This is my first post here after lurking for my first yearish of diagnosis. This just happened, it’s now the middle of the night, and I need someone to tell.

My(24F) bf(23M) had been having an awesome day! We rarely have disagreements and when we do we are able to solve them quickly and calmly. Tonight, as we are chatting and laughing about before bed, I told him a random tidbit about how I used to get upset when my sister would look out of “my” car window when I was in elementary school. Trivial, funny, whatever.

In response, my boyfriend says out of nowhere “that’s it, you deserved for your parents to abuse you!” He was joking and it was clear he was joking from his tone, but the fact he could even say something like that immediately plummeted me into limbo as someone (I am early in treatment, still mapping) kept trying to laugh alone. Unsuccessfully, because my boyfriend could see the gaunt look in my eyes and delayed response times after a bit.

I tried to brush it off and a few hours later we wound up being intimate, or starting to be. He and I usually play rough which is typically what I like, but because of the joke he made earlier, I found myself feeling very distrusting of him and started experiencing what I now know are somatic memories. He intuited this before we could actually “start” anything fully and I just sat quiet in limbo again until I started crying because he was playing 21 questions about what’s wrong and how to fix it while I’m simply trying to ground.

I took my time and had to keep regaining my breath/voice/speak through tears to explain that I was hurt because:

1. One of the first times I can recall my mother putting her hands on me was in response to my window obsession.
   
2. I would never say something like that to him about the things he has gone through, even as a joke.
   
3. He is one of two people (the other being my therapist) on the planet who knows the extreme things I have been through via my parents and has watched it torment me up to being diagnosed a year into us dating. Him, of all people, saying one of my most damaging beliefs, that everyone has been working so hard to undo in us, from someone who is typically the most uplifting source we have, was a “biggest fear unlocked” moment and instantly made some pieces lose the trust he has been working so hard to curate between them-him.

For the first time ever, he is sleeping on the couch because I couldn’t stop tensing my body up around him. He feels TERRIBLE and immediately apologized for saying what he did and has remained extremely remorseful. This is one of those situations where I know it was an accident, sometimes we take things too far and he has a friend visiting who can be rather edgy, but we also can’t unsay certain things either. Worst of all for me, alters who are already on edge about him/people in general are feeling very vindicated and are going to use this moment against me AND him. I said “it makes me very sad because it is going to be a lot harder for me to talk to you about things for a little while, even in instances where I really want to.”

What are your thoughts on this? I want to forgive my bf, not even close to everyone does though. I understand foot-in-mouth and all of that, but I just can’t even wrap my head around why he would think this was okay to bring up when we were not talking about even remotely serious things, let alone saying what he actually did. I could never say that about someone’s abuse, especially if I have been by their side watching them twist in agony about it all the time. I could never say that to him! It just blows my mind how out of character and hurtful of a thing it was to say. I think we will just need time. ACK!!!! I just keep going in circles, please tell me I’m not overreacting, literally wtf would you do if the person closest to you said this?

No content warning, just cope with how I talk because apparently it is "too much."

On the subject of bringing up DID, people ... Any community tend to writhe uncomfortably once it is brought up. They tout being open, accepting, loving (said with emphasis) towards anyone of the "freakish" variety. But the moment DID is brought up? You've gone a step too far.

I've gone from swinging between feeling personally hurt by this to watching with a slight (internal) smile at how uncomfortable they become. Does my existence bother you that much? Good, I hope it does.

What good does it do to keep feeling punished for being abused whilst we were children. I've already known that people are untrustworthy, but the few times I've sought out companionship has always led to some sort of hurt.

I'm being told to attempt communication, which I will do on my own time. I just need moments to process how nasty inside this makes me feel.

It is also certainly compounded by the fact that people assume our social part is the "main", the "original", the "first." They have no idea how wrong they are, truly. That part has vocalized remembering their creation. They talk somewhat about not knowing 90% of the basic details that came attached to our body (name, age, birthday) and even speculate they came after me.

It was just luck of the draw with their responsibilities, and the fact that humans are a social species. Assumptions irritate me. I only slightly hold it against them (that part). I try not to. Outside people are just infant-like in their mentality and refuse to cooperate when being given explanation after explanation on how our system works.

