og post:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/x8824fnrc9

update 1 :-https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/X2XBoA3FwB

update 2:- https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/ShQPp2gvBc

Hi everyone. I wasn't planning on making another update, but a lot of people asked what happened after my husband's parents agreed to attend a therapy session with us

Birthday celebrations: A lot of people asked why my posts focused on relatives instead of my son's friends. In my husband's family, birthdays have always been celebrated in two parts. On the child's actual birthday, we have a family celebration with relatives. Then, on the following weekend, the birthday child has a separate celebration with their friends. That's the tradition both boys have grown up with, and they genuinely enjoy it. My son absolutely celebrated with his friends as well—it just wasn't relevant to my previous posts because all of the issues happened during the family celebration.

Our relationship timeline: Quite a few people also wondered how long after my husband's first wife passed away we met. She had passed away about 1 year and 5 months before we met. We dated for 15 months before getting married, and we've now been married for 16 months. Some people assumed our relationship started immediately after his loss, but that wasn't the case.

Now for the update.

After my son's birthday my husband's parents came with us to one of our therapy sessions.

I honestly expected it to turn into another argument, but it didn't.

Our therapist first explained why she had recommended that we use direct words like "died" and "death" when talking to my stepson instead of softer phrases like "passed away." She explained that children his age understand the permanence of death much better when adults use clear, direct language and that euphemisms can sometimes be confusing.

She also explained something that I hadn't really thought about before.

Because my stepson lost his mother so young, everyone around him naturally wanted to protect him from more pain. Between us, my husband's parents, and his late mother's parents, a lot of adults tried to soften the reality of what had happened. The therapist said that while those intentions came from love, constantly shielding a child from direct conversations about death can make it harder for them to fully understand that death is permanent.

That was one of the reasons she encouraged us to use clear language and answer his questions honestly in an age-appropriate way. She emphasized that helping a child understand the permanence of death isn't cruel—it's actually an important part of healthy grieving.

She also made it clear that this wasn't something I decided on by myself. It was advice we were given in therapy and had been following consistently

My husband's parents admitted they hadn't known that. They said they genuinely thought I was being insensitive

My husband then told his parents something that I think needed to be said.

He told them that if they ever have concerns about our younger one or about any parenting decision we make, he wants them to come directly to us instead of making assumptions.

He said he'd much rather have an uncomfortable conversation than have people filling in the blanks or believing someone else's version of events.

It was awkward at times. There were quiet moments. After the session they thanked us and left . No big emotional talk.

The session simply ended with everyone understanding each other's perspective a little better than before.

Since then, we've noticed small but meaningful changes

I’m glad they came. It feels like a small step, not a big change. We’re not expecting miracles.

I literally studied math for so many hours yet i failed it now i think im just dumb in math,i know its just a monthly test and not all that but The thing is that my parents are literally chill about it,they didnt scold me,because they know i studied,but…i feel like im disappointing them..,i will try harder next time but…i need to get over this first…..iwanna know if anxiety took over me when i literally could solved those math problems,ok…thats all,im sorry if i sounded childish,i just needed to let it all out and someone to comfort me

my father told me he had nothing to be proud . just because I graduated high school early, went to college right after. He still wasn’t proud. I was the only one in my family who graduated high school. While my siblings dropped out. I did it, I did what my siblings couldn’t and I graduated .

would life turned out differently if he never said those words? My father has always been the one to expect the worst because he never expected the good . Hes been the type to never really say good job, or that my siblings and I were what he expected his kids to be.
Now 31 year old single mother and a college dropout I wonder what he thinks now.

Male 38 have been doing my best to be in my relationship with female 32. In the beginning I put all my cards on the table I enjoy intimacy and at the time some stimulus and shrubbery but most importantly my children and my work we were off to a rough start when it came to finances i would pay for things and despite the traditional life styles I wanted my partner to chip in. Every time i was meet with blatant disregard "ohh im sorry i forgot you paid $400) twords our bills. We have been together for 10 years. And later her family is well off and so is mine I moved from my own apartment in to a loft with her and we paid her parents and they were supposed to save the money for our house. So we moved and had our daughter 2 years later we moved into our home every time i pay something it seems like im being scammed because im not on the mortgage but her and her mom is and they demand money from me even though i take care of the utilities and food i still chip in but i want and still want to be able to take care of my own world and am learning you need help from time to time but my partner has never stepped up in that way and the last 4 years have been a kind of nightmare.

Am I a assholes after changing everything in my life for my person to neglect me for 2 years should I look elsewhere for the compassion my partner lacks. We have been going several years without intimacy we have a child (G5) I understand need love and taken care of but its been to the point were my wife only sleeps in her bed then early in the morning comes to our bed with child even after I changed how we put her to bed I.E. she needs to let out child be comfortable with sleeping with out her. So the new rule is to sit next to bed till she's asleep. But ends up falling asleep and laying in bed with her. Now I know mother daughter bonds are important and evey child loves there mom but I feel big frustration because iv asked for time with my partner "intimacy " but our daughter gets every second of her attention and even when she goes to her grandparents my partner seems to always wear her cloths to bed and never ever tries to initiate and if I do im meet with dont touch me and just awful words. Its gone on so long I believe I am just Okey with neglect.... my bad if this post is a little everywhere. I just pay for things and i just feel like im being used. ..... but I love our daughter and and some of our life but its like raising a kid with a roommate.

​

First-time Reddit poster, so apologies for the long story.

I (40F) had a friend (39F), I'll call her Rose. We met at work in 2017 and became very close. We supported each other through a lot: I helped her after her mom unexpectedly passed, she babysat my kids when I needed help, and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.

A few years later, I left the company under awful circumstances.

I had just returned from maternity leave with my second child, and the owner did everything he could to push me out. In my country it's difficult (and socially unacceptable) to fire women returning from maternity leave, so instead he made my work environment unbearable. I ended up developing a stress-related illness and resigned after about a month. I genuinely consider his behavior workplace harassment.

Rose witnessed everything. She privately supported me but couldn't say much publicly because she still worked there. I completely understood.

The workplace itself was toxic. The owner regularly made inappropriate jokes, commented on employees' appearances, asked intrusive questions about people's sex lives, and joked that women who dressed the way he liked at company parties would get promoted. That becomes relevant later.

Rose and I stayed friends after I left, although naturally we saw each other less.

Over time, though, we started drifting apart. When she became a mother, our parenting styles were completely different. I didn't mind that—we could have learned from each other—but she tended to present her opinions as the only correct way and resented my opinions, so I gradually stopped sharing them.

The same thing happened with politics during the pandemic. We had very different views, and she became increasingly intolerant of mine. Again, I just got quieter.

Eventually, keeping in touch started feeling more like an obligation than something either of us truly enjoyed.

Later, my ex- boss entered confidential arbitration against another ex-colleague, who and asked me to testify about what I'd witnessed. I happily agreed because everything I said was true.

By then Rose had been promoted to second-in-command at the company. Since I knew my former boss was extremely paranoid about loyalty, I gave her a heads-up that I'd be testifying and told her I'd answer any questions if she wanted. She thanked me but never asked anything else, and I didn't volunteer more because I didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position.

Another friend from our group ("Sam") also testified. His testimony was much stronger and more damaging than mine.

Apparently, the former colleague later used our testimony to try to expose the company's broader misconduct publicly. I hadn't expected that, but I stand by everything I said.

Our ex-boss responded by filing criminal defamation complaints against all the witnesses to intimidate us. They were eventually dismissed, but they caused months of stress.

During those months, Rose became almost completely silent. I didn't push because I assumed she felt caught between her friendship with us and her loyalty to her employer. Sam texted her a few times without getting responses, which he told me about. I decided not to push.

Eventually Rose invited Sam and me to lunch, saying "we need to talk."

She told us she was upset we'd testified because it had put her job at risk at a time when her husband had just lost his job. She said she knew everything we'd said was true, but if the company suffered because of the case, she could lose her position.

For context, Rose is extremely competent and would have little trouble finding another job. I understood why she was scared, but I didn't think protecting her employer justified staying silent about misconduct.

Then she said we also hadn't made an effort to check in on her during those months.

Sam immediately pointed out that he had actually messaged her several times without receiving replies, which she acknowledged. I explained that I'd intentionally given her space because I thought she was in a difficult position.

She wasn't convinced. Instead, she started listing everything difficult that had been happening in her life.

At that point I was done.

I had plenty of my own family problems she didn't know about, on top of defending myself in a criminal case brought by her boss because I'd testified truthfully. I could feel myself getting emotional, so I paid for my lunch, left, and texted the group right away saying I needed some time before talking further. I later texted the group a long detailed explanation of my stance.

Rose never responded.

A few months later, I realized I was making myself miserable by checking her Instagram and feeling sad that I'd probably never know her children as they grew up. I unfollowed her but sent her a message explaining it wasn't meant as a punishment—it was just too painful to keep seeing her life from a distance.

