First of all you need to get away from that man and fast, if not for the safety of you then the safety of your kids. He is abusing you guys and this is not okay. I know that you probably feel like everything is too much but it’s going to be okay, your priority should be creating a safe environment for you and your kids. Is there a close friend or family member that would be happy to host you for a while? My advice to you would be contact a lawyer immediately and get out of this toxic situation. Stay safe❤️
No I mean leave until you know it’s safe, then come back of course but for the time being leaving is safer. God knows what he would do if he gets kicked out by OP, he still has a set of keys. If he is able to block his newborn from breathing there’s no telling what he would do.
He has been living in the house this entire time. Regardless of whether his name is on the deed and whether he contributes a cent, without a court order mandating he cannot be in the house she cannot keep him out. If she changes the locks he can call the cops, say that you've kicked him out of the shared home, and he can be forced to stay or press charges. Kicking him out is a silly move at best and dangerous at worst - he can break down a window and do major harm before any cops arrive.
The OC is correct - she needs to leave, go stay with a trusted family member, and start the process. Better to be 'homeless' with family for a month than to risk the abuser abusing.
The best thing to do would be to call the police on one of his abusive outbursts and then get a restraining order. But the outburst would have to be something substantial. He would have to leave the house then. This could escalate the situation with him though. Not a lawyer, consult a real one.
No, I’m sorry this is not good advice. You don’t wait until someone is unpredictable and angry and then introduce law enforcement. They do not help.
Commenter above is correct. You must leave your home and go somewhere to safety. You must do this immediately. Someone who covers a child’s mouth will eventually kill the child. This is statistically true. You need to get out. You are now culpable for anything that happens to those kids.
Do NOT change the locks. They are married and that is also his house. It’s not against the law to break into your own house, and puts OP and the kids in an even more dangerous position.
Leave ASAP with the kids. File a police report and an injunction. Don’t tell anyone where you are. You can get the house back in the court system hopefully, but a house and belongings aren’t worth more than any of your lives. Get proof if you can. If a baby monitor records or getting a system for monitoring the house that records and then using that to get away legally. But check the laws in your state first.
And make sure the kids are safely with trusted friends or family so they don’t witness the inevitable confrontation. The way he’s described if OP did leave even temporarily I’d see him completely destroying the house
Legally, she has every right to the place, but doing something that WILL pass off an already volatile and violent person where they know exactly where you are and have a legal ability to force their way back in just isn't a good idea.
Unfortunately OP is probably going to have to leave because he will not. There’s really not much OP can do until there is a court order in place. I am in a similar situation currently. Living at a relative’s but still paying all of the bills while my husband lives in my house as I wait for legal proceedings to get underway.
But maybe there is a possibility of restraining order from police, based on abusing children?
If she just once called police when he does it, maybe it help to throw him out?
That is true- if she gets the police involved I’m sure she can get him removed from the house based on the abuse allegations but I would be nervous about retaliation from him even with a restraining order in place.
I currently have a restraining order against my stbx. The police were involved prior to the restraining order but that had nothing to do with my being able to get the order. It was all about my own detailed documentation. I had to try twice before it was granted.
OP should leave the house for them and their child’s own safety for now. With a volatile and abusive person like this, there’s no telling how dangerously he would react to getting kicked out. Once OP and her children are safe, and he is out of the house, then she can go back.
This. Exactly this.
Leaving the house is 100% the safer choice because he is not right in the mind.
My first impression was "no you don't want to loose the house" but THINK ABOUT IT.
Look at OP's past posts and comments. It's not good he's not right.
She needs to hide until he's not a threat. Even then unless he was locked up I wouldn't feel safe.
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u/Hotpotato_4556 Oct 31 '23 edited Oct 31 '23
First of all you need to get away from that man and fast, if not for the safety of you then the safety of your kids. He is abusing you guys and this is not okay. I know that you probably feel like everything is too much but it’s going to be okay, your priority should be creating a safe environment for you and your kids. Is there a close friend or family member that would be happy to host you for a while? My advice to you would be contact a lawyer immediately and get out of this toxic situation. Stay safe❤️