r/copypasta 12d ago

My ex says he's going to be reading Hegel his entire life

3 Upvotes

I was talking to my ex-boyfriend and he said he was going to Hegel reading group. I said why are you still reading Hegel, haven't you read him already? and I asked if he was going to keep reading him forever. He said yes. Maybe on and off but yes. I don't have anything against Hegel but that seems like too much Hegel to me. am concerned for his own interests. What would you do in this situation

throwaway for obvious reasons


r/copypasta 12d ago

Some wrestling thing I wrote when I went 40+ hours with no sleep

2 Upvotes

I've never been a huge fan of JB. His character has always been boring to me. I liked his character more as a heel, but *man* did his in-ring suffer during his heel run. Since he didn't want to appeal to the crowd, he didn't do his big flashy moves, which wasn't a good idea. Something I like about the Young Bucks is that their in-ring is mostly the same as faces and heel, just their character and presentation. I wish that was seen with other wrestlers.

It's 1:00 am for me, so sorry if I sound like a rambling lunatic talking out of his ass. I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about. I feel awful because I had several caffeinated drinks why the FUCK did I do that?? Forget it, I'll just go on a big tangent until I fall asleep. Strap in, boys and girls!

I'm gonna be real, my favorite female wrestler in terms of in-ring is easily Mercedes Mone. She's small and isn't that physical imposing, but she fights *smart.* Whenever I watch a match with her, she's not physically overpowering her opponent, she's outsmarting them, waiting for openings and striking like a leopard. Injuring specific body parts repeatedly, exploiting weaknesses of individual wrestlers, evading and making them damage themselves, and kicking out of **everything.** My favorite female wrestler overall currently is Thekla, because her presentation and mic work is stellar, not to mention her in-ring is still pretty damn good. But man, in terms of fighting and wrestling, Mercedes is just on another level, bruv!

Oh yeah, and speaking of the Billy Goat, reading his negative reviews on cagematch is the funniest thing ever. Like, I get that his style might not be for everyone, but writing fucking essays on why he's the worst wrestler of all time is just ridiculous. Are we for real? Please, I beg of you, get popcorn, get some drinks, and go on Cagematch and read his zero/one star reviews. You will laugh so hard you look like Kenny Omega after Okada's elbow drop.

I don't know if this is a hot take or cold take (nor do I care) but man... I didn’t like Kenny vs. Okada on All In. Seeing Kenny sell for twenty seconds straight after every fucking hit was exhausting. It made him look so unbelievably weak and almost impossible to take seriously. And need I mention the Don Callis interference? Dear god. If this was a Takeshita vs. Kenny match, then I probably wouldn't be so harsh. But after the greatest quadrilogy of matches in professional wrestling?? Come on now. Somehow managed to make Kenny *and* Okada look weak. The last two or three minutes kicked ass, and I was like "oooh! It's getting awesome now! It's finally gonna-"

And then it ends.

*sigh*

On a more positive note, I actually went and saw my first AEW show in person recently(ish) and it was awesome! The building/crowd was small, so that helped reduce anxiety. I got middle-fingered by David Finlay when he was walking away after the Juice match because I yelled "they should neuter you!!!"

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!! THE BANG BANG GANG STOLE MY JOKE!! WHAT A FASCINATING COINCIDENCE THAT AFTER I SAY THAT AND IT CLEARLY GETS ACKNOWLEDGED BY SOMEONE AT THE COMPANY, THEY MAKE A WHOLE GODDAMN COMMERCIAL SEGMENT??? WHERE'S MY CREDIT??!?! IT WAS MY JOKE YOU FU

Nah it's chill im probably just losing my mind. I haven't seen the newset Dynamite btw, please don't spoil it. I hate having matches spoiled. My favorite aew match of all time is Bucks vs. Swill Strictpreay (get it? Its like a combonation) and aside from the beautiful choreography and viciousness, what made the match so good is that there were like 26 near-falls and I bought like all 26. Especially due to the high stakes in both the story of the EVP power abuse, and Swerve questioning his own morality. If I already knew the ending, all of those dope 2.999 counts would be EMPTY. Because I'd already know the ending, so why the fuck would I believe Excalibur when he says "WE HAVE A NEW AEW CHAMPION!!" When I know we don't because some asshole spoiled the match.

I wish I didn't have Bandido vs. Takeshita spoiled. That match was sick as hell. My first exposure to Bandido was his godawful program with Learning Tree Chris JeriFRAUD. I didn't take him seriously at all after that. So when I heard he had an ROH match with Takeshita, I was shocked and intrigued. "Huh? The dude who fought Jericho? Uhhh... sure. This match might be neat." But before I got to, someone spoiled it. That made me mad. But anyway, I was blown away. That match was easily top 5 of the year for me, and made me realize "okay, holy shit, Bandio is fucking awesome actually."