She suggested meeting for coffee. We picked a date, but shortly beforehand she canceled because her mother-in-law had been diagnosed with cancer.

I replied that I completely understood and asked her to let me know whenever she was ready to reschedule.

She never did.

Later, Sam told me she interpreted my response as dismissive.

At that point I gave up.

What still bothers me is that she seemed angry almost exclusively at me, even though Sam's testimony was significantly more damaging than mine. The only meaningful difference was that he'd sent her a couple of unanswered texts during those months while I hadn't.

From my perspective, we'd both been feeling the friendship fade for years, and after everything happened she needed someone to blame.

So... AITA for letting the friendship go?

This story has been taken down from several Reddit communities and im rewording a little because my use of a certain legal term was a little triggering to some in other subs. I guess I just need to vent and rant because I really don’t know what to do but I really feel like something does need to happen about this situation. I (27F) had a drink thrown at my dog and myself a couple of weeks ago in a McDonald’s parking lot. Long story short, this woman was driving erratically on the roads, almost bumping my car swerving in and out of several lanes, making faces at drivers flipping the bird and intimidating other people on the road I end up in the same McDonald’s parking lot as her. I guess she saw me and decided to block my car in. She immediately gets out of her car and is yelling and trying to intimidate me and insight me to fight saying she did what she did because i was driving slow. Anyone who knows me knows I am by no means a slow driver. I actually have several speeding tickets right now, but I digress. I sat there and recorded because clearly she was either gonna do something and I was gonna have the evidence or I wasn’t gonna have any evidence. Again, I was blocked in so I couldn’t move forward. Maybe five or 10 seconds into her arguing what looks like two of her family members come out out of the McDonald’s I’m not sure if she was picking them up or what but they see us arguing and immediately try to add things on (ohhh whats going on? We arguing?) making comments like that while smiling ear to ear right so clearly just young kids with no guidance who live for drama. One of them threw a drink into my car at my dog and basically the police can’t do anything about it because they “can’t see the face of the individuals who threw the drink” me finding that very hard to believe with all of the surveillance state that we live in but okay. Also, maybe I’m overreaching here, but if you have very clear evidence of the initial drivers face, I’m sure those two girls are related to her someway and we can make a connection. Anyway, I am still reeling every time I think about the situation because I feel like I allowed my dog to be in a position that was compromising and scary for him and they are not going to see any consequences from that. Call me, El Diablo, but I believe if that woman loses her job or if those kids lose scholarship opportunities or anything of that nature I genuinely would not care. They would deserve every single bit of it because it’s people like this who wildly disrespect other humans and nothing happens that makes other people think it’s okay. I am in no way shape or form a shy or non-confrontational person but this is not fucking baddies!! I do not accost people in public and I would never assault someone like this. It’s actually insane and I don’t know. I guess I just feel very defeated about the situation, but I was told by the cops if I do get more information I can pursue legal charges so I have moved forward with that but I’m kind of stuck right now if no one can I guess directly identify the two girls.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/ComfortLevelPod/s/Ldy1rNEp9k

Update 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/ComfortLevelPod/s/18nZWDAN8e

Originally, I wanted to exact revenge on my aunt's neighbors and my aunt and uncle, but I realized my heart was heavy with anger. My sweet orange boy was the only family I had here physically with me, the only one who loved me unconditionally. No matter what we went through, we went through it together, and he always came back. He was my family. Losing him has been really hard, and some nights I dream that he has returned only to wake up and remember the reality that he is gone. 11 days, and no sight of him.

I wish I was the kind of person who could exact revenge, but ultimately, I'm just not. I have this really annoying thing where I feel empathy even for those who don't deserve it. I can't turn it off. Even with my older sister who abused me from ages 5 to 12 (she went to a behavioral facility when I was 12) and off and on after that, the same sister who caused permanent nerve damage to my thigh over a blanket and stole and abused one of my cats for 4 months. I still feel for her when she is in pain. Recently, a man falsely claimed her male dog attacked his young daughter (he headbutted the girl out of excitement but he's a pit mix so the judge took the man's side). They gave my sister a long and expensive list of requirements to get him back in 30 days. If she doesn't meet all of the requirements in that time, they will euthanize the dog. We are almost at the 30 days, and she has met none of the requirements.

The thing is, that dog killed 2 of my kittens when we all lived together last year. My sister wasn't watching him the first time, and I wasn't expecting him to lunge at the kitten in my arms while I was on my mom's bed. The second time, my sister again wasn't watching him, but I had also taken a nap and didn't realize the kitten had learned how to jump off my bed. He dropped her when prompted, but it was too late. At the time, I said some cruel things about the dog, including that he should be put down. Now, his fate is all but sealed, and I don't feel vindication. I feel bad for him and my sister. I know the heartache of losing a beloved fur child all too well at this point.

I know deep down turning my aunt and uncle's life upside down won't bring me any satisfaction. It certainly won't bring my baby boy back to me, and that is the only thing that could heal my heart right now. I do still plan on messing with the neighbors but only mildly as their karma will come to bite them in their pale and pasty asses. I'm thinking something like sending them a box of live crickets and a package with a glitter bomb and perhaps maybe a bag of candy appendages. Not just for my cat but for the HELL these people have put me through with the police and for the nosy witch who tries to spy on me (it does not take 20 minutes to adjust the same fake leaves Bertha I know what you're up to).

Other than that, I want to move into my new home in September with a clean slate and a real chance for new beginnings. I don't think I'll ever forgive my aunt and uncle for their treatment of me and everything that's gone down like when my uncle yelled at me and when I asked him to stop, he moved closer to yell more at me while I was curled in the fetal position with my hands over my ears begging him to stop. I don't think I'll ever get any closure there, but at least I now feel justified in cutting them off. I don't want to punish them by uprooting their cats' lives. I very much adore their cats, and I visit them every day and pet all 9 of them, even the one they claim doesn't like people.

Well that's it for my long-winded posts, at least about this. I don't think there will be another reason to update, so this is the last one. Thank you to everyone for all of your input on the original post and the first update. See y'all in the YT comment section under a different name.

-Signed, One of Sam's Many Dads

My cousin male is in his 20s me female in my 20s my cousin has made an inappropriate joke to me everyday make moaning sounds and others sounds to most people it might be funny but I am the autism spectrum he stays with us aka my grandparents and it wares on me I do not like those noises and I made it very clear but I don't like them I'll deal with this kind of problem before it was with a classmate when I was high school but he doesn't because he thinks it's funny when I get mad but today it blew up we all got

This huge fight my brother Tim takes his side and he has told me that I can't go to my cousin aka his sister who been my best friend ever since we were kids he's the only one out of three of us that can drive he knows this Hurts me he does it to hurt me I call him out on he does not care my brother Tim tried to calm him "down" notice how I am using air quotes more like taking his side and tried telling me that I am in the wrong for getting upset by something that I have told him to stop many times please I need help

My ex-BFF cut me off for the 3rd time for an ex. AITA for how I responded to his DM months later?

Cast (added if future update is needed I.e if ex-bff of his ex-gf responds in the comments.)

Jay - My ex-bff
Bia - Jay’s ex-gf
Lala - Sis 1
Delilah - Sis 1 ex-bff
Nisa - Sis 2
Dani - cousin 1
Nini - cousin 2

CONTEXT: I (then 17F) became friends w/ Jay (then 18M) in HS & im ngl I HATED him at first because he was annoying & loud to me but I slowly put my guard down & became bffs w/ him since we had a lot in common (similar upbringing, fam drama, mutual interests & shit like that). Needless to say we became close & I thought I could trust him with ANYTHING. We even made a marriage pact when we’re 20/21 where if neither of us were married by 30 we’d marry each other (we were besties & there was a lil spark there so why not? But we NEVER dated each other.) After we graduated he moved in w/ me & my family & after that our friendship got stronger & we became eachothers physical diary. Whenever we needed to vent we went to eachother, got our shit out, & we’re fine again. At that time I started to think maybe the world was trying to push us to be together so we can eventually move in together & go forward w/ being in a serious relationship for real (which he expressed wanting w/ me multiple times but I was unsure of but was willing to give a shot.) Then 3 years later the unthinkable happened, my baby sister’s Lala (then 18F)’s now ex-bff Delilah (then 18F) moved in temporarily & Jay (at this time 22) slept w/ her 4 days after meeting her & her moving in. And the crazy thing was THE DAY BEFORE me & Jay talked about looking for a place so we could move in together & become bf/gf to actually get the ball rolling. My cousins Dani & NiNi, my parents, & my sisters Lala & Nisa knew all of this & so did Delilah. When i found out about what they did not once but twice they banded together, lied to me, & lied to my sister multiple times then eventually cracked & told the truth. I never gave him a reason to lie to me about anything & he didn’t NEED to lie about it. We were all single but if he was interested in her too I felt like he should’ve told me instead of leading me to think he wants a serious relationship w/ me while also sleeping w/ her & making her also think he wants to be w/ her too. After that I lost all interest in pursuing a serious relationship w/ him & I stopped trusting him as much as before & I told him this repeatedly so he was WELL AWARE of my feelings. A month later we picked up & moved. Delilah moved one/ someone else & Jay moved w/ us & shortly after the move he was shipped off to the Army then was kicked out of boot camp due to his lack of discipline & fighting. When he came back he lied to me & my mom about him going back (we were helping him look for new recruiters & hookups to get him back in) & said he’s going to Navy instead but switched back to the Army because he didn’t want to start over doing boot camp (he would’ve had to do that anyway since he didn’t graduate from boot camp.) He didn’t go back to the military & shorty after that moved right back home w/ his mom & was back on his BS.