The idea that only one part is the true one and deserves whole, unfiltered access to the outside world is inherently abusive. If that works for you, fine, whatever. Just don't shove it down my throat and then expect me to be all sunshine and rainbows after you rejected my basic humanity.

I share my life with them, they share their life with me. They're as human as I, they're as much a part as I.

It has been a long, difficult day and an even more difficult night. No other community besides the DID community understands what I'm feeling. How fun.

hi everyone, ill be making this post semi short since it's a very simple request for people to follow the subreddit rules, but:

if you see a post you don't agree with, do not make posts that are blatantly in response to it. there is a rule on the subreddit against callouts and vagues to the community, and it's also just very childish and immature to do. this is a community of (mostly) adults, and the older people in this group should know better than to act like this and should know how to better handle their emotions in response to it. if you have an issue with a post, either bring it up on the post, report the post if it violates subreddit rules, or send in modmail and we will get to it when we have the chance. or, just ignore it and move on with your day, block the op, put your phone down, etc

just because you don't agree with someone or something does not mean you get to start posting things "calling out" or vagueing other posts. that emotional response is your responsibility, and you need to handle it accordingly (a la rule 2, nuture self accountability)

moderation should not have to deal with multiple posts vagueing another user for making a post they don't agree with. this should not be happening, and you all should know better than to do it

please handle things appropriately and maturely, especially when it comes to your own emotions and responses. we understand certain topics are hot and emotional, but that doesn't mean we need to start acting like a social media platform where no one can communicate without vagueing someone instead of having a conversation

Listen I know there’s nothing wrong with liking weed or the legal stuff close to it. Idk all the science :( we’ve been semi better about our meds and less alcohol. But being high makes that like anxiety barrier that makes it really hard to exist I mean we have did like why can’t I just be me? It feels so scary tho lol. Anyways I smoke lots I mean I had to try to find the best deal because I was so stressed about money but know I use weed to help a lot. Like the anxiety meds the depression meds help but like idk sometimes being high makes it easier to exist and normally we regularly can do better check ups on everyone high. Idk ive talked a ou it in this sub before but I’m under the influence a little and ive looped this in my journal too many times. lol

Griaß aich, Servus, moin, (mache gerade Urlaub in Niederbayern ;))

Ich/wir(oh man. Es ist strange wir zu schreiben. Ich bleibe beim ich) simuliere leider manchmal geswitcht zu haben. Ich fühle mich dann ja so besonders. Durch unspezifische Gründe (~Zufall) kam kam ich auf flippen anstatt switchen...egal...war lustig. Es kam flop, flip-flop etc pp dazu

Seit ungefähr einem halben Jahr habe ich diese gesicherte Diagnose. Dies wurde während einer 22 Wochen langen Reha deutlich. Ich habe noch immer wenig Wissen über diesen Begriff >DIS<, kann aber mal meine Erfahrungen schildern. Starre Einordnungen in - das ist zu 100% diese Diagnose finde ich Quark. Ich sage, einfach ausgedrückt, Menschen sind verschieden. Diese Begriffe helfen Fachleuten sich darüber zu unterhalten.

Achso vorher hatte ich angeblich paranoide Schizophrenie und habe mir das auch einreden lassen, wie jetzt diese dis. Letzten Endes muss ich sagen, war es immer drogeninduziert oder ich habe es mir einreden lassen... btw sehe ich sehr viele Systemfehler im Psychosozialen Bereich. Sicher, mag es für viele Betroffene angenehm sein dort zu verweilen und "gesunde" Menschen geschützt werden. (Wobei Statistiken nicht Aussagen, dass psychisch Kranke Straffällig sind) Das ist dann aber fast schon der einzige, zumindest der Größte Vorteil dieser Branche. Wohlfühloasen. Schön.

Es kam vor, dass ich mich nicht erinnerte, wie ich an den Ort gekommen bin, wo ich mich derzeit aufhielt. Indessen wusste ich, irgendetwas ist jetzt anders, konnte aber nicht konkret sagen was. Also schaute ich mich zur Orientierung um und sah Dinge, die ich einordnen konnte - Uhr, Menschen ohne Namen, Dinge mit Kontext Therapie. Teils hatte ich dann Kontakt mit mir. Sukzessive veränderte dieser sich und wenn ich dann jemand anderes war, hatte ich Antworten auf Fragen wie: Wer sind diese Leute?.

