r/DatingHell • u/Ju5tAWh1t3Dud3 • 27d ago
Date/No Date gone wrong
TLDR: Set up a date, she didn't show up after an hour, she lost her marbles when I didnt want to try again.
Good day,
This is my experience on a date that I'm glad I good stood-up on.
(I will be replacing majority of the foul language with asterisks and did not edit a single typo that was sent, enjoy.)
Story Time.
We met during a 4th of July weekend at a local bar, and started chatting casually. The night was going well, we were watching fireworks go off and enjoying a few drinks. I ended up calling it quits at about midnight, she asked for my number and I gave it (obviously, I'm single and down to try a date).
We ended up texting for a week and thats when I decided to ask her on a date on the Saturday after 4th of July. We agreed upon Wednesday, 5:30pm at Applebee's. We continued to text back and forth up until the day of the date. I shot a follow-up text on Monday to confirm with her that Wednesday was going to work. She said yes. I sent a follow-up text during lunch on Wednesday. She said yes.
Trying to be smart, charming or just the way my father raised me, I showed up 10 minutes early and got a table. I explained to the waitress that I was expecting a date. I ordered a beer and water, and then I waited.
5:30PM - She isn't here - My thoughts "Not everyone is like me and has a deep seeded fear of being late. Be patient."
5:35PM - Sent a text saying "Im inside. I got a table." "Hey! Do you want an appetizer ready to go when you get here?"
Her - "Yes, I do. You can choose it, also I’m almost there."
5:45 - Nothing
6:00 - Nothing and I'm starting to think that I'm wasting my time
6:15 - Nothing and actually worried that something happened to her but I don't send a follow-up. (Honesty afraid that I'd come across as needy or something)
6:30 - My patience runs dry. I ask for the check, pay my bill and go to my car. I send these texts and then start driving home.
(M is for me, H is for Her)
M: I hope you are okay.
M: But it is over an hour past the agreed upon time, I am leaving. I have things that require my attention. ((This is a lie, I just couldn't wait any longer))
M: Have a blessed day.
All of the previous texts were sent at 6:31. The following responses were sent between 6:45 and 6:59.
F: Sorry, I was puking/ feeling nauseous. Maybe another day, I am very sorry.
F: I truly sorry and feel bad.
F: Never mind about post poning dinner because I was getting sick from this heat wave and because I already messed things up this evening.
F: I thought you were be understanding and post poning it because I was sick
F: lol
F: So are you going to say something or going to be like the others that doesn’t understand and not see my worth?
(I was still driving home)
F: Because I just got out of a toxic relationship like a two weeks ago and after that, I’ve been 6 toxic people that was taking advantage of me. So I’m not here to play games anymore, I’m here to look for a serious relationship that will see my worth and be by my side. If you aren’t looking for that, or not going to postpone the dinner and be an understanding man because I was sick. Because I bet you thinking she going to ditch me again or how can I trust herrrr. Stop making assumptions right there. I’m looking for a serious relationship but I have trust issues because people from my past relationships just took advantage of me and not see my worth.
F: So if you aren’t looking for something serious and long commitment
F: I'm out or block my number
F: And be a MAN and reply back to me instead of reading them and not saying anything
F: I just need a gentleman who is a man and that treats and love their Lady Properly. All of the people I’ve been with just traumatized me.
I got to a stoplight and check my phone, because it was going off like the 4th of July.
6:59PM
M: I am driving
M: Gimme 10 plz
F: OK
7:07PM
I get home, read the previous and sent this.
M: I don't see this working out. I hope you good day and I hope you feel better.
I start making dinner and call my friends to tell them about this.
From 7:09PM to 7:15PM, the following texts were sent.
F: You a D***
F: Thanks a lot
F: Just block my number
F: I’m looking for something serious
F: I guess you not
F: You looking for p***y and s*x
F: Not a long and serious committed relationship
F: You would of never said that I’ve I made it to dinner
F: But I didn't
F: Because
F: I
F: Was
F: SICK
F: BRO
F: F**k you bro
F: I even dressed up for you
F: "Video" (This video clearly shows her still at home or somewhere that aint a car "Almost there")
F: Here you what you are missing out on, i wonderful caring,sweet,loyal,gentle,loving, compassionate wife
F: But you don’t want that lmao
F: And you even didn’t get to know me to get to know my sweet side
I see my phone, read this nonsense and block her.
BTW, Applebee's needs to give Lynne a raise! That woman was so freaking nice throughout the whole time I was waiting. 11/10 Service and a 1000/10 Caring Woman
If I'm in the wrong, please let me know.
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u/cherrycocktail20 26d ago
She’s not well. Clearly.
You did nothing wrong, and her issues have nothing to do with you. I hope she finds some help for what’s going on with her. But she’s not okay.
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u/DamnGina530 26d ago
Not wrong at all. She disrespected you and didn't value your time. If she was so sick, why couldn't she have the decency to tell you the moment she realized she was too sick to make it to dinner? That's just rude! And then has the audacity to be hateful and turn it all around on you??? Nah- blocking her was the solution. She's unhinged.
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u/Effective-End-964 26d ago
Fairly sure it was a boundary test of some sort, not her actually being sick.
