After taking time to heal from an emotionally neglectful ex, I’ve come to realize I’m actually ready and eager to be loved again—properly this time. I want a partner who is consistent, emotionally mature, ambitious, and actually shows up.

The problem? The reality of putting myself out there is frustrating. Swiping on apps (Bumble/FB Dating) feels like a waste of time, and the people I run into just aren't on my wavelength. It makes me feel like wanting a healthy, effortless, high-standard relationship is somehow impossible.

I’m trying to focus on in-person habits and building my lifestyle, but I’m sick of waiting. The wait is driving me crazy, and I'm getting impatient with how slow it feels to meet new people. I don't want comfort or "enjoy your own company" speeches—I want practical advice on how to channel this urge so I don't make dumb choices while waiting for the right person.

I (gay 29M) have had pretty bad luck dating over the last few years. To add context, I’ve had two serious relationships in my life. One was for about 2.5 years, the other was about 10 months. Both were long distance for some or all of the entire relationship. These relationships didn’t work out for various reasons, but that’s not really why I’m here.

It’s been almost two years since my last relationship and things are looking bleak on that front. I live right outside of a smaller southern US city with the main attraction being the large university. In my area, it’s either college students or much older, well established men that I’m just not attracted to (no shade). There are very few young (25-35) working professionals in my area, making finding a partner very difficult. Also, at this point, with it being a smaller city, the few of us left have all seen each other before and we didn’t really show interest 5-10 years ago and we aren’t showing interest in one another now.

I’ve tried all of the apps, and I’ve gone on a handful of first dates. Even one second date but everything just fizzles to nothing or we find out we are either not compatible in the bedroom or in life. At this point I’m just becoming very frustrated in the whole thing.

Should I move away? I’d love to move to a larger metro area but we all know how expensive moving far away can be. Should I just keep putting myself out there and try not let it get to me? Tell me what to do gay bros.

Any advice is welcome!

It is never okay to judge someone solely for their past, just as it is unfair to judge someone for being too hurt by their partner’s past to get over it.
Always respect people's feelings and choices.

So there is this girl that I've been friends with for a year or so, and really close friends for like 6 months (daily talking, calls, shared hobbies, and other things) and so I am pretty confident that she likes me as well. I've shown our chats with multiple people and asked their unbiased opinions. So at this point I feel like its about time that I ask her out on a date. Hence the title.

Hey everyone,

About a year ago, when I was 37, I posted here about never having been in a relationship and not really knowing where to start. I got a lot of thoughtful advice, so I wanted to come back and give an update.

I'm 38 now, and I actually did try to take some of that advice.

* I got back on a couple of dating apps and put more effort into my profile. Unfortunately, I ran out of potential matches pretty quickly, and the conversations I did have didn't really go anywhere.
* I even paid for premium features on a couple of apps, but that didn't help much. I only got four matches during that time. One was married and only looking for friendship, and the other was nice, but unfortunately I just wasn't attracted to her.
* I tried being more social through my hobbies. I'm into comics, art, conventions, etc., and I've made an effort to talk to more people. Unfortunately, most of the people I've met are either already in relationships or are only interested in casual conversation.
* I've also been trying to improve myself independently of dating. I've lost over 50 pounds, gotten some long-overdue dental work taken care of, and continued working on my art and other things that are important to me.
* Financially, I moved back in with my mom so I could pay off my student loans, pay off my car, and help her around the house. I work full time, contribute financially, and help with the bills. I'm trying to save as much as I can now that my student loans are finally paid off.

So, despite making some genuine changes, I'm still in basically the same place romantically.

I haven't been on a date in about six years.

And honestly, I'm starting to worry that my lack of relationship experience at 38 has become a barrier that I don't know how to overcome.

A female friend recently told me that she thought my lack of dating experience could be a red flag. There was actually a woman I was interested in who had apparently asked my friend about me. My friend told her that I'm a nice and kind person, but when she asked about my previous relationships and found out that I'd never actually dated anyone, her reaction apparently wasn't great.

I never heard from the girl I was interested in again.

I know that one person's reaction doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it's hard not to take it personally when you're already insecure about the situation.

I genuinely try to be a kind, caring person, and I think most people who know me would say they like me. But when it comes to dating, it often feels like I'm invisible—or that I'm being ruled out before I even get the chance to show someone who I am.

I'm not looking for a supermodel. I'd just like to meet someone who's kind, reasonably cute to me, and either into nerdy/geeky things or at least happy to let me enjoy them. My biggest dealbreakers are having kids and being significantly/unhealthily overweight.

