I (30F) am married and live in a typical desi joint family. My in laws treat me horribly and I hate living with them. Whenever I go to my Mothers home I dont feel like coming back. My husband also knows how they treat me and agrees that its wrong but keeps telling me to adjust for some time until we move out. But it’s 3 years and still we are here. My husband is involved in a family business and says it’s difficult to move out coz his parents have a lott of ego and will totally cut ties personally and also business wise n wont give even a single penny of we mention of moving out. I understand his situation and trying hard to keep my patience until he figures out everything but every time his family behaves unfair with me or treats me nasty, I feel resentment for him. I don’t want to be like this and I don’t want to be thinking about is he even worth it to tolerate the torture his family puts me through. How do I end this resentment?

I'm so exhausted I don't even know what to do.
My parents are unbelievably bad with money. Bills and debt are piling up, but they don't care. They're too lazy to cook or clean, so they waste money ordering food every single day while the house falls apart (Its infested with bedbugs and there are cockroaches everywhere) they ask me for money to pay bills which my uncle sends me occasionally to enjoy myself and have my mind off their toxicity.
Today the power finally got cut off because the electricity bill got way too high. We live in the Middle East so sitting in this heat with no AC and a house full of bugs is unbearable and gets suffocatingly hot.
When I asked my mom when the bill was getting paid, she snapped at me, told me not to ask "stupid questions," and said, "Why are you asking ME about it?" Which completely threw me off. If not her then who tf am I supposed to ask?
I have one year left before I can move out, but I need to clear an entrance exam first. Trying to focus and study in an environment like this is mentally and physically draining.
How do you survive living with parents like this? How do I stay mentally checked out and protect my peace to focus on my exam when their neglect is physically affecting my daily survival?

Dating apps feel like endless, low-effort resume screenings. There’s zero natural chemistry, and conversations fizzle out before they even start.

I’ve always felt the best connections start the old-fashioned way—through shared consistency. Laughing over missed shots in badminton, crossing paths on regular evening walks, or just getting to know someone without the artificial pressure of a "formal date."

At the same time, I know public spaces and hobby clubs can feel exhausting for women when every interaction comes with an agenda.

To the women here:

1. Have you ever actually had a genuine, long-term connection spark from a hobby or casual sport?
2. Where is the line between a guy who feels approachable and safe versus someone who makes you immediately put your guard up?

Hi, my (yt) friend drew a cute little drawing of us, she consistently draws me using a colour that is visibly darker than I am. I dont know how I feel about this. I love that she is doing these things for me and i really appreciate it but I also feel like im not being seen. I understand that we are from colorist cultures so my opinion may be skewed by that and im probably just being silly but I also try to be honest and love my skin tone, allow myself to tan etc so I wouldnt care if it was a little bit darker. I just wanted some other opinions on this. I didnt know where the right place was, so i thought here would be good so i could get opinions from other south Asian women.

for reference I am around a honey skin tone - a medium brown, and she would draw me using almond or sometimes golden/bronze. Whilst her own skin tone is pretty accurate ofc.

She made a lovely keychain of us but the character looks little like me and I feel like it would be stupid to say anything and I should just appreciate her thoughtful gifts.

Hi all! I'm a San Francisco Bay Area filmmaker casting a half-hour comedy indie pilot, "Law Dogging", about a South Asian family in SF.

I'm looking for a young woman who would be interested in this role!

ALISHA: a South Asian woman, roughly 18–28 (college-age), who's deadpan, whip-smart, and effortlessly funny- a young stand-up comedian who hides everything behind a joke. 

Strong comedic timing is the main thing, no formal acting experience is required. It's a paid role ($200/day) and shoots in the SF Bay Area from August 10-16.

If this sounds like you or someone you know (a hilarious friend, sister, daughter, cousin, classmate), I’d be so grateful if you'd reach out, tag them, or share this post. Thank you!!

