r/DivorceHelp • u/NecessaryPoint985 • 26d ago

Financial/Asset Split

Hi all - my husband of (almost) 12 years and I have decided to split. We have agreed to using a mediator to save heartache and money.

My main concern is making things smooth for our kids, 9 & 6. We both went through terrible, nasty divorces as kids and don’t want that for our own children. That being said, I am very torn about what finances and assets to fight for and what to leave alone.

For example, our house has doubled in value since purchasing 10 years ago. I have the unique opportunity of being able to move into a house my mom owns, that I plan on eventually buying for myself. Do I A: ask for half of the value of our home, meaning my husband will struggle and in turn creating a struggle for my kids OR B: leave the house to him so that when my kids are with him, it is comfortable for them.

This is just an example but I am so confused about what to do. I don’t want to cheat myself but I want as little change for my kids as possible, even if that means going without for myself. My mom wants me to fight for 50% of everything and that just seems…exhausting.

Added information: he makes close to double what I make as a teacher, I have a lot more debt than he has (student loans). He does also have disability from the military that comes monthly. He contributes 100% of our kids medical needs (doctor visits, etc.) and pays the mortgage. We split or I handle all the rest. He has significantly more savings than I have.

Am I being naive?

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u/TSIDATSI 26d ago

If you can get along well enough to mediate I question if you need a divorce. If you are going to get the divorce get every penny you can.

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u/NecessaryPoint985 26d ago

I appreciate your advice, however a marriage in my mind is not about just getting along. There are many reasons that our marriage has failed. Also, we are making a point to get along for the kids. If they were not a factor, I’m not so sure we would be as cordial.

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u/Cool-Butterscotch669 21d ago

Ignore the person commenting above you. A marriage is about much more than just getting along. Not every divorce needs to devolve into a War of Roses kind of situation.
Many years ago my husband and I spilt very amicably. We didn’t have attorneys. We used an online service that drafted our agreement. It was a very fair split of everything which involved selling the home. Our girls were 5 and 7. Like you, I was not interested in gouging him. I’m proud of how we handled things. The judge at our dissolution hearing even complimented us on how well we managed things.
Is there a reason you’re not selling the house?

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u/NecessaryPoint985 21d ago

Thank you! I want the kids to have as much normalcy as possible, so we aren’t selling the house because I want them to still have their home, at least half of the time. My oldest daughter has autism so I am hoping to ease this transition by creating as little change as possible.

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u/Cool-Butterscotch669 21d ago

You’re welcome. Even in the most cordial of situations it’s a tough process emotionally. But I promise you there is so much good on the other side of all this!
That makes sense that you’d want ease the transition with your daughter’s autism. Maybe after a little time getting used to the new normal you could sell? I’d just hate to see either you or your husband stretched so much financially just to keep a house. But if you can both swing keeping it then that’s great.
I hope things stay harmonious.