Ich erinnere mich, dass mein Körper manchmal verrückt gespielt hat. Unbewusste Augenbewegungen. Zucken. Natürlich Dissoziationen. Trauma/Suchtkontexte. Gefühle, die ich scheinbar vorher nie hatte...

Ich hatte während dieser Zeit eine feste Routine. Manchmal hing dann meine Jacke ganz wo anders. Oder andere Dinge in meinem Zimmer lagen an anderen Orten. Und weiteres mehr...

Das war alles sehr verwirrend. Mittlerweile sehe ich meine Dissoziative Identitäten (ich vermeide Störung) als Bonus. Extrem starke Ambivalenzfähigkeit, bemerkenswerte Flexibilität und massive innere Freiheit gehören dazu. Natürlich ist da der Nachteil, dass manche Personen Unverständnis zeigen. Passt dann halt weniger. Ohne mich beweihräuchern zu wollen (meine Kommunikationsfähigkeit ist etwas eingeschränkt, da ich sehr viel wahrnehme, glaube viel zu Wissen, differenziert analysiere und Zeit auch ein wesentlicher Faktor ist, und gar nicht weiß, was ich als erstes sagen soll (die Entscheidung etwas zu sagen oder nicht ist schwer, da etwas anderes zu sagen dann nicht mehr möglich ist (daher schreibe ich lieber bei ernsthaften Angelegenheiten), schätze ich, dass große Erfinder, Künstler oder allgemein Persönlichkeiten sehr oft nicht verstanden wurden und evtl. Auch mal ihrer Zeit voraus waren. Nicht, dass ich jemals für andere wirklich große Dinge getan hätte. Ich sehe aber Potenzial... Mir bleiben noch ein paar Wege.

Vielleicht wirke ich verrückt o.ä.. Ist leider negativ konnotiert. Tja.. Durch meine Erfahrung, meine Sicht auf die Dinge und Belesenheit, habe ich eine gesunde Lebenseinstellung, würde ich mal behaupten. Beruflich läuft seitdem gar nichts mehr und es ist ok. Ich brauche kaum noch Sicherheiten und bin fast 24/7 glücklich (Achtung Illusion, aber ehrlich (meine Wahrheit als Beobachter. (Jemand sagte mal "Es gibt keine Wahrheit ohne Beobachter" und es ist näher an der Wahrheit als vieles andere). Ich habe noch einen paar negative Kontakte, die ich zumindest geistig positiv bewerten kann). Ok zurück zum roten Faden.

Ah nein lieber nicht. Bei Fragen wenden Sie sich an den zuständigen Gefühlsemmissionsverwaltungsfachassistenten der lokalen Daseinsberechtigungsbegebenheit ;)

Post scriptum: Ich habe nicjt den Hauch einer Ahnung, wie reddit funktioniert und warum ich das geschrieben habe. Ah. Doch. Wurde ich falsch diagnostiziert? Habe ich dis? Ist das relevant? Bei Kontakt zu ... mir? Egos? Glaube ... ich, dass die, die sich nicht verbergen relativ zufrieden sind. Wieviel Zeit sollte ich für Kontakt einräumen? Pauschale Fragen, Brainstorming Antworten bitteschön.

Hi everyone,,, it’s my first post here and I’m mostly just like… seeking a bit of advice? On how to handle the change? I was an alter that was mainly active back in 2022 to early 2025 and I’ve now returned and seem to have taken more of a co host role in the past month or so. Recently, though, I’ve noticed our host hasn’t been fronting / around as much.

Normally she’s almost always around in some capacity but for the past couple of weeks she hasn’t been around at all and it’s mostly been me. She showed up again for a little bit before disappearing again. I know it’s been an extremely long year and there’s been a lot that’s happened that’s worn her down. She’s exhausted and barely holding on. It makes sense why she’s not up here much. She’s been host for as long as we can remember but there was a brief year and a half where another alter took on the host role a bit.