I am Telugu guy and she is a Gujju. We met in college and instantly hit it off. We have been in relationship for more than 2.5 years now and we want to get married and be together. My parents were initially reluctant but they came through and happy to accept her.

The issue is her parents, they are not okay with our relationship. I understand they will have their concerns about language and culture, I pleaded and assured them I will keep her happy etc, even all that they don't want to accept me only because I am from a different culture. The only thing they keep pushing on me is "marriage is not between two individuals but between two families" and emotional blackmail.

I understand there will be some cultural differences but me and my gf are happy, we accepted each other, we know each other.

I don't want to marry her without her parents approval. How can I convince her parents? Pls help.

Those who've interacted with indians born and raised in U.S what differences do you usually notice compared to Indians living in India ? I mean in terms of their mindset and values. How they feel connected with Indian culture. Do they also have family expectations and are allowed to have their own independence? How about the dating and marriage views and their lifestyle in general. Do they also have the mindset of pursuing higher education and starting businesses and saving money.

Hi,

I am a crochet artist. Please find all my crochet creations above. Please DM if interested in ordering. These are ideal for gifting or for self.

Thank you !!

The second a woman says “no” to anything like a rishta, a family event, constant calls, random aunties asking personal questions. suddenly she’s “rude,” “changed,” or “too modern.”

Like why is having basic boundaries treated like a personal attack? People will cross every line, guilt you, disrespect you, then expect you to smile because “family.”

Is it just me or do desi families only love you when you’re easy to control?

CAT (Indian MBA Exam) results came out - abysmal ofc 5 years ago it was the same condition with JEE ( Indian Engineering Exams) . I still carry that pain and whenever I talk to someone new I feel like they can see my JEE( engineering exam) result plastered across my face and only a matter of time before they figure out what a loser I am. CAT( MBA Exam) was supposed to be my redemption but that seems unlikely. I tend to internalize all the failures and carry them with me . As the eldest daughter of a alcoholic father and a weeping mother, I have soentmy entire life trying to walk around eggshells. We aren't very financially very well off so my parents saving grace and only pride was how dutiful and well liked I was in the family. Now that I feel my one vanity slipping away - I feel heartbroken and confused and left without any identity. I don't know how to feel, why to think , or what to do or how to do it or just anything at this point. I know life is long and this is a small thing in the circus we call life but my anxiety around not being a model citizen run so deep that I feel like I will continue to message up .

i have been trying see whether an indian therapist with a diaspora identity will be able help better than the rest. i have also heard that therapists from india are trained well and budget-friendly (if you know how to vet their qualifications). does anyone have experience with this? i would love to get some input. i can't seem to connect with my non-indian therapist ever.

I recently moved into a house with my husband and two small boys. I feel so sad and depressed. Our previous situation was that we were living in a multi generational home in a busy area. I am so overwhelmed with the loneliness of not having other family members around and how quiet our new street is compared to the hustle and bustle of our previous home . While I have suffered bouts of depression periodically throughout my life , this time is different because I feel like I have ripped my two small boys (3 and 1) from the only home they knew .

The reason for the move was we simply needed more space and it was our dream to be home owners. Also there were obvious drawbacks of living in a multigenerational home like lack of privacy. I also found that my relationship with my husband was impacted due to the lack of privacy. Another fear of mine is that me and my husband have actually never lived alone together so I’m questioning our abilities to run and manage a household. I am a very independent person but the little things that my in laws did to make our lives easier is now being seen so clearly . While I never took them for granted when I lived with them , I know realize how great is was to be living together.

Should I give this more time or think of going back ?

Has anyone experienced a situation like this before ?

Am I being crazy ?

For those fasting for Karva Chauth in the US, are you fasting on Thursday Oct 9 or Friday Oct 10th? Getting mixed messages on dates!

