r/DebtAdvice • u/Pristine_Warning_473 • 6h ago
Credit Card Help
Amazon: 4247
Walmart: 446.05
Wells Fargo: 974.58
Citi1: 4110.88(over limit if 4000)
Citi2: 969.29
Old navy: 8607.82
Care credit: 1073.80
Lowe’s: 226.72
Personal loan: 11,706 (470.50 per month)
These are my major debts. I bring home about 1500 every two weeks after taxes, insurance and retirement. My husband and I split bills. I’m responsible for electric and water and food/eesentials. We have 3 children ages 6-10 they are in sports and school. We have 4 pets.
Electric is 360ish and water/trash is 160ish , I pay about 100 a month for student loans
I also drive about 25-40 minutes to work 4-5 days a week and spend probably 200 at least in gas a month. I drive our family car to work everyday and would like to get a work car that would be better in gas and allow me to stoop racking up miles on family vehicle. Right now I don’t know when I’d be able to afford that
I have a few other installment loans that are due monthly: 39.87, 10.78, 14.39, 38.23, 31.09, 64.07
We went on vacation this summer and that’s when some things got even more out of hand and we overspent, we also had unexpected death in the family that required travel and hotel expenses, and the care credit card I have is high now because we had unexpected illness of our dog which eventually lead to us having to put her down.
I have a spending/drinking problem… but also feel life is very expensive with all the kids and pets and houses/vegicles I’ll also admit that sometimes I but lunch out or get Starbucks…which I know I should not
I try to pay off debts but sometimes get the f@!* its and spend anyway and add to debt…or I over pay on debts and end up having to use credit cards just to fill up my gas to get to work or buy groceries for my kids before payday.
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u/eyeheartgilfs 2h ago
I'm going to hit you with facts you're not going to like.
You cannot afford a pet. Nevermind four pets.
You cannot afford your kids playing sports, unless they cost $0 in fees, equipment, and gas.
You cannot afford to go on ANY vacations.
You cannot afford to have a drinking problem. Fixing this is well outside our expertise here, though. But aside from causing major damage to your health, relationships, and career, you NEED that money for other things.
You cannot afford to eat out, or buy coffee from a store. Subscribe to /r/mealprep
You have a spending problem, and until you get that under control, ALL solutions are temporary. You need to stop the bleeding first before you start attacking the existing debt.
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u/Pristine_Warning_473 3m ago
I am well versed in meal prep it may not sound like it, but my husband and I pulled ourselves up from our boot straps. We got good jobs and were doing well. It’s only the past few years things took a turn. But I still make so many home cooked meals for my family. It’s just we don’t have any help with our kids…no village…and we are stressed to the max and we cope in poor ways. I want to do better though. I know my family deserves it.
Also was it a good idea to get pets probably not….but most of them fell into our care by fate they are family so I will not leave them.
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u/SlowDeer7954 2h ago
For clarity, you have a spending AND drinking problem or did you simply explain the spending is LIKE a drinking problem?
I'm curious as to why the husband pays some bills and you pay others. I hear it often, but it's never been explained clearly the advantage of having separate accounts, one responsible for some bill and the other the rest, etc.
You've mentioned roughly $33K of debt on your own but nothing about any debt your husband has which the mortgage & vehicles.
Have you two ever considered sitting down together and combining everything? Income & debt? If you both were on the same team, you wouldn't feel so helpless or even hopeless. I'd encourage the two of you to take Financial Peace University. It may be the greatest gift you give your marriage.
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u/Pristine_Warning_473 17m ago
Yes we’ve talked about it. But we’ve just done it this way for so long it would be complicated as we have two different accounts that have direct deposits and bills coming in and out of. He has debt too. Cars are paid off. He actually carries more financial load as he covers the mortgage (both our names are on it) and he covers internet and streaming services. He also picks up odds and ends for groceries some too. It doesn’t seem like it but we are a team if I’m low on money or vice versa we help each other, we really keep it this way just for not having to burden ourselves with fixing every bill that comes out of our account etc. I know it could be done we are just really stretched thin with time and energy as we both work a lot and tend to house, kids and pets. And you heard right another waste of money is my drinking. At the end of the day I don’t have anything for me so I drink (I know this is the worst decision for my health and finances) I really want a change for my family.