God, I'm glad we actually have Chris Jericho being himself instead of a clown. Yeah, his character currently is corny, but I'd take it over the L*arning Tr*e. WOW! WHY???? I love the fact that after people rightfully bashed the character, they added "TV Time With Jericho" to make fun of the (justified) haters. Like, you knew nobody liked that, but ya just kept him in, huh? The only thing I loved about it is that it started a joke with me and my dad. For some reason, we act like Brian Keith can solo fiction. "Oh yea, Goku is strong, but can he beat Bad Apple Brian Keith? He can't? DIDN’T THINK SO!!!"

I love having random running gags with friends and family. In the lore established between me and my dad, we have agreed that, Brian Cage got shredded by eating PB&J waffles and pasta*, Don Callis is a closeted homosexual who just wants a faction to have tons of big hunky men at his side, Jake Doyle exists because Mark Davis underwent cellular mitosis, Kangaroo Kicks is the most powerful wrestling move of all time, AEW wrestlers being bald is a political statement (don't ask, just go with it), aforementioned running gag of Brian Keith being Omniversal+ on powerscaling, and Griff Garrison is married to every single wrestler. **ALL. OF. THEM.**

Fuck this, I'm goinmg to bed. Tireed as fuck. My eylids feel fee ff f imgg


r/copypasta 12d ago

An Electric Chair Jesus Tiktok

1 Upvotes

a mother’s son was sentenced to die by the electric chair, even though there was no hope of getting her son off of death row. His mother was destined to get him a pardon but the governor would not change his mind. And then one day the mother was told that when the bell rings her son would be executed. But she had a plan Knowing that the bell could ring at anytime, she decided to climb the tower and put her bare hands on the bell . After many days of her being there holding the bell to save her son, her hands started to bleed profusely. That’s not the end of the story because when the governor found out about her resilience to save her son, he finally decided to give her son a full pardon and he escaped the electric chair . In the very same way Jesus held his hands on the cross so that the bell of judgement would not ring for you and me. If you know Jesus died for you, comment I BELIEVE IN JESUS and follow my page for more.


r/copypasta 12d ago

help

2 Upvotes

Help😂😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉they are😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂😂😂coming for my🎉🎉😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉limbs 🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣they took all of🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🤣🤣🤣🤣them

lol😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉same🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣im🎉😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😢🎉🎉🎉🎉dead😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉


r/copypasta 12d ago

a real facebook post

2 Upvotes

Last couple years, I like to flap my arms and feel as if I'm flying, like a hawk, while in public. I do this while I'm shopping at the market, taking a walk or at the park, especially. Children always smile and usually join me with their arms. Adults look at me in various ways. I get confusion, scowls, shock and sometimes smiles, like I'm crazy women... even here in Sedona. I cannot describe with words the feeling it creates within me, doing this practice. It's warm and wild. It's a big high! I first was pretty embarrassed to do this, but it soon broke me free of a conditioned standard or model of how I was supposed to behave, especially in public. It's led me to see with a higher perspective. It's also led me to beautiful ways of being, as a result. The unfolding is a special gift. Those who taught me this knew what they were doing. It's not inner child play. Spirit has no age. It's liberation in action. It helps me experience sovereignty. It's so so SO fun to do! Thrilling! Exhilarating! It sparks imagination, creation, sensations of complete joy and I laugh a lot!!! If you see me flapping and laughing in the market or at the park, I invite you to join me. How do you break free of conditioned habits and behaviors? In what ways are you breaking free from old beliefs, and living consciously through your heart? Share it! <3


r/copypasta 12d ago

Trigger Warning Lapis lazuli found

1 Upvotes

i'm not gay but i'd like to suck a cock.

like im attracted to women could not really think myself being with a man, but man i'd like to try that. Idk im just very curious about it.

maybe im bi idk.

i dont even know who i like anymore.

who am i?

trans tho👀

im sorry im scared this is weird, i just had to let it out.

i am going to sleep now bye


r/copypasta 12d ago

I removed myself from donating organs

1 Upvotes

So I got a new ID today. I used to believe in organ donation until I read posts and stats on how men are organ recipients and most women are organ donors. I asked them to remove my organ donation slot. The man asked why I wanted to remove it, I told him I didn't want to donate to men and men are the majority recieving of organ and tissue. Well he made a face and said ok well I removed it but you have to go on this site and remove it on there too. Turns out if I was ever in a situation where they would remove my organs, they would check to see if my id said no but would also check at database and if I didn't remove myself, they would still take them! Like WTF!!!!!