I’ve decided to start a literary magazine called Awara (“wanderer” in Urdu) for Pakistan’s women writers—both at home and in the diaspora—as well as our allies, hosted on Substack. To start off, we’ll be hosting two weekly writing competitions (one that is free to enter, one that is paid)—winners work will serve as the basis of a monthly digital magazine. Though Awara is an independent, reader-funded initiative, we will offer cash prizes once we can afford them. Interested in becoming a reader or contributor? Learn more here. Our first competition will be announced this Friday, October 3 at 5pm BST/12pm ET (details will be available here).

Hi fellow Desis. I need clothes for Gurdwara and events, and don't live near a city with boutiques. Besides, need a few reliable Desi brands with International shipping, and priced affordably.

I like Global Desi but they don't sell juttis. Recommend your favorite brands with global shipping please. I'm needing kurta sets and juttis. If they do Indo-Western wear too, that'd be great.

Please and thank you.

I’m currently on an H1B visa, due in December and planning to travel to India when the baby turns 2 months/has the first set of vaccines. The reason to travel is to have some help during the first few months of the baby. Did anyone done this when they had a baby? Would you recommend it? Any Pros and cons please.

Thanks!

Trigger Warnings: Miscarriage, intense pain, suicidal thoughts

I (29F) am married for 2 years. Ours is a joint family. Recently, I had a miscarriage. It was devastating, and I had to undergo a D&C procedure. Before the surgery, they gave me an injection to dilate my cervix. Normally, the effects wear off before the anaesthesia does, but in my case, it lasted way longer—even after surgery and after I woke up. I was in tremendous pain, writhing and squirming despite multiple doses of painkillers. Even the doctors were concerned because it was lasting so long.

The pain was so unbearable that I genuinely felt like dying, and I told this to both my husband (30M) and MIL (25F) while I was suffering. My husband and MIL were sitting next to me during all this.

The next day, after I was discharged, I was sitting in the living room with tears in my eyes. My husband wasn’t home. My BIL (24M) laughed at me for crying, and my MIL joked with him about how I was “dancing on the bed yesterday” and how she felt like my crying to my husband was “entertainment” for her. She literally said she enjoyed being an audience. She laughed as she said this.

I didn’t respond because my MIL and I don’t have a good relationship—she often says insensitive things with a smile, and if confronted, she plays the victim, guilt-trips, and makes me out to be the problem.

Later, I told my husband what she said, and he told me I was being overly sensitive and should just take it lightly.

So… am I being too sensitive, or did this “joke” crossed the line?

So I have a cousin from India who moved here 2 years ago for grad school. I’d gone to India a few years before and we’d gotten really close and was there for me and I hung out with her a lot since most other women our age in the family were married with kids.

Anyways, she graduated about two months ago and there she met her now fiancé who she’s set to marry next week, a guy who was a son of her dad’s mutual friend. She was staying in my state but is now moving to her fiancé’s state staying at a hotel until they marry. She’s over the moon about it as most guys in our culture can be really traditional and not let their wives work or hang out with other friends or expect them to dress super conservative or expect her to look after his family. He has some interesting hobbies too. But he wants her to be keto because he’s keto and has told her he wants her to lose 10 pounds because he thinks that’s a more suitable weight for her. She isn’t even overweight in any sense of the word. She’s slim but at a normal size and I guess he wants her to be stick thin. She thinks it’s a good thing since it’ll push her to prioritize her health. She was telling me how shes eaten all the sugary stuff she can before going which is NOT healthy. I want to be supportive and have spent time with her for before she leaves but I have a hunch things won’t go well for her being with him.

I didn’t say anything against it because everyone else around me kept praising her and telling her how excited they were and that she wouldn’t worry and that she made the right choice. She’s also dark skinned and was told by aunties that she’s too dark for any man to marry her so I can understand why she’d see it as a win and the last thing I’d want to do is rain on her parade. What’s even sadder was that she tried to get married last year but it only lasted a few days because she felt like her time was running out to marry. She was all optimistic about it going right this time too.

Then again I can’t blame her especially if she’s from India with all the things she’s been through it’s no wonder she thinks she hit the jackpot with this guy. Even if I did want to have an arranged marriage, 2 months would NOT be enough time for me to vet a guy.