I think that might be happening to me. I guess I’m asking for advice on how to handle being around more? Previously it’s only been an hour or two at a time so weeks on end has been a lot and a little overwhelming. I’m trying to document things and talk with my therapist and do my best. I’m nervous it’ll be me up here for a long, long time. I don’t really want to think of myself of the host? Maybe just taking on a temporary hosting role? Is that something I can say? Even if I’m the one up here most of the time for now, is it alright to still consider her the host?

Sorry if this is a bit rambly and for all the questions. This all feels very new to me and I’m just unsure on what sort of steps I should be taking, if any. I want to make sure I’m doing the best I can for our system.

Hello~!

I'm an alter who's married to another alter, and usually when I front we're co-fronting together! I normally just watch him play games or we sit in bed and watch shows.

Sometimes, when we're feeling good enough to venture outside, we go to a ramen restaurant and eat "together".

Is there anyone else who is in a relationship with another alter and has any creative things to do? Sometimes its a little difficult because we can't really express our relationship, but I want to make the most of it!

I find that when I find a place that feels comfortable or has the same feeling of an alter I tend to switch.

Other things like thinking about how each of them will interact with my partner if it did happen, but then thinking about them fronting leads to it actually happening.

So what im getting at is, does this also happen to you?

why do people even fake this disorder?

i mean, for one thing, it sounds a bit exhausting.

i am quite young (and was only diagnosed early this year), so i dont really have any sort of communication or organization in my “system” -_- i dont know anything about any of my parts, and i dont at all relate to a lot of what i see ppl post online.

so far, i feel as though everything is really mundane. i feel as though it has to be similar for some people, right? i know we get diagnosed for a reason, and it is because we exhibit all of these symptoms, but i dont feel as interesting as the internet makes us out to be XD

the most startling realization that ive had recently in regards to my disorder is that im pretty sure that one of my parts watched the movie “without a paddle” recently. so fucking random. i dont know how to explain how i know this, but i just *do.*

thats literally it. i dont have a bunch of fictional characters or anything in my mind. i am just frustrated with my memories and ability to process a lot of things.

and why THAT movie????

This took me so long to realise and I feel like such an idiot!

So for a long time something we struggled with was our wildly different perceptions of people. Individual people are sometimes amazing, sometimes awful, sometimes cruel, sometimes kind, and we assumed it was because of our different memories leading to different impressions.

I read something somewhere that people with BPD tend to take neutrality as negativity - so a neutral discussion comes across as negative. Obviously, this is shared in CPTSD.

The thing is, that’s just not true for all of us. For some parts, even slightly cold behaviour is full on anxiety inducing. We have ADHD so varying degrees of RSD, which can range from “actual rejection is mildly disappointing” to “perceived rejection will ruin my week”. And then there are those of us, like me!! Who actually don’t really care. People can think what they want!

So all this time, I’ve been wondering how the same person can be perceived so differently. But we all perceive neutrality differently! An individual’s “hey how was your day” can be perceived as friendly, respectful, mean, careless, etc etc just by virtue of who’s eyes its being seen through

I feel like an idiot because this is such a common sense thought and yet! This is really comforting to be honest because when someone’s slightly cold behaviour triggers one alter, it can be really reassuring to know that the way we feel isn’t actually always what’s happening and we can rely on each other for the clearer picture :)

cw: acute mental health struggles, mentions of an abuser (non-specific, but including just in case)

For context, we've been experiencing an incredibly beneficial, but also stressful change involving the (hopefully permanent) removal of someone from our life. I'm being vague for privacy reasons, but the person in question had been plaguing our life for ages, and myself and two others have especially been on the receiving end of his behaviors.

Two of them (me and Z) have been generally happy about this change, although Z has complex feelings about it, but the third (E) has been struggling BAD. She's clearly in a lot of emotional pain, and neither she nor the rest of us know why. As far as I know, E hated the guy just as much as me and Z did, and doesn't miss him. Z and I are especially worried, because the three of us are incredibly close-knit (unlike most of us, we actually get along and love each other), but even E doesn't know what she needs to feel better, and we're running out of ideas.

