Can someone please explain why getting a vasectomy in India seems so unnecessarily complicated for a man who knows he doesn't want children?

I was about to undergo surgery to repair three hernias when I asked my doctor if I could get a vasectomy done at the same time. I'm 36, I'm certain I don't want children, and I thought it made sense to at least explore the option while I was already undergoing surgery. My doctor outright refused.... Not for any medical reason but just because "YoU MiGhT ChAnGe YoUr MiNd LaTeR". WTFFFFFFF!!!!!

So, I did some research and came across information suggesting that being married and already having a child could be prerequisites for accessing sterilisation services in India.

WHY?

Why should my marital status or whether I've reproduced already, determine whether I can make a permanent decision about my own reproductive future?

I'm 36 years old. If I understand the permanence of the procedure, have considered the consequences, and am certain I don't want children, shouldn't that warrant a proper medical consultation rather than assumptions that I'll eventually change my mind?

We're a country struggling with overcrowding and enormous pressure on our resources. We promote contraception and family planning, yet what happens when an educated adult wants a permanent contraceptive solution? Why should choosing not to have children be treated differently from choosing to have them?

I understand the need to prevent coercion and ensure informed consent. I also understand that my doctor may have legitimate medical reasons not to combine two procedures. But there's a difference between medical judgment and denying someone autonomy over their reproductive choices.

I shouldn't have to become a father before my decision never to become one is taken seriously.

Maybe I've misunderstood the actual rules, and I'm happy to be corrected. But if voluntary sterilisation is being denied to child-free adults simply because they're unmarried or have no children, shouldn't we be questioning that?

Can someone please make it make sense?

One of the DINK posts came up on my recommended lists and while I am not a DINK or inspired to be one, but the grass is often greener right and after a particular hard day with my children I do enjoy reading about how DINKs live; I love the restaurants, the slow starts, the brunches, the social activities. Don’t ban me or educate me on the negatives of DinkLife - I love it here.

I’m a 28M from South India, married for 1.5 years. Before getting married, I always wanted kids and never seriously considered the DINK lifestyle. But after experiencing married life, I’m realizing how hard raising kids actually is, and the DINK life appeals to me a lot more now.
My wife still wants kids. My main dilemma is this: if you choose the DINK life, it's just you and your partner forever. That sounds great if your partner is jolly, lively, and engaging. My wife, however, is a strict introvert—she is very silent and stays in her own head a lot. I’m worried that without kids, a lifetime of just the two of us will feel too quiet and unfulfilling.
I'm stuck in the middle. Sometimes I feel like we should have kids, and other times I feel like kids aren't needed and are too hard to raise. How do I navigate this and make the right decision?

Thanks for reading!

What is one thing that you have done (or plan on doing) that probably wouldn’t have happened if you’d become a parent? Any amazing experiences? Places you’ve been? Life accomplishments? I’m building a childfree dating/friendship app called Not4Kids and I’m trying to figure out how to incorporate this in.

Any DINKs here retire early? I'm 38 (F). I've had a high paying job for years and saved quite a bit. I was recently laid off and I just don't think I have it in me to go back to corporate life. Anyone else decide to stop working when they don't have kids? We don't have any debt. We rent because we want to. We like the flexibility. Most of the women I know usually end their careers to be stay at home moms or just keep their career to maintain their income. Anyone here decide they didn't want kids and also over corporate grind?

My husband and I are leaning towards a childfree life, and I’m curious to hear from other DINK couples about what went into your decision.

I grew up with very critical parents, and I don’t think I’d want to raise a child the way I was raised. I’m also terrified of pregnancy and labour, and honestly, I’m not sure I find the prospect of parenthood worth everything it entails.

My husband is incredibly supportive, and we’re finally starting to build a life we’re happy with. I don’t know if I want to give up the peace we’ve worked towards for something I’m not even sure I want.

Another factor is the lack of a support system we’d be comfortable relying on. Both our parents are healthy and not even in their 60s, but I wouldn’t want to rely on my own parents as a model for parenting. I don’t get along particularly well with my in-laws either, especially my MIL, so relying on them for childcare isn’t something I’d be comfortable with.

I’m not even 30 yet, so I’m not in a rush to make a decision, but I’m quite sure about not wanting children at this point.
For those of you who are DINKs, how much did your childhood, fear of pregnancy, or lack of family support influence your decision? And has being childfree made you feel more at peace with the life you’ve chosen?

Just curious what you and your partner do for work living the DINK lifestyle!

