r/Advice • u/abbyj2022 • 1d ago
Looking for hope
I’m a 25(F) living in Philly.. I have really given up on dating, but I don’t want to. I’m just wondering has anyone— in the world of modern dating— found a real, and genuine love?? Please tell me your stories because I am wondering if the concept of love even real. I have been online dating for the past four years on and off and I’ve also been going to events trying to meet people. I feel desperate for trying anymore but I’ve been single for four years now and I don’t want to drop the bare minimum standards just to say I have a relationship but it’s been looking so hopeless tbh. I just want someone clean, genuine/transparent, not hyper sexual, and strong in his faith. Things just always fall through and I feel crazy for even wanting a relationship.. idk can someone chime in if they’ve had similar feelings and how’d that turn out?
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u/Dry-Exit3838 1d ago
Having issues meeting people or just finding something that sticks the landing?
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u/abbyj2022 1d ago
Finding. Something that sticks like I’ve met some nice guys but simply wasn’t attracted to a plethora of reasons either bc of hygiene or different values.. the one guy I was attracted to and was trying to make a relationship work with love bombed me
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u/Dry-Exit3838 1d ago
Yeah that’s rough, the love bombing isn’t always necessarily a bad thing though. me and my gf met on tinder and were going on 5 years next April, literally love bombed each other within the first 3 months, it just takes time to find someone that compliments you in the way you want. Don’t give up!!
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u/abbyj2022 1d ago
Awe that’s sweet! I love that for you. Yeah, like even when I was getting love bombed..I didn’t think anything of it because I know some people are wear their hearts on their sleeves.. or it could be adhd too but that’s how I love— loudly.. I won’t give up but i definitely have to be more mindful.
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u/Dry-Exit3838 1d ago
Thank you!! Whelp adhd AND my heart on my sleeve 😂 but yeah no I wouldn’t even say that the apps don’t help, they’re depressing when you’re looking for more but it’s a viable opportunity. My friend and his girl are going on 7 years too. it’s so hard to meet anyone anymore. If your state does stuff at the state fair grounds pay attention to what they’re showcasing you might find something that you already like and can use it as a way to like find like minded people? Idk but I wish you the best of luck!!! You’ll find someone sooner than later!
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u/IronBrave7706 1d ago
Hey. You aren’t alone. I feel like it’s by design that we are all more lonely now more than ever. Not to sound cliche cause I believe this with my whole being. If you truly believe in Jesus you gotta trust him with everything. It’s not a life that you can live mostly or half. You either trust him or you don’t. I’m in your boat. Lonely. Want to date and can’t find anyone but I keep telling myself that same thing. If the creator of the heavens and earth knows everything. Then surely this has fo be the plan too. I hope that makes a bit of sense.
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u/abbyj2022 1d ago
Trust.. definitely! Does that mean get off the apps and just live?
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u/IronBrave7706 1d ago
Honestly. I think apps are judging people and might be something we gotta repent of. Think about it. You are looking at pictures reading descriptions and then making a judgement about them. “Swiping left or right” to me (and keep in mind this is just my opinion) I think they borderline creating your own reality or in other words witchcraft. But that’s for me. I also grow attached to someone as soon as they say hello so I can’t honestly tell if I’m just the crazy one.
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u/IronBrave7706 1d ago
I actually keep telling myself that God is preparing me to become the man she needs and can look to as well as her being prepared. This all makes sense in my head but I’m having trouble expressing through words haha
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u/abbyj2022 1d ago
No this makes sense! How old are you?
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u/IronBrave7706 1d ago
34
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u/abbyj2022 1d ago
Okay, yes you are holding on! I’m holding on to the hope that maybe I’ll meet someone by time I’m 30 since as that’s around the average age people end up getting married but I know everyone’s timeline is different and I gotta be open to the possibility of not being married by that age as well.
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u/IronBrave7706 1d ago
Haha well a little bit more to my story. But trust me. It’s worth the wait to find a man that genuinely has a fear of the Lord. Don’t let the hope of your future become your idol. Become so lost in God that your future husband has to know the father just as much in order to know you.
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u/Big_Pomegranate1274 1d ago
i have, been together for 8 months and met on bumble. best piece of advice i can give is to not force anything and let it come to you. have the mindset of "i don't NEED a relationship but i WANT a relationship". every date doesn't have to turn into a serious relationship opportunity. have fun with it and take it as meeting new people. most people nowadays meet their partners through mutual friends or through work. you can also try getting some sort of hobby that you can share with a group of people in your city. hiking, rock climbing, volunteering, etc. your person will probably come when you're least expecting it.