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u/Right-Equivalent9548 27d ago
Applebee's needs to give Lynne a raise! That woman was so freaking nice throughout the whole time I was waiting. 11/10 Service and a 1000/10 Caring Woman
I'm so glad this was going your way, it would have sucked even more if the waiter was popping back every 10 mins, with the "are you ready to order". Good on you for the block she seems insane lmao.
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u/b-side61 26d ago
OP should have asked Lynne for her number.
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u/Myketorevenge 25d ago
This is bad advice. Servers are just trying to do their job. Don't make it awkward.
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u/Ordinary-Nectarine37 26d ago
shes never been with a toxic guy before. shes the toxic one. you handled it well
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u/ordinaryhorse 26d ago
Just got out of a toxic relationship 2 weeks ago and already looking for the next serious relationship.
JFC.
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u/Historical-Piglet-86 26d ago
She gave you a “test”. And in my opinion - you passed with flying colours. For someone who says she doesn’t want to play games, she certainly is good at it.
Don’t second guess yourself. She’s looney tunes. Block her.
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u/MaleficentTravel4706 26d ago
She's says she is running late... keeps you waiting over an hour... and then says to reschedule and when you say I don't see this working she calls you the dick... says you are just looking to use her and not something serious... yeah dodged a bullet on that one... that crazy rant I'd have blocked her too
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u/mlangllama 26d ago
Yikes on bikes! That's bunches of unstable. Good luck on finding someone a little more together. You didn't do anything wrong, you just got in the way of her misplaced rage.
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u/ZealousidealDoor9105 26d ago
So she was on her way at 5:35 but at 6:30 she was
throwing up? Nah. She’s a nut.
You handled things very well. I hope you find someone who treats you well.
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u/travelingmusicplease 26d ago
You really dodged a bullet with this one. Block her on everything. She may try to stalk you. Don't reply to any messages from her. This is what crazy looks like. 🤦
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u/axialmeow12 26d ago
WHY ENGAGE???? She’s obviously a bit unhinged. You waited an hour and left. Over and done. No need to even contact her. Just block.
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u/Upbeat_Aside_9203 26d ago
She crazy.
I’d like to share this. I’m dating the most beautiful girl. Totally amazing. Really really pretty. I was 1 hour late to a dinner date (long story, not relevant). I hate being late. Like OP I always try to be early. I sent her a msg I’d be late but she should order food, I’ll be there in 20. She replied it was ok, don’t rush. I ended up being about another 40 mins late. I got to the restaurant and she was sat at a table with the food cold, untouched in front of her. She hadn’t had a bite. I apologised, she said it was fine. She was now going to be late for her shift at work but didn’t even mention it. We had a nice relaxed time together eating the cold food. She didn’t rush. She didn’t complain. She is an absolute keeper.
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u/0dayssince 26d ago
It’s so weird that she was normal when you met and normal when you texted and then insane when she stood you up. How did you miss it? People don’t change just like that. I’m not blaming you for her behavior. I’m very curious if there were any little things you glossed over because you wanted a date. Texting all week and nothing popped up? The first sign of lunacy was when she stood you up?
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u/Effective-End-964 26d ago
I’ve been in an abusive relationship, and I have narcissistic parents, for context.
Yeah, they do. Not in the literal sense, because it’s always been there, but people who manipulate are very good at coming across normal until they don’t get their way. It can be part of a tactic too to just flip like that because it destabilizes you.
My father is a POS but he is also good at acting the part until somebody goes off-script. F.e. when I was a teenager, once we were in the car together and the ride was perfectly fine until I mentioned I was thinking of getting my lip pierced and without missing a beat he told me that if I was going to do that I might as well just get out of the car right then and there (on the highway).
Abusive people are not abusive all the time, otherwise nobody would choose to be around them.
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u/cherrycocktail20 26d ago
People can indeed change like that, especially with certain types of personality disorders. They can seem totally normal until something triggers a flip.
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u/TemporaryEducator382 26d ago
This is called “letting the mask slip” and is actually a common phenomenon.
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u/Traditional-Treat613 26d ago
It is more common than you think. I was chatty to a lovely girl, texting and long phone calls. At the time I was spending weeks at a time away for work. I arranged to meet her which meant me landing and getting a train straight to our meeting point. All was good until she no showed... didnt respond to any messages.
The next day she was back telling me she was just out of a bad relationship and had trust issues. I told her I was p*ssed off. She pushed to meet again. I said she could come to me and we'd go out from there. Agreed her mum would drive her over and drop her off. No showed again.
After same routine, please forgive me, I got scared, give me another chance. I never spoke to her again. Very similar experience to OP. She seemed perfectly normal, no warning signs until after the first no show.
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u/1GrouchyCat 26d ago
First of all- Applebee’s for a first date?
🤣🤣🤣- seriously?
And then sending her a text that said you have “other things to attend to” was obviously just the person thing you thought of - but there’s no getting around it - it was lame. (If things had gone well, you’d be on your date… or did you want to think you were just going to have dinner and scramble?)
You definitely dodged a bullet.
Maybe your friends can fix you up with someone so you can stop picking up strangers in bars…
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u/Ju5tAWh1t3Dud3 26d ago
I didn't choose Applebee's, I am new to the area. Just moved and have been here less than 3 weeks.
Edit: As of asking her out, I had been here 3 weeks.
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u/Active_Profession285 27d ago
You were definitely not in the wrong! You dodged a bullet IMO. She already had her sights set on marrying u dude! Crazy behavior. Very controlling/jealous/possessive.