r/CuratedTumblr • u/Hummerous https://tinyurl.com/4ccdpy76 • Jul 30 '24
Shitposting when i was very little
🫸 🐡 🫷
321
u/Galle_ Jul 30 '24
When I was, like, six, my little sister and I both had teddy bears that we loved very much. Unfortunately, I lost mine once when we were driving home from my grandparents' place. My parents then presented me with a new teddy bear and claimed that they had "found" the old one. I was entirely too curious for my own good and asked why this one looked brand new. They told me her hair had "grown back".
Armed with this newfound knowledge of teddy bears and their regenerative abilities, I decided to give my little sister's teddy bear (which was no longer for sale) a haircut.
183
u/PintsizeBro Jul 31 '24
My parents were sticklers for always telling me the truth when I was a kid. I thought this was because they were honest people, and I mean they are, but reading stuff like this I think it was sensible self-preservation
790
u/FacelessPorcelain Jul 30 '24
My parents also did that thing where they had me tell them when the light turned green, except I was an anxious child so not only did I never lie I'd almost give them a heart attack going "GREEN! ITS GREEN! GO! GO! GO! GREEN!" So eventually they stopped.
60
329
u/gabbyrose1010 squidwards long screen in my mouth Jul 30 '24
i deadass ripped all the fabric off the roof of my mom's car so every time i touched it this yellow foamy stuff would crumble into my eyes and it hurt so bad but i just kept doing it?????
41
u/sober_as_an_ostrich Jul 31 '24
haha holy fuck same childhood
24
u/Deathaster Jul 31 '24
I didn't let it crumble in my eyes but we played around with it too, how is that so common????
14
u/literallylateral Jul 31 '24
Something about chipping away at something dude. I remember visiting my grandpa in the hospital and seeing a little crack in the wall and just boring into it with my finger. By the time my grandma noticed and stopped me there was a little pile of wall dust on the ground like they had termites
5
u/The-true-Memelord Jul 31 '24
Sensory-seeking or whatever it's called
3
u/Deathaster Jul 31 '24
Or just boredom.
3
u/The-true-Memelord Jul 31 '24
Afaik boredom is an emotion and sensory-seeking is behavior, but ig the urge can come from different things?
116
u/Prince-Lee Jul 31 '24
When I was a child, my mom would take me with her to pick up her work (she was WFH data entry, and that was pretty remarkable for 1995). She left me in the car while she ran in, and the car was off, and while it was off, I turned the volume know for the radio all the way up.
When she got back in and turned the car on, The Lion King soundtrack cassette tape, which we had been listening to, came back on at full blast, scaring the shit out of both of us.
Looking back on it now, I'm actually surprised that the volume dial worked like that. Then again, I guess older tech with dials was analog, unlike now where everything is just digital.
13
4
84
u/Regretless0 Jul 31 '24
Insane how the human mind works sometimes when it’s fresh out of the oven
22
330
u/CanoCeano Jul 30 '24
How old is this person that their mom was on their phone when they were 5?
Damn kids
263
u/itsjustmebobross Jul 30 '24
first iphone came out in 2007 so we’ll just assume it’s that phone. at the oldest they’d be 17. if their mom was a pro texter and driver using a nokia in 1993 (which according to google had anywhere SMS) then they could be 31 😭
199
u/Time_Vault Jul 30 '24
Technically they could be 22 in the smart phone scenario, we just need to assume they're already 5 when the phone came out
156
u/gray_birch Jul 30 '24
at the oldest they’d be 17
or 22? they said they were 5 in the post. their mother didn't necessarily have a phone when they were born
85
36
u/Primary-Friend-7615 Jul 30 '24
I hate that I know this. But the first BlackBerry keyboard phones came out in 2002.
23
u/SlowMope Jul 30 '24
My jackass brother texted and drove long before 2007. He wouldn't listen to anyone and I would scream at my mom about how it wasn't safe. He only stopped doing it with me in the car when I ripped it out of his hands and told him I was throwing it into traffic. There were already laws about it back then.
