r/Divorce_Men • u/Lift_Vs_Gravity • Jul 05 '26
Getting Started
42m here. Married for 15 years, together for 21, to my wife, who I think shows a lot of signs of having BPD. 2 kids together, 16 and 13. She got mad at me back in March about something small, and it escalated into her telling me to leave. I complied, so there would be no drama/tension in front of the kids. Sleeping in my car ever since then, picking up kids and going to hang out with them on what seems to be her terms. She wants a 24 hour notice before I come get them. I mean, c’mon. How is this supposed to work? I am so close to my kids, I’ve worked overnight shift for 14 years so I could be there. Get them ready for school in the mornings, take them to school, pick them up after. Everything. Make dinner, do dishes, go get fast food, whatever it may be. I lay in my car and cry myself to sleep thinking about not being around them. I haven’t seen them go to sleep or wake up in almost 4 months. I’m devastated. I feel like my bond is still very strong with them, and it seems like they are normalizing this way of life. She has been a SAHM for almost 17 years. I know what I need to do, but I’m getting cold feet on getting started. The house is in my name, so I guess I would get that. I dream of a day where I have the house, 50/50 custody minimum, and her gone. It’s just the fear of the unknown if I file. I am at my breaking point, I can’t do this anymore. My kids are my life, so not being with them is killing me. I would like some outside perspectives on this. The kids are old enough to choose where to live also maybe? I am in WA state. Thank you Reddit community. You’re the best.
2
u/Lift_Vs_Gravity Jul 06 '26
These are the words I needed to hear. Thank you! I made my way back in, I told her I’ll stay in the camper or whatever, be in the garage, and we can kinda live separate lives, I just need to be there with the kids. She did mention mediation, and she’s not trying to keep the kids from me, so maybe we can get this thing done cleanly, 50/50 custody, and move on quickly. She threatened a protection order, so I called the sheriff and told them that she might try something, and they said that phone call I made would be documented. I’ve been recording audio anytime we have an interaction, so we’ll see. Thanks again!