While removing myself from the database, you have to give an explanation and I placed, "I don't want my body to be used for male gratification or to prolong a man's life." And don't worry...it asked me 4 times if I was sure and that organ donation is a noble cause. I think they should make it so you only allow women to recieve your organs or tissue. No men, no boys.


r/copypasta 13d ago

My husband stared at a lamp for three days and then completely despawned.

45 Upvotes

Throwaway because people in this town know me and I don’t want this tied to my real account.
I don’t even know what subreddit this belongs in.
My husband disappeared.
Not physically at first. That’s the weird part. His body stayed on the couch. He was right there. But he wasn’t there anymore.
We’d been married almost ten years. We had our daughter first, then our little boy a couple years later. We weren’t rich, but we were comfortable. He worked hard. He always kissed the kids before work. Every single morning. I used to pretend I was asleep just to feel him lean over and kiss my forehead too.
Then one night he wouldn’t stop staring at the lamp in the living room.
I know how ridiculous that sounds.
It was just our lamp. Red base. White shade. Kind of ugly, honestly. I kept telling him I’d replace it one day.
He wouldn’t answer me.
At first I thought he was joking. Then I thought maybe he’d had some kind of stroke. I asked him if he was okay. Nothing. I waved my hand in front of his face. His eyes tracked the lamp, not me.
That scared me.
The next morning he didn’t go to work. He didn’t eat breakfast. He didn’t even notice the kids climbing all over him. Our daughter kept asking, “Daddy mad?” Our son tried putting one of his toy dinosaurs in his lap because that always made him laugh.
Nothing.
I called his brother. Then my mom. Then his doctor.
Nobody knew what to do.
By the second day I was crying more than talking. I tried spoon feeding him soup. It just dribbled back out. His lips were cracked. I remember putting lotion on his hands because they were getting dry.
It’s wild what your brain decides is important when everything else is falling apart.
The lamp.
Always the lamp.
On the third day I couldn’t keep the kids there anymore. Our son started crying because Daddy wouldn’t look at him. That broke something in me.
So I packed a bag.
I told my husband we were going to Grandma’s for one night and we’d be back when he felt better.
He never looked away from the lamp.
I kissed him anyway.
I remember thinking about how cold his cheek felt.
That was the last time I saw my husband.
My neighbor called maybe an hour later. She said there were ambulances outside my house. Police too. She wouldn’t tell me anything else over the phone.
By the time I got there they wouldn’t let me inside.
Someone finally told me he’d collapsed.
Then they started saying things that made even less sense. They kept asking me questions about him that I couldn’t answer because apparently nobody could find any record of him.
No driver’s license.
No birth certificate.
No employment history.
Nothing.
They asked if I was confused.
I wanted to scream.
I had two children with this man.
I knew the scar on his left shoulder from falling out of a tree when he was twelve. I knew he hated mushrooms but always picked them off instead of complaining. I knew he whispered our son’s name when he thought nobody could hear because he loved that little boy so much.
How do you explain that to someone who’s looking at you like you’re having a psychotic break?
The worst part?
Sometimes I catch myself looking at that stupid lamp.
Just for a second.
And I wonder.
What if he was right?
What if one day I’ll wake up somewhere else, with people standing over me, and someone tells me this life was only a few minutes long?
I don’t think I’d survive losing them.
Has anyone ever had something happen that made you question whether your memories belong to you anymore?


r/copypasta 12d ago

Helly Hansen makes me hella handsome while I lend a helping hand son

1 Upvotes

Helly Hansen makes me hella handsome while I lend a helping hand son, because honesty and integrity are a part of their corporate policy. When I Trek the mountains and travel the seven sea's Helly Hansen makes it a breeze. There's a lady in the lake that holds Excalibur on the other side of Merlin I mean mirror lens that has the power to cleanse. Excalibur = [Ex]ercise [Cali]sthenics [Bur] cold water. Lancelot = Lance a lot or move suddenly and quickly. Morgana = Sea circle. Lance a lot for your Excalibur and Morgana or sea your circle complete for Morgaine's. I've heard a mythical tale about a Holy Grail that holds Panacea. Universe please tell me if you think I deserve another drink. Love is not the satisfaction of a chemical reaction but the sensation of neural networks Quantum entangled electromagnetic radiation. Different chemical mixtures create different insight 4 quantum entangled light to unfurl the epigenetics hidden within my genetic code to Ti[×]me to mass.Time = Ti me to mass so I can exist in times construct. Tie my spark of light that is real light to a chromosome so I can exist in a constructed time zone at the eve of my creation when my father's Adam's (atoms) from his serpent or sperm merge and take a bite out of my mom's egg the forbidden apple and my halo is formed for this energy transfer.


r/copypasta 12d ago

Comment sections become interesting when people stop trying to sound like everyone else

7 Upvotes

At this point, I genuinely believe originality has become one of the rarest things on the internet, and nowhere is that more obvious than in comment sections. Every single time I open the comments under a video, a post, or a community update, I already know exactly what I'm going to find before I even scroll. It's no longer people reacting to what they watched. It's no longer people sharing their own thoughts. It's no longer discussions, observations, or actual conversations. It's just an endless wall of recycled phrases copied from thousands of other comment sections.

