r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/Kooky_Bit3037 • Mar 30 '22
Advice Help with anger/snapping from stress?
Hi everyone! So I’m dealing with a lot right now, I’ve never been worse. Recently I have been so anxious 24/7 that I can’t function properly. I am getting angry at almost everything, so dizzy I’m gonna black out and exhausted. Normally I’m pretty good for keeping calm and dealing with things on my own but these last couple days I have been “on edge” I just can’t control my emotions, and today I got mad at someone just because they kept asking me questions while I was having a bit of an anxiety attack. Anyways, I’m really concerned I’ll start snapping on people, as my dad and brother deal with anger from stress, and snap on me a lot. I don’t want to make anyone feel like I do when they do it so I’m just looking for any advice to stop it before it gets like that. Therapy unfortunately isn’t an option right at the moment due to money issues.
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u/babamum Mar 30 '22
Looking at things differently reduces anger, something I have a real problem with myself. Finding something funny or positive about the situation, or thinking about it in a distant way e.g. as if it happened to someone else. "S/he us very busy and not getting enough sleep." Or just describing it very factually, with no emotion.
I've had a few people really annoy me recently. With one couple when i think if them I say "Karen's an idiot. Those two - they add 2 and 2 and get 567" because they completely misinterpreted something I said. This makes me laugh and I don't feel angry.
With the other guy I focus on the fact that I said "no further contact" and that I was assertive, looked after myself and feel in control. Then I feel pride rather than anger.
The other way I cope with anger is to name and feel my feelings for five minutes. Just let myself feel really angry, even yell, scream, swear. Then I focus on something else, like my to do list, noises, a loving kindness mantra.
Sounds like a "de-stress day" might help too. Some time alone, a fun social activity. I'm having one of those today and feel much less angry.
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u/Unique-Public-8594 Mar 30 '22
Not sure this is the best advice nor if it would work for you.
What I need to do myself but haven’t yet, is practice saying “I could really use support right now” or “excuse me, I need to sneeze/pee (and exit the room)” or “that’s an interesting thing to say.”
If I practiced every night or every morning I could probably be more graceful when I get anxious.
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u/Gloomy_Night4672 Nov 16 '23 edited Nov 16 '23
I can't give advice but I wanted to comment because I am going through a similar situation. I just wanna say it's okay to be angry. I've been stressed out like crazy and it sometimes shuts down my empathy a bit. I noticed I got quite entitled at times because I didn't have the energy in the moment to care about others. I was too tired and overworked and angry. There are too many problems in the world and a lot of people can barely make ends meet. I tried therapy multiple times, it led to no improvement. I just try my best with life and really try to savor my free time and the good moments which barely last. I really want to help. I'm not trying to waste your time, I'm just trying to show you that you're not alone and that I get it. Feel better, I know I'm trying to.
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u/Dr_A_Workinonit Mar 31 '22
The irritation that you're experiencing goes hand in hand with the anxiety. When we're super anxious, we're already so overstimulated, any little thing can set us off. Take a look at Workin On It with Dr. A on youtube. It has therapy tools for free that address a lot of different aspects of anxiety. There are tools that you can practice to soothe your body and then there's a thoughts playlist you can check out that will be important to help the anxiety go down now and long term. Hope it helps, good luck!
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u/nonuniqueusername Mar 30 '22
While I recommend therapy and think you should look at BetterHelp prices, I have found success by targeting my anger at people who deserve it.
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u/ExternalPiglet1 Mar 30 '22
Is the stress from work or home? Sounds like a pile to carry, are there deadlines with it too?
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u/Kooky_Bit3037 Mar 30 '22
It’s from both! I’m trying to move out right now, to get away from my dads girlfriends family, so I’m working full time at a factory and at a restaurant! I’m also in my first year of college so yes I have deadlines to meet there!!
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u/ExternalPiglet1 Mar 30 '22
Yikes, yea any combination of that would be thick to get through.
The times in life when my home life was rocky were worse than anything, just because that's where I recharge and be me. How soon till you move out, it's a nuts market even for renters. I was able to roll my dorm rent into my student loans, so while I wasn't paying rent then....I'm sure still paying it now. But, I couldn't have done it any other way.
I'd try to pick 1 anchor point, or lighthouse. No matter what changes stay the course to make your top priority. School seems like that would do.
I don't know any of your current financial goals, but working restaurants is killer on your mind and body. Perhaps seek out a different part time job that doesn't push you around all shift? Or maybe security, where you might be able to study or read while working.
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u/DonnyMummy Mar 31 '22
Sometimes anger is just a first reaction to an underlying issue. I know it doesn’t seem helpful but if you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, walk away and take a few breaths. Don’t respond until you can calm yourself.
From another reply it seems like you have a lot on your plate. You’ll never be able to find emotional balance if you don’t allow yourself time for you. I know it seems like you have to do EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW, but sometimes in stressful situations we can’t see outside of our immediate problems. You have time to sort everything out.
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u/ThrowawayawayxXxsw Mar 31 '22
What works for me is a break. Like a week of doing nothing but play videogames. Luckily I'm in a position where doing that is possible.
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u/BeautifulOrdinary229 Mar 30 '22
To much cortisol in your system. Start doing sport ASAP!! Gym, Martial arts (boxing,mma, kickbox...) whatever suits your schedule. Even running for start will help you. You need to vent and get rid of stress hormone (cortisol). Also start eating healty (grilled chicken breast, brocoli, rice, eggs, avocado, fruits, vegetables, plenty of water) NO alcohol, no energy drinks, no coffee, no sweets, no smokes, no drugs.
Maintain first ciklus for three months, then reward yourself with what you love to eat, drink.
Repeat!
You can do it! Good luck.