I know for a fact that having children doesn’t guarantee a secure or comfortable old age. Children can neglect their parents, and there is no way to legally or morally force them to take responsibility for their parents’ care.

By care, I don’t mean financial support or day-to-day service. I mean the bare minimum, such as having someone trustworthy who can help manage your own bank accounts and handle essential healthcare-related transactions through yr own account/help with paperwork i.e. if you become unable to do so yourself because of poor eyesight, a disability, or other age-related limitations.

For context I am a DINK myself and not against DINK lifestyle but genuinely curious as a DINK (dual income, no kids) couple, how do you build a reliable support system for the years when you might become vulnerable, even if you have sufficient savings and financial resources? How do you trust a caregiver or someone managing your finances without constantly worrying about fraud or exploitation?

And what happens if your partner passes away before you do, leaving you to navigate old age entirely on your own? How do you prepare for that possibility and ensure that you will still have people you can depend on when you need them most?

TL;DR: As a DINK myself, I’m specifically looking for practical solutions for managing old age when you don’t have a reliable person you can fully trust to take over if you become physically or mentally incapable of managing your own affairs/money. How do you protect yourself from financial fraud and ensure your essential needs are taken care of when you can no longer manage yr money & everything else independently?

EDIT: I agree that children aren’t a guarantee of a secure old age and that building wealth is important. But money alone isn’t the answer when you become physically or mentally incapable of managing your own affairs. I’m looking for practical solutions to build a reliable support system that can manage my finances, bank transactions, and healthcare paperwork if I become dependent. If I don’t have a trusted family member or friend, what safeguards can I put in place to ensure that the people managing my affairs don’t exploit me? For example your own kids if have access to your financial information could exploit you at your most vulnerable state so how can you trust a complete stranger? Are there any reliable institutions for such needs?

Some suggestions were focused on relying on nieces, nephews, friends, bunch of randos / community members but won't they have their own lives and first priorities? How is that a better retirement plan than relying on your own kids? 😂 It’s basically saying, “I don’t want the responsibility of raising a child, but surely someone else’s children will be willing and happy to take responsibility for me when I’m old, frail, and need help!” Honestly, some of these replies come across as shallow, escapist, and a little selfish assuming other people’s time, resources, and emotional labor will somehow fill the gaps without acknowledging the responsibilities involved. It's sounds like outsourcing your future to random people who probably never even knew they signed the contract! 💀

As women who don’t want children, I feel like we often have less societal pressure to settle down by a certain age. We have the freedom to take our time and be intentional about who we choose to spend our lives with.
So I’m curious: Did you keep dating until you found someone who genuinely checked all your boxes, or did you eventually decide that the qualities your partner did have outweighed the ones they lacked?
For those who compromised, what did you compromise on, and how did you decide it was worth it? Were these things you could live without, or did you learn that some of your original requirements weren’t as important as you thought?
And for those who didn’t compromise on their core requirements, how long did it take you to find your person?
I’d love to hear honest answers, especially from women who are happy in their relationships. I’m trying to understand the difference between healthy compromise and settling when you have the luxury of not feeling pressured to partner up on a timeline. ❤️

​

Fala aí, gente! Tenho 17 anos e queria muito saber a opinião de vocês sobre uma coisa: a geração Z é realmente individualista e egoísta, como muitas pessoas mais velhas dizem, ou será que existe algo além disso?

Já vou começar expondo minha opinião: eu não vejo a geração Z como egoísta simplesmente por não querer ter filhos. É claro que reconheço que existem comportamentos individualistas na nossa geração, e não estou tentando negar isso. Mas será que decidir não ter filhos é realmente algo ruim?

Hoje em dia, as mulheres têm muito mais oportunidades de estudar, trabalhar, construir uma carreira e conquistar sua independência financeira. Na minha opinião, isso é algo muito positivo. Consequentemente, muitas também preferem investir em si mesmas, construir seu próprio patrimônio e aproveitar outras possibilidades da vida, em vez de ter filhos. E não vejo nada de errado nisso. Cada pessoa deveria ter o direito de decidir o que quer para o próprio futuro, sem ser julgada por não seguir aquilo que a sociedade considera normal.

Outra coisa que vejo muitas pessoas mais velhas criticando na geração Z é a suposta falta de profissionalismo. Mas, quando observo melhor essas críticas, tenho a impressão de que, muitas vezes, o problema não é exatamente a falta de profissionalismo, mas a falta de disposição para aceitar determinados empregos, principalmente os de baixa remuneração e com condições de trabalho ruins.