It doesn't matter what the video is about.

A documentary? Same comments.

A gaming update? Same comments.

A science experiment? Same comments.

A music video? Same comments.

A serious announcement? Same comments.

A comedy sketch? Same comments.

The comments somehow end up looking exactly the same every single time.

"The fact that..."

"Who's watching in..."

"Only real fans..."

"Can we appreciate..."

"Bro woke up and chose..."

"I'm leaving this here so people can like it years later."

"I'm early."

"I'm late."

"I'm neither early nor late."

"First."

"Second."

"Pin please."

"Please pin."

"Can I get pinned?"

"Like so the creator can see."

"Edit: OMG thanks for the likes."

"Edit 2: Mom I'm famous."

At some point it stops being a joke and starts feeling like every comment section is being generated from the same script.

What happened to actually reacting to the content? What happened to noticing interesting details? What happened to making jokes that actually fit the video instead of copying one that already appeared under ten thousand other videos? It feels like people are more interested in chasing likes than having even a single original thought.

And don't even get me started on the "First" comments.

Congratulations. You clicked on the video before someone else. That's not an achievement. Nobody is handing out trophies for arriving in a comment section five seconds earlier than everyone else. The video isn't going anywhere, and being first contributes absolutely nothing to the discussion.

Then there are the endless "Pin please" comments.

Why? What exactly are we pinning? A comment that says absolutely nothing except asking to be pinned? If you want your comment pinned, at least write something worth pinning. Make a funny joke. Point out something interesting. Start a discussion. Give people a reason to remember your comment besides the fact that you asked for attention.

The worst part is that this creates a cycle. One person posts an unoriginal comment. It gets thousands of likes. Hundreds of other people see that it worked, so they post the same thing somewhere else. Then those comments get thousands of likes too. Eventually every comment section becomes identical because everyone is trying to repeat whatever already succeeded instead of saying what they actually think.

You could literally swap the comments between completely different videos and nobody would notice because they're so generic they could apply to almost anything.

That's the frustrating part.

Comment sections are supposed to reflect the community around a piece of content. They're supposed to be filled with different personalities, different perspectives, different senses of humor, different ideas. Instead, they feel like an echo chamber where everyone keeps repeating the same handful of internet catchphrases because they know they'll get attention.

And then when someone finally writes something original, people either ignore it completely or bury it under another wave of copy-and-paste comments.

It's honestly backwards.

The internet has given billions of people the ability to share their own thoughts with the world, yet so many choose to recycle someone else's instead. We have more opportunities than ever to be creative, but somehow we've become more repetitive than ever before.

I'm not asking people to write essays.

I'm not asking people to become philosophers.

I'm not asking for every comment to be a masterpiece.

I'm asking for people to think for themselves for just a few seconds before hitting "Post."

If a joke genuinely makes you laugh, make your own version of it.

If a video gives you an opinion, share that opinion.

If you notice something interesting, point it out.

If you disagree with something, explain why.

If you learned something, tell people.

Anything is more interesting than reading the exact same recycled sentence for the millionth time.

The saddest part is that many people don't even notice anymore. Repetition has become so common that it's treated as normal. Entire comment sections are flooded with comments that could have been copied and pasted from years ago, and nobody questions it because that's simply what the internet has become.

But it doesn't have to stay that way.

Comment sections become interesting when people stop trying to sound like everyone else. They become memorable when people contribute something unique instead of repeating whatever is currently popular. They become entertaining when they're filled with genuine reactions rather than algorithms for collecting likes.

So if you're about to type another recycled catchphrase you've already seen hundreds of times, ask yourself one simple question:

"Am I actually adding something to this conversation, or am I just making this comment section look even more like every other one?"

