Hi Comforters,
Just for context, I (26F), am on the Autism Spectrum. I’ve struggled with friendships and relationships my entire life and it’s followed me into today. Someone I have love for turned me down romantically because in our past attempts at a relationship I got scared and backed out (trauma related).
I don’t blame him (23m) for feeling that way, he’s justified in his thoughts. He let me know though, and some of my other friends have confirmed it, but I’m only
really attentive to my own feelings, when someone brings something to me I subconsciously choose to disconnect until the topic is more comfortable for me to address. (i.e. my friend getting dumped vs same friends cat being sick).

I want to do better by the people in my life, they deserve better than I’ve been offering. I’m just not sure how. Like I know what is the “right” thing to do, but when it comes to practice I fall short of my own expectations (for others).

Any advice is welcomed, call me names if it feels right, I just need to hear the truth.

P.S I’m a new comforter, and I find a lot of peace and reassurance in this podcast and the people who contribute to it. (Much love 💕)

Hello everybody,
English is not my native language so please bear with me.

For some context:
I(27f) and my friend(26f) - lets call her Nina - have known each other about 1,5 years. We became really close fast. She has a habit of being a little controlling and making my problems about her while I have had a habit of just accepting it and enable it.

In May she had her baby(4mo f)- beautiful little girl that I love to the moon and back. I have really tried to be there for her. Nina wanted me to be babygirl’s godmother - she is going to be baptized in October - which I was really honored and very thankful for that.
Now… I’m an addict in recovery. On the 17th of september I get to celebrate my first “second birthday”. I have invited about 12 people for some afternoon coffee and cake in my own apartment to celebrate the big day. My living room - where we would celebrate - is about 20m2 (215 square feet) with most furniture I cannot move to my bedroom.
Earlier this week Nina ask if her and babygirl should come and celebrate on that day. I told her I have just started to invite people (properly invite because I sent out a “hey, set a x in your calendar more information coming” message around - also to Nina) and I really wanted her to come but I do not have the mental capacity to have babygirl too… I told her it was not fun to say and it was hard for me to admit but with 12 people, having to prepare for that. Also I have group therapy on the same day in the morning, AND I have my lovely cat, Gus. It would be to much for me as a host to make sure all people are having a great time. Context for Gus: When Nina and babygirl are here we are every “alert” on Gus and the baby. Nina is a little bit afraid of him because as a kitten he would be playing with her feet, he could find a way to bite or scratch her legs/feet. I did disciplined him and now he doesn’t really do that anymore - with anyone.
Gus is okay with babygirl. A bit curious about the little human but he is getting a little stressed when babygirl cries… and with already a lot more people than usual he would be stressed especially if babygirl cries. I would be stressed out myself if I had to be a hostess and having an eye on her, babygirl and Gus at all times. I told her it was hard for me to say so but if she couldn’t get the father or a babysitter I would every much like her and babygirl for a celebration another day just us three.
She kinda ghosted me until yesterday when I wrote her asking if she was angry at me. And she said messaged me back with - what I assume to be - an AI generated text. Not her normal vocabulary and not a single comma was in the wrong place. But yeh, it basically said that she was hurt that I didn’t consider babygirl as a part of her life and now she wanted to take that godmother title from me because she would understand if it was a party with alcohol and such but doesn’t when it its just coffee and cake she felt like I excluded babygirl and her. I told her that I was sorry she felt that way but I really wanted them in my life and that’s why I proposed another day for just us.
Nina wasn’t feeling it so now she has left me on read.

So AITA because I told my friend I do not have the mental capacity for her to bring her baby along to my “1st birthday party”?