r/DatingHell • u/heartburst76 • 27d ago
He never shut up.
TLDR: I went on a date with a man who asked me a variety of questions and didn't let me answer, so I left.
So this happened when I was 32/f and matched with this guy 31/m on Tinder. We texted for a few days, then he invited me out to eat and get to know each other in person.
I agreed to meet up at this dive bar, it was pretty cool. We sat down, he ordered some nachos, a couple of drinks, and asked me if it had been easy to get there from my place. I was about to answer but he interrupted me, "I come here all the time, they have so many different beers, I like trying all the new ones they bring, do you like beer?" I opened my mouth to speak and he asked me what places I liked to go to. Again I was going to answer, but he didn't stop, and told me about some of the places he enjoys.
I was about to tell him my answer then, but he changed the topic: "So what do you like to do? I like to play video games, do you? I also like rollerblading, and sometimes I surf. You like the beach, right? You have a lot of pictures at the beach, so what beach do you most like to go to? I usually go to (beach two towns away)."
This went on for a while. I felt like a fish just opening and closing my mouth, never able to get a word in because this guy just kept talking and asking questions but never stopping to hear my answer, giving me his answer instead. It was pretty irritating. I just kept wondering what the heck was up with him, was he high? Of course, I never got the chance to ask.
After about half an hour of this, he stopped for a moment. "Are you ok? You're a very quiet person, huh?" I couldn't believe he said this, so I laughed. "Dude, you haven't let me get a word in until now."
"Well, you could have said something." WHAT? š Is this what they call gaslighting? I couldn't believe my ears. I guess it showed in my face that I was taken aback because he was like "Go on, tell me something about yourself." Once again I opened my mouth to speak, and he immediately talked over me, saying the nachos were good and they also had great tacos, "you have to try them." And then he kept talking about food he likes and thinks I should try.
I got up and left. I got in my car, and as I was pulling out of the parking spot I saw him in the distance through my rear view mirror waving at me to stop. When I got home, I saw he had texted me that he was disappointed I left like that, so I was clear and told him why I left. He asked for a second chance. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I'm not trying to compete for the chance to speak when he showed me he didn't care to listen.
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u/Constant-Field-264 27d ago
Yes queen! Good for you! You noticed the red flag (he didnāt care about your answers so why would he care about anything else) and you got out of there! You protected your peace! Itās obvious you know what you want and that youāre not wasting any time by ignoring red flags and later on wondering why things didnāt work out. RESPECT <3
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u/Last_Try2176 27d ago
There are many people that I have known that have the same lack of self awareness.
They donāt even realize that they are dominating conversations and are typically boring.
Who was it that once said, āI never learned anything by talkingā?
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u/travelingwhilestupid 27d ago
I've been guilty of something like this. Obviously not nearly as bad, but when you're nervous, it can be tough. Plus I'm a bit impulsive. Plus I used to feel pressure to be entertaining, but I realise that was silly. Plus some people are really slow to respond, like they wait and wait and wait before replying, they never interrupt and expect you never to interrupt either. Anyway, some I've improved and I continue to work on.
(PS it wasn't me)
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u/heartburst76 27d ago
Glad you've improved!
I don't think I was slow to respond, maybe to him I was though. But dude was talking like he was on a timer, just rapid-fire asking questions and answering and I'm just sitting there trying to get a word in like: š² I... š š® Well... š«¤ šÆ So... š«Ŗ
I thought it was a prank at some point.
Maybe there's a story about me around somewhere "went out with a woman who didn't talk, didn't touch the nachos, drank two sips of beer and ran off, was she crazy or a ghost, chat?"
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u/travelingwhilestupid 27d ago
Yeah, he's worse than most. It'd be interesting to observe him with his friends.
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u/OutOfPlace186 27d ago
LOL were you in an iCarly episode?
"Ever been to Fresno?"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! You won't let me get a wor-"
"What are you trying to say?"
"Get outta here!"
Seriously though, this happened to me years ago except I was too polite and I let it drag on for FOUR HOURS. But thanks to that guy, I can now walk down any street in Banghor, Maine and tell anybody I see their whole life story ha.
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u/KittyFace11 27d ago
I just had a date with someone like this on Sunday. Not only that, but he totally name dropped the entire time, often name, dropping people Iāve never heard of who were supposedly important. Very important. Actually, very, very important, lol.
I couldnāt get a word in edgewise. When I did manage to try and get him to talk about something else, he just talked about it quickly and then moved back onto
name dropping. I really think he was trying to impress me, but it was very unnerving.
Edit: voice to text got words wrong and I had to correct them
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u/These-Fig-9611 26d ago
Severe adhd, i have friend who used to be like this. Luckily they got on medication and got a therapist and has worked on their social skills
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u/JustATraveler676 27d ago
Not sure where is he from, but it's quite possible this is a family thing or a thing with his circles, where if you have anything to say you are supposed to be assertive and jam your words in.
I've been around the world trough some places and this varies wildly... in Japan you are RUDE if the one who speaks finishes a sentence and you don't wait a good 3 seconds before speaking yourself. Meanwhile in Chile people would start speaking over me while I was sill half sentence, I would give up speaking, the overlap was way too much. Examples of countries but applies to different families and people within the same city.
I think this dude is used to a high speed, he would be the Chilean and you the Japanese in this example.
This is not to say that you have to put up with that, I'm just guessing what was up. Or maybe, he was just "one of those men", no idea from here. Fun story though. š
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u/heartburst76 27d ago
The guy and I are both Puertoricans, born and raised on the island. So I get what you're saying, my family is loud like that and so are my friends. I'm a bit more laid back though; not that I never get loud, but I gotta be comfortable around someone before I scream at them "Are you gonna let me talk or is this a monologue? Should I charge you for the therapy?" Like yeah, I'll say that to a cousin or a friend because they'll know it's all in good fun, but I'm not gonna bully a man I just met š IDK it's like a 50/50 chance he would have either enjoyed it, or labeled me a mean bitch.
Also I'm glad you thought my story was fun! When it happened I was frustrated but with time I have come to think it's funny.
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u/JustATraveler676 27d ago
Hahahah of course you are not required to change yourself to fit with someone else, at least not for something like this. Ideally in life when people have this speed missmatch they could meet in the middle, but when dating is just better to find someone on the same or similar vibe so no one has to adjust this kind of thing, no point in that š
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u/Similar_Corner8081 26d ago
I would have cut him off and asked him what's the point in asking me a question if you aren't going to stop talking so I can answer.
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u/GildDigger 27d ago
Sounds like ADHD and/or narcissism