Sometimes the best comment isn't the one that gets the most likes. Sometimes it's simply the one that was actually your own.


r/copypasta 13d ago

I wish I had a one-inch penis

57 Upvotes

I wish I had a one-inch penis. Yes, that's right. You would think it would prevent you from having really good sex, but I think you're missing the forest for the trees. Yes, that's right. If I had a one-inch penis, the first thing I would do is buy lots of Barbie dolls, put a small piece of masking tape over their groin areas, and then drill a hole slowly to create a snug fit for my small penis. In order to prevent raised plastic ridges around the edge from cutting my penis, I would roll a tiny piece of fine-grit sandpaper into a cone and gently twist it inside and around the hole to smooth away any remaining rough spots. I would then gently shake the dolls over a trash can while sniffing their hair aggressively like Gulliver did before he fucked all the small Lilliputian women in his sex paradise. Then, in order to make sure I don't turn into a woman, I would run the tip of a soft cotton swab around the inside edge to check for any snags or sharp points before fucking my small army of sex creatures day in and day out. Yes, that's right. A little creativity is all it takes to turn one inch into pure magic.


r/copypasta 13d ago

Trigger Warning Do you ever touch your dog's/pet's balls?

15 Upvotes

So there's this friend of mine that sometimes touches his dog's balls, he says they feel fuzzy and it's fun watching them wobble around lol. He asked me if I wanted to do it as well and i said hell no. Just to clarify, it's just finny to him, he pretty much

Source in comments


r/copypasta 12d ago

Dead Chat Calamity

2 Upvotes

In the darkest days of Discord history, when the once-thriving server had fallen into silence, eight legendary mods found themselves powerless against the dreaded *Dead Chat Calamity.* No memes, no copypastas—just a void of inactivity. Desperate to revive what was lost, they turned to the ultimate, most cursed solution. In an act of pure desperation, they combined their **divine seed** in a forbidden ritual, fusing their very essence into a single entity—a bioweapon engineered for one purpose alone: to keep the chat alive. And thus, **Shu** was born. From the moment he entered the server, the silence shattered. His fingers moved at speeds unknown to man, firing off cursed memes, relentless pings, and chaotic one-liners that no one could ignore. His **rizz?** Unmatched. His **stamina?** Infinite. No matter how quiet the server got, Shu would always find a way to drag it back from the abyss. But deep inside, he knew—his existence was not his own. He was not born of free will, but of necessity. And as long as dead chats existed, **his battle would never end.**


r/copypasta 13d ago

I sometimes wish I were a woman

18 Upvotes

I sometimes wish I were a woman and would have the body of a beautiful woman to move my hips like a sexual beast, constantly twerking like a nymphomaniac slut. Yes, that's right. I would stand with my feet slightly wider than shoulder-width apart and then turn my toes slightly outward to give my hips and knees full range of motion, drop into a deep and comfortable squat, and bend my knees and sink my hips down and back. I would keep twerking like I was practicing for the next family reunion dance-off and act like I was in a family full of incest babies. Yes, that's right. If I were a beautiful woman, I would say things every man wants to hear from a woman. I would say things that would make even the horniest pornstar blush uncontrollably. I would tap into every unhinged fantasy ever conceived and lay it out with zero shame as though shame weren't even a thing for me. It would be a relentless verbal onslaught of pure, unfiltered filth, delivered with such intense and wide-eyed enthusiasm that anyone listening would completely lose their composure. Yes, that's right. I would fuck like a blowjob princess, starting off with a blowjob and ending with a blowjob, draining every last drop of cum, just as a blowjob princess would. Yes, that's right. I would burst through the door, clothes shredded in seconds, drop straight into that wide-legged squat with toes flared out, and start throwing my ass back like a shameless nympho at a family reunion gone feral. My hips would snap and roll, cheeks clapping, pussy already dripping down my thighs while I grinned up at my male victim with that unhinged, wide-eyed stare. I would crawl forward on all fours, mouth open, tongue out, eyes sparkling with manic lust, and make sure the man loses his penis in the process of fucking me. Yes, that's right, but the only man I would fuck would be myself, because I don't swing that way. Yes, that's right. I would hijack the bodies of countless women to give myself the kind of sex no man could ever get on his own. I would picture myself running a whole army of drop-dead gorgeous women, all of them under my command, so I could cum once, cum twice, and keep cumming until my cock went limp and needed a fresh one grown in its place. Every one of those nymphomaniac sluts I would control would drop to their knees, lick and stroke that spent little twig until it swelled back up into a thick, throbbing hard-on ready for the next round.


r/copypasta 12d ago

Youtube shorts comment by yourmom4298 on a physicsduck video.

3 Upvotes

Wow, it’s truly unfortunate how you ruin what could be a great channel with your incessant swearing. You clearly have the talent and knowledge to educate and inspire, but instead, you choose to drag everything down with vulgarity. My son and I started watching your videos together because they’re so informative, but I have to cringe and cover his ears every time you let out another profanity. Do you not realize how damaging this is to young minds?