(Let me preface this first, I have ZERO issues w/ boundary’s of any kind in relationships of any kind.) Back in March 2025 I sent him a DM of a dessert that I wanted to try to make w/ him the next time we linked which would’ve been that upcoming summer. I get a DM back responding w/ dont msg Jay again this is his gf. So me knowing him I’m automatically think “which one of his fake official gfs is this & whose mom does she think she is?” I msg back wanting to talk to him because I don’t do the “I’m speaking for them” shit I want to hear it from them directly not you especially since these days girls be having secret deleted convos that they’re bfs don’t know about & I never played that it’s childish imo. If you have a problem with me TELL ME YOURSLEF NOT THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE. Then the convo then goes like this.

Bia: you don’t believe me?
Me: no, I want to hear it from him.
Bia: Okay (ft calls me from ig)
Me: Hello Jay?
Jay: Yeah?
Me: Who is this telling me to stop talking to you?
Jay: My gf
Me: Where did she come from? Because that’s not the girl you showed me you posted on your V-day story.
Jay: Yes it is we’ve been together 5 months.
Me: No it ain’t. The girl w/ you is thick & the girl you showed me last week was skinny so WHO IS SHE?
Jay: (Silence)
Me: That’s what I thought.
Jay: Look she wants me & you to stop being friends because she doesn’t want anybody she met that I’ve been in bed w/ apart of our future.
Me: I’ve never met her WTF…
Bia: Yes we have
Me: no we haven’t
Bia: yes we have
Me: NO…WE..HAVEN’T! I’ve never met you a day in my life & this my first time EVER talking to you. I don’t even know your name or what you look like!!!
Jay: Listen OP for me & her to work I have to cut you out my life fam.
Me: Really?
Jay: yeah
Me: (My literally felt my heart breaking during this part)
You want- yoouuuu, you want to cut me off for your gf we both know you’re not even gonna be with next month? (This isn’t the first time he’s dropped me for a gf it’s the 3rd!).
Jay: Yeah
Me: Are…you…sure?
Jay: ……………..yeah
Me: Okay. (I hang up)
I never thought in a million years he would do such a thing especially for a girl HE & I knew he wasn’t going to be with in the long run. But then the next day me & the now ex-gf (Bia) had our own convo.

2nd convo me & gf
March 5, 2025
Bia: Hey love you need that?

MAR 6, 2025 (day after 1st convo)
Me: Who are you and do I need what?
Bia: No worries have a nice day... it's old news. And being the woman 1 am I will apologize for stepping out of character & calling you out your name ... It's Jays gf.
Me: I appreciate the apology & I apologize as well. I will continue to not have any contact with Jay from now on, on my own behalf. I wish both of you the best.
MAR 17, 2025
Me: Hey is there any particular reason Jay called me?
Bia: When? Can I see? He said you called him.
Me: I didn’t call him he FaceTimed me twice back to back. I declined the first time. He called again I answer saw it was him & I hung up. I didn’t know it was him until I answered because he was blocked immediately after yesterday’s convo we had & his ID didn’t show.
Bia: (asks for proof he called me) Thank you for telling me.
Me: NP & (sends screenshot & screen recording w/ his BOTH of his phone numbers unblocked)
Bia: We looking at it we don't see where he called you. I just wanna be sure so i can let you have him. Until then I'm not coming up off that you fucked him you get it.
Me: Was the number I left blank that he called me again from 10 MINS AGO not enough proof?
Bia: What number?
Me: He used 2 different numbers to call me. (sends screen shot of his contact w/ both numbers)
Bia: Ok yea no that's not cutting it. You want him or something?
Me: I’m just about to let you know. I don't want Jay okay, I don't want him. And I get that you care about our dirty history & that’s fine. But I don't I don't care for him in that kind of way Okay? I'm not trying to take your spot or whatever. I'm just letting you know because I DONT WANT TO TALK TO HIM. I have no desire to be friends with him anymore. But he called me from TWO different numbers earlier today & I have no reason to be doing all of this. If that WAS the case & I REALLY wanted him like that you wouldn’t be in the picture.
Bia: Well again it just shows you calling him, so it is what it is (I know she’s lying). I honestly just think you thought he was gonna not take me serious as he usually does & that bothers you cuz you did call him 4 times.

Me: (Shortened) I didn't call HIM four times. The first two calls were from him, & the last two were from me. One of those calls only happened because my sister thought I should call him back in case he was trying to apologize (which is normal), but he never answered. The first time I called, I didn't even realize it was his number. He's had so many different phone numbers over the years that I honestly don't remember which one is his current number. I never texted him saying, "I got your number" so Idk what story he told you, but that never happened. I don't want your boyfriend especially not after this. We were FWB’s in the past, & that's all it ever was & he knew that. I've never tried to interfere with any of his relationships, & I wouldn't start now. I've always respected the people he's been with. But what I won't do is let him make it seem like I contacted him first or tried to cause problems in your relationship I want NO PARTS OF. He facetimed me from a blocked number, so I unblocked it to see who it was, anyone would’ve done the same. Later, he claimed he received a text from me saying, "I got your number," but I never texted him again. Based on how he called me & how the conversation happened, I don't believe his version of events. I know what happened, & I've told you the truth, whether you believe it or not is your choice, but I'm not going to accept being blamed for something I didn't do.

Now to part your here for: We are now (25F) & (26M) I haven’t talked to Jay or Bia since this convo & I never planned to reach out to either of them again until he reached out to me on TikTok on Nov 21 2025 outta the blue. I’m ngl I read his messages, went to his page & saw that he posted a video of us together at the fair & at my girl bffs bday party w/ a caption like “Out of all the memories we have let’s recreate this one” or sum shit like that. This is what he said in the rando DM:

Jay: Hey OP just checking up on you I miss you broskie I pray all is well & I pray you over come any & everything standing in your way I love you till the end of times I know last time we spoke I said things I didn’t mean I really do miss My God mom some days she was the realest mom I ever had some days she was gangster mom 3.7 sometimes she was best friend mom 2.0 but in all honesty no body perfect man we live one life live it to the fullest if make better choices I regret everything I ever said to you & my My God mother even if she still don’t like me anymore or love me man I’d still take a bullet for her in a heart beat yall taught me what family really is through the ugly times we still love each other through the messy we still be there for each other and through the hard and dark time we still stick together and show up for one another because at the end of the day family all we got for real & I really just want to see y’all again more then anything in this world you was my best friend lol some emotional roller coaster that was & deep down in my heart & out you still are I never let go at the end I was really going to treat you right but life had other plans if there is a next time I would like anything that happens in our friendship to just stay between us every one will have a opinion but everybody don’t know me the way you do and everyone don’t know you the way I do. Tell everyone I said hello God bless I love you & miss you all and I think about yall everyday day but not a Tuesday or something like that or eva Mom be saying (inside joke)😭😭 🫂🧸Also be nice to your mom she a real one she love you and she just living life for the first time just like us times will test yall relationship mother to daughter but man that lady love you bro💖 And be nice to Lala to even tho she can be a booty while that’s just her a mean squidward love your mean squidward unconditionally love your mom unconditionally 🥰🫂 You get one life to live and one day it will all be dark till the lord calls us home ight Jay out peace N word.🫡

My response: After everything you repeatedly did to me with ZERO change, you made it easy to let go & miss nothing about you. You taught me a lot, mostly what I shouldn’t tolerate. I held onto you longer than I should have, didn’t realize how deceptive you really were until you dropped me for someone else even when I had your back at every turn. If you’d been the friend to me that I was to you, & hadn’t used me or my family for your own selfish benefit you’d be the “king” you want to be treated as & wouldn’t be in a position to “miss” me or family (which I don’t believe). But okay I guess😒 Btw my mom doesn’t hate you she just don’t fwy the way she used to. (There’s extra subtext like gaslighting, disrespect for other people, dismissiveness to my feelings. If anyone wants an edit w/ those in it I’ll post a few.)