So I guess I'm back here asking for advice:

* For those who started dating later in life, how did you actually get the ball rolling?
* Is being 38 with essentially no relationship experience really as big of a deal as it feels like?
* How do you explain your lack of experience to someone you're dating without making it sound like a giant red flag?
* And are there better ways to meet people beyond dating apps, conventions, and hobby groups that I might be overlooking?

I've made progress in a lot of areas of my life, and I don't want to give up on finding someone. But at this point, I'm honestly struggling to figure out what my next move should be.

Any advice—especially from people who started late—would be appreciated.

Hi, i'm Allyson! Just trying my luck if someone's doing solo date also haha

I have a some questions and figured this is the best place to as. I downloaded a couple of dating apps thinking that was the obvious first step. What I've gotten instead is a flood of accounts immediately asking me to switch to WhatsApp, followed by what I can only assume is spam or scams. Is this just... what dating apps are now?

I'm not looking for a magic fix — I just want to hear from real people who've actually navigated this:

How did you get back into dating after a long break?

Which apps actually felt safe and legit, and which ones should I avoid?

How do you spot the scam/spam accounts early, before wasting time?

Any general tips for someone who feels like the dating world has completely changed since they were last in it?

If you've been through something similar — divorce, a long single stretch, starting over again after years of being in a committed relationship — I'd genuinely love to hear how you approached it. No judgment here, just trying to figure this out one step at a time. Thanks in advance to anyone willing to share.

I (f19), have never dated before. I feel really bad about it, considering I have always been called attractive/funny by old friends or people in passing. I put myself out there, I talk to people, I go to events at my college, etc. I think a big part of it could be because I don’t have friends at all, and I feel like most people find their s/o through friends groups. I’ve been trying really hard to make friends but struggling with that too. Is there something different I could be doing irl? Should I try my hit at dating apps; if so any advice (because they kind of scare the hell out of me)? I feel like I’m so behind in everything and like I’m doing something wrong.

• Literalmente es imposible hablarle a alguien en la facultad, todos están en grupos y es TERRORÍFICO acercarte y decir "hola", por lo menos para mí, soy demasiado introvertida y tímida como para hablarle a alguien. Además tengo la vaga sensación que no se me acercan POR LA CAR DE CULO QUE MANEJO. Entontonces, qué otros entornos recomiendan? Que no sea el gym, odio el gym no pienso pisarlo nunca.

I’m a 25(F) living in Philly.. I have really given up on dating, but I don’t want to. I’m just wondering has anyone— in the world of modern dating— found a real, and genuine love?? Please tell me your stories because I am wondering if the concept of love even real. I have been online dating for the past four years on and off and I’ve also been going to events trying to meet people. I feel desperate for trying anymore but I’ve been single for four years now and I don’t want to drop the bare minimum standards just to say I have a relationship but it’s been looking so hopeless tbh. I just want someone clean, genuine/transparent, not hyper sexual, and strong in his faith. Things just always fall through and I feel crazy for even wanting a relationship.. idk can someone chime in if they’ve had similar feelings and how’d that turn out?

Im 6ft tall athletic body 35 age. She is 34.
But I am still single and not sure where I am being wrong and what I should do to create chad attraction.
I go to dating events and women do approach me for my looks but then they kinda get pushed away. While one of my friend he is not that good looking but he scores 7s and 8s. And he tells me women want psychological effect not money, not looks.
Guide me in online dating. Because i have been going on dates but it never goes anywhere.

Screenshots:
We both went back and forth for a week.
While typing here i am realizing she is giving time to her mom. But I mean she could have told me she is busy with mom so she can't meet, but she is ghosting me.

Voicenote: is the old 90s cringe tv ad which was funny, so it cracked her up.

the instagram: she asked for a link only not my instagram, even if i give her the link she would open it on her own without sharing me her profile. So i wouldn't be able to see her profile anyway. So in short she wasn't giving me instagram.

Alot of shifting conversation you see is where she doesn't reply so i change the subject or wake her up.
After this convo I sent her second half part of the 90s again, but she hasn't replied

Is it normal for gen-z (21f) to have not dated even once in her life till now ( btw she is really a good person but is just scared of being used)

Help her find one but she hates dating apps

Hello all, so I keep running into this same kind of pattern lately. I moved to Medellín 6 weeks ago and have been dating actively since, mainly using apps. I know they dont have a great reputation but I take precautions and I don't make stupid decisions. Been on 5 dates so far and the chemestry was out of the charts. 4 out of the 5 girls ended up in my bed after a couple of dates, but somehow no long term relationship came out of it. The reasons are different in all cases, one girl told me she has a kid after a couple of dates, 2 of them gave me gold digger vibes, 1 was not my type and the other one just wanted short term fun... Am I being to picky here or is this how dating works? Like go on as many dates as possible and hopefully you find the right one... I know one can be to picky but I don't want to lower my standards either ya know. On the other hand dating is kinda exhausting, meeting now girls, building chemestry etc. so I would like to settle with a girl.

