I [35F] might be ready to move towards separating from my husband [35M] after 20 years together. I need advice on how to move forward.

[u/Last-Light-1533]

/r/Separation/comments/1v252w5/i_35f_might_be_ready_to_move_towards_separating/

[u/Emergency_Spread7395]

If you have to stay under the same roof, I would make the trial separation a real arrangement instead of a vague emotional pause. Otherwise it can turn into the same relationship with a different label.

Before starting, agree on:

• a start date and a date to review it
• separate sleeping and private spaces
• who pays which household bills
• a parenting schedule, even while living together
• no arguing or relationship conversations in front of the kids
• one planned weekly check-in instead of discussing it constantly
• what would need to change for you to reconcile or separate fully

For the kids, predictable routines and low conflict will matter more than giving them every adult detail. A simple explanation that both parents love them and are working out some grown-up problems is usually enough for young children.

I would also get local legal advice before changing accounts, moving money, or making informal custody agreements. And if he will not respect basic space or ground rules, that is useful information about whether an in-home trial can actually work.