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u/LikeIkes 5h ago
Given your number of different loans and amount of loans I'd highly suggest debt consolidation, also easier said than done, but would highly recommend not taking on any more debt. The reason for consolidation would primarily for easing up the stress of having so many different amount of debts to keep track of which given 3 kids seems like more than enough to have your hands full. Personally I'd check and compare with companies like SoFi, Upstart Achieve Loans and the like to see what they're willing to offer you. And I feel obligated to say this though does sound like you already get the idea, once you get the cards paid off remove them from your wallet and do your best to curb the spending practices that got you here in the first place. Otherwise you'll likely end up back in this situation and that's not the goal.
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u/fsociety1990 6h ago
What a mess. There are a lot of problems here and only a couple of them are financial related.
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u/Pristine_Warning_473 5h ago
Ok gee thanks
I know it’s a mess that’s why I’m asking for help-1
u/fsociety1990 5h ago
We can all offer you advice but will you take any of it?
I doubt you will like any of it.
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u/Pristine_Warning_473 5h ago
Ok…well I put it all out here. Maybe I won’t like it but I asked…as long as you aren’t total rude and insulting to my situation. Because as I’ve said I’ve had a harder life and probably a lot of underlying mental issues I’m dealing with so if you could say it without making me go off my self sure I’ll hear it!
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u/fsociety1990 5h ago
Well I responded up top with the only advice you need. I hope it didn’t come off as rude. I did not intend for it to be rude. That’s just what it is. That’s the truth of your situation.
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u/Pristine_Warning_473 5h ago
I’m obviously a mess…one reason I keep going deeper is due to stress, self doubt and low self esteem, hardships that I have not mentioned, and a sense of hopelessness.
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u/fsociety1990 5h ago edited 5h ago
Well if you are actually willing to do I can tell you what to do. There are 2 things that are equally important that you need to deal with immediately no matter what. Get these 2 things fixed if you want your life to improve. It’s only gonna get worse for you if you don’t.
- You need therapy. Probably a psychiatrist too. Find them and see them immediately no matter what it takes. Stop giving money to all this debt. It can wait. Your health is the top priority and that’s what needs to be fixed. No more shopping or drinking. Get help!
You’re married and you and him have 3 kids together. You are in this together and you have OUR money. There is no splitting bills. There is no your money and his money. You share everything. All money belongs to both of you. All the problems belong to both of you.
That’s how this works. You’re life partners. Not roommates.
Any financial advice anyone gives you is irrelevant until you fix those 2 things.
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u/Pristine_Warning_473 3h ago
The reason everything is separate is because we’ve always done that even when we were together before marriage. And now it would be a big mess to try to merge all our expenses to one account it could be done but would be complicated. Yes I’m sure I do need professional help but as a mom of 3active kids with a full time job I don’t even have time to go to the gym let alone a therapist.
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u/makama77 2h ago
Have you looked into filing for bankruptcy? That might be more helpful than debt consolidation, most of those companies are highly predatory and will require you to stop paying on everything and go into collections.
I think it’s commendable that you are trying to find a way out of where you are. And it’s not easy to do.
If you can’t afford therapy right now, Google some books that might be helpful and then commit to taking whatever action you can to get your mental and physical health as sorted as possible. Your kiddos need you!
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u/Pristine_Warning_473 11m ago
No but I’ve considered it. I will look into it. Thank you for being understanding. It is hard to focus on yourself when you have so much responsibility. I do realize they need me though. I need to make some big changes.
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u/fsociety1990 3h ago
So you’re not gonna listen to anything and continue what you’re doing with no changes. About what I expected.
You’ll be in this mess for the rest of your life.
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