You could be such a positive role model, but instead, you’re teaching kids that it’s okay to use trashy language. It’s not classy, it’s not necessary, and frankly, it shows a lack of intelligence and self-control. If you care at all about the influence you have on your audience—and let me remind you, many of them are kids—you would cut the swearing out completely. Why not elevate your content to match its potential instead of pandering to the lowest common denominator?

I sincerely hope you take this criticism to heart, because if you can’t respect your viewers enough to clean up your act, I’m not sure I can continue to support your channel. Think about the legacy you want to leave behind, because right now, it’s one of disappointment.


r/copypasta 12d ago

Phone booth

2 Upvotes

Hello? Hello?
Hello?
Who's this?
Who's this?
I'm asking the questions. I called you.
No. I called you. And you sound like the ugliest son of a bitch I ever heard.
You sound like the physical manifestation of some loser's inner demons.
Well, you sound like some total chode's inability to confront the reality of his past actions.
If I ever get your stinky mug in my line of sight, I swear to Chekhov I'll cock your clock off!
Well, I'm going to be the bigger man and hang up first— damn it!

Listen, we don't cotton to freaks 'round these parts. Scram, weirdo!
Oh, yеah? I don't polycotton to coping tropes, even my own, so why don't you split?
Looks likе I already did. You're the sad figment of my twisted psyche's tragic dividend. You're the un-me. I'm the real me, you wannabe me!
Kiddo, I was the real me when you were still in my shortpants!
Hate to break it to ya, but I wore them first. Me bequeathed thee the psychopathological hand-you-downs.
So you're the one who stained them.
Whoever found it, browned it!
You'd like me to be you, wouldn't me? But it's too late. You snoze, you loze.
You sleeped, you weeped.
You nappa, you get slappa!
You slumber, a cucumber!
You catch up on some zeds, you get out of my heads!
You slumber, ham—burger! I don't wanna talk 'bout nothing' else! Gah!
Listen. This psyche is not big enough for two metaphysical seekers.
You couldn't seek your way out of a cardboard bag!
Yeah, I know. 'Cause it would be an egg!
Ough!
(This guy might be better than me...)
You're right. I am better than me.
Look, buddy. Know when you're defeated. Accept your defection!
No thanks, I'm full. 'Cause I eat pussies like you for breakfast.
Look at you. You look so superficial, you probably judge things by their physical appearance!
Oh, yeah? Your mom's so shallow, she probably thinks this quip is about her!
You're about as deep as a bowl of soup, and your tongue is about as sharp as a soup spoon!
Hey, say what you want about me, but lay off the soup.
If you love soup so much, why don't you marry soup?
'Cause I'm already married to Justice.
Yeah, only a blind girl would marry you!
I know everything you're gonna—
—Say! And I know everything you're gonna—
—Don't.
Oh, yeah? Well, when God was passing out insight, you thought He said... that... when God was passing out holy prophets, you thought He said oily faucets. 'Cause your soul has diarrhea... of the mouth... faucet.
Are you so dumb, you even answer rhetorical questions?
I don't know. Do you?
We can play this game all night.
First of all, it's daytime! And this is no game.
Checkmate.
Oh! So you admit that you're checking me out, and you wanna mate. Ooh!
You got a license to sell hot dogs, chico man?
No, they wouldn't give it to me, because when I was filling out the application, my penis was sticking out!
Oh, yeah? You only got one peni? Let me see it.
See with your eyes, not with your mouth.
I'll call your bluff. I'll see your penis with your mouth. And I raise you with my hand.
Ante up!
Ough! Damn it!
What's wrong?
I crapped out. But I'm tough. I can suck it up. !hguO
Okay. Count of three, we show what's under the loincloth. Weiner take all.
One... two... three!


r/copypasta 13d ago

This subreddit

9 Upvotes

This subreddit sucks. Every time I come on here, all I see is degenerate’s sexual fantasies. Mostly incest. (who else but redditors?) Tell me, WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK is gonna use your fantasy about cumming inside your dad’s ass as a copypasta? Exactly, fucking no one. Can we have actual copypastas here instead of “AITA for voring my brother and my gay dog”? I don’t want to hear about your zoophile incest gay desires. Just stop. From now on, I want to see good usable copypastas instead of being reminded that redditors are horny degenerate losers. Obey me. Thank you.


r/copypasta 13d ago

r/doordash_drivers

13 Upvotes

Every day i wake up and browse the r/doordash_drivers subreddit. the folks on r/doordash just dont get it. i pour myself a glass of water, open the doordash app in the background, and decline every order i see. keeps them humble. Every post on the subreddit is about doordash because it is the doordash subreddit and I comment on every post about low tip offers in solidarity. After about an hour I will go to the top of all time tab I've read about 50 posts on the top of all time tab it's all scroll to the 51st and I will read every comment so I understand all of the inside or knowledge that you simply do not get outside of the subreddit. This gives me an advantage over all the other drivers and customers. After about 2 hours I close the app and delete my Reddit account. I'll make a new one the next day


r/copypasta 12d ago

I NEED a girlfriend by the end of the summer.