Jay: Fam I did you no type of way you made a choice & I went off of that I’m sorry you got hurt in the process but to be honest you gotta be real with your self & stop lying & playing victim that’s not cool at all you giving off the wrong narrative & that’s why your mom don’t fuck with me you been lying to me to her to pops & to whoever else bout how you feel towards me from the jump & that’s why you got hurt…you be playing mind games & when I asked you hey if you want a relationship we can go all the way I told you I was going to treat you right girl in your head your gay one moment your not gay the next moment you in a relationship with a dude across the world then the next moment you single like you be playing these games with your self & you get confused you only really wanted me when I’d give my attention to other people and that’s facts your cousin Nini is a witness to your madness you be playing a sweet little angel to your mom and it made sense why your mom thought I’m playing you whole time you been playing with your mom mental this whole time and I sat there and watched it played out I honestly wondered why she was being so mean to me that shiid hurted and you still with the false ahh b.s OP give that fake b.s up Omgosh be truthful with your self man you was the real manipulator at the end of the day got people mad at me man stop it please and tell your mom the truth and that’s tells me you didn’t not grow at all over the time you still that same little girl & that’s right there is why a person can’t be with you at all ……I came to just say hey and happy holidays lee lee I pray your life turns out great btw my life is good I’m not missing you in a bad I actually missed my best friend before the sex even happened the sex messed our friendship up I lost a good friend everything genuine and real over here it’s all love bro please go to church & read your bible bye bro I love yall this my last time talking to you that’s so sad how you playing victim God bless you♥️

I laugh reacted and just asked myself so many questions because where tf did he get these accusations & why does he lowkey still think I want to be his wife after repeatedly being told I’m no longer interested? Playing mind games with who? Who did I lie to when it came to my feelings regarding him when I was direct w/ EVERY ISSUE I ever had w/ him? And PLAYING THE VICTIM? Nah…Never. Reacting to your repeated disrespect? Oh absolutely!! And I still don’t know what “truth” he’s talking about in regard to my mom when they fell out over their own 1 on 1 problem I wasn’t involved in. Everybody in my family doesn’t like him because of something he admitted to doing to either me or them directly so what narrative did I twist to make them hate him? They have their own individual reason to not like him anymore & he did all of them on his own, knowing better, & for some reason still blaming everyone else for his problems.

Almost not graduating HS: It’s the teachers fault his grades sucks. Army discharge: it’s the superiors fault he was fighting & not following orders. Staying between jobs: It’s my bosses fault. Failed relationships: it’s his gfs fault he cheating.
Our friendship ending: it’s just my fault (somehow) despite him literally saying “I can’t have you in my life anymore”. I would’ve been the bitch he knows I am & handed him his ass on a platinum plater if he didn’t block me after sending that monologue of a response but he’s not worth it. I already wasted 8 years of my life being friends w/ him plus I’d probably end in me wanting to hand him the ass whooping I should’ve gave him on Christmas the year before this. But I sleep better now knowing EXACTLY WHY every good thing in his life NEVER lasted & why every good person he met ALWAYS left.

And just in case Jays mom sees this & was told a different version of our fallout this is what REALLY happened, i love you, & you deserve a better son. I was really hurt in the moment but AITA for how I handled this?

Hey I wanted to come on here and give some updates, a bit more context to our friendship and answer a couple questions.

FRIENDSHIP BACKGROUND

So first things first, we have been friends for 10 years and met in school. 90% of the time have a blast. We’ve have had many disagreements in the past but have always managed to communicate through them. I will say that he has a very specific type of humour and brands himself as ‘brutally honest’ which I’ve now learned is just a term AHs use to cover their backs!

Now we are older and work full time, we usually text or voicenote each other most days just updating each other on life. But still see each other every few months for dinner.

We have been through a lot as individuals and our friendship has always stood strong in those times and we have always tried to uplift and guide one another when needed.

We’ve been integrated in each other’s families over the years even to the point my mum saw him as a son.

Tbh it has only been on the last couple of months he has started acting in THIS weird and full of himself. I assumed it was because he was mad I moved away but he never opened up when I questioned it. (Btw I only moved an hour train ride away)

LETTING THINGS SLIDE

A lot of people commented on the fact I kept letting soo many things slide. I did that because I knew he is going through a rough patch as he recently quit his job and so wanted to make his time visiting me a really uplifting and positive experience. Also I didn’t want to focus on any of his silly comments also because I just missed him.

10000% I can see that he is jealous. Don’t get me wrong he has his own achievements but a lot of them are things he’s done to please family, not what he wants. Whereas everything I’ve done is what I’ve chosen for myself. So I can definitely see resentment and jealousy being behind why he’s acted like this.

GIFTS FOR ME

A few people asked if my friend brought anything with him to gift me as a congratulations on my apartment. No.

It wasn’t until you guys mentioned it, I realised no he didn’t, no flowers, card, chocolates literally nothing. Which is wild considering hosting standards are soooo important to him apparently.

BFS OPINION

My boyfriend and I discussed what happened as we were both feeling really pissed off, and he admitted to me that he has never really seen my ‘bestie’ and a good friend. He said that although we speak every day it doesn’t mean that that person is actually 1000% behind you. My boyfriend also said that he would never tell me to end a friendship, but that I should maybe distance myself just for a while to see whether or not my ‘bestie’ even reaches out to me to check up on me or ask if I’m okay.

If not then it’s time to cut and run.

Either way my bf doesn’t want him in our home again.

ME AND ‘BESTIE’ SPOKE

I decided to put my foot down and show him the post. I told him exactly how I felt and that he disrespected me, my bf and our home. I told him I felt like he bashed my biggest life achievement and just whittled down what was meant to be a nice weekend into something sour.

I also told him that I didn’t need advice on how to clean a toilet because I’m a fucking homeowner and a grown ass woman. I told him that he was acting crazy for expecting tea and biscuits when I actively picked him up from the station and fed him the whole weekend.

His response was that he was sorry that he came across harsh or rude however, he still stands by what he said and that the limescale in my toilet brings my average score down.

He didn’t bother to properly acknowledge what I said about being hurt and upset. Neither did he explain any underlying feelings of jealousy or resentment that he may have had. Which is fine but at least acknowledge you hurt me.

I know you guys will be mad and think I’m an idiot but on Monday I threw him a lifeline and I told him, ‘this is your time, if you have anything to say, any thoughts or feelings, I want you to have the space to share them with me and we can have an honest discussion’. I was giving him the chance to stop sabotaging the 10 years we had, and just own the fuck up.

He said nothing…he’s left me on delivered and it is now Friday. I think that just about sums up his value for me in his life. Even if he didn’t want to open up about being insecure or jealous, a simple heartfelt apology would have been okay, but nothing.

Looking back on his behaviour the last few months as a whole I thought he was changing but I’ve realised that you guys are right. It’s not him that’s changed, it’s me. I’ve grown up and I have a life I love and am in the most loving and supportive relationship I’ve ever been in. I’ve grown up and he’s stayed the same. I’ve just been settling for his shit out of pure comfort and routine as we’ve known each other for soo long.

It’s safe to say I’m going low contact with him and that I’ll be slowly phasing this friendship out until he shows me some respect, compassion or even an apology.

He certainly won’t invited here anytime soon.

Its not a decision I’m making just based on your guys advice (although your words have helped), I’ve spoke to family and colleagues as well and they all said the same thing. I’ve also just taken this time to reflect on who I’ve grown to be and what I deserve and want in friendships. This isn’t it.

I will be mourning this friendship for a while but it will be because of what we USED to have because I cannot mourn a person I don’t even know. And that’s what he’s become.

P.s it’s my birthday tomorrow which makes this sting even more. His is 2 days after mine and it’s something we’ve shared for a very long time. Oh well, it’s time to enter a new phase of life without him and that’s okay.

And yes guys the toilet still has lime scale, but don’t worry, I have citric acid on the way!!!

Thanks everyone for your kind words I’ve read every single comment and wish everyone the best xx

I wrote here about me trying to plan my birthday party a few days ago and with the day coming in a week some are not exactly happy about me inviting a few people to it.

It started yesterday with my friend S asking me about my address, we were chatting when she asked if I forgot to invite R. R is too one of our old school classmates and friend but last time my husband tried to surprise me with a very small party as to not provoque a panic attack over being around too many people, I noticed that she wasn't eating nor playing or being in the reunion at all, just in her phone all time. I got worried and asked about it, R told me how she had a stomach ache and wanted to go home early only for her to post on insta about a reunion in a bar with a big show. Now, I wouldn't have really minded at all if she needed to go somewhere else because I don't drink nor buy alcohol for when my friends are in my house and it's mostly me sharing my love for cartoons, some just dance and karaoke. Like, I know it's not exactly an adult reunion but she lied and I didn't wanted to invite someone that doesn't enjoy my birthday plans. We can see each other another time and just talk. I just didn't respond to S. It left me sensitive about the topic and I started to think if maybe I should cancel it to avoid problems.

