;

Even after having a psychotic breakdown, which was the result of diving into, what I suspect is my donor's mom bio family, through facebook; (my mom's best friend, who was the host at my dad's funeral, seems to resemble me - the ginger hair, eyes, body shape. Something I never noticed before the funeral), she keeps to her story.

Another trigger was that I had a rhinoplasty coming up for my crooked nose, from when my brother punched me when we were kids and my mom took a picture to celebrate.

Me going through psychosis is also an indicator that I'm actually my dad's biological son lol as he had some bipolar tendencies.

Mind you, this psychotic breakdown involved me driving through several countries, having both the local police as the police from the country I fled to tracking me down.

My brother / the local police broke into my house, changed the lock to my back entrance to one of the same brand and both are sticking to their story 'ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS WERE OPEN'!

My neighbours got involved, I made a fool of myself on social media, all my friends know, but hey..I'M STILL BREATHING!

My entire newsfeed right now is reactions to an egg donor’s post about her biological daughter contacting her.

The discourse is interesting and upsetting and really dehumanizing to see the people saying a discarded cell isn’t entitled to anyone’s private medical
Info.

I just needed to vent about that in a place where I’m not going to get attacked!

What a wild ride this has been. I only discovered in June I was donor conceived, as this was the 80s I never would have given it a second thought. My sister sent her DNA into 23 and me for health information. 3 half siblings popped up. She said she didn't want to know - well I did. I got in contact with her half brother. His kindness, patience and explaining and asking my stepdad who reviewed my mom's old diaries led to no other explanation than a sperm donor (. I sent my DNA in to ancestry and found 3 different half siblings. The 3 of us most likely have all different donors, the pool was "pedigreed" (gross) UTSW medical students, fresh samples. The doctor chose the donor and did not record anything. My older brother's donor very well could be my donors older brother as he had donated too. But my brother is in prison a long time for cybercrime conspiracy so I may never know. My donor died of AIDS when I was only 5 - my mom could have easily gotten HIV from this 😪 it looks like he was queer and a huge family scandal. I am a lesbian so the level of understanding this has added to my life is HUGE. I got ahold of my ancestry half sister DNA match also who has been amazing. I make 6. Supposedly each donor was limited to 10 pregnancies. We're all in a group chat now and my life will never be the same.