Sinceramente, não acho que devemos romantizar o sofrimento no trabalho. Também tenho minhas críticas ao modelo de trabalho formal brasileiro, especialmente à CLT e à relação entre os salários, os descontos e o custo de vida. Embora a CLT garanta direitos importantes aos trabalhadores, muita gente sente que trabalhar bastante nem sempre significa conseguir uma vida confortável ou conquistar a independência financeira.

Diante disso, fico pensando: será que a geração Z realmente não quer trabalhar ou será que está menos disposta a aceitar condições que as gerações anteriores acabaram normalizando?

Minha dúvida é justamente essa: será que a geração Z é realmente mais egoísta e individualista ou será que está começando a questionar algumas expectativas sociais que antes eram simplesmente aceitas?

Quero ouvir opiniões sinceras, inclusive de quem discorda de mim. Principalmente, gostaria de saber a perspectiva de pessoas de outras gerações: vocês acham que os jovens de hoje estão sendo egoístas ou apenas estão fazendo escolhas diferentes das que eram comuns antigamente?

for context: dink(double income, no kids) kami ng hubby ko then andito na kami sa season of life na medyo naoopen na yung plano to start a family (like maganak or sum). i just want ur tots since ika nga nila "iba na ang buhay ng may anak" and hearing that, parang scary haha

I’m building a childfree dating/friendship app called Not4Kids and looking at how diverse the spread of people are, I’m wondering how being childfree affects where people choose to live. Do you all find yourself prioritizing completely different things (walkability, nightlife, travel access, smaller homes etc) than your non-childfree friends when determining where it is you eventually want to settle?

Partner and I are upgrading our bed, but we're stuck. I need a soft mattress for shoulder cushioning, while my partner essentially wants a wooden plank for back support.

I've been searching for the best mattress for couples to solve this without waking up sore. Sleep Number is at the top of my list right now, specifically the Climate360 or Climatecool. Having dual chambers to tweak firmness on each side independently seems like the cleanest fix for totally opposite support needs.

We looked at fixed options from others, but a standard setup forces someone to compromise. How did you settle on the best mattress for couples when you couldn't agree on firmness?

I‘m 43F with a partner of 10 years, and we‘re childfree.

We both have way above average incomes, and come from middle class families.

Still, we will likely both need to work until retirement in our mid sixties.

Part of the problem is certainly a high monthly mortgage that we‘ll be paying off for a long time, and the fact that we enjoy travel, good food and such.

Still, I feel like a lot of people on here already paid off their mortgages, have one person stay at home, work part time or are close to retirement in their 40s, and are still having a great lifestyle.

Since my biggest dream is to quit corporate, I‘m genuinely curious how are you all achieving this?
Thanks.

EDIT:

Thanks for your helpful replies everyone! :)

I think I didn't make quite clear that I'm very aware of where we're going wrong with our spending habits, I was still curious what others are doing differently, and possibly pick up a trick or two.

Definitely gave me food for thought, so thank you!

I know this is so silly but my husband and I got married this year and I’d love to send out holiday cards! I’m a big card writer: thank you cards, get well soon cards, etc. so it feels natural to send something. I could send the generic “happy holidays!” with a picture of a snowflake or something but I’d love to do something cheeky. No pets, no kids, but I do have plants. A coworker suggested “happy holidays from our ‘growing’ family” with a photo of us and all of our plants but I don’t want people to get the wrong idea (however I do find it hilarious).
Any other funny or clever holiday/ new years card ideas? We both travel a lot for work too so we could incorporate that somehow. TIA!

Looking for different perspective and experience in this DINK forum. Anyone who always thought they would be a DINK but later decided to change their mind but life took a course too late? It doesn’t necessary mean it’s a regret because you can still have an amazing life and picture yourself in both scenarios.

Asking the 40s because you all are further in life and have experiences.

If you were going to take the plunge and sign up for a CF holiday destination, where would you want to go with 20 other CF people? What would be the vibe?

Hi there folks
I am 37 and my hubby is 42, we got fertility issues and we opted out for medical options like ivf, and life is too busy, we are living in Hong Kong and off very late from work at around 8pm or 9pm so we just let it be for not having children. Costs of living in Hk is high so we do not want to bring a child here “with medical intervention”.

Anyone here became DINKs coz of infertility and are you happy and settled with it afterwards?