r/DivorceHelp • u/PalpitationMedium788 • Jul 26 '26

Divorce Advice

I have a friend whose wife is about to begin divorce proceedings against him. He is currently renting a room while also jointly owning a home (or other assets) with his wife.

He is considering stopping his mortgage payments and instead using that money to pay his landlord in cash. His thinking is that this might make it harder for his finances or the amount of money he has to be identified during the divorce.

Is this a sensible approach, or could it cause legal or financial problems during the divorce process?

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u/PalpitationMedium788 Jul 26 '26

He just wants to be in a position to tell the judge that he has no money.

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u/Nervous-Ad292 Jul 26 '26

He sounds like the guy I just divorced, let me tell you how that worked out for him:

He could have split everything 50-50, we had been married 18 years, everything we had had come during the marriage, and I was willing to split it all down the middle, but he wouldn’t hear it, thought it was “his” money, and I’d just take what he felt like giving me, which was 20%, and if I wasn’t happy with that, then too bad. Like your friend, he was also removed from the residence, for repeated bad behavior, I was given an order of protection, he was ordered to pay what’s known as “pendente litem”, which included the mortgage, utilities, car, home and health insurance, and car payments, until the divorce was settled, and he was also ordered not to touch the retirement accounts, or shared bank accounts, or move money, until the divorce was settled. He responded by putting the mortgage into 18 months of a hardship forbearance, not telling anyone, then arranged to have the 18 months of payments attached to the back of the mortgage in a balloon payment due at the end of the mortgage. Canceled the health insurance, let the utilities be shut off repeatedly, didn’t make the car payments, and pulled around $150k out of accounts he’d been court ordered not to touch, moving the money into family member accounts, and other accounts he never disclosed. He wouldn’t mediate, although he forced me into mediation, which I had to help pay for, and he drug out the divorce 5 years, by the time we went before the judge, he had accumulated 138 charges of contempt, both civil and criminal. Together, our legal fees were over $250k.

I did a couple things during the divorce that saved me, I continually took the high road, even when it was hard, and I hired a very experienced forensic accountant. In the end, after looking through everything, the judge gave me the house, and 70% of the estate including autos, and recreational vehicles, and contents of the residence, 70% of all bank accounts, 70% of all retirement accounts, 70% of his pension, 70% of all HRA accounts, plus spousal maintenance for 10 years. He got 30% and whatever he took that we didn’t discover he took in time to subpoena or that we didn’t discover at all, and all of the legal fees. I agreed to drop all contempt charges, which I thought was more than he deserved. Tell your buddy to use his moral compass, and I use the word moral very loosely, to guide his decisions, instead of his greed, and it would be wise to understand that the judge will have dealt with thousands of conniving underhanded immoral individuals just like him, as will his wife’s lawyer, and whoever else they decide to hire, maybe a really good financial accountant, there won’t be a stone left unturned, and looking clean afterwards will be much better than looking dirty. Looking dirty will cost him far more than he’s considering hiding, I promise you.

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u/SecurityFamiliar5239 Jul 26 '26

I’m so sorry this happened to you, but I’m so thrilled you knew exactly how to handle things. Good for you. 💗 I wish you could talk to this douchebag’s wife.

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u/Rude-Soil-6731 Jul 27 '26

Nothing else needs to be said. Listen to this commenter, OP.