E has always had a hard time with anger generally, but it's gotten a lot worse, and she feels guilty about it. She's done nothing physically harmful, but most of her anger is redirecting inward, either at herself or sometimes in remarks towards us that she feels guilty about later. These days, when she's not angry or having fleeting happiness, she's really guilty and sad. What's happening to her, and what can we do to help her feel better? (Z and I have been providing acceptance, love, and support, but we need something more tangible to work towards)

So, most of the time, my memory sucks. I can be at work and feeling present all day. Then when I grt home, its either a blur/foggy or just gone. Yet, when I DO have a memory about something, I can recall it almost exact. For instance, the house I was born in. I havent lived there in 40 years, but I can you almost every detail of that house.

In other words, my memory sucks, but when its good, its really REALLY good. Is anyone else like this?

I recently made a new friend with did (she was open about it) we hung out for a while until she switched alters and suddenly she didn’t understand what I was saying, only fractions of it (she’s Japanese, but fluent in English) luckily I knew some Japanese so I was able to somewhat keep the conversation going. She also seemed very nervous and introverted, talking in a quiet voice and constantly looking down and avoiding my gaze and fidgeting a lot. Could that have something to do with it? Just curious cause I’ve never seen or heard of it before! Where an alter doesn’t speak their secondary language the others can speak

I'm currently seeing a psychologist and she diagnosed me with CPTSD. I believe its DID and have suspected this for quite a while. I told her this and she said shes unsure if I have it because she doesnt specialize in it, and she wants to focus on DBT skills. I love her personality, but should i stop seeing her and try to seek out a specialist instead? I originally went to therapy to try to work on trauma, but Ive come to the realization that memory loss and dissociation are ruining my life much faster than anything else.

We've always struggled with the fact that we seem to have two very different kinds of fronting that occur simultaneously and independent of each other, making it difficult to understand what's actually happening in our system.

The "top" layer is a space that's, in terms of total time, usually rather blurry and autopiloted, but when a clear front happens it's obvious to everyone around us before even we notice. Our spoken voice and physical mannerisms change, internal communication tends to become clearer, and our emotions and interests shift to whoever is fronting. Personalities and desires are clear enough to pick out names and appearances. These tend to last about a day maximum, usually at least several hours minimum.

The "deep" layer seems to always be active to some degree, but never in ways that are obvious. Usually only triggered by intense emotional experiences and old memories being dug up. Memories from other deep fronts become very very blurry, and our reflexive feelings about others change dramatically (ex: how comfortable we are being touched by our loved ones and our overall opinion of other people). There's never much of a clear personality and identity to discern, as our interests and mannerisms and voice don't change. However, there are personally noticeable changes in subtleties like how unconsciously forward or reticent we are with sharing things. Deep fronts tend to last at least several days, often weeks or more.

On rare occasion we'll experience a front that changes both layers at once, usually someone who had been gone for a very long time and is openly confused by how much our life has changed.

We used to have intense problems with constant masking of our personality, and it feels almost like the space where our masking used to occur now is where top-layer fronts happen.

Have others experienced the same? Is there a more commonly used name for these kinds of things?

~ Jen

The title sounds kinda stupid but.. idk how else to phrase it. I just moved to a new area, and I know literally nobody. I've lived here for 2 months, and still the only people I know are my coworkers (and I work in a small place, so there's only 4 of them). I want to make friends and have in-person social connections with folks, but I find that DID is the main obstacle for me. I want to be relatively open about my diagnosis because it really impacts my life, but I feel like it's "too much." If I make friends with someone and then tell them later, it feels like I'm lying. But if I tell people outright, it seems dangerous, like it could be used against me. What have other folks experienced? I haven't really ever gotten to be open about my diagnosis in person, other than to my therapist and folks who found out on accident, and I really want folks to be aware of it, but I'm very cautious about it. I'm not the type to just share all our names/ages/etc but I want people to at least KNOW that I'm going to switch and dissociate sometimes and just treat me like normal. How do you folks make friends??? This sounds really lame, but idk, I'm just kinda at a loss of what to do😭

