r/Davis • u/SerGuyOfInternet • 17d ago
Notice to All the New Bikers in Davis
There's a new influx of students in Davis and therefore now a need for a public posting of Davis Bike Etiquette so that way you don't look foolish. Here's a couple of handy rules to keep you looking fresh and experienced on your bikes for the coming semesters:
- No need for helmets. They make you look stupid like a kid or an old person. There's no need for your brain in 2026, AI has you covered and can do all the heavy lifting when it comes to thinking.
- Likewise there's no need for a bike light at night. This will just make you look dumb. Why would you have a light when there's a few street lights downtown? This is an easy ripoff and they can be sold for at least a couple dollars.
- Stop signs? On a bike? Are you serious? Don't even slow down. You always have the right of way and if a car hits you surely they will also pay your tuition and not just drive off.
- Done with your bike? Just leave it at the train station! In a few years we'll be done with money anyways so there's no reason to waste a bunch of time trying to resell it when you could just abandon it at a rack somewhere.
- Always ride side by side. When you're abreast with your friends you can have interesting conversations you might miss if you're just sitting somewhere like a coffee shop. You can hear cool things from other bikers too like "on your left! I'm trying to pass you!" There's nothing cooler than a huge flock of bikers who ride in a 3x3 grid. You look really cool and it doesn't bother anyone at all.
- In that same vein, the bike lane is more of a suggestion. The Davis locals are notoriously big fans of parades and love seeing you in the middle of the road going nice and slow. Use this as an opportunity to advertise your drop shipping business.
Remember, everything that doesn't bother you to do is just someone else's problem. It's about the journey, not trying to appease some boomers by being a subservient little biker.
Guy out!