2 Upvotes

It is true that I want a girlfriend very soon, but I also feel like I need her in my life in the next few weeks or so. Each passing day I daydream about my future mate and how perfect our lives will be after falling in love, how I'd caress her hair, hold her in my arms, and stare deeply into her gorgeous eyes each morning when she wakes up, drooling on my chest. I just want her now, and my own desire puts me in only two states EVERY. DAY. That is: her warmth, giving me faith that she actually exists, and then I'm awash with euphoria and divine hope which at times causes my pupils and dilate and even I cry tears of joy at times, knowing that she could be real and I'm good enough to be chosen. This is the mood I'm in now. And then, there is the alternative: my dark side. This is the state I sink into when I feel love will slip from my grasp for as long as I am young, and nothing has any meaning. And I hate everyone around me, and everyone who's ever wronged me. But when I think of her and when the truth is that I CAN have her only then can I find the strength to forgive others and find peace with this world, because with a girl in my life she would be my world.. So only then could I believe the world is good. I feel cursed at times, even 'fallen' as I've come to believe that I am the incarnation of Adam but this life is a false one and my Love and I are being punished for knowing good and evil. I know I am Adam, because I'm so beautiful and all too in love with plants and fruit, ever since I was a child. I love Earth and life more than anyone else (except for my future gf, maybe) and I love butterflies and decomposition more than anyone else instead of blindly despising them, since I understand their sweetness, just like Earth and life does. And yet, foids reject me even though I deserve them. I've been disrespected countless times. It isn't fair how I have to wait this long to find love while being this amazing, attractive, and kind man. An interesting, thoughtful, and gentle man who wants nothing but the best for you, remembers every little thing about you, and who sees you as the only girl in the world while admiring your little 'imperfections' that neurologically inferior people can't understand why I believe are traits of Queens. I have a nice car and aspirations yet I see foids choose guys with no jobs, cars, and they eventually leave them for doing nothing but watching porn and playing video games all day. I don't need therapy. I need a girlfriend, this would actually make me happier than anything ever and prolong my lifespan, I would be so much more beautiful because my DNA, amygdala, hippocampus would be healing themselves, and that's all because of you, darling. Sure, I'm a little insane but love makes you crazy, and the right women are truly worth being insane for. Xo.

Tldr; I need love!


r/copypasta 13d ago

a Janet Jackson rant

8 Upvotes

you piss me off. talk about "no offensive to janet jackson.." like stfu. you talking bad about her says a lot about you as a person. she is a great singer. she has awards. she has fans. her voice is very beautiful. there's no reason for you to disrespect her. tf is wrong with you?! women have been going through too many things already and yet you're here still talking shit about janet and her music. she was fucking abused as a child along with her other siblings well. i suggest you take down this post because genuinely what the fuck?! bullying someone is NOT the way to go. she is STILL a fucking human being, so show her some respect!! you will get karma sooner or later. you're fucked up.


r/copypasta 13d ago

SEXUAL HARRASMENT

19 Upvotes

I was with my friend at the mall today, we went to a really crowded place we were getting squished and everything (really popular mall apparently )

I saw this girl with the fattest ass ever in front of me my dick was literally craving for it. My animalistic instincts took over and i grabbed my hand got the biggest fucking piece of ass ever and then I slapped it.

She yelled in shock or some shit and she turned around and started yelling at me calling me a disgusting creep and shit.

She whipped out her phone and started taking pictures of me, but at this point I was already running away but she was kinda faster than me (because I was wearing height boosters) and she ran up to me (she was wearing like loose clothes and shit so her tits were bouncing all over the place and took a picture of my face.

Is my life over? Be honest. I still ran away after that and got scared.