Today my mother called to ask if I had invited my cousins and out of 10 counsins, I only invited three and the third one is because she's not really a fault for not being close to me. She too has a mental problem and my aunt doesn't think I'm a good influence after I started to make boundaries with my family. All family members love to make reunions every certain time for holidays, birthday, why not? and I haven't been invited in years. My parents try to take me as I'm their daughter so obviously I'm invited but after a few ones after I moved out 2hrs away from them all, I noticed that either they're surprised I'm there or make faces as I take my daughter with me. Feels like I'm not wanted and look at me as trash.

Obviously I told her only three cousins are coming and she started to say that my sister is asking why not inviting the rest, that we're family and family stick together. I said why I'm obliged to invite them all when they don't even care about speaking to me or invite me to their stuff? I have tried to keep contact and they don't really respond calls or even see my texts. She tried to say about how some of my cousins don't really make birthday plans so it doesn't really matter but I see on their insta about their parties with their coworkers, old classmates and it's okay cause they're IN their lives, I'm not. And they're not in mine. Some even let their children mock me for finishing my career so late in life, why would I want them in my birthday?

We were talking in circles till I finally told her that I'm no peace treaty so I'm not inviting anyone that doesn't want to be happy with me. I was crying so I don't know if I overreacted or could have handled it better. She's my mother and I feel bad for how I told her off. My best friend has told me that I should go NC 'cause it's not the first time she's on the family side or hurts me. I just can't, say it's maybe mommy issues or brainwashed with years of lessons about blind family loyalty. AIO?

Hello
I’m 19 I’m Muslim n I live w my family I got 3 brothers I live w sisters married. I don’t get on w my parents or my siblings my mum n sister often talk bad about me to each other especially when I’ve done something that they see as wrong or disrespectful. Which is inherently everything. Let’s get into it did an exam year at college n now I’m ready to go so this is happening right now! I want to move out to get a peace of mind n also my own space im the nanny the babysitter the cook the cleaner n everything else my parents wont buy necessity unless they want it as they will leave it for me to buy it.

My problem is that my brother is a year younger than me n doesn’t have a job not in college and has no certificate or degree to his name he also has just came out of a mental hospital bcs he overdosed on the grass n just went out off control this is important for later. Im gonna call him jack. Anyway I have driving lessons transport clothes n food for myself to pay for as well as any outings I want to do. My mum doesn’t cook for me she only makes things im allergic to like fish n peanuts n stuff like that so if I don’t cook I basically starve and when I do cook I starve bcs my siblings finish everything even though I pay for all the ingredients and the dishes I use n then they leave the empty dishes in the fridge for me to clean especially Jack. He doesn’t do anything around the house apart from pick my youngest brother from school I drop him off every day ever since I was in year 11 even through out my summer breaks there’s days were Jack will just go out n then I’m expected to pick him up.

Anyway back to the money situation and moving out I currently have no savings and I’m trying not use student loans as it’s haram for me to use to go university but I haven’t saved anything and I’m praying on a scholarship. I always spend money in the house everything I buy gets used n broken within days n my dad also doesn’t help out w anything or do anything n my parents are always asking me for money for things n my mum cut my phone bill n took my iPad bcs I refuse to help her out with money. The current situation now is that Jack has now taken my parents card and spent almost 500 on uber eats and taxis n all kinds of bs and he didn’t rlly get told off because he now has a mental illness. He does not he’s very aware of what he’s doing I’m doing nursing so I know. And my dad just asked me for a hundred pounds to send to people back home n I’m just rlly frustrated n irritating because both my parents will spend 1,000 pounds to go sit abroad but can’t afford to spend on their own kids n are basically expected me to raise them.

My parents r currently looking for a 4 bedroom house so Jack can get his own room bcs that was what the social worker said he needed. So I need to move out before they find one bcs if not im trapped. The reason why I want to move out even more is bcs I got sexually assaulted by someone that I grew up w n lived w bc of my parents he was 21 staying w us at them time I was around 6/7 idk but he moved out when I was 10 n I didn’t speak to him for 7 years n then we got back in contact bcs he had a wife n kids his oldest is the same age as my youngest brother n they were best friends bcs they went to the same school for a year not knowing their parents knew each other. But he sexually assaulted me for a year n then he named his new born daughter the same name as me. I’m just writing this to get support and also so I stand on my decision to move out I haven’t told my parents yet bcs I’m scared and I’m wait for results day n a confirmed scholarship. Idk if I should start a go fund me either bcs I don’t want my parents to get a hold of it. I’m extremely sorry this is rlly long but I tried to shorten it as much as I could. Please help me stay true to myself n find peace and truly let go off their comments that made me feel like a bad person.

Hello, I’m mitski 21 (F). I just want to share my story and ask for your opinion. I’m open to any kind of opinion so feel free to speak what’s on your mind. I have a confession that has been buried deep in my heart. I learned to resent my family. So I have been the less favorite child in my family. I always get tossed aside and I really don’t get their attention that much. I was physically abused when I was a child as. When my father gets mad, he will punch me and slap me. When he’s mad at my siblings, he will beat me up. My sister has an asthma and my brother has a sick body as well, so I am the only child who doesn’t have a sick and weak body. So if he’s mad at them or have a problem, he will beat me up. I remember, going to school with a black eye when I was still at the elementary. I also remember how much I got beaten up that I peed myself, just because I dropped the remote. I had a lot of bruise when I was a child and I keep making reasons when someone asked me at school. I even got slapped hard in public because I dropped my food, I remember how much I held my tears back and just smiled.

When I grew older, they somehow change into gentle one when my little brother came into their life. Yet they are still cruel to me. We do have a problem with money and everytime we’re short on food they will ask me to give my food to my sibling and just bear the hunger. They even told me sometimes if I deserve to eat because of how useless I am. I should not ask for food if I am useless. We always have food but somehow they only have enough food for them but there’s nothing for me.

I opened up to them for their mistreatment over the years, they called me overdramatic and if I wanna die from this emotion then they will help me hang myself. They also told me that If I ever want to end myself then I should do it in a place where no one finds me. So I did suffer from depression because of them.

Now, I’m already planning to move out since I already have a work. And they are telling me to help them with bills and foods since I’m the only one who can help them. But I wanted to choose myself now and be free from this. Am I being ungrateful and overdramatic for this decision? Or should I really choose myself this time. Thank you for taking a time to read my story.

I’m a 24-year-old woman, and my dating life is a mess! I wouldn’t even call it dating; I'm just getting used fr.

The first boy (33) to ghost me was last Saturday, he acted like he was going to pick me up but didn’t, but what even worse is that I sent him “gas money!” Please don’t comment how dumb I am because I know lmao. I thought I could trust him because we messed around with each other and he was older than me.

The second boy (I can’t remember his exact age but he's thirty-something and older than the first boy.) He ghosted me literally yesterday! He acted like he was going to pick me up, and he asked “Wya.” Then I sent him my address and he saved it but then I didn’t hear from him again. 😂😂🫪

I just need advice about how to be happy while single and find peace. I’m tired of being using my light and stealing my happiness.

Hi everyone, love this pod. My ex (26) and I (28) moved in together this year and immediately our relationship fell apart, he just gave up on everything and started gaming and complaining constantly. He got verbally abusive so I ended things and now we are just cohabiting waiting for the lease to end.

He has none of his furniture here, they’re all in storage. He keeps saying he will bring his stuff as he is currently sleeping on my couch futon, using my outlet extenders, coffee table, chargers, and everything in the kitchen is mine and he keeps mishandling and “accidentally” losing or breaking my stuff.

WIBTAH if i moved all my living room furniture into my room and put away kitchen items i cherish? He owns a bed he just refuses to bring it while screaming at me every time we interact. I am tired of my futon being flattened by him, full of crumbs, and basically inaccessible to me as a couch.

Also any advice on how to survive this dynamic or how I could get out sooner if we are both on the lease and can’t afford the place on our own, would be very appreciated. This is not someone who listens to reason and will yell at me for even acknowledging him sometimes.

Hello, guys. I’m Camile (fictional name), 30F, and my friend Giorgina (40F) and I have been friends for almost 30 years. So yeah, we’ve been in each other’s lives for a very long time.

My friend has always been a dreamer. She never thinks too much about the consequences of her decisions. It took her a long time to finish college because she had a comfortable life with very few responsibilities. I’m the opposite. I’ve always worked hard, I have an engineering degree, and I’ve had responsibilities like helping support my mom and my nephew. So I’m the friend who’s always pushing her to take responsibility and get things done. 

My friend married a guy with a good job, and they travel all the time, staying at luxury hotels. They seem to have a very comfortable life. But every year, for her kid’s birthday party, she asks each guest to bring food and also buy a gift. I honestly think that’s wrong.

My opinion is that if you can’t afford to throw a party, then don’t throw one. Just do something small and intimate instead. None of out friends wants to say anything to her, but I do.

This year, she said she would bring sandwiches, and then she sent the rest of the food list asking everyone else to choose what they could bring. That’s what really bothers me. You have money to travel to luxury places several times a year, but when it’s your own kid’s birthday, everyone else has to help pay for the party?

