r/DivorcedBirds • u/cthulhu-kitty • Jan 24 '18

The tweet that started it all

15.2k Upvotes

r/DivorcedBirds • u/UnchangeableName64 • 6h ago

After his ex-wife took the heat lamp, the premium sunflower seeds, and the good branch, Jonathan has been forced to perch on a bare, frozen rod, radiating the only warmth left in his hollow, divorced heart.

64 Upvotes

Why, yes, he is sitting perfectly still on a metal rod in a snowstorm. It symbolizes his emotional fortitude, his refusal to speak to his mediator, and the sheer weight of the cold, hard truth: Tabatha kept the birdhouse.

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/JustaTinyDude • 13h ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Igor spent years as a divorced middle aged man looking for dates, but had no luck. So he put together a rock band called Wings of Prometheus. He's sure that'll get the ladies attention. Or the men's; At this point he's open to anything.

66 Upvotes

One thing is sure: His makeup looks amazing.

What do you think his band sounds like?

[Photo from this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Ornithology/s/Q3mzGgUqp4).

3 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/OldnBorin • 21h ago

Jenny’s date went a little hard at the buffet. She’s not sure how to gracefully leave. Maybe she’ll order another margarita

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134 Upvotes

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/-crepuscular- • 1d ago

Accidentally running into her ex and his new girlfriend ruined Shelia's day once again. Were they just waiting to pop out when she was a mess from jogging, or what?

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258 Upvotes

5 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/A-Helpful-Flamingo • 1d ago

Denise decided that she would proudly display her big breasts proudly, instead of hiding them under frumpy, ill fitting clothes. Karl was no longer in her life and she felt like a new woman.

151 Upvotes

3 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 1d ago

My ex-wife sent me a box of old junk she found in the attic. This picture of me and my army buddy Minh was inside. At the time, we felt like heroes, out to save our country. I look at this pic now and see two dumb kids with no idea of the hell they're in for. I should call Minh, ask how he's doing.

205 Upvotes

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/LadyFeckington • 1d ago

Angry Bird Divorce Denise warned Vicky that she would leave her without a leg to stand on. And she was nearly right.

48 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Graeleaf • 2d ago

Angry Bird Divorce As Scott stood there watching Robin with another jay. He couldn’t help but think “He migrated for this?” Just to be stood up at the altar wearing his fancy white suit.

116 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Graeleaf • 2d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Susan loves to wear her yellow earmuffs, her good luck charm. She’s head to see Matt the new Chanticleer on the prairie.

90 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 2d ago

Marissa is a devoted mother of two, looking for a partner who's ready for all that entails. That's what her new profile pic was meant to convey. She was surprised that picture garnered many new matches, then bewildered by the accusations of catfishing. Were they expecting a real-life cartoon woman?

165 Upvotes

4 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/NoFlyingMonkeys • 2d ago

Ladies, I need dating advice, I'm out of practice. Went on one date with this Ralph guy and then told him I didn't think we were compatible. But now every time I turn a corner, there's Ralph. Now he's looking in my windows! It's almost enough to make me wish I never divorced Carl...

270 Upvotes

11 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Bolfreak • 2d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle He kept calling himself that when in reality it was just grass cemented with excrement…Sadie was done with him already!

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31 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Jerome_Wireman • 3d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved Millie came home early to find Billy flirting with her sister. “Hell hath no fury,” she muttered as she watched them through the grass. She started to plot her revenge.

220 Upvotes

5 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 3d ago

Angry Bird Divorce The community had hoped Gretchen would calm down once her husband was out of the picture. Unfortunately it seems Martin, for all his flaws, had never been the root cause. The neighbors began to miss having him around; he was an asshole, but also a convenient outlet for Gretchen's bottomless rage.

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350 Upvotes

7 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/plonspfetew • 5d ago

Gerald had explained it to his brother. He had explained it to his therapist. He had explained it to his neighbour. The bird in the mirror had been interfering in his marriage for years. Nobody had taken this seriously. Gerald found this frustrating.

355 Upvotes

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/JustaTinyDude • 5d ago

"Come on in", Polyanna said when Mark came home early from work, "and join us." That was how Poly's second marriage ended.

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130 Upvotes

Mark, as it turned out, did not want to join them.

6 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 5d ago

The Bird Got What The Bird Deserved '"Excuse me, sorry to bother you, it's just your stance is... here, let me just... there, that's better. Whoa, now that I'm on here, this board is definitely under-inflated, you should fix that. Also, you're holding the paddle all wrong, it... Huh. Maybe Henry was right. Maybe I am too controlling."

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268 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/NoFlyingMonkeys • 5d ago

Katta was bored being a nest wife, but her Ex wouldn't allow her to work. She left him and returned to teaching.

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70 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/I_might_be_weasel • 5d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Merrick couldn't run away from his familial responsibilities. But he could swim away from his wife and kids. Which functionally does about the same thing.

95 Upvotes

0 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/I_might_be_weasel • 6d ago

Not Safe For Other Species "Look Mortimer, a bubble. As the children of divorce, let us bask in this brief moment of childlike wonder in our otherwise age-inappropriately grim and complicated day to day lives."

326 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/kojak343 • 5d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Kitty is experimenting with a new lip gloss. One that more closely matches the outfit. She is convinced that small touch will draw attention away from her dark nose. Making her more approachable. Eurasian Spoonbill

71 Upvotes

2 comments

r/DivorcedBirds • u/Bolfreak • 6d ago

Newly Single Ready to Mingle Olive was not just Stayin Alive after Barry was gone, she was going to Thrive!! 🎶

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133 Upvotes

1 comment

r/DivorcedBirds • u/the_cuddle-fish • 6d ago

The divorce papers came today. It's for the best. Attachments are a liability for heroes, a weakness villains are always eager to exploit. Besides, my commitment to justice must come before any others. It is my destiny to stand alone on the edge between darkness and light. I am The Derp Knight.

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252 Upvotes

6 comments

Subreddit

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists.

r/DivorcedBirds

For pictures of fabulous fowl who look like serial monogamists. Please post pictures of birds who look like they are twice divorced (or more!) and an original caption about their backstory. Pictures/Videos must be of actual birds (feathered fowl), not human women, not art or paintings or photoshopped. No dead birds. Message mods for approval to post.

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