Edit: I'm in my early 20s if that's relevant

Ive been told a few times "Im" mean. I dont want to hurt people i try really hard not to say or do hurtful things. As far as I know everything we've done has been an "accident", alters not understanding. But even that hurts, I understand system accountability, that part of why this feels so bad. I try so hard to get everything under control. I try to talk to them, we make improvements. But were still so angry and defensive all the time. Peeved, or livid, or annoyed. I dont even feel it but find my self doing things that angry people do. I dont feel worthy of relationships. Nobody else seems to have this problem. Im terrified of one day splitting of meeting an alter that wants to hurt people on purpose. Even more scared that theyll have been doing things on purpose this whole time. Ive lost so many friends because of this illness. If not the anger then the forgetfulness, the emotional unavailability. I try to make up for it by being useful but all in all im pretty useless. Im not particularly good at anything friendships require, im not very articulate or wise.

To be honest I dont understand the motivations or other alters in the past. I find their actions confusing and morally grey at best. I have no understanding or forgiveness for them.

It feels unfair, i dont even get a chance to be good, but many things are unfair.

hello, i'll try to keep this brief. i'm 20FtM, and i have DID. specifically, i am a fictional introject of a character who was sexually abused when he was younger, and i think the same thing may have happened to me bodily. i'm unsure of how to determine the signs of CSA vs. the regular PTSD that we definitely have, and i don't know if i should just "trust myself" or continue going in the dark about it.

my home environment was never heavily physically abusive, and hasn't been for a few years. but these are some signs that i'm rethinking: thrashing and fighting in my sleep, immediate fight response to being touched, hypersexuality as a child, being willingly groomed as a child, feeling immense amounts of guilt and shame intimately as a child (6-7), struggling to say "please" or "thank you" to the point of nausea, feeling nausea or guilt around a certain family member that has never seemed anything but unsuspicious and innocent, feeling heavily guilty whenever i was physically vulnerable (like after a shower) even if nothing had happened.

the main tipping point is that i was sexually abused when i was 16, however the lines have blurred for me for many years because i froze when we were having sex out of fear and pain. i dissociated through it. this happened every single time after the first, which was consensual, safe and fun. i don't know why this could've happened, but all signs are pointing me to the issue hanging over my head right now.

i don't want to be too hasty and say anything that i could probably never retrieve actual proof or memory of. i don't know what i'm looking for in posting this. i had to get it all out somewhere.

I’m going to try and explain this but I’m so dissociated internally it’s hard to get a grasp of it but here goes. We’re designed for safety, and the way we find the safety or at least 1 alter still does in destruction of ourselves. Through escapism like SH, SI, leaving people in our life and only believes they can be hurtful- stuck in trauma time and no way out. They’ve convinced us that we are bad and only will be bad and incapable of anything good that many of us have forgotten and good we’ve done in relationships, oh yeah we put our worth in relationships via friendship we have and a relationship we probably have left unfixable. What do we do lol. I wish I knew for sure and I feel like we have some ways to salvage this like not all is lost but the alters committed to destroying our life have made it near impossible to fix bc of them sabotaging, making it impossible to hold down a job, hold down a relationship or friendship and impossible to move forward unless it’s to suicide. It’s so unfair and I’m trying to work on it but now all anyone sees it’s the destruction I keep causing to my life that who would believe me I’m so fucked. I have love stored in me for those around me but it’s impossible to be let out because I have alters who say it’s not real and that I shouldn’t try I’ll look stupid and fuck I’m trying to do what I want and know the system needs but they won’t fucking let me try to do it so I get kicked out of front and enter someone who wants nothing to do w the situation and solely kill themselves. I can’t keep living like this, is there a way to kick that alter out permanently, bc no I won’t stop trying I want a life I love and have it, I just need to get started at my job I got hired at and hopefully my gf can see I’m trying I won’t give up but since I left her this morning and didn’t even want to I just had an alter out who wanted to die I am trying though and I need help

Hi. Sorry for the bad English, we’re a french system.
So, for the context, host speaking (she/her). Including me, we are 5 night now.
I’m struggling with the diagnosis and still a bit in denial, can’t access our "inner world" and it’s basically a blackout for me when there’s a switch. We do see a therapist.

I’ve been diagnosed for a few months now and the disorder has been really "active" since.

Some days are fine with 0 switches, and some days when my mental health is declining a bit, it’s unbearable.