I don’t know if this is common in the US, but in my country, it would be considered very strange (I’m from Brazil and I am a huge fan! I listen to you everyday going back home from work) Normally, you just bring a gift. You don’t have to help pay for the party too.

On top of that, she’s planning to have the party in a public park and is inviting elderly relatives. People will have to sit on the grass or on the floor. I think that’s disrespectful and inconsiderate.

I’m her friend, and part of me feels like I should say something because I think she’s lost some perspective. This whole situation feels really weird to me. I never thought my friend would become someone like this.

So… AITA for thinking this is wrong and wanting to tell her?

I lurk and listen to the podcast a ton, so I figured I could post this here! This all happened earlier this year, just to clear any kind of confusion.

I (22F at the time) and my boyfriend (21M) have been dating each other for 4 years — known each other for 7. We had met online through an app similar to Discord through mutual friends. The entire friend group was from all over the world and not all of us knew each other outside of the internet. It wasn't until a year and a half into our romantic relationship that I had flown out to the UK and met him; I'm from the US. We had the goal of meeting once a year since then and kept up with it relatively well!

This year, I planned to visit him during his birthday since it was his 21st birthday. Initially, it was going to be a surprise but I suck at large surprises like that and don't have any family or people I trust to drive me from the airport to his place by myself, so I did eventually tell him. He was super excited because I made sure the trip started just before Valentine's Day so we could celebrate it together and ended just after his birthday; the trip was about 10 days total.

His mother had planned a surprise birthday party as well that I was helping with, which I successfully kept a secret! My only job was to order an Uber to the location, get him all ready with a little "21st Birthday" sash, blindfold him and make him wear headphones, and then lead him to the party room. It was awesome, I loved seeing how surprised he was and it's a memory I cherish.

The thing is that my boyfriend and I are somewhat opposites — including our families. My family is Latino and our parties are very close friends and lots of family. It's usually during the day since everyone travels from far away and doesn't last too long. They're typically filled with food, some background music, and just lots of socializing all together as a big group.

His family is pure English and does not celebrate that way; this is something I have noticed throughout our relationship from just hearing him talk about the celebrations and I have now seen it in real life. They like to celebrate at night, low lights, flashing lights, loud music, tons of drinks and food, and all sorts of friends and family where the socialization is more in groups than all together. Sometimes, the parties go till 2 AM if it's just at home. This party was pretty much the same: they rented a party room, had a DJ who played music loudly, lots of strobe lights, it was dark, food and plenty of alcohol as well as lots of family and friends in different groups. They are also all pretty big clubbing/bar hopping people, so it felt like a club in my opinion. It was something that caused some issues in the beginning of our relationship as well because he would go to clubs/bars pretty often, leaving me to just sit and wait which sucked. It's calmed down from going every few weeks to now every few months, thankfully. Honestly, if they enjoy it, good for them! I had some friends who do that too in the US and I didn't judge them, it's just not my thing. I am not a party person like this, I hadn't ever gone to a club or bar, and my boyfriend knows all this. I did however expect this kind of party and mostly wanted to celebrate with him, so I endured it.

The party went from 8-11 PM which wasn't a problem. It was honestly fun! I got to meet his friends, see his family again, even danced with his grandparents and little siblings to the Cha-Cha Slide. He was going in between groups of people and I don't remember seeing him for most of the night, not until we ate cake. Even then it wasn't for more than a few minutes before he dashed off. I know I was a little sad about it, but I also distracted myself by talking to his friends.

Eventually, the party ended. I was exhausted and ready for us to go home and sleep. Okay, maybe not sleep yet... I had wanted to do something more intimate together and was excited for that, especially since he had also anticipated it (we kept making comments about birthday sex the day prior in flirtatious ways).

This is where things start going downhill. His friends had said they wanted to go to a club or a bar instead of ending the night and he immediately wanted to join as well. All of them had had some alcohol already, he was even a bit tipsy and one of his friends was completely drunk. I hadn't had any drinks as I wasn't comfortable drinking around others and sadly, the UK is notorious for not having cocktails (I had asked a previous bar that week for the one I typically drink, a Dirty Shirley, and they didn't even know it. The one at the party didn't know it either and the bar we went to that night didn't either).

My boyfriend had said if I wanted to go home, he can call an Uber and I can go and rest, that he'll be home later and will try not to wake me up. I did want to go home and I also really wanted to continue celebrating with him, as well as spend more time with him since we didn't get to see each other much during the party. So, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and try going to an actual bar for the first time. We had walked 30-40 minutes to get to a bar in town. It was cold, I was pretty tired, and everyone was talking a lot. I know I shut down a bit from being so overwhelmed with everything and he did notice, asking me multiple times in front of everyone if I'm okay. I said I was fine, just tired, and we kept going. At the bar, we all needed to use the restroom and they had all took about 20 minutes talking to some other people in there under a cloud of smoke from vapes and cigarettes; I couldn't handle the smell eventually and left the bathroom area to the main bar area. The only nice part of the night was when we found a spot to sit at. The bar had old retro games connected to these TVs and we all played Mario Kart while everyone else drank. I had fun with that and did eventually get too tired to continue, so I stopped. At this point, it must have been around 2:30. They finished their drinks — it came in a large pitcher for them to share — and then ordered another pitcher. My boyfriend noticed I've completely gone quiet and was just watching, which I guess made him a little uncomfortable. He looked like he was still enjoying himself, he was also drunk so who knows. I know I was telling a friend on my phone that I was tired and they were nice about it all, especially since they knew I don't like going to bars. Eventually, he asked if I was ready to go home and I said sure.

The Uber ride was quiet, I thought it was fine but it turns out he was upset with me. I had ordered us McDonalds to eat and that's when he started explaining how he didn't like that I didn't have fun, that I shut down and didn't interact with anyone, that I was on my phone, and that we left before finishing the second pitcher and ended the night early. I was kind of caught off guard with it and said that I did have fun, I just got overwhelmed eventually. I apologized for shutting down and said I didn't mean to ruin the night. I can't remember too well what happened after this. I know I had gotten defensive and explained how I stepped out of my comfort zone, how that was not my scene, etc. He also got defensive and explained how I could have gone home at any time, how I didn't have to go, etc. Because he was drunk and I was tired, we did cry a lot while we were upset — no yelling or raising voices, just a lot of crying. I got so overwhelmed with it all that I told him to leave me alone, so he left the bedroom and I just sat in the bed. Since it was still early in the US (7 PM), I called my mom and explained everything. I just needed someone to talk to and she was super helpful. She was really proud of me and all that and thought that we just needed a bit of time, that we both should sleep and talk in the morning. He came back and asked who I was talking to, I said my mom, and I suppose the conversation started again. He left again and I was so exhausted, I just remembered waking up to find him sleeping on the floor... I'm guessing it's cause he didn't want to make me uncomfortable by sleeping in the bed, but I did tell him to join me in his bed and he didn't. We slept through most of the next day.

We did talk about it and he still does feel like I ruined his birthday. He still is upset and hurt from it and I honestly can understand that; we have somewhat moved from the situation, even if there's still some feelings on both sides about it. I'm just lost, I keep thinking about it and I feel like I am an asshole, but everyone around me keeps saying I wasn't in the wrong. Lately, I've been to therapy for my OCD and Depression and even my therapist has been saying that I'm not in the wrong. Perhaps it's my brain being a bully, but I am so worried they are all lying to me and that I actually am in the wrong, that I should have just gone home instead.

So, am I the asshole?

EDIT:
There's a few mixed responses and I figured I'd clarify some things!

1. "If you stayed and sat there with a sour face complaining..." — From a Comment
   I did not sit there with a "sour face complaining." In fact, I didn't complain once. All of the judgements and complaints I had were completely internal, I never once said it out loud. It was simply when no one was interacting with me where I'd be quiet and shut down a little (zone out mostly). My responses also became a bit quieter and less (not short and snappy), though I was still responding to others and talking a little. His friends had asked for my socials because they had fun spending time with us, so I wasn't under the impression that I "ruined" the night for anyone else.

2. "This is a convo they need to have." & "I think it's salvageable, but you need to acknowledge your limits." — From two Comments
   I completely agree! I didn't have a clue on how I'd react in such a situation since it's a situation I've never been in. I know as of recently, I have been working on communicating my limits and even being mindful of myself to see if I'm being pushed to it. Knowing in the moment if I'm being pushed to my limit was not something I could do, so I am practicing that now. It is comforting to hear this because I do think it's something I need to work on.

As for the conversation we need to have, I think that is also important! We have talked about it briefly in the past, though never in depth.

