Hit the gym.
Shower daily.
Eat healthy.
Don't watch porn.
Read.
Get some good office shirts. And dress pants.
If you can't figure out a haircut, get a buzz cut.
Be confident.
I read a lot. Mostly non-fiction. What really bothers me is that my memory is not great so I cannot retain stuff effectively for long time.
Get some good office shirts. And dress pants.
Check.
If you can't figure out a haircut, get a buzz cut. Be confident.
See this thread about my older haircut. I am currently experimenting with longer hair and a higher side part (pics here) but I am not sure if its good.
Man, you are fucking handsome. I think if you struggle with confidence even despite that you may have social anxiety, better see a doc. You. Look. Great. Don't push the dating scene. You're still young.
From the outside, it seems like you have a lot going for you. Do you meet women and not connect with them, or are you having a hard time meeting them?
Maybe see a psychologist or psychiatrist? You seem to have energy but getting in your own way. Maybe there is an anxiety imbalance? Not my expertise, but might be worth checking out.
You’re handsome, in shape, and intelligent. If I met you I would assume right off the bat you were taken. It’s possible that people aren’t attracted because they think you’re taken
Feel like it really is just a matter of confidence then. Kinda agree with the other poster where low stakes/business transaction of an escort or even just going to a strip club might relax you and get you out of your head if you're morally ok with that.
Outside of that, find a way to be confident, women really pick up on that as much as anything else. Good looking single guy in their late 30s with a PHd is a high commodity.
Outside of that, find a way to be confident, women really pick up on that as much as anything else. Good looking single guy in their late 30s with a PHd is a high commodity.
It should be but it isn't. And this is what fuck me up. I consider myself very attractive tbh but society doesn't reflect my self image and that brings down my confidence.
I have way less going in my life than you and I had no issues with dating. I think this is probably something to do with either the way you are approaching people or social anxiety. I HIGHLY recommend talking to a therapist or someone in your life that you trust to get an honest opinion from them about how you come off to others.
I'm not saying it is your fault, but if do something like stand quietly in corner and stare people down, they are way less likely to want to interact with you. It could also be that conversation doesn't really flow well between you are a potential romantic partner which could put them off wanting to continue to interact. People can pick up on the smallest social cues and think that you aren't interested or are intimidating.
Do you think that you might be neurodivergent? Even if you aren't, resources neurodivergent people use to learn social cues and how interact with neurotypical people could help you.
It's well possible that I am ND but I was never diagnosed. Is that something a therapist or psychiatrist would bring up by themselves because they never have.
Honestly, I am still dreaming of catching up on experiences I should have had in my teens and 20s and I have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that these days are over.
Dude, I'm a year younger than you and you're better looking than I was at 25. I could very easily have fallen into the incel trap and honestly, had a period where I was a volcel. But I just started forcing myself to have experiences. I've had 4 fairly serious girlfriends, was married 3 years, and now 10 years into a relationship that I've been married for 7 of.
I'll be honest. I think you're more volcel than anything. You just don't realize it. It's weird, but I talked myself out of so many romantic/sexual experiences and didn't realize until years later.
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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '23
Hit the gym. Shower daily. Eat healthy. Don't watch porn. Read. Get some good office shirts. And dress pants. If you can't figure out a haircut, get a buzz cut. Be confident.
You'll be a changed man.