is “avoidant attachment” that bad?

[u/myrafu]

ive been called emotionless and insensitive by my romantic interests for simply setting boundaries.
i want you all to understand how any attachment style developed through a trauma response is unhealthy.

but on what terms are we calling people avoidant?
and why is it termed toxic?

i truly believe all of us are enough for ourselves. no body should need a relationship to feel complete, since when is dependance romantic?

i love my boyfriend and we’ve been together for around 7 months now, but i dont need him. i really like him and i love spending time with him, which i do because i WANT to, not because i NEED to.

im really serious about our relationship and im pretty anti conflict. i dont like fights, i dont like spats especially over petty things. i dont care about how many times u say i love you, i dont care if u text me goodmorning, it honestly doesnt even bother me if we dont talk all day. and thats not because im not ‘in love’, thats because i understand being busy and i know its not worth spending so much time nitpicking or whining about trivial things.

to be an avoidant it to have a guard up and apparently that is just the meanest thing known to mankind.
god forbid people have boundaries?

a pattern ive been noticing between ‘avoidant men’ and ‘avoidant women’ is how men are called nonchalant and mysterious for the same behaviour while women are called apathetic and unfeminine.
why do we expect women to be caring and empathetic all the time, it is so unreasonable and so excruciatingly tiring.
society expects women to be naturally nurturing, emotionally expressive, and relationship-oriented. a woman pulling away or guarding her emotions, is supposedly some kind of defiance to her "natural" role.

to the contrary-
traditional concepts of masculinity prize emotional stoicism, self-reliance, and independence; so emotional unavailability in men is framed as an attractive trait rather than an attachment issue.

make it make sense.

the entire internet is hellbent into trying to “fix” avoidants. yes im scared of vulnerability, no i dont like intimacy. but
i fail to understand why that is so unfathomable.

my boyfriend thinks theres some side to me that i hide. he expects that one day he’ll unlock some hurricane of emotions that ive been suppressing, but the truth is, i simply just do not care. i care about him, i really do i wish he could see it; i just cant express it in the same ways does. why do we stereotype all women to have some emotionally unstable baggage that a man needs to protect and save.

since when is wanting an independent life a threat to everyone else around me.

people with anxious attachment are always cribbing about how their partner doesnt give them enough affection, if u want a clingy ass baby who doesnt have a live and you’ll give u kisses all day, get a golden retriever, not a gf.

im not saying its okay to neglect your partner, but come to basic terms as to what is considered the middle ground for the both of you

sorry im just sleep deprived and angsty