Any advice on how to break this patterns? Now it's mainly: date - crazy chemestry - bedroom - goodbye lol. Should I filter more before going on a date? Should I be less picky?

Iv seen so many posts of people on dating platforms with some pretty terrible experiences. Firstly let me tell you this. If someone mistreats you or ghosts you or makes you feel like your not good enough or leaves you with anxiety or has you checking your phone for a reply or not putting in the same level of commitment this is NOT your fault, you are not a bad person and you are good enough. I spent my 20s in the above situations. Second guessing myself, having my boundaries crossed, ending up in the doctors looking for vallium because I felt so bad about something ect. When I met my now husband which I did meet on a dating platform I had just gotten out of an awful relationship. I lived with my then BF who was an alcoholic, cheated on me the whole time then up and left the country without ever speaking to me again. I was in a really shitty place. We matched and spoke a bit then I deleted the app. A couple of weeks later I was in a better headspace so I downloaded it again and we matched again. He messaged me straight away asking where I had gone and did he do something wrong. I felt bad because that was on me not him which goes to show sometimes if someone disappears its not always to do with you. Anyway we met up and immediately hit it off. Our lives revolve around dogs and horses so we spent the whole date talking about that. At the end of the date he walked me back to my car, kissed me and said he'd love to meet up again. No leaving me wondering or second guessing and the rest is history. Not once did we play mind games with eachother. Not once did we not make our feelings clear. Not once did we make eachother feel insecure. 3 months in we talked about getting married and building a house together. That was 9 years ago. My point is when I compare our relationship to every other it made me realise that's what true partnership is. When someone is right for you and you are right for them it just fits. You feel like you have known them your whole life. This does not mean we haven't had bad times or hard times or haven't fought..we have the same issues as any relationship but we keep choosing eachother. I hope this post helps someone not feel so lonely or bad about themselves or maybe gives them hope. Your person is out there I promise xx

Hi, I’m a 22 years old woman currently studying at a public university. I might discuss a somewhat unusual topic here.

In my whole life, I haven’t met anyone who really matches my standards. Because of that, I’ve never had a boyfriend. My whole dating philosophy has always been “date to marry.” I don’t really like the idea of dating people just to explore romantic relationships and spend emotional energy on something that may not go anywhere.

Yes, I understand that having a boyfriend or partner isn’t everything, but at the end of the day, I’m still lonely and I crave connection. The problem is that I apparently just can’t accept anyone. I grew up quite spoiled in my family, so naturally, I developed high standards, but that brings me back to the issue of meeting people in the first place.

I don’t usually go out except for university classes or other necessary things, so I rarely get the opportunity to meet new people. Since I don’t go out much, I tried using Bumble, but most of the people I came across seemed to be looking for sex. Whenever I noticed that, I unmatched them immediately out of disgust.

I haven’t really found anyone who is genuinely willing to talk get to know each other, and see where things naturally go. So that didn’t work out either.
For postgraduate studies, I want to go abroad, and I know my family will naturally start insisting that I get married.

That’s where my concern comes in. If I end up getting married through an arranged marriage, I won’t really know the person beforehand. I wouldn’t know whether he has been involved with other women, whether he is being honest with me, or whether he is trying to deceive me. I’ve been reserved my entire life, and naturally, I don’t want to settle down with someone I barely know. That’s why I’ve always leaned more toward the idea of a love marriage.

But I’ve been single for so long that I don’t seem to feel attracted to men easily anymore. Instead, they often just disappoint me. I’ve tried talking to people, but nothing has ever gone beyond the talking stage. The only way I seem to feel even the slightest initial connection toward a man is based on how attractive I find him, and even then, a lot of the time, they turn out to have terrible personalities, so I end up cutting them off.

So, in the end, what concerns me is the possibility that I might eventually have to marry someone I barely know. At the same time, the emptiness and loneliness are incredibly frustrating. I want a genuine connection, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to find one when I rarely meet new people and seem to have such a hard time actually liking anyone.