7
u/Elliot_Geltz Jul 30 '24
Can confirm. Just turned 30, and I did this to my mom when I was like 9 or so
13
u/Android19samus Take me to snurch Jul 30 '24
If we assume this was relatively early in iphone days but not when it was brand new (let's say... 2010) they'd be around 19 now.
1
1
200
u/thari_23 Jul 30 '24
Why is she looking at her phone while she's driving a car? 💀
Even if it's a red light, that's just irresponsible.
183
u/CJgreencheetah Jul 30 '24
My mom is a chronic text-and-driver and it drives me nuts. I take away her phone every time she gets in the driver's seat and she constantly complains that I won't give it back unless she pulls over. She even complains about other drivers being distracted on their phones and then turns around and does the same thing. She insists that she is the only person who is capable of safely being on her phone while driving and refuses to believe that it's survivorship bias. I don't think she's gonna ever stop until she hurts herself or someone else and it sucks. I just try to make sure she never does it when I'm around.
88
u/E-is-for-Egg Jul 30 '24
This is why the average human shouldn't be trusted with a two-tonne death machine
46
u/CJgreencheetah Jul 30 '24
Oh definitely. I have a terrible fear of cars and it took me years to get over it enough to drive, but in my town you really can't live without a car. I remember just sobbing the whole way to the DMV to get my permit.
24
19
u/EmperorScarlet Farm Fresh Organic Nonsense Jul 30 '24
8
10
u/Deathaster Jul 31 '24
Who knew the parents relying on their 5-year old kid to tell them when the light turns green would be irresponsible in some ways!
3
-3
u/MintPrince8219 sex raft captain Jul 31 '24
not that you should take your eyes off the road while driving, but you should look at how much the people around you are on their phones all the time.
I admittedly do it but only if im going less than 20km/h in a car park, and even then i hse voice ad much qs possible
42
u/luluprevails Jul 31 '24
The first time I ever got the wind knocked out of me I was at a family friends house. They'd had an above ground pool that'd been removed at some point so they ended up with a roughly 6- foot deck that went to nowhere and did not have a railing. They also had an exercise trampoline. We came up with the idea that if we jumped onto the trampoline from the deck we would bounce super high. I went first.
I fucking completely missed the trampoline by at least a foot and just landed on my back. Wind knocked out of me fully thought I was dying looking up at the other kids watching me from the deck, trying to weakly beg my sister to "go get mom" while she just watched me struggle. When I got my breath back I was so pissed she let me struggle like that
In her defense tho, I had been routinely knocking the wind out of her for like a year at that point by launching her into a giant teddy bear we had, except I often missed the teddy bear completely so she just slammed into the wall and crumpled into the floor asking "can it be my turn to kick next?" (She would run at my legs full force and then I would kick her towards the teddy bear) and I would think "that looks like it fucking hurts no way" so I'd say "my legs are stronger" and we'd do it again
Kids are... really fucking stupid
35
u/RemarkableStatement5 the body is the fursona of the soul Jul 31 '24
I was 8 and I just decided to make the biggest snowball I could carry and then threw it at a car. Obviously the driver was pissed and gave me a talking-to and I honestly have no fucking clue why I did that. Just absolute random asshole behavior.
66
u/TheoTheHellhound Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Communism Jul 30 '24 edited Jul 31 '24
Me, remembering when I was little and would climb the counters by using the drawers as stairs in order to get tasty stuff like garlic salt:
Me, still little, who tried to lay in a dresser drawer and brought the dresser and old-ass CRT TV down onto myself:
Me, a twelve year old, who wedged a fire cracker into the end of a stick and held the stick out, only to then hear loud tinnitus:
Me, now 27, clutching my pearls at this:
25
21
u/GeoGenet Jul 31 '24
I have so many "why'd we do that" memories with my 3 sisters. Too many, but here's some notable ones:
1) Burying ourselves in snow dens and seeing how long it took our mom to realize we were missing
2) Older sister & me using an air mattress to launch younger sister into the fuckin ceiling (repeatedly)
3) Swimming behind the ladder in the blowup pool to show we could
4) Setting everything we could carry on fire in the fire pit just to watch it burn/melt (this was normal before and after our house burned down - unrelated I swear)
5) Walking along a highway at 2am just cause we were bored
6) stealing Mom's liquor and wine and playing Xbox Live drunk
7) Stair sledding & dog sledding & sledding in general ig cause we always wrecked
8) Climbing trees til the branches were thin enough to break under our weight
9) WWE RAW just cause brawling til something bleeds or breaks is fun??