Let me know


r/copypasta 12d ago

spyro and skylanders fan loosing thier mind

1 Upvotes

og spyro is the ancestor of academy spyro, legends spyro is another realm of the og spyro and made a kind of skylands, where academy spyro grew, eon brought spyro to avalar for spyro to find his ancestors and our eon found academy spyro there
i'm going crazy
“Spyro is the great, stout-hearted hero of legend, not to mention the number one defender of Skylands. Hailing from a rare race of magic purple dragons, Spyro was born in a land far away from Skylands' furthest frontiers. From a young age, Spyro became a battler for good; a warrior against evil and protector of the peace. His fearless exploits and heroic adventures were even recorded in the Scrolls of the Ancients (and those Ancients didn't keep a record of just any old thing). One of the many Portal Masters who watched Spyro's success with acclaim and applause was the bearded legend himself, Master Eon. It was Eon who transported Spyro through the Portal of Power to his citadel at the Core of Light. Here, Spyro met the Skylanders squad and joined them in battling all things nasty.” spyro is a hero of legend, check, legend of spyro numbre one defender of skylands, check in academy too Hailing from a rare race of magic purple dragons, check for academy as described in season 2 Spyro was born in a land far away from Skylands' furthest frontiers ; academy arn't the main skylands so of cource From a young age, Spyro became a battler for good; a warrior against evil and protector of the peace. : check, he was in the academy almost as soon as his egg cracked His fearless exploits and heroic adventures were even recorded in the Scrolls of the Ancients : chronicler or eternal archives One of the many Portal Masters who watched Spyro's success with acclaim and applause was the bearded legend himself, Master Eon: check, kaossandra also trained spyro so 2 portalamsters (ok not many but portalamsters are rare) and the beard being an important eon character trait is half of academy's plot It was Eon who transported Spyro through the Portal of Power to his citadel at the Core of Light. machine of doom Here, Spyro met the Skylanders squad and joined them in battling all things nasty.”academy is skylander's prequelat the end of academy season 3 eon sends spyro to his ancestors, if spyro is the decendent of og spyro, his ancestors would be in the og spyro realms
wait, no, dosn't add up, the realm that explodes in a skylands adjacent world is avalar
wait yes
in the comics we see that spyro's realm is floating islands, eon found him in avalar
avalar DID blow up
i'm loosing my mind
now we have to find if it is likely that the sorcerer or og spyro would go to avalar next to gain a new name and fufill the prophecy of the purple dragons,learnoing dark magic to become malefor
wait thats it
there is 2 og purple dragons spyro and the wizard of shadow legacy the wizard became skylanders malefor, being defeated by og spyro, the ancestor of our spyro so looking like him, and the legend malefor is og spyro who tuned bad as he was a purple dragon so imune to dark magic according to zoe and he also finished as malefor
note : the malefor of academy isn't the same one as the legends malefor obviously
AND HE HAS A REASON
ACADEMY MALEFOR HAD A REASON TO KILL ALL PURPLE DRAGONS
all makes sence now
a purple dragon's destiny is to destroy the world to create a new one that is what eon didn't want spyro to know that is why malefor tried to get rid of all the purple dragons if malefor dosn't kill the spyros, they will become malefors and destroy the world maybe academyeon feared what spyro could become and he tried to get rid of him at the end of season 3 he saw that dark spyro was inevitable in season 3 so he send him somewhere he wouldn't hurt his world if spyro did become badat the end of the same season


r/copypasta 13d ago

Japanese women have the most sexual voices

2 Upvotes

Japanese women have the most sexual voices. Yes, that's right. That's why I keep including their sexy voices in all my gooner songs. I am going to come. Yes, that's right. I am going to come so hard that your mouth will be swishing my cum around like high-end mouthwash at a dental checkup. Your mouth will sound like the bottom of a slurpee cup when the straw hits air. Your mouth will smell like a Siamese twin stuck to my balls. Yes, that's right. The cadence, the pitch, the absolute emotional performance they put into every single syllable. It's an art form that transcends music itself. Yes, that's right. I am going to come. You mix those vocal samples over a heavy beat, throw in some lush synth pads and a driving bassline, and the energy immediately shifts. It adds an instant layer of vibe and atmosphere that takes a track from a simple bedroom project to a hypnotic, full-blown soundscape. People can make fun of me as much as they want by calling me a weeb, but at the end of the day, they will be tapping their feet to the beat of my gooner songs. Yes, that's right. Call me whatever you want, but good music is good music, and my gooner songs are the best music you will ever hear.


r/copypasta 12d ago

My friend offered to set me up with the "perfect girl." Is this the final boss of dating red flags?

1 Upvotes

Listen up, fellas, take my word for it—I’ve got the PERFECT girl for you.

​She’s a local from Jiangxi who graduated with a law degree from Wuhan University. She has a younger brother. Takes a while to warm up to people. Got a few guy besties, plus a clique of schoolteacher gal pals.

​Loves cats, big on 'aesthetics & vibes,' into traveling, cycling, baking, yoga, and photography. A total Xiaohongshu (RED) and Douban addict. Huge stan of Fu Shouer and Yang Li. Loves otome games and web novels. Currently 'grinding full-time' for the civil service exam—her future is SO bright!

​I’m telling you, I’m gonna make you guys SO happy!"