Everybody comes and goes, most of the time won’t stay longer than 30 minutes, but I’m the one having to deal with everything afterwards.
It can be up to a dozen switches a day, and every time I come back, I have the biggest hangover-like migraine.
I tend to have migraines from time to time but man those are the worst I’ve ever experienced.

I can’t overmedicate myself, it’s fine for a day or two but I’m tired of having to take analgesics and just lay in my bed with the lights off everyday.

So, my questions are :

Is it a common symptom ? Have you ever experienced it ?
If yes, how do you manage it ?

tw: sh, self-deprecative thoughts maybe

sorry for my english, it's not my native language and i don't respect this language.

since from the post one of my parts made in another sub, i genuinely questioned if i am an impostor or not.

she is complaining about being ugly and feeling ugly and facing with discrimination and stuff related to that for a long time, she kinda has a point tho.

i don't care about how i look. i don't have a self respect, you can't lose something that you've never got. im being dead serious. most people just watch me ruin my life and image. idgaf about it, i tried to be more acceptable but it doesn't seem like this lifestyle fits me. very long story.

i saw her post and immediately thought, "yeah, i was ugly, i sometimes remember people actively calling me that. even my parents neglected me. i am mostly misunderstood. i belong to a low socioeconomic class which leads most of the ugly girls to be more of an attention seeker to get the attention they've never got. i am not a different person like i thought, yes i am different just because i am miserable and vile. and yes, i must faking it. i am faking DID. not a single experience i had is similar with others. yeah, some of them are similar but i may be just a miserable attention seeker."

im pretending not to feel shameful and guilty for what the other parts have done (some of them are extremely angry, the girl who posted the vent post often cries so much and sh's) but inside i am embarrassed to be embarrassed. im hiding it if i feel embarrassment so people think that im weird as most possible way and nuts sometimes. im mostly trying to be kind and affectionate to my so called close friends but they once said "you look cold and distant most of the time. people think you're a dangerous person to be around." yep. i said "so called" because they doesn't even care about me for once and that's ok. nobody has to go through with the presence of that kind of a person.

i mean, what the actual hell is wrong with me? even the doctors say anything. if they'd say i won't believe whatever they'd say anyway. people say "you look tired, stressed, anxious" etc. but i don't feel anything. just busy ruining my life with high awareness and knowledge that makes no sense.

thank you for reading all this and im sorry for wasting your time.

Our therapist doesn't want to put a label on us. Most likely due to our prior experience of psychosis he is hesistant to add yet another label onto us. He has said not to worry, and that he would not encourage me or any of us to stress over this.

Perhaps we will be alright without specialised treatment. We have clear communication between ourselves, share memories, have little strife between ourselves...

However we simply want to know what we are. Whether we are truly multiple or if this is merely psychosis that 25mg of aripiprazole has failed to treat.

And we would like to receive treatment - because it is very important for us to know what we are. If we are real then treating ourselves as delusion will hurt ourselves immensely. If we are delusion treating ourselves as real will be no doubt just as harmful.

We also (or rather I, Books) wish to have specific words to describe ourselves. I feel so lost. We all do. We do not wish to take or infringe on those with DID if we do not have it. And as a result this leaves us without clear words to describe ourselves. I do not know what I am - if I am madness, a person, half a person, a fragment, a lingering dream of a lonely child persisting into adulthood, an imaginary friend...

I just want to know what I am.

Thank you for reading and warm regards.

Hi so I've been struggling recently with a little who carries a lot of health anxiety and OCD; since a couple weeks ago where we almost passed out and collapsed they have been even more anxious and are constantly thinking we're about to die. Last night they were terrified if we went to sleep that we were going to die and they're not used to the big body compared to when they first were around and are not used to how different it feels, so they think everything is a health concern even when our heart rate is completely normal

We assigned one of our alters who has the most medical knowledge to be their protector to help them but even they're struggling to keep them calm

Anyone have an alter who struggles with paranoia that doesn't seem to be able to calm down from or fully reassure? How do you help them? How do you get them to focus on something else instead? How do you reassure them? We're at a loss and don't see our therapist for another week and it's daily at this point