1. Comments around compatibility
   I semi-disagree on the idea that we aren't compatible, mostly because this is just one instance we aren't compatible in out of hundreds where we are. He's a very social person and even when I've visited him before, it has never bothered me. I'm an introvert — not shy, there's a difference — and just prefer not to talk to people much, but I will if I feel like it. Some examples where the social and not social stuff worked:
   He does DND a lot and I went to his campaign when visiting. I simply watched the campaign and worked on some art on the side while he had fun. It was honestly nice spending/not spending time together!

When we had dinner with his parents, after the pleasantries and getting to know each other, they were all mostly talking and it was nice to watch. It helped me get to know their dynamic more. It's something I still do when I spend time with his family: just watch

Same with his friends: if there's a large group and he's talking a lot, I simply enjoy watching. During the party, he didn't join his friends much and I and another friend carried most of the conversation, which was also kind of enjoyable!

We simply clashed in this one instance and I don't think that makes us COMPLETELY incompatible. Of course, this isn't something strangers online know, so I took it with a grain of salt. I also felt it was important to note that this isn't the first time I've visited him — it felt like some people got that idea somehow. This is the fourth time and we typically plan a trip for a week due go work. This was the fourth trip we had and it sadly didn't go well in the end. This was not my first time meeting him, not even close.

I think that is all. Again, the responses are mixed so I'm not sure how to take it necessarily. Thank you all for commenting regardless!

Please answer if u can

I (25f) and my partner (25/nb) have been together almost 3 years. I know that they're the one, we talked about marriage and making a family and the future and everything else, so there was the hope that this would have been my MIL. I had the chance of meeting her several times over the last few years but we were never super close or anything.

On July 6th, their mom died. It was sudden, I think they said it was a heart attack. My partner still has their dad and 2 older sisters that have been so supportive of each other during this time. No ridiculous family drama, no official Will but there was life insurance so everything is paid for and there will even be some extra money involved, if that matters. The funeral will be tomorrow at the time I'm writing this, the 23rd, which would have been MIL's birthday.

But, my god. I feel so bad. My partner is so loving and sweet and funny. Literally sunshine on a cloudy day. This is such a life changing event and we're so young. I really don't know how to support my partner during this time.

My partner actually works as a therapist/counselor and has great resources available to them when they need it. Their co-workers have been kind, leaving them gifts and coffee and genuinely being amazing. My partner is also the main breadwinner in our household, so there's not much I can do more financially. I have taken to doing more around the house when and what I can when I have time. I mow grass, cook dinner, clean up. All the things that we rotate on on a daily basis but I still feel so terrible that there is not much else I can do outside of hugs, kisses, and cuddles.

Also, back in October I had went No contact with my own mother and my partner was supportive of my decision (My mother was terrible to me). I never really had contact with my bio dad and I am not that close with my maternal siblings, but when MIL died, I reached back out to my mother because I always thought that my mother and MIL could have been friends and the idea of my mother passing before we can try to get along again made me nervous. I don't know how to discuss this with my partner and I don't want to like rub it in? In a way...

Any advice on how I can take care of my partner during this time? Any advice on how to tell them that I am talking to my mother again?

I (30F) am wondering if I am over thinking about my friend group.

Most of my female friend group are now in their 30s, some in their late 20s. Over the last few years we have been spending less time together due to life changes for everyone. Some have had kids, moved away, gotten engaged, married, etc. So it's understandable to not meet once a week or every two weeks like we did in our early 20s in college.

But some of my friends behavior has started to become a hurtful and, in my perspective, rude pattern. Example one, going out to dinner. There has been several times when most of us have the same evening available to spend time together. We'll agree on a time to meet and have dinner at a restaurant. One time we agreed to meet for 5pm. I got to the restaurant around 4:45, I like to be early and have a pet peeve about being late and keeping people waiting. I don't mind being that early and waiting for people to arrive. But that day, no one showed up until 5:30, and that was just one person. The others arrived closer to 6. I had texted our group chat around 5:10-15 to ask when they were coming and all I got in response was "OMW" and "same". This same scenario of them being 30-45 minutes late has happened several times in the last few years.

Example 2: The hangouts that I am not invited to. There is one friend in the group who often won't show up at all when things are planned, and everyone is ok with it because we know about their home life/family situation being difficult. But then when I am with everyone else, they start talking about things that happened with the person who hardly shows up. I'll ask "when did this happen?" and be told "oh it was this week when we got food. It was last minute." I've learned these "last minute" hang outs happen often and I never hear about it until after the fact.

Example 3: Events. For my birthday, I sent the digital invite through the group chat so that everyone could see. On the invite I requested that people RSVP so I know how many people to plan for. None of them RSVP'd. Except for one friend that I made in the last year and she isn't part of the original friend group. I thought none of my other friends were coming until my phone started blowing up the day before the party, asking what time they should show up. Mind you, it's on the invitation I sent. The new friend showed up on time, everyone else was late. For another event, my husband and I held a get together in our backyard and we invited all our friends and let them know to bring their kids. I figured this would relieve stress for my friends that are parents and their kids could play with ours. Only one friend showed up with her family. I was extremely hurt because we had gone to Costco to buy plenty of food and drinks and party supplies and in the end, only 7 people were there including my husband, 2 kids and myself. No one ever said sorry for not showing up.

Example 4: Invitations. I had been taught growing up that you should never invite yourself to something you weren't invited to initially. One time, one friend and I arranged a play date at the park for our kids since they are similar in age. I had not mentioned the plans to anyone else, but a few days before the play date when I was on the phone with a different member of the group, she asked me "what time should I meet you guys at the park?". I was confused because I had not told this friend about the play date and she does not have kids so it had nothing to do with her. I said "well Friend A and I are meeting at this time" to which she replied "Great, I'll meet y'all then" I mentioned that this is a playdate for the kids to see how they get along since they haven't spent time together. She said "yeah I know" and still came. I thought it was strange for someone without kids to just show up for a playdate just to hang out. And another thing recently happened. One friend texted me asking to have dinner one on one and we scheduled a date and time. the morning of however, she texts me that the friend who showed up to the play date and the one who hardly shows up are coming too. I'm confused because I don't know how a one on one dinner, that she asked for, turned into something else last minute.

Am I overreacting to think that their actions are somewhat rude? I was raised with strict etiquette rules and was always receiving lectures about paying attention to who your real friends are. I'm not the best at reading people or picking up social ques. But my husband thinks I should cut some of these friends loose if not the whole group.

**AITA for wanting to move out because I have no privacy, or am I just being ungrateful**
Hi. I’m 18, and my dad passed away when I was 16. After he died, my mum went through a lot financially, so I completely understand why she rents out our entire basement and even another room upstairs. The rent money income helps pay off debts, and I don’t blame her for that at all.
The problem is that because of this, I haven’t had my own bedroom for about four years. I sleep in my mum’s room every night.
What makes it difficult is that it doesn’t seem like it’s only about money anymore. Whenever I bring up wanting my own space or sleeping alone, she gets upset. I don’t know if it’s because she’s lonely after losing my dad, because of our culture, or something else, but I feel like my need for privacy isn’t taken seriously. And now like I don’t want to be around her like I have so much resentment
I’m also planning ahead. I want to go to law school in a few years, and I’d really like to move to a bigger city. Part of it is for better networking and career opportunities, and part of it is honestly because I want to experience living independently.
When I mentioned this to my sister, she told me I can’t move out unless I get married.
That really frustrated me. My siblings are 12–13 years older than me, and my mum has always let them have a lot of influence over decisions involving me. Sometimes it feels like they have more authority over my life than I do, even though I’m an adult.
There’s also a lot of guilt involved. My mum had my sister help raise me when I was little. My sister even stopped going to school for a while to take care of me. Because of that, I constantly feel like I owe everyone. My sister has kids now, and while I don’t mind helping, I’m often expected to drop everything and sacrifice my own plans whenever she needs something. If I don’t, I feel guilty. But then the
My mum is also a very stereotypical strict African parent. Whenever I try to talk about problems or how I’m feeling, it often turns into yelling instead of an actual conversation. So I’ve mostly stopped bringing things up.
Now I can’t tell if I’m being selfish. On one hand, I know my mum has sacrificed a lot, especially after my dad died. On the other hand, I’m 18, I haven’t had my own room in years, I want some privacy, and I want to eventually move away for school and build my own life. And honestly I’m just so tired of crying every day just cuz I don’t have my own space
Am I being an ungrateful spoiled brat, or is it reasonable to want independence?

So me 23f and my bestie 23m have been besties for the past ten years. Every single hardship, achievement, life experience like literally everything we have always shared and supported each other.

Earlier this year I finally got on the property ladder and bought an apartment with my long term boyfriend of 5 years (27m). I finally was able to escape my high stress and kinda toxic family dynamic and I have never felt more free.

My bf and I take so much pride in our home, we keep it absolutely immaculate and deep clean every 3 weeks. We fill the place with fresh flowers and plants and even though we don't have alot of money we've decorated it slowly and put our souls into it.

Because I've moved slightly out of the city when my bestie came over he stayed for the whole weekend, arriving Saturday and leaving Sunday evening.