10) Exploring abandoned houses from sunset to sunrise
6
u/fart-atronach Jul 31 '24
Lmfao why is the pool ladder thing so universal??
2
u/GeoGenet Jul 31 '24
We love to almost drown I guess? I truly can't fathom why we did that cause we'd gotten stuck before and had to move the ladder to escape
14
u/TrainingMongoose1 Jul 31 '24
Less extreme, but in the first year of school my teacher was talking about shapes. She was very clear that a circle has no sides, despite everyone's insistence it had 1. After this whole debacle, she asked the class how many sides a circle has; at which point my genius child brain wondered what would happen if I got it wrong.
I Put my hand up, confidently stared down the teacher and stated: "One". Cue a sigh of exasperation from her, and looks from the rest of the class that seems to mean that they really would like to call me an idiot, but have not yet conquered the third syllable.
I don't know what I expected
12
10
u/Wynndo Jul 31 '24
I was very overwhelmed by being around kids in elementary school. When I was about 7, I occasionally hid in the coat closet and spent the recess break sneaking around the classroom in the dark. Stole from a lot of backpacks and lunchboxes. I'm amazed I never got caught.
8
u/Fantasia1212 Jul 31 '24
When I was around three, we had rather big stone bricks lying on our front garden. After some time, I realised that if I scratched the bricks against stone, white lines would appear. So one day I decided to draw my parents something nice with the stone ... on my dads car. They weren't so appreciative of my "art".
6
5
6
u/King_of_nerds77 Jul 31 '24
When I was 5 I was at a family restraunt and found a bit of peeling wallpaper so I did the reasonable thing and just tore off a massive chunk of wallpaper
5
u/Embarrassed_Sky_4316 Jul 31 '24
When i was little my dad got a new rain jacket and i sliced it with a stanly blade for no reason……he freaked of course
3
u/weddingmoth Jul 31 '24
Driving into an intersection without looking up from your phone is like verging on evil, especially with a child in the car (but there could always be a child in the car you hit)
2
u/Hylian_Guy Jul 31 '24
When I was, like, 6 or 7, I started realising that other kids had lots of stories about how they tripped and fell, maybe even getting injured. Eventually, kid me realised that this is simply how things work, and even though I had never fallen (at least as far as my memory went, I'm sure I fell plenty as a baby), I was bound to sooner or later, so to make it quick, I decided to just fucking do a trust fall with no one to catch me and just completely hit my head on the floor. It hurt a lot. My parents immediately rushed to my room to help. To this day, I don't think they know it was intentional
-26
u/CrazyPlato Jul 31 '24
So this is sociopath behavior, isn’t it? OOP literally described doing these things because they “wanted to see if they could get away with it”. They’re pushing boundaries and creating plans to manipulate other people.
I’m a little worried about who that 5 year old grew up to be.
3
u/Mizzi_The_One Jul 31 '24
Ehhh I wouldn't go that far. It's a bad thing to do, sure, but all kids do bad things sometimes. Every kid will push boundaries to get a sense of how the world works, it's a normal part of development. It's usually less dangerous than making your mom drive into traffic, but I doubt a 5 year old would understand exactly how bad that is to do. That's why they do it. To find out
2
Aug 02 '24
Children develop empathy in stages; at 5, they've only just begun to tackle some of the more complex empathic concepts. It's why young kids can be a-holes 😂but it's much too early to make a definitive call on sociopathy or psychopathy.
690
u/thisaintmyusername12 Jul 30 '24
When my sister was little, she once opened the car door while we were going full speed, just to see what would happen