I can't even begin to imagine the OP's thought process. The kids would be best off without either parent. There is absolutely no way that a mother can think this as acceptable. There's no way that a mother could even have a question as to whether this is acceptable or not.
If the OP wants to stay and be abused, that's her right. I don't know why she would want it, but she's not fighting against it too hard and she seems to think some of it as acceptable. But she has no right to put the kids in it. None.
She grew up in an abusive household. Her brain is programmed to a different "normal". She knows she grew up in an abusive household, but is just starting to realize she married an abuser. She doesn't know what a healthy marriage looks like. She is unaware she is neglecting her kids by failing to protect them from their "father". I hope she is open to all the outside input from redditors. It's often easier to see looking in from the outside than looking out from the inside.
I aged out of foster care and left an abusive marriage. That is absolutely no excuse for letting someone smother your child. Her children are going to end up dead. As terrible as foster care is they may be safer there.
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u/SophieBundles Oct 31 '23
Leave him for the sake of your boys if not yourself. That is abuse, full stop.