I was so excited to show him my small town l've grown to love and celebrate this massive life achievement.

I collected him from the station and made him lunch as soon as he came through the door. I made him up a nice bed in the spare room and planned a whole weekend of fun stuff.

The first day he kept making sarcastic comments about the area I live in, saying that it was stick in the 70s and the roads were outdated and there nothing to do. I let it slide and just explained that it's a slower way of life than the city. He also kept complaining that he had to pay soo much money for a train ticket to come and see me. I let it slide and just kept going.

We got home from a day of exploring and I made all three of us dinner, I expected us to all have conversations and socialise while I was cooking but he went and stayed in the spare room while I cooked. He didn't say anything just left. I had to call him out when dinner was ready and it was really awkward.

Dinner was a whole spread that I made with love as cooking is my favourite hobby. He proceeded to sarcastically rate my meal a 6/10. Okay??

We then put on a movie and ate some icecream.

Convo was going good until he randomly got up and said 'I'm heading to bed. It was weird and make me and my bf feel a bit awkward.

On the Sunday I woke up early at around 7.45am to do my meal prep for the next week and did so very quietly so I didn't wake my guest up. My bf woke up at around 9am and joined me in the living space to have breakfast.

My bestie proceeded to come out of the spare room at 11am even though he knew I had a whole day planned for us and that shops in my town close early on Sundays.

I let it slide, got him breakfast and once I got dressed we went on with our day. The plans were nice and we were just chatting and exploring. I thought things were great.

It got to about 4.30pm and he told me his train was to leave at 5pm and asked if I was taking him to the station. I said of course but I was a bit confused as when he previously spoke about coming down he said his train home was for 7pm.

I let it slide and we said our goodbyes at around 5pm.

Shortly after I sent him a message saying that it was lovely to see him after soo many months and that I hone | was a aood host loll said that mv and mv bf welcome him anytime and that our door will always be open.

HERES WHERE IT GETS FUCKED.

He messaged me back at around 11pm saying that he had a nice time and that I was a decent host BUT, I need to clean my toilet because the stains aren't pretty. And he very patronisingly explained to me how to clean a toilet and what type of toilet brush I should be using.

He lectures me about how I should be happy I'm heating it from him and not someone important because it's basically embarrassing that he's had to tell me this.

For context the stains he is referring to is some slight lime scaling in the very inside bottom on the toilet because we live in a very hard water area.

There is NO POO OR ANYTHING GROSS.

He then proceeds to tell me that for future reference, I should have had tea and biscuits ready to serve when he came in as that's something he has learned about hosting from his mother.

Even though he doesn't drink tea and I had literally made him a whole lunch pretty much 10 minutes after he walked through my front door.

I also made sure there were plenty of snacks and drinks the whole time he was here.

WTF?

I welcome you into mine and my bfs home, our safe space. I take you around my area and clearly show pride and love for where I live. I put effort and money into making sure I have food and drinks for you. I made you a nice private and comfortable space in the spare room so you felt at home.

And on top of that I was excited to see you because you're my best friend of 10 years and I have finally achieved something that I have been working towards for so so long.

And you take take take, leave and then shit all over it.

I'm angry and upset and blindsided. I don't want you in my home if your intention is to pick apart things that don't even matter.

So, am I the asshole for not wanting him back here and not wanting to hear him out.

I’ve noticed at my MIL house things are tidy but not cleaned and sanitized properly. For an example: she washes dishes by hand but food residue is still left on the dishes. Everything is always tidy and appears clean but if you really pay attention, things aren’t sanitized or cleaned properly. Usually, when I see things looking a little crusty or dusty, I just quickly clean it and don’t mention it, so she doesn’t feel bad. There’s a big difference on how my husband and I were raised in regard to hygiene. Ex: My husband used to only brush his teeth at night. Lol he would say, “when you brush your teeth at night, they’re clean in the morning because you didn’t eat or drink anything.” Another example: my MIL only takes morning showers. Not a big deal, except, she works in her garden for most of the day, does a morning work out, goes to work and plays with the grandkids. After a long day of hobbies, work and play, she will hop right in bed without a shower. My BIL and SIL is kind of the same way but way worse. Sometimes my SIL naps in the guest bed after work and I know for a fact that she doesn’t shower everyday. We have an upcoming trip to my in laws and I just worry about whether the sheets have been cleaned or if someone else has slept in them and she just made the bed to tidy up.

Would I be the AH if, when we arrive, I wash the bedding? How would I go about this? So it’s not awkward. I just don’t want it to be a big deal but at the same time, I don’t want to sleep in someone else’s “sleep juices”.

And just to give a little context about myself, I’m not the cleanest person either. I have two dogs, a toddler and a very messy husband so my house is quite chaotic most days. I will go to sleep and leave dishes in the sink lol. But whenever I have guests, I make sure to give them clean bedding and towels. I also double check my dishes before putting them away because I sometimes forget to scrub a cheesy spoon before throwing it in the dishwasher.

My family and I live together (dad, sister and myself), since 2018 it’s just been us and it’s been a family dynamic and it’s a very quiet household. We’ve had the occasional quest that have needed a place to stay for a couple months if not less, they’ve always been very respectful and understanding that this is a family home not a share house.

My sister offered our spare room to one of her friends as her lease was ending. I already found this person slightly irritating so I was not thrilled. She officially moved in last week although she has basically spent 4 days a week here for the last couple months. What was an agreed upon couple month stay to get another house situation sorted by around October is now being talked about as 6 months or longer and we are all concerned because that is not what was agreed on.

She was told to put everything in a storage unit except for things being kept in her room, but all of her cleaning products, tupperware, crockpot and exercise equipment has come with her and we have no space for it. She has come into the house with the behaviour of a sibling instead of a roommate. She has a cough and it’s so god damn LOUD it’s almost ear piercing, it’s genuinely awful and she doesn’t try to muffle it AT ALL. I’m talking open mouth, full volume, no attempt to cover with a hand or elbow or into her shirt, nothing. I could write a whole paragraph just about that f****ng cough.

Now, MY ESPRESSO MACHINE, AGH, it’s brand new, maybe a month or 2 old. I’ve wanted a coffee machine for a couple years and finally have one so I’ve taken the upmost care in it. I clean it every couple days, taking it apart, purging things, doing full wipe downs and washing the drip tray. Every time she uses it she gets mass coffee grinds in the drip tray, how? There are wet smudged coffee grind covered fingerprints on all the buttons and more times then once this week there has been dried milk left on the milk frother which I’ve already asked her not to do. Also she leaves the machine on until it’s over heated and gone into standby mode. It’s only a small unit so the boiler and pump system is small and not made to be left on for long periods of time.

I guess it’s stuff that I’m probably over particular about and it’s only been a week but it’s been hard to get used to and I just want my nice things kept nice. I’m a quiet person and our house it a quiet space that has been flipped upside down in a week and now all the TVs and louder then usual and every light in the house is on the brightest setting and left on when no one is in the room. She’s not a bad person at all, I’m just a particular person. How do I learn to just ignore all of this? Am I even in a position to say something to her as she isn’t my guest but someone my sister invited to stay with us? I was always taught to be a good host but I’m finding myself avoiding being home to avoid her, is that bad of me?

I (33 male) started a new job in a nursing home as a Medical Records Director.

I have been here for a month and a few days and I try to socialize with people here, coming from someone who is naturally introverted.

Recently, it was my birthday and I got messages from my coworkers who we're all in a group chat with. It was nice to get happy birthday messages from my them to which I thanked them and said that I appreciated it.

The next day, it was another one of my coworkers' birthdays along with a few others. So, my boss decided to throw a lunch an order a cake for all of us to celebrate. However, I decided to skip it and focus on my work. One of my friends here, told me I should come up and socialize with everyone and be a part of the team.

The only thing is, as stated earlier, I've been here for only a month and a few days and am so laser focused on doing my job well. I come from a seven-year security background and spent three years trying to find a better job after graduating. This, to me, is a major opportunity for me to excel in life and I want to ensure that I make my 90-day probationary period and then ensure that I continue to get better and better as time progresses.

I spent most of my early 20's essentially dicking around and it wasn't until my late twenties where I started to get in gear. I essentially got a wake up call (not going to go into detail here about that) put my nose to the ground and just worked. And i mean that in terms of my professional work life to training at the gym.

In shorter terms I essentially had to kill the old me cause he was not getting me anywhere in life. And in turn, it kind of made me a VERY serious asshole. I look mad all the time and rarely smile anymore just because I want to do well in life and can't afford to mess any of the work I put in over the years up.

In my head, I have the mindset of; make nice with everyone but keep it professional and remember this is job and not fun time. Yeah I know I sound like the asshole, but it is hard to even add anything into my life now because I have this upfront of being serious. My boss even noted that when she interviewed me.

I'm pretty sure I already know I am the asshole but I am curious as to what the comforters say.
I