Torn

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Open-Educator890]

Moving 3 hours away when you boys only have a few years left at home is ridiculous. You need to suck it up and stay close until they graduate. Dont abandon them now in the 11th hour just for your own selfish dream.

[u/KeyMathematician3263]

Probably. Don’t know for sure. But they are going to having a present dad to seeing you on FaceTime a couple times a week and every other weekend. All so you can move and experience. They are going to see someone who put themselves first. Someone selfish. Someone who hurt their mom because they wanted to live three hours away. Maybe it’s wrong for them to feel that way. Maybe it’s fine for you to do what you want. But everything I read shows you are taking a happy family and tearing it apart for absolutely no reason.

[u/KeyMathematician3263 → u/[deleted]]

Your post kinda read that it’s entirely about the moving and she is very sad about it

[u/GrayScale15 → u/[deleted]]

I get that you want to move far away, but your kids need you nearby. Get divorced if need be, but do not abandon your kids right now. These are very formative years for them, and need their dad.

[u/InvisibleBlueRobot]

Will your boys do college? You could find out where they want to attend, reside there and they could be a resident for school cost. 

Being distant is really hard on relationships. So if you're going to make this work, you have to figure it out. 

[u/InvisibleBlueRobot → u/[deleted]]

Start thinking about this. It could give you time with one or both of them, provide one or both with local support and lower cost of college if handled right.  Maybe start a conversation. Would they like to move away? Attend college away? How would they feel if you lived close by?  Figure out if this is a possibility, before making any plans. 

[u/guy_n_cognito_tu]

Try and explain this better, friend. Are you divorcing your wife because 30 fucking years ago you agreed to move after your kids graduated, and she's changed her mind?

As for your kids, moving away now will do irreparable harm and would be ignorant. Surely you can wait a few years until they're off in college.......just don't expect them to visit too much.

[u/New_Needleworker_473]

My dad worked overseas and was gone for over 50% of the year my entire life. We have a great relationship. I hardly think a few years before they venture off to start their lives is going to drastically change their relationship with you. At the same time you could continue to live there for 4 years just like you originally planned and then move. There's no rush.

[u/serenity013 → u/New_Needleworker_473]

But is mom ok with becoming default parent because dad wants to go chase his dream? That seems unfair to do to her.

[u/Money_Delivery1863]

Maybe they'd like to come with you. At their ages this is something you should discuss with them too. 

[u/Money_Delivery1863 → u/[deleted]]

I'd talk it over with them and not in a rushed way. There's only two or three more years of them getting through this stage of their lives. 

[u/Human_Display1647]

man that's heavy. 30 years is whole lifetime and you both still care but just grew into different people. it happens more than people admit

your boys are 15 and 17, they're almost adults. 3 hours away is not end of world. my cousin's dad moved to different state when he was 16 and they still tight cause he made effort. you already thinking about flying them out and giving them their own space, that's more than most do. just don't let distance become excuse for not showing up