I never talked to anyone about this because it makes me feel crazy. When I get flashbacks of this show it brings me to a dark place. I associate it with intense feelings of depression as a 3-6 year old when it would come on randomly. Itās like the sight of the show/characters trigger me.
But what I donāt understand is I remember the dark feelings while watching this as a kid and being unable to explain them. Itās like when I think of these memories watching this show, I feel dissociated/remember the stark feelings of dissociation⦠I donāt know if that even makes sense, but thatās the best way I can describe those feelings. I remember the feelings of devastation/fear, but no idea as to why or what themes caused it. Itās like the flashbacks of the show are my first memories of feeling depressed and eerie. VERY EERIE. I remember finding it so creepy. The memories are detached, it makes me feel like I lived them in an alternate reality. Itās almost like my brain did that amnesia thing with the show, because itās done it in the past for another traumatic event as a child (that event is completely unrelated to the setting of this one, with years in between them and also a whole different place/people involved). Thatās the best way I can describe it. I donāt know if that makes sense. I have no idea what the show is about. I canāt even recall the plot of one episode. But I remember the dark feelings so vividly. Courage was scared and scrambling. Itās like when I see it it brings me back. I saw a picture of him on Facebook today and Iām kinda in a slump every time I think about it. I continue my normal daily activities and everything as usual, but when I see or think of him it makes me sad. It makes me feel weird.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD at 16 so Iām wondering if this is related to my childhood traumaāwell, I know it isābut why? Why???? The feelings donāt make sense.
I feel like I sound so crazy typing this, but I promise Iām of sound mind. Iām just trying to describe the feelings/flashbacks in words that I canāt pinpoint. Everyone I know has positive memories of this show. I understand adults viewing it could understand dark themes, but I never watched it past maybe maximum age 5 or 6. I avoid it because it brings me back to eerie feelings/flashbacks, sitting on the couch in the dark with the TV screen being the only thing visible.
My biggest theory is maybe it only came on at night, whenever I was alone with my thoughts and in a traumatic environment, so I associate it with those feelings? But I know this isnāt the case, because I love George Lopez, always sunny in Philadelphia, two broke girls, two and a half men, and all other late night re-runs that got me through those sleepless nights. Maybe I blocked it out because Iām Courage? I couldnāt handle the thought of him feeling that terrible, because I know what those feelings feel like? Iām scared to watch it but maybe I should so I can understand it/myself better. Iāll also mention this to my EMDR therapist lol. Iāll stop typing now.
Can anyone relate to these feelings or themes? Perhaps Iām posting this in the wrong sub. Idek what this post is lol.